Hi. I am 16 and found out I was pregnant last month. I'll be 17 in September, and the baby is due in December. My older brother and his fiancee hate me for it though. They are both 23. My brother was already not speaking to me, because he says I'm immature and irresponsible, and now he won't even speak to me even though he knows I'm pregnant! I have done some stupid stuff in the past, but nothing out of ordinary for my age, and I always apologized for it. I think he's mad because I don't like his fiancee because she thinks she's better than everybody else, and I know she really hates teen pregnancy, so I'm sure she's the reason he's not speaking to me.
His fiancee is a high school history teacher, but she's going to college at night to get her doctorate (she graduated with her bachelors a year ago). So my brother and her are getting married in October, and she didn't even ask me to be a bridesmaid!
I thought they would start speaking to me after they found out I was pregnant, but they aren't. I know what they think about it, because they talk to my mom and older sister, and then they tell me. Both of them think I should put it up for adoption, and they think I got pregnant on purpose. They also said they will not go to the hospital when the baby's born and they will not give any money towards the baby. They have more money than anyone else in the family (they own their own home, and it's huge), so why won't they give some money to help the baby out? It's not like it's helping me out.
How should I get my brother to speak to me? ↓
I think it is interesting that they are calling you the immature one in the family, because they are the ones that aren't acting too mature. It's sad that someone who works with high school students would be so narrow minded about teen pregnancy and the emotions you are going through. I don't know why they are acting the way they are and don't care to help you in anyway but now you have more important things to worry about than them. Try and focus on what your next step will be and what you can do now to make sure things go as smooth as possible. Hopefully they will come around as you get further along and realize there is actually a human being in there and that family is one of the most important things in our lives. Good luck to you, i hope everything works out ok. ↑
Well hun, it's no one's responsibility to support you or give you money. Some people just don't agree with teen parenting, and there's really nothing you can do about it... Personally, if it were me I wouldn't concern myself with them. It isn't about who is going to support you or who is going to help you out. This is entirely your decision and therefore completely your responsibility. If you don't have enough money to care for a child and no one is willing to help you out, you have to make the decision. Why do you even care what your brother or his fiancee think anyway? I am in the same boat as you, I'm 17 and my girl is going to be here in a month... You think everyone in my family is thrilled about it? They aren't. My older sister tried to punch me in the stomach when she found out I was pregnant, my mom had to hold her back and I had to lock myself in my room until she calmed down. My dad is trying to get social services to take my daughter away from me. My brothers won't even acknowledge when I'm in the same room as them. Just because they think I can't do it isn't going to make me feel any differently about anything. If they don't want to give me their support then I'm not going to bother myself trying to acquire it. So instead of occupying yourself with what your brother thinks, think of yourself and your child, because from now on you two are the only ones that really matter. ↑
i agree its knowone elses responsability but your to support your child.........just because they have lots of money it doesnt mean they have to give it to you too suport your child...........its just the way the world works hun ↑
Oh and one more thing, I don't know if this is true or not but you seem to think that being pregnant is an excuse to get attention. It's not. Not everyone coos at the sight of a pregnant woman, especially a pregnant teenager. Throughout this pregnancy the majority of the attention you will receive will be negative. That's just how it goes, don't get bent out of shape every time someone is disappointed in you. ↑
They may be rude in not speaking to you, but in all honesty if you think just because they are the ones with the most money means they need to help with the baby is very irresponsible of you. I am 19 and I got pregnant at 18 with my daughter who was born in August, She is now 8 months and I am 21w pregnant again. Its not easy, but we do it. I have never even looked at anyone with money as needing to be obligated to support MY CHILD. Young or not, you have to grow up. Not to be rude but if you were my sister I wouldn't speak to you either, especially if I knew you were just trying to cash in on me. ↑
It's not that I expected attention. It's that I thought they would get over being mad at me once they realize that I'm having a baby and that's more important than their anger. I've never told them to give me money, but I just figured they would probably offer since they would care about their niece/nephew. I've been telling my Mom how immature they are (Krissay, I agree with you that they're immature), but she says they have a right to their opinion just as much as I do. My brother's fiancee doesn't like teen moms, because in her words (she said this before I got pregnant), they take too much government aid that shouldn't even be available (she has a degree in politics). They think they are so much better than me. If you can believe it, my Mom asked them when they are planning on having kids they said another 5 years! They said at 23 they are way too young to have kids. I thought that was such a slap in the face to me. ↑
