I am a 22 year old guy who after only a few months of dating my first ever girlfriend got her Pregnant. Now I love this woman more then anything and I know she will be a good mother. But my problem is She left me. I started dating her in August of 07 after a rocky start with a kinda of love triangle thing. But I won her affections and we began to date. I gave up my Virginity to her, because I was waiting for the person that I fell in love with. I don't regert that for a minute. We moved in together in October and we were very happy. She found out that her grandfather died in December and had to go to his funeral in Germany.( She's German and is a permant resident here and working on her citzenship) While she was there we talked on the Webcam every day because we missed each other so much. She told me via webcam that she took a Pregnancy test and that she was pregnant. I was scared at first but I quickly became excited. She came bacl and it was good for about a week. Then Christmas came and I got sympothy sickness and was just in a bad way but I still went out to eat with her even though I was sick. It slowly startded to decline when I lost my full time job on new years day. I spent a good month looking for another job and I finally found one. She ended up taking on a second job to keep things up. In that month she stopped completely saying that she loved me. My birthday was on the 13th of January and she treated my like crap all day. Her best friend from germany came to live with us towards the end of Febuary. He's an ok guy. But for 3 days at the begining of March it was back to the way it was. and we where happy. But then she just turned on a dime. We had been sleeping in the same bed since we moved in accept for a week or so in January. We were in the bed but she never talked to me or cuddeld or anything. We found out that we're having a boy, and she got more depressed cause she wanted a girl. I got hurt at work on the 17th of March and was taking out of work and my foot put in a cast. I was on workmans comp so money got tight. On the 30th she had a Nervous Breakdown and said " I can't get any sleep, The baby's kicking me, your kicking me and Taffy keeps waking me up!" (Taffy is the 13 week old puppy that her and I got at the begining of March to "practice" and try to make it better between us.) So After she said that I tried to be nice and took me and Taffy and slept on the counch. Never heard Thank you. After that she said that she needed to move out and be on her own so that I can Grow up and learn to be independent. So she broke up with me and Moved out. I am trying to keep our place in case shes just hormonal and wants to move back in. She claims that she no longer has any feelings at all for me and that she wants me in our kids life but not in hers. She is also trying to make me pay her $1500 dollars on bills that she paid. Now when we were still together she made a list of this money and ask me to sign it to show that I would pay it. Well I did because we were together and I thought it would not be a big deal. I made her a promise when we went to the OB/GYN the first time that I would pay the Co-pay every month which is $91 but now even though im still paying it she refuses to let me go with her. She also from what I have heard but dont know for sure is that she is dating someone else. I Love her still more then anything but I am so afarid that she will make us have to go to court because she wont sit down and talk to me over our sons future. And everyone is telling me to get a Perternatiy test, I am 99.9% sure that its my kid. But Ive also thought she maybe is acting this way out of guilt. Is this possibly hormones(Fingers crossed) or am I just hopeing against hope? Oh and She still is legally married and says she's getting a divorce but she's been saying that since ive known her. She says she wont do it until she has her new visa. She also dosen't want to give our son my last name. And every name I come up with she just shoots down with out even thinking about it. I just want to do the right thing and I would love to be back together with her but if nothing else I want to be on good terms with her for the sake of our son. I dont hate her and I never will. Please advise me on what I can do. I also want to get her something for mother's day but I don't know if thats a good Idea? (sorry for the long post) ↓
Texan_1386 - sorry you're having troubles with your ex. Now who is this guy from Germany? it seems things went haywire when he moved in with you guys. First things first... If she doesn't have any feelings for you left, just forget about her. First love, will stay with you forever, but something with her has changed. However, when it comes to your son, make sure that your name is on the birth certificate. Also, DO go to court and get everything in paper. That includes visitation, apply for joint custody, guardianship, etc. do not let her play by her own rules. you will have to pay child support and that will be ordered by court. We made the mistake of letting the mother (my husband's daughter) have full custody, guardianship and it's now 4 years later and my husband has no idea where his daughter is. He's going through courts to try to even get a visitation and even a picture and the mother is refusing.. So if you want to be in your son's life (which it sounds like you want to do the right thing), then please, make sure you take her to court and apply for all those things.. If you have any questions, please don't hesistate to email me at vanja1085 at hotmail.com.. I will try to help you as much as I can. good luck, i know it's tough, but you'll make it. ↑
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! She's driving me Insane. I got her a mother's day card that was very calm and not lovey dovey at all. And she calls me and is bitchiy she dosen't even mention the card and I also got her a bracelt wich she said she wont wear. I am so close to just cracking!!! ↑
