to trying to move on - you have no idea what its like to hear from someone on your end - unfortunately - the world isnt as open minded as you ! i think if it were - it would be a much better place to live! i hear what your saying - i went on friday to try to have the abortion - the dr wouldnt do it - he said that i was moving around to much and crying - i have this friday to go back - i dont think i will be good at this - alone and with no support - thank you for sharing your story - its wierd theres a reason for everything i guess - i hope things with you and your husband got better and are working out - with a woman like you- they should - thanks for the advise - im still not settled in withsomething definite ↑
To understanding: Girl my relationship is so bad right now I have no business giving anyone relationship advice but here goes ;-)...this is my opinion, you & this guys have been seeing each other for over two years so I'm sure there is some feelings there, thats why he won't let you go. Seems to me that he wants to be with you but he scared to leave whats familiar to him, his wife, his home, etc.. is his comfort zone and he's scare of change. Maybe he wants to be with you and your son but he's scared. I am not for breaking up anyones family but if I was you I would MAKE him make a choice and give him a deadline or tell him your out! I would say "if you love me and you want to be with me, we need to do this the right way and you need to separate or divorce your wife because I have a son to think of and I'm not going to confuss him by having you in and out of ours lives, we are adults and we should act and live our lives as adults. Tell him something like, I give you until Nov 15th to gather your thoughs and make a decision...be firm and serious with him and if he can not give you an answer by your deadline, cut off all contact with him and when he sees that your not joking, he will come around...........I know you feel bad about calling his house but I would have loved for this woman to call me and tell me the stuff my husband was doing so we could have put a stop to it, instead to lied for him. But he's playing games with you, he's playing with people lives and you have to take control of the situation asap, I know it's hard not to cry in front of him but try to stop that because if he sees you crying he knows you have a weakness and he feels in control. Hold back them tears when he's around and when he leaves you can cry your self silly...."never let them see you sweat!!! ( i was typing fast excuse any errors) ↑
To Help Fast: I am also pregnant now, I'm 23 weeks and I feel my baby moving around alot, I think your about 17 weeks and you should feel little futters now, I remember I did, if not now you will soon and at 20 weeks you will know the baby's sex and you'll be at your half way make. When you get time go to www.babycenter.com and it will tell you the baby's process at 17 weeks and then decide if you want to do this. Best Wishes ↑
To : trying to move on.. well i talked to him and issued the ultimatum ( u suggested) , and know what he said, he said give me six months, I laughed in his face..he said that he just doesnt want to walk out on her and come be with me because he thinks we will have bad luck ( what goes around comes around) so I told him that he needs to stop trying to see me and either make his marriage work or move on so that if it doesnt last ( his marriage) it wont be because we are messing around, it will be because it is just not meant to be.. but he still wants to be in my face while he figures out his life and I told him, it is not possible..because as long as we keep messsing around, I will lose any blessings that may be coming my way because you cant just do wrong and think everything will be fine.. he said if you love someone, then how can it be wrong, why are you trying to take my family away ( me, his son, and my other children).. I looked at him and said your family is at work (his wife ) and he just shook his head...He has serious issues, now you see what I am dealing with...anyway on a positive note....congratulations on your new baby, my baby is now 9 month, boy how time flys and he is trying to walk and can say a few words...i am glad that u can actually talk to me without any resentment seeing that I am the other woman ( we are not all intentional home wreckers) because as you said the world is not perfect, but I sure wish our lives could be ( smile) well i am just hoping you don't get tired of giving me suggestions( they help me) it feels good to have a listening ear..thanks ↑
To desperate: you post the question just like you do when you asked, how to post it..just type in your name an after type in the answer box, click on submit.. ↑