I don't understand why it's me who needs to grow up. I think they need to grow up, I'm having a baby, they already makes me more of a woman than my brother's fiancee. I think she's just jealous because she realizes that. Also, I'm really angry because my boyfriend's mother doesn't want me around her house anymore. I think that's so stupid. If she doesn't want me around then I'm not going to let her see the baby. I told my mom this, and she told my brother and fiancee, I heard them talking when I was in my room. My brother and his fiancee said that I shouldn't burn that bride with my boyfriend's mother because she has offered to babysit for free everyday while my boyfriend and I got to school or work. They also said that it's not just my baby ,it's his baby, too. But that's stupid, I'm the one giving birth. Then my boyfriend's mom came over to my mom's house and wanted to talk finances and wanted me there! I don't want to be around that woman, she doesn't even want me in her house. ↑
I agree you need to grow up. To sit there and say "why wont they give you money" well honey you opened your legs you have to deal with the consequences not anyone else. It's not their job. It's yours. ↑
I don't get where I'm the brat. All my friends say it's my brother and his fiancee who are the brats by not supporting me. Like seriously, who doesn't support their family member when they're pregnant? And the stupid thing is one day when my brother and his fiancee are pregnant and going to have a baby, they would probably get mad if I didn't support them. ↑
have you heard your self jeesh!! you are a brat your throwing your toys out your pram cos your brother and fiance aren't helping you out or suporting you!! maybe if you were older in a relationship had left school had a good job and maybe if you could suport your baby by yourself you would get suport.............oh and by the way it does not make you more of a women because your pregnant you moron!! ↑
If your brother was already not speaking to you, I don't understand why you'd think he'd suddenly begin just because you're pregnant. Sure, it isn't fair for him to be making accusations about your pregnancy, but its not fair for you to expect him to take care of your child. Its your responsibility, not his. If you want a better relationship with your brother then you need to prove to him that you can be mature about this. Take steps to be independent and prepare for your child. But if all you want is money, its probably best that he not speak to you. ↑
I am taking responsiblity. My boyfriend's mom will be babysitting while I got to school or work, I'm getting on WIC, Medicaid, and food stamps, and I'm babysitting my little brother and little sister all summer long, makng $90 a week. I'm doing this so I can buy cute maternity clothes because I'm mature enough and responsible enough to not make my mom do that for me. I don't know why my brother doesn't see that. He told my mom I should be working at a grocery store or something while I'm pregnant because I can make more money that way, but that's stupid because I can't work on my feet all day when I'm pregnant. My mom told them that, and she said my brother's fiancee just rolled her eyes. What does she know, she's never been pregnant. She thinks because she has a college degree she's so much better than everyone else. ↑
lmao!! oh yeh im responsible because i will be shoving my kid on its gran all day while i go 2 school and because i will get food stamps and spend any money i have on cute maternity clothes instead of stuff 4 my baby!! haha are you for real girl!! that is not being responsible!! and yes you can work while pregnant just not untill the end!! thats what maturnity leave is for! you real need to look up the word responsible in a dictionary!! MORON!!!! ↑
Me1993, i was reading what you said about your boyfriend's mom and although i know it's hard you need to find a way to get along with her. Her babysitting is worth so much, maybe you, your bf and her can sit down and talk about making this all work. Maybe the 2 of you could offer to help around the house, you could do something like fold laundry. I know your probably thinking "why should i do that when she doesnt' want me around?" the truth is that it would be a really nice gesture and a way of saying thanks for how much she is going to help the 2 of you. As for working, i worked on my feet until the day my baby was born, it can be done. But if you think it would be too uncomfortable maybe look for a job where you can be sitting more. I mean it's good that you plan on doing something that earns some money but $90 a week is so little especially with a baby on the way. I think it would be a good idea to look for something else or maybe babysit during the day and possibly do something else a few evenings a week. I know this must be so hard for you when it seems like everyone is against you, but prove to them that you can do this, show them all you are strong. ↑
