I'm pregnant and this will be my 2nd child with my husband. I am not in love anymore and want a divorce. The baby will be here in about 1 month. I am planning to wait at least 6 months after the baby is born to break the news. My bestfriend knows that I am planning to tell him and she keeps pushing me to tell him now. I think with the baby coming so soon it would a terrible time to tell. Guy would you rather have your wife tell you right before the baby is born or 6months after? ↓
no time better than the worst time you can think of , stop confusing people here ! "you're not in love anymore but you're sounding like you care enough to ask what is the best time"? What's wrong with you ? ↑
Jem, if I were you I'd wait till after before breaking the news. The only thing you should be focusing on right now is that child you're carrying. As you know, pregnancy alone is stressful enough for the both of you, so dont add to it. Who knows...you may have a change of heart after the baby is born. From a male perspective, I'd rather my wife wait until after to break the news to me. ↑
you absolutly dont want to try and fix things up ? you are about to have your second child. love dont just turn off, somthing had to happen, maybe tis things that he does that makes you feel this way. maybe you should sit down and talk with him, tell him you have been thinking of a divorce but youd ike to try and fix things up before, tell him things have to change and your willing to try. maybe all you need is a vacation alone away from other kid, and family and work and all the day to day chores. ↑
Jem, whatever you decide, it is definitely a good idea to wait at least 6 months, as you said above. Make absolutely, positively sure that you really mean it and aren't just overly hormonal. The last thing that you want to do is to make a rash decision that will severely change your life and those of your children. Best of luck to you. ↑
Jem, How are you? i hope you are keeping well. I'm sorry your going through such a terrible time right now with falling out of love with your husband you must be feeling really terrible about the whole situation and especially when you look for advice all you get is abuse from those you ask for help from. Keep your head up girl, pregnancy is tough and all the emotions that come with it. I do believe if you wait until after the baby is born you will be able to see things alot clearer then what they are now with all those hormones rushing about. I think you need to ask yourself some questions first about why you no longer love your husband and then ask yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place, if you write it out on a piece of paper and then when you are feeling calm you should discuss the list with him and see if counselling might help. If your husband truly loves you or if you ever truly loved him then i think you should give it a go. This is just my advice, at the end of the day you have to listen to your own heart about it. Hope all goes well with the birth and you are able to sort things out. Take care of yourself. ↑
you know Jem I think this isn't your first posting and I gave it alot of thought because whether you are the same person or not I think I understand so scratch anything I may have said I guess I'm just one of those people who find the situation a little shocking, best of luck . ↑
I can't believe you are willing to hurt him like that and destroy your children's home for your own selfish feelings. Love is an action, if you start showing love, then you will feel love again, not the other way around. How cruel of you! ↑
This is an old thread but anyway I think she should or should have explained why because not in Love anymore doesn't sound so good , it actually even sounds cruel and lame . ↑
are you hoping he will be attached to this baby before you throw him out? have you thought about a marrage councilor or how your other child is going to feel when daddy doesnt come home? what is the real problem is it him or your hormones? ↑
Jem didnt really go into details as to why she's not in love with him anymore, so all I can suspect is that maybe the hormones have a lot to do with it. I'm going thru this right now with my ex-gf (Dont Touch Me!). She said she didnt want a romantic relationship with me anymore. Like everyone keeps telling me, just wait till that baby is born...she'll come around. So Jem, dont make any big decisions just yet. This pregnancy situation is stressful enough for the both of you, so dont add more fuel to the fire right now. I'd wait till after the baby is here. You might just find that you DO love him after all. That's what I'm counting on anyway. ↑
I think you should wait to tell him because it could just be the stress of the pregnancy getting to you and after a while things could get better. Thats just my opinion. There could be other things that I dont know about. ↑
The bible says, "Let man not separate what God has brought together" I grew up in a divorced home and realize there are some things that you just can't fix. My father was an abusive drug addict and my mother took him back 4 times (2 after they were already divorced) just to try to keep the family together, but now she is married to a wonderful man, and has been for over 15 years. However, I don't quite understand why you would want to give up your marriage just like that. If there was a reason, abuse (verbal or physical), drugs, unfaithfullness. But it seems like you are just going through hormonal changes. Really think twice about this decision, God brought you and your husband together for a reason. I know that there is nothing in the world that could separate me from my husband. He is a wonderful, loving Godly man. BUT, he does piss me off sometimes, and there are times that I just wish he would go out with his friends and leave me alone, but thats marraige, you go through rough patches. remember that God brought you together, and it is not youjob to end the marraige, its his, and that way is when one of you dies. (Please do not take this as me telling you your husband should die) All I'm saying is that you should have meant it when you said "till death do us part" in front of the Lord. ↑
could it just be pregnancy hormones talking?? i mean.. i hate my guy sometimes and i wanna kill him but hey... then i get over it and know its just preggo hormones... i would give it time to see if you feel a change.. i wouldnt jump into anything without knowing if you really dont love him anymore ↑
