At 9 months pregnant, I was very uncomfortable. I had a reaction to the pregnancy hormone which made my skin itch like crazy and it was driving me mad. My doctor told me it was safe to take over-the-counter Benadryl to help with the itching, so I was taking two pills every 4-6 hours every day. The last week of my pregnancy, I was concerned that taking this many pills (like 170 pills a week) would hurt my baby. So I called and asked the nurse if it was safe, and she assured me it was.
Due to my uncontrollable itching (to the point of itching until I bled), after pleading with my doctor, I was able to convince her to induce labor the following week, just six days from my due date. But first she wanted to see me in the office. So that Monday I saw the doctor in the office, we heard the baby's heart rate which was good and strong, and she scheduled me to be induced the following morning in the hospital. “Ah, just one more day and I'll have my baby in my arms,” I thought. The last kick I felt was at midnight that night, just before I went to bed. I slept like a rock, looking back, because the baby was still.
When we arrived at the hospital, the first thing they did was hook me up to a fetal monitor to track the baby's heart rate. They couldn't find anything. I thought something must be wrong with the monitor or the nurse must not know what she's doing. I shook my belly and said, "Wake up" to the baby. I looked at my husband and just shook my head in disbelief and said, "Oh, if this is really happening, how cruel would that be?!" What kind of God would give you a baby and have you carry it for 9 months and then takes it away just one night before you were scheduled to deliver?!"
After an agonizing 2 hours waiting for an ultrasound, the technicians confirmed our worst fear. There was no heartbeat. Our baby boy had died. My body had already gone into labor, so after several hours, I delivered my son, and then we had to say our heart wrenching goodbyes. This was without a doubt, the single most saddest day of my life. I was devastated.
After examination of the placenta and an autopsy of our baby, my doctor told me the cause of death was the separation of the placenta which caused a blood clot inside the amniotic sack, which cut off circulation to the baby, but also kept me from bleeding to death. The doctor could give no reason why this happened. She said it usually occurs when there’s some kind of trauma to the belly, like a car accident or something. The autopsy revealed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with our baby. He would have been 100% healthy had he been delivered one day earlier. We missed it by one day. It was a fluke.
However, there were a few things I did which I think may or may not have contributed to this happening, and I would like to warn other mothers, just in case...
1. Be very cautious when taking any medications during pregnancy, even if your doctor says it's ok. I think taking all the Benadryl during the last few weeks of my pregnancy may have contributed to losing my son at full-term.
2. The day before I lost my son I went shopping with my mom. I was very active right up until the end of my pregnancy. I remember carrying a heavy sewing machine from my car to inside the house, and this is just not smart. There are reasons pregnant mothers shouldn't be lifting heavy things! Have someone else to the heavy stuff for you and kick your feet up and relax. Take care of yourself and your baby. Don't try to be "Super Woman!"
3. The day before delivery, I was very constipated, as is very common during pregnancy. I remember straining trying to go, and I think this may have caused the placenta to weaken and possibly separate before it should have. I have heard that pregnant mothers should not strain when constipated, but I didn't take it seriously. I wish I would have.
I have two healthy kids who are now 16 and 13, a boy and a girl. While there's a place in our hearts where our son, Jeffrey, will always be, we have learned to accept that he was born to God, and that he will always be our little angel. It took some time, but eventually, time does help heal the pain. And as difficult as it is, and as sad as it is, time will heal your pain, too.
Happier times are ahead for you. Just feel your feelings, feel your pain, cry your tears, and don't give up. It's hard to imagine you'll ever feel better, but you will. Trust me. I know. I have been there, and I got through it. So will you. Take good care of yourself and each other. Best of luck and best wishes for you and your family.
↓
For those who are not yet a member, Register and become a part of our close-knit forum community.