Thank you for understanding Krissay. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that what I'm going through with being pregnant is so difficult, and I don't understand why my brother and his fiancee, and everybody else for that matter, still treat me like a stupid little kid. I'm having a baby, I'm not a kid anymore. What I'm going through is harder than anything they've ever been through, and I helped them when they went through tough times. When they were at my Mom's place they were talking all about my brothers fiancee's doctorate (she's in school for it), and their new car (they just bought a new SUV), and their wedding which is coming up. What about my pregnancy? That's a lot more important than any of those things they've been talking about. My Mom also gave me a warning that we are going to hang out with all my relatives who will be coming in town for the wedding, prior to the wedding. She said I had to do this, so they see me and ask all the baby questions during that time, because she says that the day before and day of the wedding are all about my brother and his fiancee and that she doesn't want the talk to be about my pregnancy because that's not fair to them. That pissed me off so much. If people want to talk about my pregnancy then let them, it's a lot more important than a stupid wedding anyways. ↑
Okay I think some girls on here have been pretty harsh towards you, but really you are being rather selfish in the whole situation. Being pregnant doesn't magically make you grow up, it's something you have to make a conscious effort toward, and it certainly doesn't happen in just one month. You've got to understand that your brother, whether you like it or not, is getting married. Just because you're having a baby doesn't make their day any less special, and just because you're pregnant doesn't mean the world revolves around you. Get used to get used to not having support, get used to not coming first, get used to not having any money... because that's what life has in store for you from now on. You're making a pretty big deal out of something that really shouldn't even bother you at all. ↑
I think the reason it bothers me so much is that I'm not part of the wedding at all. I have an older sister and older brother, and also a younger sister and younger brother. My older sister is a bridesmaid, my older brother is the groom, my younger brother is the ring bearer, and my younger sister is the flower girl. I'm nothing. My brother and his fiancee told me that I was on the original list (she has 6 bridesmaids), but that I was really rude and disrespectful to my brother's fiancee and therefore I can't be one. All I said was that this wasn't going to be their only marriage. They need to freaking lighten up. Then when brother's fiancee said she was considering having the ceremony in her church, and I said that I wouldn't go because I didn't believe in religion. I don't, and I think it's pretty stupid for them to blow that out of proportion (they have ended up having the ceremony and reception at a country club). My biggest problem is my brother's fiancee made him move away from home to live with her 5 hours away, and I wanted him to stay at home. If it weren't for her he'd still be here. Also, my dad made a huge deal about her being a college student and graduating college, which was right around my birthday (she graduated over the summer) and it was like my birthday was nothing to her. Also, my brother's fiancee knows all my school teachers, and they talk to her about my grades and if I get it trouble, which she tells my mom. So stupid. ↑
Even with that information, you're still acting pretty selfish. It is rude to say their marriage won't last and to be perfectly honest if someone said that to me, I wouldn't even invite them to my wedding, let alone let them be in it. And if you're doing poorly in school it's good that your mom knows so she can straighten you out. School is extremely important, there's no room for goofing off or slacking behind... especially with a child on the way. ↑
ok first of all, you are not 'more of a woman' simply because you are pregnant. thats an insanely immature statement. and secondly, why was he mad at you in the first place? did i miss that part? if he was already mad at you for whatever reason then why in GODS name would you think that being pregnant would fix that? ↑
ok i just answered my own question. i wouldnt have you in my wedding either if you made a statement like that and your mother is absolutely right in telling you that the day of the wedding is their day and should not be overshadowed by their bratty sister/sister-in-law. as for him moving 5 hours away, its time you realize hes getting married, hes grown up now and your relationship must evolve....thats all part of growing up. im sure this is a lot harder to digest now that you are pregnant but judging by your last post you had a lot of growing up to do prior to getting pregnant, which, of course you should, youre 16. i hope it gets better for you but i agree with amanda, you need to work on paying them no mind until this can be resolved. ↑
your are an insanely immature little spoilt girl! i mean the world does not revolve around you! you are not grown up just because your pregnant! all you are trying to do is seek attention you dont deserve............if your brother and fiance live 5hours away then how does she speak to your teacher ect why would family be coming to yours if the wedding is in "her" church!! stop trying to make people feel sorry for you! ↑