It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this situation. I just find out that I am preganant by a married man. I have been with him for 1 year. I never wanted to be involved with a married man, but I was already deeply in love with him before I knew he was married. I tried to break up with him half a year ago for although I did love him very I did not want to hurt his wife and I did not want to just be a lover. Then he assured me that he would leave his wife and it was not because of me (I don't know about the former, but the latter was true-- last month I found out that he was in a relationship with another woman for a couple of years but ended it after the other woman contacted his wife with spiteful words, and his wife was depressed and his kids again him; before that he also had sexual relationship with some other women which he considered "deep friendship".) He was my first love (I was married for 8 years to my ex who was the first man I dated. I agreed to marry him out of my fear for his anger and my low self-esteem at that time; I tried to divorce him several times with no success, until I met this man and I told my ex right away that I was in love with this man); however, I began to think that although we had love for each other, we may not share the same value toward a good relationship... In my lexicon there should be love, respect, and honesty, but he did not seem to show this respect and honesty for both his wife and me... Although he told me again and again that he is working to come home with me each night, I guess actions always speak louder than words... When he went for a business trip out of the country, I made a decision that I will not see him again while he is still married (out of respect to both his wife and me). If he wants to continue our relationship, I would consider it only when the divorce is final. But, as you can see now, right after I made this decision, I find out I am preganant. The situation suddenly becomes complicated. I don't want him to stay with me because of the baby. I don't want to change my decision about him, for I do have highter self-respect now. I want to keep the child. I love children, and my 4 year old always wants to have a sibling. But shall I tell him about the child? Shall I just don't say anything about the child (which I don't feel right-- I think he should know)? If he doesn't want to be involved, I am already a single mother, and I don't mind raising a second child all by myself. but what if he does want to be involved... he is still a married man and I made a decision about not seeing him when he stays married... I am very confused as what I should do now! Any advice and opinion is highly appreciated! ↑
To seeking advice: Well i can say to you to be strong because there are long days ahead. Because being pregnant by a married man is nothing like being pregnant by a single man, it happened to me..I think that if you decide to keep the baby that u should inform him of it because he is the father and should be responsible for helping you prepare and also for thinking about the future of your child..He might be angry, he be happy thinking that he has a hold on you..but if you truly stick to your plan about not messing with him then maybe he will see that you are no fool and he needs to be responsible no matter what...you have to be prepared for the emotions that are to come/confusion because of the pregnancy will make u want him around.. its hormones and then after baby will usually get stronger and then go away...but through it all you will survive..I do not think that even if he gets divorced that you should consider being with him because as you stated, he has had several afffairs, he only cares about himself it seems...Just be careful because all of these situations are dangerous because these men are playing with womens feelings..I am proud of you that you have been able to tell him no more until you see the divorce papers and if he gets divorced and you decide to "sleep" with him, protect yourself and make sure you only use him for that becaue as far as being a real man to you, you are pmost likely to good for him to have..Find someone who when you get with him that your relationship will and can be blessed. ↑
Dear seeking advice, Well my situation is similar to yours but not exact. For me I was reaching a point in the relationship where I knew my time to end it was approaching. I was beginning to pull away, and not be as in touch emotionally. He went out of town and I found out then I was pregnant. I am 5 months, and I told him when I was 7 weeks. I kept it from him for a short while, then found I could not continue the lie. Our affair ended and I won't lie it has been difficult and a struggle. But my decision to not terminate was made because of my personal belief that my baby had a chance in life. So I knew I would be bringing this child into the world w/out him standing by my side. I am a single mother with two other children, but know in my heart I made the right decision. I gave him the opportunity to walk away, to not tell his wife, and yes he did ask me to terminate. As time is passing I am focusing more on the pregnancy and less on my emotional struggle. Letting go is hard, and not having him be a part of this can be difficult. He is wanting to be part of the baby’s life after birth and his wife is demanding he not be part of this pregnancy. I am having a bit of a tough time and am having to rest a lot and he is showing concern but it is about the baby and not he and I (my choice and his). I can’t deal with the emotional instability and inconsistency so we deal in pregnancy terms and that is it for now. My reason for sharing my story is to let you know you are not alone, and even though this is a difficult situation there are others who are enduring and trying. As tough as it may be to hear as well as act on you will have to reach a point where you do what is right for you, and your children. His part in this and how he deals with his marriage is up to him. I hope me sharing is of some help to you and I would be glad to talk more if you would like. You are not alone!! ↑