Name: sososleepy | Date: Feb 24th, 2007 9:07 PM
Hugs sberg. Hugs. I don't even know what to say to that. How long ago was it? ↑
Name: BeccaC | Date: Feb 24th, 2007 9:27 PM
Sberg, I don't even know what to say. "I'm sorry for your loss" just doesn't seem to cut it. I cannot believe the pain you must be going thru. You didn't mention when this happened, so I'm not sure how much time has passed since Jeffrey died, but I am sure this has changed your life forever. I had two m/c last year, both during the first tri. I was (and still am) devastated, so I cannot even imagine the intensity of your pain. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Take care. ↑
sending my thoughts to you and your family, i can't imagine the pain you felt.a similar thing happened to my sister and that broke my heart and she was in pieces but like you say, time does eventually heal, 5 years later and she has since had 2 healthy children. i can't say how i would have dealt with it but i do know the devastating feeling of loss something like this can bring.take care of yourself ↑
Name: Heidi Jo | Date: Feb 25th, 2007 11:27 AM
There is absolutely nothing I can say that would even begin to tellyou how that hurts me to read. I just loss my Mom this year and I thought, "she is only 58 why would God take her?" Then I read this and think......I can't even imagine. I am sorry seems so lame, but I am just so sorry for you and your family. It sounded like you were sharing this to help someone else who may be in your shoes and I think that is so great that you can put yourself out there like that and do something so great! Thank you and prayers and being sent for you and your family!! ↑
Name: DownbutnotOUT | Date: Feb 25th, 2007 4:43 PM
Im so sorry for your loss and I have to commend you on how couragious you are to come here and share your story with all of us. It reminds me of my cousin who has lost 3 babies, 2 in utero and 1 shortly after birth. You women are truly my hero's for being able to handle a huge loss and have the strength to move forward in life instead of stopping in your tracks. i wish you and your family the best of luck, take care ↑
Name: Alison | Date: Feb 25th, 2007 6:14 PM
You are to be admired for having the compassion for other women to come on and share this with them. I cannot even imagine how painful it must have been to type out in detail all you have been through. I can't imagine anything worse than what you have experienced and my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I suffered 3 first trimester miscarriages before having my first child last year and the pain of those losses was heart wrenching - I don't think there are words to describe the loss you have gone through...no words seem enough to me I am so very sorry for all you have been through and are going through. I pray for strength to get through each day for you..I don't know anything about what causes placentas to come loose by the way, but my gut feeling tells me this was an awful tragedy and not because of what you did. Maybe you could ask the doctors about the points you raised here such as the straining to have a bowel movement. My gut tells me it wasn't anything you did and if a doctor were able to say that it might help take away the guilt you are placing on yourself..you are going through enough as it is. God bless you xxx ↑
Name: docbytch | Date: Feb 26th, 2007 9:12 AM
Sberg...good god ur story brings tears to my eyes.. There are no words to begin to say how sorry we all are for your loss.. But I will say that you didn't do anything wrong to hurt your baby... You are exceptionally kind and strong to come on here to share your story...to help others at that.
All I an say is...thank you. I hope you have healthy baby soon if that is what you seek!! You're a special breed of person there..:) ↑
Name: SaraH | Date: Feb 26th, 2007 8:50 PM
sberg, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine any circumstances that could have made it worse. Thanks for the warnings, but just remember not to blame yourself as no matter what caused it, it was not your fault. I'm glad that you have been able to get through this. Hug and prayers. ~Sarah ↑
Name: sberg | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 6:25 AM
Thank you so much for all your kind and comforting words and support. Thank you for taking the time to read my LONG STORY (sorry about that) and reaching out to let me know you share in my sadness. I did get through this and I'm fine now. This actually happened 14 years ago. I have two terrific kids, a boy and a girl, ages 16 and 13 (Baby Jeffrey would have been my middle child and would be 14 today...if only). I still get sad on occasion (especially on the anniversary of his death, which should be the celebration of his birthday). I shed some tears when I let myself think about the pain of that fateful day, but really I'm strong and have accepted the fact that my baby was born to God. We just have to trust in God's plan, and even though we want to ask "WHY?!", we just have to trust and understand that His plan is too great for us to understand. But one day when we get there, we will be reunited with our loved ones again and it will all make perfect sense. We just have to have faith that this is true.