Don't you hate it when people judge you? I have a three year old daughter, and I am going through a divorce. I had an IUD, and I thought there was no way I could get pregnant. I did, and because my husband has more money and a better lawyer, he has temporary custody of our three year old. He is gone 90% of the time, so his mother is keeping her. I am not allowed to see her by myself. All I'm saying is, if you are not in love with him - and you KNOW you do not want to work things out - get out now. I never thought in a million years that my daughter might be taken away from me even temporarily. I definately hope you do not live in a small town like I do. The judges and the lawyers are usually friends, and they do not care about the consequences in the decisions the judges make. It's all about money. Good luck Sweetie, and I will be praying for you. ↑
Update. I had the baby in November and am still planning to leave in a few months. It was not pregnancy hormones. I don't think I need to go into a reason on a forum. You don't live my life and know all the details and I don't think that really should have made a difference, since the question was should I wait or not. ↑
well, all I can say is this I am pg for the first time,been married for 8 years in july, well guess what, back in 2004, my husband and i separated on april, 8th, by May 8th guess what? He got another woman pg, yes they kept the kid,guess what, I cancelled the divorce and took him back, you know why, well because i was hurt , I have been dealing with infertility for 12 years, and in between that time of him getting a paterrnity test he left an add'l 3 more times, in 1 year, and i took him back, he even left me in the middle of the IVF, I hate his family because they knew about it and wanted to keep it a secret from me, however, I refused to allow his family to win, so i took him back, paid for the entire ivf even his seman analysis, and now im pg, however, the child came to live with us who is now 10 months old, i thought i could handle it,however i could not the girl called daily, I think she actually thought we could be freakin friends, HA, well I told my husband the kid had to go, and the kid is now back with his mom,my first child, my lil girl is due in May, I think often of leaving, I do not beleive i have any love left hell I do not have sex with my husband nor kisss nor hug him, nor he me. So I know the feeling. He says he loves me but I think he is just here because i put up with all of his shit, other men say im a good woman, my Dr thinks i am a fool, so do I, I refuse to tell my family because i am ashamed, however I have NO MAN< nor do I want one, but my daughter deserves her dad in her life despite the adulterer that he is, however I am not his judge, GOD will deal with him. Good luck. ↑
I am not trying to be rude, but I don't understand women who can just stop loving a man, I guess I got really lucky with my husband we are both still head over heels in love with eachother, but zi agree with "disgusting" that it is a choice to be in love, once you have children it becomes natural to love your children and you have to keep working at loving your husband its not the natural thing to do, but it is what is right, its a choice you should make, you should search yourself and see what exactly you mean by saying you don't love him anymore, do you hate him? obviously you care about him and not hurting his feelings, if you care enough not to hurt him can't you make the choice to love him, get a baysitter and go out, make love have fun...you can stilll love him ↑
Well not you, I can totally understand why you don't love your husband, I think you are a really good woman for putting up with what you have, I know a lot of women will tell you your dumb and you should leave, but in the bible it says let the faithless leave, so if he wants to leave let him, if he wants to stay let him, you are married to him and thats that. My mother-in law was married to my father in law and he did drugs and drank and wasn't a very nice man to be around, and she stayed with him, had five kids with him and stuck around, and guess what happened, one day God opened his eyes, they've had 5 more kids and he is the most respectable man I know. So keep strong and things may change, he is your husband and there is nothing you can do to change that ↑
yes it is hard, even though I know thru Gods eyes the marriage is over but I would be dumber to allow him an easy way out and allow his mother to get her way or even to allow the young lady who is 11years younger than me, to think she could take all I have worked for in my marriage to accomplish, I am no dummy and I know that my child is my blessing and may be Gods way of paying my husband back , I will never know, all I know is after dealing with infertility for 12 years,God has blessed me with a daughter that will be here in may, so I put up with my husband as he did me and God has blessed me for that, it feels good to be able to celebrate mothers day in may, and be able to cry because I am actually gonna be someones mother.Love is hard work, I may not be in love with my huisband but apparently i love something about him,as far as making love, no way,I cannot get past what he has done,however if he leaves again,there will be no more returns i feel that5 times is enough,that is how many times he went home to ohio to his mommas house, when she calls he goes running and that makes me very angry, but if he does it again, he can kiss me and his daughter goodbye. ↑
let me pose this question to you..if your husband wanted a divorce would you want him to wait til after you had the baby or do it right before?.....ok there is your answer!! ↑
jem i think you are being cruel not telling him now. you are puting it off as if things will be much better in 6 months time.
would you like him to stay with you out of pity? would you like your husband to think 'oh coz she is pregnant i'll have to wait 6 months till i can get rid of her'. i think you would prefer him to be honest and tell you the TRUTH.
don't be fake around him just because you want him doing the wake up feeds up till at least 6 months. honesty is the best policy. people arent stupid you know, he will pick up on it way before the 6 months is up! ↑