why are you buying her gifts if you are no longer together??? don't waste your time on her.. there are many women out there that would love a guy like yourself. i know you still love her and that will take time to heal, but you need to distance yourself. Last thing u need is a restraining order, plus she's pregnant.. her hormones are all over the place. don't take any chances. ↑
Something is wrong here. The whole idea that her best friend from Germany(who is a male) came to live with you guys is odd. Are you sure that this child is yours? I would definitely think about getting a paternity test. Also, If you want to be active in helping this woman care for the baby, thats great. Co-pays, baby clothes, diapers, etc. But make it strictly about the baby. Dont give her any personal gifts. She doesn't appreciate it anyway. Who knows, maybe she used you to have this child, who will be an American citizen. That will possibly guarantee her a place here in the U.S. She sounds like a sneaky thing! ↑
hey ... im sorry to hear you are going through this... but like everyone else said it does sound very fishy... and i have a feeling you added those details about germany and this man coming to live with you guys for a reason... you must have some suspicion as well... and no offence.... you should want a paternity test too... cause it sounds like you dont want one... do you really want to be raising someone elses kid... and if it does turn out to be your child having the paternity test does not mean that you didnt care about the child... i almost feel like you want this kid to be yours... so that you can still have a connection with her cause you still love her... i mean i still love my babys father... but i cant have that connection with him cause it hurts too much... anyway....i wish you the best of luck... she should be lucky to have a man like you that wants to stick by her side ( i just hope there isn't two men that are trying to stick by her side) ↑
texan: since you copy/pasted, i'll copy/paste from the other place you posted this exact post and reply. she sounds hormonal to me. i've never heard of a woman complaining of her man being too romantic. she sounds hormonal and not ready for this type of commitment. now this may sound harsh, but if she won't allow you to be there for your own son, then you shouldn't have to be there for her financially. at this point she's using you and needs a wake up call. it sounds horrible, but some women take their pregnancies to their heads and expect people to bow down to them as if they're the first woman to have a baby. if she wants her space, give it to her and don't help her with anything. she obviously acts like she doesn't need it and you're just feeding into whatever is going through her mind. trust me. as a woman, i know that we can read men like books and we can be guilty of using that to our advantage. what i'm saying is she knows you're hurting for her and is possibly using you to her advantage. ↑
THAT'S IT!!!!!! Im done. I just no more then 10 minutes ago have the cops knock at my door. They told me that She called them and told them that I have been Harrasing her. That I have been calling her repeatedly, sending her constant emails and stalking her. ALL of which is total BS!!!! I have only called her like 3 times in the past 2 months and they where all returning her phone calls that I have missed. The only other thing that I have done is I left her the doctor payment ( wich I will no longer pay) and a mother's day card on her wind shield. That's it. And she called me yesterday and asked me if her and I could meet today and I said ok. I think what brought this shit on is that I asked her while I was on the phone with her if she still worked at her job because I didn't see her car there for the past few days. (Her job is right on the main road that I can't avoid, and her car kinda stands out) I was just trying to talk like an adult to her. I am done with this S**T!!!! Thank you all for your advice. ↑
man! i'm telling you! dump her! forget about her! i'm sure she'll do the "classy" thing and get you for child support, but if you're going to pay for things for that baby, take her to court to make her let you see your baby if you want to. and you can fight all that, because if she can't prove that you're calling her (call logs. you can call the phone company) and email logs (where are the emails from you? she should have them in her inbox and keep them if she expects anyone to believe her). i truly think she has mental issues. i'm glad you won't pay for anything anymore. unfortunately, the law will always pity a pregnant woman even when she hasn't earned it in any way. they just blindly believe. sounds weird coming from a pregnant woman, i know lol, but it's sad and true. i would say if she asks you to meet her anymore, you say no. she's just going to turn it on you and i have to kind of smile and shake my head at your comment about her car, because i could have seen her reaction coming a mile away, but guys are sometimes so blindly innocent about things, you don't know when you're about to step into a big steamy pile. i suggest if you feel like talking to her anymore, only talk about the baby. the one thing you guys have in common now other than walking and breathing. it's safe, it's yours and it hasn't been tainted by her. good luck and stay tough! ↑
Texan the girl sounds like a total user. she is using you for every penny she can squeeze out of you and then most probably spending that money with her new lover boy whilst having a good laugh about how 'psycho' she thinks you are. she is playing you for an absolute fool and i would bet my house that yes she has cheated on you and the baby is probably not yours. you should definately get a paternity test, just remind yourself of all the lies she has told, you wouldnt want to be forking out all that money and then find out years down the line that he isnt your son afterall. i know its not a nice thought or nice thing to believe but lets face it, this girl isnt a nice person. i also think its incredibly hard for women to be best mates with men because usually one of them fancies the other or they both like each other, another lie she has no doubt told you. do not give her any amunition to call you a nutter, anything the police get involved with will go on record. no doubt she will ring you when she wants the next load of money for her loverboys baby. ↑