And who knows? Maybe when I get there, my Baby Jeffrey will be there holding The Gate for me?
And if you've lost a baby, maybe your child will be there holding the gate for you? What a wonderful thing that would be!!! It's giving me goosebumps as I type this. Take good care. My thoughts and prayers are with you all today. ↑
Name: DUESEPTEMBER28TH | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 12:13 PM
WOW, I can't stop crying. This is so sad. i hate coming to this forum to read things like this, b/c it hurts so bad. it reminds me of my pain when i miscarried but this is far more hurtful. i am scared this could happen to me, as i am ready to leave the first trimester forum soon. Sberg- hugs and i wish you and your family the best even if it was that long ao i know it still hurts. ↑
Name: BeccaC | Date: Mar 4th, 2007 8:58 AM
Amen Sberg! You have the right attitude. I am so proud of you!! ↑
Name: hejduk | Date: Mar 6th, 2007 9:15 PM
I had a stillborn baby about a year and a halfagain. I have since had another baby, but still have a hard time accepting the loss of our little boy. I know that there are reasons why things happen but losing a child that you never get to know is the worst feeling. I know for the rest of my life I will see kids that are the age my son would be and get sad because he never got to do anything. I look forward to the day that I get to see him, but I know that he takes care of us. He will be waiting. ↑
Name: Tammy276 | Date: Mar 6th, 2007 9:25 PM
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us, and I don't think "sorry for your loss" even comes close to what should be said. I am 37 weeks and I think this is every mothers fear. I just called my doctor last week about taking benadryl because I was having some severe itching.....I took it once and it went away and hasn't come back..I too am skeptical of taking any kind of drug while pregnant, even when they say it is safe. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. ↑
Name: danipjames | Date: Mar 9th, 2007 12:37 AM
Oh my goodness... I guess you never know the extent of someone else's pain. I lost my son when I was 19wks pregnant due to incompetent cervix and the night I delivered was the worst night of my life. I have these moments where I recap everything I did that night and I wish I could've done it differently, but it's bad when you have to deliver a child that you know isn't going to make it. I have beat my self up until i'm blue and it hurts so bad to feel like you caused the death of your child, but regardless to anything... God wanted that to happen. My son and yours was placed in our lives for that amount of time to bring us happiness for the time that they were in our womb. There's nothing like the life of a child inside of your belly, but you know what... I have no explanation as to why God allows things to happen the way they do, but I definitely can say that he does them for a reaosn. While these reasons may never be known, just know that God is a God of Order. God is a God who makes NO mistakes... He does everything for a reason and he would never put more on you than you can bear. Your story was so heart breaking. I have never heard of anything like that in my life, but I can definitely say that the pain of losing a child will never go away, but it will always get better and better. Be blessed&don't be afraid to try again. I know i'm not. This just forces us to be EXTREMELY careful next time...