To Understanding and Me Too: Thank you for your kind replies. He is out of touch somewhere in another country so although I did email him about how I felt about our relationship I don't think he has read it yet. He will be back in a few days, and I am sure he will call me. Then I will tell him that I am not going to be with him when he is still married and I am having his baby at the same time... How weird does that sound? Will I be misunderstood like I was using the baby as a threat (which I was not)? I want the baby for I also believe it is a life and I am going to take good care of it no matter what. I am not sure if he is going to be a positive influence for my baby's future owing to his family complications. Shall I put his name on my child's birth certificate? If so, is it possible that he could take the child away from me since my current financial situation is bad but his is much better? I don't want to lose my child for any reason... If I don't put his name on my child's birth certificate, what will be the consequencies? If after the child is born I decide that it is better to keep its father out of our life, will I be able to move somewhere with my children without being in any trouble (legally)? Thanks again for those of you who are willing to listen and give me suggestions. ↑
Are you ready for all the stuff you are about to go through? Have you thought about what is really about to happen. Are you ready for your child to be with him and his wife she stays with him? Do you think you can handle seeing your child going with the 2 of them with out you...no offense but you really need to think long and hard. ↑
To the previous poster: Thanks for your post. No, I am definately not ready for my child to stay with him and his wife. I don't want it happen at all. I don't even think it is a good idea to let his wife know-- it is too much for any wife to take. And it will be such a shock to his other kids... but most importantly I don't want my child to be confused with a second family. I'd like to give my child a stable, reliable and loving family as much as I can. That is why in my previoius post I asked about whether I should keep the father in or out of our life and what the concequences would be (including legal concequences...) I would appreciate any suggestions and information. Thanks. ↑
dear understanding, i have sent to the email address i have but am thinking i don't have your new one?? go ahead and email me at mj4sx@yahoo.com with your new one!! I miss you and hope all is well, today is my sonogram and I hope to find out what I am having ;) Talk soon ↑
Understanding.....hey I haven't forgot about you, I've been so busy the last 2 weeks with my 4 yrs old's dental surgery, my friends dad died and another friend got married......anyway I'm glad you used my advice, I do not mind getting you advice or receiving advice because it helps me though my situation. So he's talking about 6 mos and he's out? What do you think, do you think he's just buying time? I'm trying to make things work with my husband, he wants us to be together so bad but he still works with this girl and I'm so scared it's going to happen again but he claims they have no conversation at all because after she came back to work after the miscarriage she hates him because she lost her child she wanted so bad and she feels he got her pregnant and then wanted nothing to do with her but what pisses me off is that she acts like it's all his fault and she knows she pursued him as well. I try to believe him, he said he has no desire for her and it was a terrible mistake but it's hard to trust again. Let me know how your doing :-) ↑
to seeking advice: just try to take care of your child and yourself. I know you love him but this guys seems to be no good at all, you said he has done this to his wife a few times...well be glad he's gone because he would do the same to you. My husband betrayed me once and because I'm pregnant with our second child I'm trying to get passed it, I'll be a fool once but not twice. God Bless ↑
