I have a friend who I suspect might be using meth. that's bad enough, but she's also pregnant. I'm not positive she's tweaking, she's just lost quite a bit of weight [which is weird because she's "bigger boned" and doesn't lose weight well and about 5 months pregnant] and she's been hanging out with this crowd of people I know to be meth users. She barely eats now and her face is so sunken in.
The thing is I don't know how to ask her or how honest she'd be. She's a very sensitive person and I don't want to upset her, especially if I'm wrong. But I feel I need to say something, you know?
She wants me to come stay with her, but I'm 6 mths. along and don't want to be anywhere near her meth head friends, which is another thing I don't know how to tell her, once again due to her sensitivity.
I'd really appreciate some advice! Thank you! ↓
Well there's a chance she'll be upset no matter how you tell her. Just sit her down and tell her the truth, if she gets mad that's okay. Your concern is perfectly understandable and you can't always shelter her feelings, especially when there are children (or I guess fetuses) involved. Good luck. ↑
it sounds like she is using some kind of drugs......you could write her a letter maybe?? but dont accuse her incase your wrong.sorry i couldnt be more help ↑
i would start by letting her know you've noticed her sudden weight loss and just worried about her. you could throw in somewhere that maybe her m/s is keeping her from eating right and if she says no, then maybe bring up who she hangs around and you just want to make sure they're not getting her to do anything she doesn't want to do. geez this one will be tough. good luck! ↑
Thank you guys so much! I tried calling her [she lives 70 miles away & I don't want to wait until I visit her) but I didn't get a chance to bring it up :[
I'll call her tomorrow and let you know.
Thanks again ↑
You need to tell her that you don't want to be around people like that. And to get around just flat out asking her "are you doing meth?" you should sit her down or talk to her and literally tell her you are worried about her sudden weight loss and her eating habits and that it isn't healthy for her or the baby. She might be doing drugs but you never know she may be feeling insecure about herself and just being/acting anorexic or bulimic. There are many things that could play into this. Or perhaps she's got morning sickness severely that she is loosing weight because she throws up I can't really say. You need to let her know how concerned you are about her and be the POSITIVE influence in her life and try and separate her from the NEGATIVE. Especially while pregnant. And if you think that she is in fact doing drugs you need to help her for her own sake AND the fetus. GOOD LUCK! ↑
This is serious stuff. You can either try the friendly approach, like one commenter said, and mention you are worried about her or you could be brutally honest. If she's using, she wont be allowed to keep her child. Period. ↑
Well, I just talked to her and she didn't get as upset as I assumed she would ( I just asked her and made sure she knew I was just worried). she says she did it " a few times to unwind" because she didn't have any pot.
I'm glad she was [somewhat? I think she's probably done it more than a few times] honest and I'm trying to help her but I'm REALLY pissed that she could do that.
I mean, what the hell? How selfish and stupid.
Using meth/pot to unwind when you're pregnant (or really anytime, although I'm not totally against pot *when you're NOT pregnant/have a baby)? Take a fncking bath or go for a walk. ↑
make sure and let her know that if any of those drugs are ever found in the baby's system, they will take that baby away and she could face legal problems. and they will be drawing blood a lot so she needs to stop now! ↑
I tried to tell her that, but she didn't believe me. she said something about her rights as a parent. I know CPS isn't going to care about her 'rights as a parent' if she's using.
Do you guys know if there's anything I could do now, like contact someone, so she'll have to stop doing this to her/her baby? She won't listen to me. According to her, her dr. told her it was ok to smoke pot. I don't know/have heard of ANY doctor who would tell a pregnant teen it's alright to toke... ↑
Well that's just a flat out lie, no doctor would ever say it's okay to smoke anything while pregnant. She needs some sense knocked into her! I don't even know if she needs to worry about someone taking her child away because it doesn't sound like the poor thing has much of a chance of making it with all the crap she's putting in her system. Inside the womb the babies nutrients are filtered for waste... any kind of drug (including weed and cigarettes) or alcohol is not filtered. Everything she is doing is going directly to her baby. ↑
Exactly. But I don't think she's going to stop. I want to report her to someone before it's too late [if it's not already], but I don't know who..? I think it's too early for CPS. I'm looking into it now, but can't find a lot of info. :/
I suppose I could report her to the cops for possession since she probably has something [meth/pot] on her, but I'm not sure it would really do anything. I've never been in trouble with the cops, so i don't know how that all works out.