Oh I completly forgot. Yesterday when the cops came and all was our one year aniversary of the day we met. We met on may 20th 2007 and I really don't think that she remembers this but it's all like salt to the wound you know. ↑
don't let it get you down. you'll find a real woman some day and you'll get a chance to be genuinely happy. good luck! btw, i'm from texas too. where abouts are you? ↑
I'm from Dallas. I live in florida right now though near Fort Walton Beach. I think im ready to move on. It may be alost cause but iwant to try to get main or sole custody. ↑
i agree with teddy. i know its not a nice thing to think about but there is nothing worse than denial. you like to think after being with someone so long and being utterly in love with them, that they would never lie about such a thing. but im afraid with what texan has been saying it is something he will have to face head on. no more burying your head in the sand texan. find out for definate before you start forking out money and taking legal action. all she seems to care about is the money and for as long as she has you believe you are the father, you will be under her total control. ↑
Ok, It's update time. I'm done with it. Completely done with her BS! I have done alot of thinking, and I have decided that it's not worth the heartache. I still Love her and I think I always will, but I do not like her. I am going to do everything to get full custody of my kid, and I will be the best damn father possible. The gloves our off, and I'm ready to rumble! ↑
You ex might be a b*tch, but SHE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE the mother to your child. If you love her as you say, why on earth would you want to take her child from her. Since when is she a "bad mother" Has she proven to be unsafe? What is wrong with 50-50 custody? ↑
i was wondering how you were doing. i know you say you love her, but i think what you love is that baby that's part of you (if it really is. remember to get that tested!) good luck to you with your baby and try to have a happy father's day! **skyeblue** did you read his original post? don't be so sexist. the mom seems psycho and i'm sorry a baby doesn't need that parent. kids can be raised by the dad and be just fine. ↑
Teddy I agree, but this is only one side of a story. She sounds like a b*tch. But neverhteless, she is mom and well....so the story goes. Texan I hope you can hash things out ↑
Well fathers day was a hudge disapoitment. I got nothing no card, no call, nothing. I didn't really expect nothing put it just proves to me that she has no concept of humanity. I honestly don't know if I could get back together with her even if she wanted to. I think the only way i would is if she did a 180. She would have to do a lot of proving for me to take her back. And that hurts so much to say that.
*SkyBlue* I'm no monster I would never completly take my son away from her. But With how she is and how she describes her past I don't think she's ready for this responsebility. She thinks she is because she works in a daycare. She's ok with kids when there up walking and talking but she dosen't do that well with the infants. Plus she has been known to go from guy to guy to guy. And my son dosen't need that kinda of mess to grow up with. I also know of a time when she was babysitting and she left a 4 year old kid home alone. I don't want to take him away from her but I'm looking for the best intrest of my son. ↑
texan - i don't mean to sound rude, but to me, you seem confused. you expect something for father's day (she's still pregnant, so technically you're not a father yet), but then you are going to go for full custody. doesn't make sense.. you need to cut your loses.. forget her.. don't forget ur son. first things first, just let her give birth, then hit her with a paternity test.. she has to comply.. you need to make sure it's yours.. if it is, then custody, 50-50.. no court will award a father custody when the baby is just born... sad but true. unless she does something to put your child in jeopardy and you can prove it, maybe then.. but you're playing a game of lots of IFs.. just deal with courts.. don't even bother with her.. this type of woman wants nothing from u.. the way she's acting, i'm doubting it's even urs. when is ur son due? I would just let it be until he's born... i know it's hard, but you need to get urself ready.. you absolutely must go for joint custody , guardianship and access.. do it right away.. if u don't, u'll be screwed.. i'm speaking from experience. ↑
Well. I wasn't expecting anything but i was hoping. See I got her a card for mothers day, so I was hoping she might do something. But I never thought she would. I knew that if she did it would show me something. I dont know what but it would have been something. As for the full custody I am concerned so much for the kid that if she dosen't change before the baby is born. then I will consider getting her deported. I know things that can and would get her deported. Do I want to do it, NO! but I am looking out for my son (and yes even though I'm positive its my son I will get a test.) And am looking at his best intrest. I wish things where better but she messed with he wrong american. ↑
Texan after all the lies and manipulations this woman is capable i find it so hard to believe that you are still positive he is your son. perhaps its because you just want him to be yours, or you don't want to face the prospect that maybe, just maybe he isnt! nobody knows the truth, but the facts speak for themselves. i know of girls who act like that because the guy isnt the father and she wants to 'cut her losses' with him. its nasty, but thats how these women are. i think you are totally infatuated with her and can't seem to get her out of your head, and as a result you will be absolutely blinded by the signs being shown to you. you said she gets around with guys, so doesnt that mean when she was with you she was 100% faithful and baby is therefore yours? texan please don't be so gullible and open your eyes up. get the test done when baby arrives and forget about the fantasy in your head that she will creep back to you and everything will be perfect, as it will only hurt you even more in the long run. ↑