Dani ↑
Name: gramma2 | Date: Mar 9th, 2007 3:30 PM
Sberg, Thank you for sharing your pain... I lost a baby years back , I had died in utro, I had to deliver it naturally, and was on the maturnity ward with all the new mothers, it was very painful... but I have three healthy children.. which I thank God for every day. Often we blame our selves for the loss, " I should have done this, or I should not have done that", we always want to have a reason for every thing... even if it is at our own expense.... it is human nature, we can't blame our selves... and we can't always put a reason to every thing, we just have to trust that god has a plan, and have faith no matter what......have faith and give thanks to god for the good and the bad, as he know the purpose. ↑
Name: Shannie | Date: Mar 11th, 2007 3:59 PM
This really hit home with me. Thank you for the stories. I can't stop crying. I may be going through a miscarriage right now, although i'm only 6 weeks. This will be my 2nd m/c if it happens and sometimes in my mind, I get angry. At God. But hearing these stories reminded me that God does have a plan. Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding me that God doesn't make mistakes. I will be praying for all of you. ↑
Name: knox33 | Date: Mar 15th, 2007 11:29 AM
Awesome praise! Dani - I couldn't have said it better. I will hold on to those words. We lost our baby girl at 18 weeks and 2 days this Tuesday from preterm premature rupture of the membrane. Thanks to Sberg for your story and Dani for your spirit led words of encouragement. I really needed to hear that today. ↑
Name: Stephanie B | Date: Mar 17th, 2007 11:14 PM
sberg, your story sounds so familiar to someone i know. my sister also lost her child at 9 months. she also had the terrible itching and the doctor informed her that it was normal. she would also scratch until she bled although she had no fingernails to even scratch with. (she's a nail biter to the nubs). after calling labor and delivery one night while having regular contractions, she was told to take two tylenol and a warm bath. she did and felt her baby girl continue to move in her belly. very early the next morning b/c the pains did not stop, she went to the hospital only to discover there was no longer a heartbeat. she also had to deliver vaginally, and we all had to say our goodbyes to the little girl we were so ready to hug and kiss. she and everyone else was devastated and blamed the doctor. the autopsy had shown that she had gone into fetal distress and had her first bowel movement in utero. which ultimately killed her. in her next pregnancy, she chose UAMS where she was looked after by doctors as well as students and luckily it was a student who discovered that she has colistasis of pregnancy. colistasis causes itching all over the body and more so on the hands and feet. ADVICE TO ANY PREGNANT WOMAN THAT IS EXPERIENCING ITCHING ALL OVER~~ADVISE YOUR DOCTOR AND IF THEY TELL YOU THAT IT'S NORMAL YOU SHOULD INSIST ON HAVING YOUR LIVER CHECKED!! DONT SETTLE FOR LESS B/C IT COULD BE LIFE THREATENING FOR YOUR BABY!!! ↑
Name: sberg | Date: Mar 18th, 2007 1:21 AM
Stephanie B, Thank you for sharing your sister's story. I certainly understand her devastating heartbreak and your family's. Thank you for the advice about colistasis. I was never told about this condition when I was pregnant, but I'm going to do some research on it now. I hope other pregnant women can be more aware and learn from our losses and prevent this from happening to them. I certainly wish I had known about it 14-15 years ago. Maybe things would have turned out different? And if not, at the very least, I could have held my doctor accountable. Thank you for sharing and God bless. ↑
Name: alicia1 | Date: Mar 18th, 2007 4:47 AM
sberg, your story gives me strength. Thank you for sharing and giving us courage. I truly believe you'll be blessed for that. The way you told your story with out an undertone of bitterness...it really impacted me. Please continue to stay strong and know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks again.. ↑
Name: sberg | Date: Mar 18th, 2007 5:36 AM
alicia1, Thank you so much for your kind words. You don't have any idea how much that means to me. I feel blessed already! God bless you too! ↑
Name: Sarah_doodlez | Date: Mar 22nd, 2007 5:43 PM
Thank you, Sberg, for sharing that heart touching story. I have lost my son, at 6 months and 1 day, and I grieve so much for him. I can't even begin to tell you how I feel reading this story, and how inspiring you are to me. It has only been 6 months since we have lost our son, but it gives me strength reading success stories such as yours. Thank you and God Bless. ↑
Name: sberg | Date: Mar 23rd, 2007 2:05 AM
Sarah_doodlez ... My heart is literally aching for you right now for your family's tragic loss of your six month old son. I'm so very sorry. I know right now being in the throws of such pain and sadness, you probably can't imagine that you'll ever feel better or come to terms with your loss. I know for me in the beginning of my grief process, I couldn't go for a minute without crying, then 10 minutes without crying, then an hour, a day, a week, a month, and eventually a year. But you WILL feel better. It just takes time. You have to allow yourself to feel the gamut of your emotions and cry all the tears you need to, and grieve in your own way, on your own terms and on your own time--however much time it takes in order to come out on the other side where you'll find eventual acceptance. Sure, it will always be sad--there's no getting around that. It's a sad, horrible, unfair and tragic loss you have suffered and for no forseen reason. It makes no sense and most likely never will--at least not in this lifetime. But hold on tight to your loved ones during this difficult time, and be kind to yourself. In time, with much love, faith, understanding, and patience, you will feel better soon. And life does go on and things will get better. You will stop crying and start laughing again in full earnest. Trust me. I know. I've lived it and I'm here. I'm happy. I have two wonderful, smart, gorgeous children and we have a great life. I'm very blessed, and I thank God every day for all that He has given me. Don't forget to count your blessings, too. And know that our little angels are happily in heaven and we will all be together again one day. Do take good care and be strong. You're in my thoughts and special prayers. Much love to you and yours. ↑
Name: vlvassell | Date: Mar 27th, 2007 11:47 PM
Hi
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and i'm so sorry for your loss.