Her baby doesn't have any rights until it is born, so until then, there is nothing you can do as far as CPS goes. HOWEVER, you could talk to the cops about possibly busting her for posession. She could be put on probation and possible random drug testing, hopefully enough to make her stop. ↑
when you drug up your child with illegal drugs like meth, you lose all rights as a parent so her argument holds no water at all. if she chooses to keep using and won't listen to anyone, then let her find out the hard way. it's just too bad that the baby has to suffer with any birth defects it gets from this. and also, when that baby wants to know why her real mom didn't keep her, let her know that the child will learn her mother chose drugs over the baby. real mature. i just want to knock your friend on the head, i swear. if you want to report her, start with the cps. they care about the child first and foremost. and they know where to go from there. your friend will probably end up in a jail or rehab program or something, but she needs to grow up a lot. ↑
here's some legal stuff regarding her "parental rights" she thinks she has. Currently there is only one state, South Carolina, who holds prenatal substance abuse as a criminal act of child abuse and neglect. Other states have laws that address prenatal substance abuse:
* Iowa, Minnesota and North Dakota's health care providers are required to report and test for prenatal drug exposure. Virginia health care providers are only required to test.
* Arizona, Illinois, Massachusetts, Michigan, Utah, and Rhode Island's health care providers are required to report prenatal drug exposure. Reporting and testing can be evidence used in child welfare proceedings.
* Some states consider prenatal substance abuse as part of their child welfare laws. Therefore prenatal drug exposure can provide grounds for terminating parental rights because of child abuse or neglect. These states include: Colorado, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Nevada, Ohio, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Texas, Virginia and Wisconsin.
* Some states have policies that enforce admission to an inpatient treatment program for pregnant women who use drugs. These states include: Minnesota, South Dakota and Wisconsin.
* In 2004, Texas made it a felony to smoke marijuana while pregnant, resulting in a prison sentence of 2-20 years. ↑
I wish I lived in Texas...
I called 211 and they said CPS can't do anything until the baby's born, but I think I'm going to call the cops about the drugs. At the very least hopefully it'll scare into slowing it down.
This just blows. I mean, I feel bad for doing this to her, but it's really all that I can do. I can't just let it slide and hope she quits.
Thanks for the help, I'm like google illiterate and can't find worth a sh!t. lol ↑
I think she has done it more than one time. There are programs &rehabs directed toward pregnant women. I would call them and tell them so they can inform you on the best way to discuss this option with her. IT will reassure her as well to know they won't judge or yell at her but help and support her! I do volunteer case management thru hope center and this is the best approach in my experience. Let me know if you need help finding the resources. Good Luck ↑
I'm worried about the baby, it could be damaged already. Sure get her help but is it already too late? Hasn't her doctor noticed anything? If she looks like she's been doing drugs than she's probably had a pretty big amount, and probably on a regular basis. :\ ↑
BreezieB- Do you know of any programs in Washington state liker that? I think that could help her.
Amanda-I don't think she's really going to to her appointments or she's not being honest with me about what happens at them. She always tells these crazy stories about how her Dr. told she could be put to sleep during birth as pain management, she has to quit smoking gradually so the baby won't go through withdrawals [I've heard other people say that, too. But I don't think a dr. would advise it] and of course, that it was ok to smoke pot.
I really wish she'd be more honest with me so I can help her. But I just don't know. ↑
i heard you can be put tp sleep during a c-section but how on earth can you be put to sleep in a natrual birth!? how would you push!? i,ve always thought that you should stop smoking as soon as you find out your pregnant! ↑
I've only heard of women being put to sleep if it's a necessity, a girl can't just say, "well, this going to hurt, so knock me out doc!" I don't know how she came up with that.
I think so, too. It only seems right.
I don't know, she's moronic. ↑
Yeah that's not true either. My mom went into labor with me at 11pm, I woke her up from her nice nap and she was so tired that she was falling asleep while giving birth to me. The doctors had to wake her up and tell her to push, then she'd pass out again. So it's pretty impossible to successfully give birth vaginally if you're asleep... That just sounds silly haha. ↑
thats what i thought lol...............i was wondering if you have an epidural how would you push if your all numb lol!! well i supose u still have more chance than if your asleep lol ↑
seriously our moms were tough lol. like i tell amanda, i was almost 10lbs and my mom did it naturally. shooot, i'm starting to think i might just opt for the pain meds right off the bat lol. ↑
I've wondered that too about an epidural. I still can't decide if I want one. I think natural would be cool, but seriously, I'm such a wuss. 10 pounds, I can't even imagine! OUCH ↑
I'm going to see how I feel on the day of delivery about the epidural. I think I'll probably have a fairly easy birth just because she's small and seemingly very eager to be out. So if I'm feeling like I'm going to die before I'm fully dilated I'll probably ask for the epidural haha. ↑