to trying to move on: Thanks for your reply. It is good to know there are people who care enough to spend time writing to me. Here is my updated situation: I told him about the preganancy, and offered him the opportunity to walk away. He said he loved me and wanted to take care of me. He said he was excited and scared. He wanted me to move up to him; I said no, and I made it clear that I would not move in with him as long as he is still married. He told me this morning that he started to work on divorce now but did not know how quick it would happen. He wanted to make sure that his wife and children (all young adults now) would be taken good care of ( I sincerely hope he will deal with his family issue well... I have cared about his wife and kids since the time I realized he had a family, and that was part of the reason why I tried to break up with him). Yes, I do love this guy... even though I did have questions about his morals for cheating on his wife a couple of times ...but I kept telling myself that every one made mistakes and it was his past and he would not do that to me for our relationship would be different... Am I just being stupid?... After long telephone conversations during the past couple of days somehow I could picture us building a life together someday... I am not certain what is going to happen. I just keep telling myself that I have to stay firm with the bottom line, that is, I won't build a life with him as long as he is still married. ↑
I am sorry to say but you are stupid..a homewrecker you should be ashamed. I do not give a damn what anybody says you are in the wrong to try to split up this marriage for even being with him, do you really think you are going to change him. I bet you a dollar to a donut he will not be with YOU!! Wake UP!! ↑
To the above poster: I appreciate your concern. Do you believe that there might be some homes that were already wrecked long before the so called "home wrecker" appears? Some times it is just so easy to blame the other person instead of looking at the real problem in the marriage and working on it... I would be genuinely happy for them if they could work their issues out and be happily married. For me, I was divorced and I knew I did the right thing for I was never in love with my ex. And I am glad that my ex, whom I still care about as a family/friend, never called this man a "home wrecker" (although any outsider may say so) for he knew the real problem between us. I don't think I can change any one; a person must be willing to change him/herself for any changes to happen... But I think I am willing to take the risk of getting hurt if that is what it takes to find out the truth... ↑
dear seeking advice, I am one of the women on this site who is pregnant from an affair. What I have found is that there are no concrete answers or solutions, it can be so frustrating at times. Some days more so than others of course. But I have made it 5 months pregnant now and when I look back it has been such a rollercoaster ride!! I am not with the father, nor will I be. Long story short our relationship was changing for me and finding out I was pregnant changed things even more. I am not proud of the situation I find myself in, but I am pregnant I have 2 other children and my choice to keep this baby is what I am moving forward with. As we all hear so many times the man I knew is different now, but then I too am different. Being a mom has different considerations and perspectives than being the man who does not have to deal with the pregnancy on a day to day basis. In my situation the wife does know, but they have kept it a secret from all others. I have had some complications so she has insisted it be kept a secret in case I lose this baby and they will be relieved etc. But my baby girl is healthly and I don't see my miscarrying as she hoped. Finding out it was a girl and giving her a name has helped me bond more with my growing baby vs. focusing on the emotions and drama of this situation. I do still talk to him periodically and he of course makes vows of how he will be to our child. But more and more I try to focus on me, my daughters and my new baby girl growing and continuing to deal with our own reality and life situation that I am a single mom and that is a situation no words, promises, or actions will change. I try to not be bitter (although yes some days it is a struggle) and am finding the promises of others that it gets easier is slowly a possibility ;). Just know my dear you are not alone and there are others who are dealing with this daily and who will offer you support as you need it. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, won't change anything so I do encourage you to keep talking on here and sharing your thoughts and concerns. Best wishes!! ↑
To momma bear and all the women that can relate to her story- If I was married and you screwed my hubby I would beat the living dog shit out of your stupid ass! Get your own damn men! Ha now you are gonna have to explain to your kids that they don't have a daddy cause momma was a whore. Nice, real nice ladies! ↑
Dear Me Too, thanks for your encouragement! And congratulations for having a healthy baby girl! Sometimes I think being a single mother is easier than juggling with the complications when the father's married family is involved... I also think it is a good thing that your new baby has older siblings. When my 4 year old went shopping with me for her Halloween costume, she even helped choose one for the baby in Mommy's tummy. She is so excited about the coming of the new baby and already looking forward to share her toys with it... Yes let's be strong and make best of the situation. Thanks again for your kind support. All my best wishes are with you too! ↑