I to had a misscarriage and it is a hard thing to deal with.
Take care and God bless you and your family. ↑
Name: Sarah_doodlez | Date: Mar 29th, 2007 11:43 AM
Oh, sberg, I think I typed it wrong. I was 6 months and one day pregnant. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer before. Thank you for those words of thoughtfulness, but I didn't want you to continue to think I had my son and he lived for 6 months. I was 25 weeks along when I lost him. We buried him on Oct. 3, 2006. Forgive for not being more clear. Your words still give me a promising hope. Thank you. ↑
Name: andy | Date: Mar 29th, 2007 6:35 PM
I just wanted to say that you are all very brave and that I´m sure that all of this little angels have a little heaven of their own !! ... I went to a m/c at 5 weeks and though I was going to die from the pain , I can not imagine your strenght ... I´m full term with baby number 1 and I´m having a c section tomorrow due to high blood pressure and that she has nuchal cord ans hasn´t even dropped , and just can´t wait to have her ... I know this will be a very difficult night and I just pray that everything turns out fine ... My heart goes out to all of you !!! ↑
Name: Tara S | Date: Mar 29th, 2007 11:02 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a baby girl at 5 months and delivered her and got to hold her and dress and take pictures of her( This was November 2005). I got pregnant 5 months after and just had a beautiful baby girl in January that is almost 3 months old. i know how hard it is to lose a little one that was so wanted and I still grieve for my baby girl Treya. I joined a support group for mothers that lost babies and it has been wonderful. We get together and talk, cry and do scrap booking and other activities to remember our little angels.sberg, I think its wonderful that you can share your story and hopefully help others. ↑
Name: Kara H. | Date: Mar 31st, 2007 12:28 AM
sberg - My heart aches for you. I promise you, nothing you did - not the benadryl nor the lifting nor the straining - caused harm to your baby. You were a wonderful mother to your child. I have heard of an increased risk on stillbirth in women with the condition that caused your itching. I wish your peace and strength... ↑
Name: Definition | Date: Mar 28th, 2008 4:20 AM
I was just released from the hospital after giving birth to my stillborn daughter. I dont even know where to begin, its a pain that I have never felt in my life. My whole pregnancy was fine. I went in for my last visit with the dr and he couldnt hear her heart beat, immedietly I was in the labor and delivery room. I was already having contractions and was dialated so labor was already started. But what went wrong. I had everything set, new crib, clothes, diapers. My 15 yr old son was so excited and now our world is upside down. Please if anyone can help me understand this. I dont even know what I am supposed to do now. They came in and asked me what I wanted to do cremation or burial. After just loosing my daughter I am supposed to answer that question ? what is wrong with the health care system these days, no condolenses for loss. The cause, after they examined the placenta they said it was separation of the placenta. I was in a car accident in Sept. Would this be the cause ? Its as though I cant even move from one spot, since I have been home without my Gabrielle it seems like a horrible nightmare that I will wake up and she will be in my arms. I dont know what to do now !! ↑