Angelmonkey- He moved 5hours away 4 years ago, when he was 19. She went to college 5 hours away, and he moved in with her (they started dating when they were like 17). After she graduated college they moved back to the same city as us, which is where she's teaching and going to grad school. I expected things to go back to normal with my brother and I, but it's not. He hardly ever comes over, and when he does it's only because she's busy with school or something. I asked him to go to the movies once, back when he was still speaking to me, and he said no because it was a day she wasn't working or going to school and he wanted to spend it with her. I thought that was so stupid, since they live together he must see her all the time. ↑
you said that they still do live 5hours away! you have to realise that you are not the centre of everyones attention anymore! he has his own life! your not the centre of his attention its all part of growing up which you still have alot of that to do..........just get your own life you have a baby on the way! grow up and develope a life of your own for you babys sake!! ↑
Me! Me! Me! Me! That's all I'm hearing in every one of your posts (ironic you should choose an appropriate username!) . You expect to be in the wedding party, but the wedding is not about you -- it's about the couple getting married. They choose who they want to be a part of their wedding and if they don't want you in the wedding party that's their prerogative. Cute maternity clothes for you are not required. Find a secondhand store and buy a few pieces of clothing to get by and spend the rest on baby essentials -- baby furniture, baby clothes, etc. Government assistance will not be enough to cover all the expenses you will have once the baby arrives so put your own needs aside and start saving for your child. The fact you even question how people are talking about things other than your pregnancy -- well, darling the world doesn't revolve around you. Your pregnancy isn't more important than what others have been working hard on, and certainly your birthday (which frankly, is just a day like any other -- you didn't actually *do* anything requiring any effort to have a birthday) doesn't even compare to the years of hard work that goes into earning a post-graduate degree or even a bachelor's degree. I don't know why on earth you think the world should revolve around you. People have their own lives and owe you nothing. You even think that everyone's opinion is based off of you -- personally I agree that 23 is too young to have children. I chose to put it off until I was 30 and I can assure you my opinion is not out of jealousy of you nor does it have anything to do with you, as I'm sure your brother and fiance's opinion has just as little to do with you. And as I side note -- pregnancy is not the hardest thing to go through (and I say this having been hospitalized with complications during my pregnancy after a miserable pregnancy). You have no idea of the personal struggles those around you may or may not have been through especially since you focus on nothing but yourself. And if you think being pregnant and not having everything handed to you on a silver platter is hard, you have a HUGE surprise waiting for you when your little one arrives. And sorry, but you're just a sister. His fiance is his soul mate. She comes first -- NOT you. ↑
well said malica..........this girl is the most spoilt imature person i,ve ever even heard of!! i bet even when she has the baby she,l still expect to all be about her and not the baby!! your going to be a selfish mum if all you can think about is buying cute maternity cloths!! really child grow up! ↑
Hopefully after a few weeks of having a newborn to look after and not even being able to eat or pee when you want too will correct her perspective. Oh, and before anyone questions me, I meant that 23 was way too young *for me* to have a baby. I think it would be too young for many, but obviously not for everyone. No offence to young moms out there who were ready before me. ↑
Angelmonkey- I didn't mean for it to come off that they still live there. I'm saying if she never made him move there in the first place they probably wouldn't still be together, and he'd still be living at home. He was like my best friend before he moved away, and now he's a different person. I know he would never consider leaving me out of his wedding, so I know it must be her. My Dad agrees with me, he doesn't like my brother's fiancee, and not really my brother anymore. They got into a big fight a few months ago about the wedding. My brother's fiancee is from a really rich family, and her parents are paying for almost all of the wedding. They agreed that my Dad would pay for what the groom's family normally pays for (which was mostly the rehearsal dinner), but he had some financial problems (I'm not sure if that's true or not), and my brother and his fiancee said that they would take over the rehearsal dinner. So then my Dad wanted to see the invitations they had ordered for the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. Well the wedding invitations had her parents names on it (like theyre hosting it), and the rehearsal dinner had her and my brothers names on it, like their hosting it. My parents names were nowhere, which is really, really stupid and rude. So now my Dad isnt going to the wedding because hes really angry. My Dad supports my pregnancy and says we should be excited, and I know he's going to give money to me and my boyfriend. I dont understand why my brother isnt as nice as my father ↑