123abc: what's up. it's not wrong to want to celebrate father's day before the baby's born. why else would there by "daddy to be" father's day cards? i gave one to my hubby and he gave me a mommy to be mother's day card. nope, texan's a daddy (pending a dna test lol). **texan** if she doesn't want you, it doesn't matter what you give her, she won't return the emotion. and you obviously did expect something back because you were upset that she didn't acknowledge you for father's day. i say just give up on her. she isn't worth it obviously. be in this for your kid. ↑
Texan you are going way overboard. Your original post says how deeply you are in love with her and that you `you know she will be a GOOD mother`.... now you are going to try to get her deported!?!?!?! Is she some hard criminal, or terrorist? Or just an ex who is not making you happy at the moment? What makes you so better prepared and more loving that she is? You keep going on about how you want whats best for your son. Well dont you think she wants whats best too!!?? Take a deep breath, talk to your parents about this and see how they can support you. Good luck ↑
teddyfinch - yeah i've seen those cards, but I'd say those would be for people that are happy, *lol* in this case, the mother obviously wants nothing to with him and technically i mean, he doesn't even know.. he's hoping.. this woman sounds evil... i hope everything works out for him.. speaking from experience he needs to go for joint custody as soon as that kid comes out and when it's established that it is his. ↑
Now I am so lost. She called me last week to meet up and I didn't go, she called and asked why and I told her that I was working. I just didn't feel right about it, I know I should have told her that but I didn't. She told me her boyfriend was there waiting in the car cause it was none of his business. I don't want to have to do anything rash, and I still do Love her but I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know if I should wait for her if I should just go for sole custody or what. I was told something by the cop I went to talk to (I was worried about being set up and went to find out about it) He told me to follow my gut. It made me think cause my gut and heart tell me that she will come around, but my brain says she probably won't. I have so many people tell me don't let your heart cloud your judgement. But then people always say follow your heart and go with your gut (contridict much?) I am supposed to meet up with her tommorow and am trying to figure out what to do. My idea is to try to make her regret leaving me, With some new clothes that I got, a better body (I been working out), and just a better me. I'm just worried that I'll be me again, what i mean is I am a very passive person and I can say oh what a bitch and I never want to see you again and blah blah and then when I'm around her I am like " It's ok I'll be there for you" Cause thats how I feel. I love her. But all my friends are telling me to just let her go cause shes going to take the baby and I'll never see him and all this. My mom and dad both think that I'm a fool for trying to be nice about this since shes being so mean about it. I know that if I where at some point let her back into my life that I would lose some friends and that my parents would be pissed at me for a good long while. But I'm also worried that If i say F*^k it! and I end up getting sole custody of my son and she gets deported, That maybe she was telling the truth and wants me to be there.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I love her so much, but She may be to far gone for me to keep reaching out for. Any advice on what I should do? ↑
Since you seem to be so hung up on her still, maybe give it one more shot. Not in getting back together, but in sake of your child. Meet with her and ask her what her plans are for future for your SON, not for the two of you. She's obviously not the right girl for you. She may be hormonal during her pregnancy and that's why she's going back and forth... All women are like that.. happy one second, scary the next.. *lol* So just meet with her somewhere public, work out a plan for your kid and stick to it. No need to get her deported, I mean if you are thinking those thoughts, how can you love her? you love her enough to hurt her by sending her back? doesn't make any sense. you keep talking about sole custody, let me make something clear to you... you will NOT be getting sole custody. She would have to be a downright horrible mother, who leaves her baby alone and not feed him, change him, etc. and not only that, but you would have to prove it. Whatever she had done in the past is out of the window. and I can't see your country deporting her if she has a us born baby. So here's my suggestion - meet with her, get in writing (or agree) on ur plan to raise your child, take her to court the second that baby is born to make sure it's yours and stand by your kid. Make sure your kid has everything he needs and take care of yourself. It sounds like you have already started that, seriously, forget her. Even if you get back together (let's just say), the memories of your past with her will haunt you. The way she treated you, sleeping around, you just said in your post, her boyfriend is waiting for her... CLUE - she's moved on. This may sound harsh, but it's a reality. You need to move on too. She's probably wanting to meet you cuz she needs money for something. There is too much drama with this girl, just cut her off.. I don't know what else to tell u. good luck and keep us posted. ↑
What is up with you wanting 1)Sole custody and 2) to deport her yourself--as someone questioned earlier is she a hard core criminal or a lead terriorist?!?!?! I hope you can help some help/support and advice with a good therapist. I think some form of therapy would be good for you. ↑
