About a year ago I found out I was pregnant! It wasn't planned and I was on the pill but I was so excited and my partner and I couldn't wait. A week later I started spotting- this carried on for about 3 days and when the bleeding started to get heavier I went into A&E where I was examined and found out that I was having a miscarriage.
I was numb and for months after couldn't understand why this had happened to me. I was told it was ''very common'' and this in a bizzare sense gave me hope.
Almost a year after- I'd missed my period but again was on the pill and was too scared to think about the possiblities of being pregnant again. I did a test... It was positive! Again we were both crazy with excitement but decided not to tell anyone until we were over 12 weeks. We lived 300 miles away from our families so decided to move back to our hometown to enjoy our new family with grandparents and uncles and aunties around! I was nervous- but kept telling myself everything would be ok this time, a lot of women have mc's and go on to have successful pregnancies...
From my LMP we worked out I was around 9 weeks, so when the next 3 weeks had passed we decided to tell the families and waited for the u/s. There was our beautiful baby with a strong heartbeat at 9.5 weeks. We were well under what we thought we were so although seeing everything was ok put my mind at rest, I still worried what the next few weeks would hold.
At almost 14 weeks, I had a nuchal scan arranged. I was sure that nothing could possibly go wrong now, I'd waited so long and everything felt right. The day before the scan I had some bleeding... I went straight to the doctor and he told me the chances of losing the baby at 14 weeks was not so great and that he was confident things would be fine. So I went home and tried to relax in bed, but the bleeding didnt stop. It didnt get much heavier and I had no pain so I thought everything must be ok. I woke up at about 1a.m and went to the toilet to find some small clots. I knew it was all over. Again.
I went to A&E and had blood tests and an examination but nobody could tell me for sure what was happening until the u/s. I lay awake for hours waiting and then it was time to go over to the maternity unit- they started to scan- my partner's eyes looked so sad. I knew what he could see. They couldn't detect a heartbeat, and by their measurements the baby was only 10.3weeks old. I had a D&C that day.
That was 8 weeks ago. I've started to chart and we are ttc again. I'm not worried about getting pregnant as that part seemed to happen relatively easy. I'm so excited about the prospect of being pregnant again- but at the same time I know the day I see those two pink lines will be the beginning of weeks of worry with tainted excitement. I had tests done which have come back negative so I'm praying that this was just nature's choice. I've also seen a medium who told me that the baby I miscarried was a little boy but that I will go on to have two children! The prospect of having one sometimes seems doubtful so we will see... Its a scary and daunting place to be when you are ttc, but until the day they tell me I cannot have children I will keep trying. My thoughts go out to all those who have suffered a similar fate, and I have all my fingers and toes crossed for all those who are ttc. You will have your beautiful baby one day. xxx ↓
Hi Jade20, I have a 3 year old and decided that it was time to give him a sibling. We got pregnant the second month of ttc and when we went for a second ultra sound at 9 weeks, they told us that they couldn't find a heartbeat and that it measured only 6.4 weeks. It was like a train just ran me over, it was devastating. I had a d/c 3 days later, that was about 2 weeks ago. I'm now waiting to get my regular period so we can start ttc again, but like you I'm really scared to go through this again.
May I ask, how did you conceive on the pill both times? Are you still on it?
Best of luck! ↑
Hi AFCV. I'm so sorry for your loss, I know you must be feeling awful at the moment, and I hope that you have a lot of good friends and family around you. It does get easier as time goes by I promise. I'm not really sure how I managed to conceive twice on the pill. I used to have very irregular periods which I thought might have something to do with it, but as with any contraception there's always that chance, however small, I suppose in some ways I was lucky, in others not so. It's one of the main reasons we've decided to try again so quickly as I refuse to go back on the pill now after feeling like I had no control or that it might have had something to do with the miscarriages- although I have been told this is very unlikely to be the case. It's so hard taking those steps towards trying again, worrying that when you finally get that positive test you'll be so happy only then to have that happiness taken away from you. I know for me lots of people said it was ''fate'' or ''everything happens for a reason'' which I never found too helpful. Are you charting? I'm trying to be relaxed about ttc again but at the same time so nervous! Best of luck to you too :) ↑
I know! Everyone tells you the same thing (it's fate, it's mother nature's way of saying the baby wasn't healthy, it wasn't meant to be, etc... ) but in the end it didn't help. I still felt awful, and just wanted to go through my pain.... know what I mean?? I think about it every day, and I wonder if a day will come that that wont happen. I have a friend that went through this 2 years ago and she told me soon enough this will all be a bad memory. So, I wish time would pass faster and I could start ttc. I don't chart because I find it very stressfull. I think having to bd as homework is enough. Have you ovulated? I officially start ttc next month. ↑
Hi, sorry its been a few days. I've been away over the weekend... Hope you're feeling a bit better this week. Yeah I know exactly what you mean, you just don't know how to cope, or how you're meant to anyway. To us, it was our child we lost, not just ''a miscarriage'' and I know it must be hard for the people around, friends and family- not knowing what to say. But I got to the point where I just either wanted them to acknowledge how bad I was feeling or not say anything at all! One thing I can say though, is that your friend is right- one day it will just be a very horrible memory and the pain wont be there so much. You'll never forget it, and if you're like me you'll have times when you are still wondering 'what if'' or blaming yourself. But you have to try to look past those feelings and try to focus on the future... Although thats quite scary in itself! I ovulated on the 14th October, but I dont think this month I'll be lucky. I dont fel pregnant, its weird, but every other time I just felt like I knew... Due to have my period from today.... so we'll see. This time next month will come around so quickly for you I'm sure. ↑
It's so great to talk to someone that know exactly how I feel. I wish all the luck this month, if it doesn't happen... there's always November! Keep me posted. Baby dust! ↑
Hi Jade, I'm so sorry for your loss...I know you will have a healthy baby before you know it. Did your dr. order any testing on the baby after the d&c so you can find out if it was a chromosomal fluke or something else? I had 6 early losses before having my daughter in July. I had a couple of the no heartbeat u/s experiences and I never want to relive that. After one d&c the path reports showed a rare case of trisomy 2 (not 21 which is downs, but 2, which is really rare) so it was a fluke a nd I felt better knowing it wasn't something that would recur. I ended up being treated for a clotting issue anyways and was put on progesterone (injected blood thinners too) and took extra vitamins, etc. It helped ease my mind during the pregnancy to do something. Good luck to you! ↑
Hi AFCV. Just wanted to let you know that your baby dust helped a lot! I was completely unaware at the time, but found at a few weeks ago that Im pregnant again... I'm coming up to week 8, but am more nervous than I've ever been! I had a scan 2 weeks ago that showed the baby had a viable heartbeat and everything looked ok. I'm just waiting now to find out if I can have weekly scans as suggested by my doctor- but the sonographer I saw a couple of weeks ago seemed to think it was unlikely I would get them :( I havent heard anything so I'm just trying to stay positive and hope that 12 weeks rolls round very quickly... How are you getting on? I hope everything is getting a bit easier now, and that you're feeling positive. x ↑