You all are sick. You are acting as if it is ok the have a married man baby. What in the hell is wrong with you women??? I have never in my life seen so much poor taste. Women you need to get a grip on life!! The world is already screwed up and you are bring more babies in it without fathers around. I would be so ashamed. Have fun letting the children know how they came about. Happy as Hell it is not me!! WHORES!!! ↑
To the previous poster: Do you actually think that that we give a damn what you think..We are not saying it is ok to have babies by married men, we are saying that if you make a mistake and it ends up in a pregnany and if the woman decides to have the child, then u better believe it is damn well ok if she has the child, no matter who it is by.. As for the name calling if "I" am a whore as you see it because my son is by a married man, then I guess whores have good lives, because despite the hurt and pain I have experinced and the trials I go through on a daily basis, I thank God for my child and the joy he is in my life...I have two other children by a single man and have went through as much or more with him.....As far as explaining to him(my son), i will tell the truth and u best believe after all the love and support he will have growing up, I doubt he will care who F****** who to allow him to be here..Excuse all the language everyone else I am just tired of hearing all the trifling mouths when they don;t realize it is already done, we are pregnant or have the babies and there is no way to turn back time, but there is a way to stop, help someone and keep someone from making the same mistake...Because as funny as you think it may seem, he had/has feelings for me and i the same....To trying to move on: I am so glad to hear from you, I will write more later but this was just to let other hateful people know..WE DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK! ↑
It is plain as day you do not care what people think look at you. If you cared you would not have done what you did. But you said it yourself MISTAKES!!!! Does it make you feel good knowing your poor child came from a mistake. Woman I do believe you need help form somewhere beside here. And by the way you are posting on the NET you better believe there are ALOT of people out there who do not care what YOU think and will say how they feel in a minute. Too BAD sweetheart ↑
Looks like yet another bitter woman lashing is lashing out at stangers because her husband couldn't keep it in his pants. Why don't you take some time out from bad mouthing others and try to straighten out the issues you SO obviously have! ↑
To the bitter one: TO correct you my son was not born from a mistake, but I made a mistke in sleeping with his father and got pregnant..since I found out that I was pregnant at 4 weeks I had the option to get rid of the child if I wanted and I chose to have him, so therfore it was not a mistake that he was born...thank you...So if you would stop worrying about how others live their lives or trying to bash them, then maybe you can get a good nights sleep and stop caring how/when/where/ my son was conceived or born.... ↑
Believe me I do not worry about any of these women who post on this page. Looks like someone is mad that they are reading something that is true. Right? That is what I thought. As to the poster before understanding...I am not bitter at all I know my hus. loves ME!!! All you women are is a peice of ass and it is a shame that you can not have anything else with the so called fathers of these babies. I sure hope they have a dna done. this kids could ne anyones..hell if you will sleep with a MARRIED mad you will sleep with anyone.. you get what you deserve!!! NOT SHIT :) Later ↑
Hey, I really like you... You are so noble and you have every right to label and condemn people you don't even know... Bravo. I am sure for such a perfect woman with perfect morality you must have already got everything you deserve. Let's just pray that the husband you BELIEVE that loves only you will always love you, for you have such perfect moral superiority that you won't hesitate to curse strangers. By the way, there are bad news you may not even bother to note: a) Those husbands who mess with other women are more likely than not to have wives who strongly believe that their husbands only loved them. b) It happens that many women condemned by folks like you have somehow been proved to deserve beautiful babies... Even worse, through the hard time they deserved to have with these married men, many of these condemned other women actually became more mature, more independent, more confident, and even happier in their lives... What an unfair world to righteous people like you! I sincerely hope your husband won't contribute to the growth of any other women, for I happen to strongly believe a husband should only stay with the wife (no matter how boring or unbearable the wife could be), instead of seeking excitement or comfort outside the marriage. ↑
Boring and unbearable? LOL!! :) It is funny if the wives are so boring an inbearable why do the husbands stay? Please answer that..why do the husbands not go be with the woman that is carring his child? Can someone please answer that? Man that is something I would really like to know. Please woman all you were was a piece of ass and trying to make yourself feel better wbout the crap you are in. LOL!! ↑
