it is so easy for the women to try and judge the women who have had babies/been pregnant/ or had an affair with a married man. My baby is 6 months and the best thing that could of happened to me. He was born into a bad situation and we both love him. i never thought that this would of been me but like one post said, we all make mistakes and for those of you who are trying to put us down, get over yourself because i know you are not perfect. One thing i can telll the women in in the same situation I have been in is to just stay strong, we too have morals and values, and just have gotten into bad sitautions..Remember Even Out of Mess God Will Bless... ↑
my question is for the post from "understanding"...you say your baby is 6 mos old and the best thing that ever happened to you...do you have any other children?? That is what I am beginning to fear so much, I have other children and cannot imagine how I am going to approach this with them. They will want to know why the baby has a different last name, I don't even know what the baby's last name will be. I haven't yet told the father, and I don't know if I want him to know at this point. ↑
hey, "me too", yes i have two other children they are 8 and 6, my 8 yr old has questioned the last name but she also knows that he has a different dadddy and that is why. I was also very worrried about what I wa going to tell them but in the end when they get older I am just going to tell the truth and let them know that we all make mistakes. When I say the best thing that ever happened, I mean b/c I was going to abort and I am so glad I didn't he has gave me and my children new joy and no matter what the circumstances, he is a part of me. It is going to be hard explaining things when they get older but when they make mistakes they will be met by me with a lot of understanding b/c I have made them too. ↑
Dear understanding, your story or at least your perspective sounds so much like what I am feeling in my heart!! My daughters are 5 & 8, so to hear you found peace while still having other children helps me so much!! Of course the one person who I broke down and told yesterday asked what my plans were, terminating just does not work for me. I know deep in my soul, as hard as having this baby may be it would be worse personally to deal with the guilt. I don't condemn those who do please don't get me wrong....I just know that there is no reason for a woman like me to terminate. Children are my passion and always have been.
I have more questions for you "understanding" and I hope you don't mind sharing, please tell me if you don't!! But are you still seeing the father? Does your 8 year old see him? My 8 year old is the one I worry about the most, she is her Daddy's angel and she will be dying to know why her Dad is not the father. Maybe I am being to over-protective as the world is full of special circumstances I don't know. But any wisdom and words you are willing to share I greatly welcome!!
Thank you so much!! ↑
Dear "me too", Don't get me wrong, having the baby was one of the hardest things I have done b/c of the situation and then I also had to deal with the lectures/anger/ and other problems from my first two childrens father even though we have not been together for over 4 yrs. The adjust from having older kids to a baby was hard and then since he the father is married I cam home from the hospital basically alone. Taking care of three is a lot harder then two b/c the are two different generations of children, the older has different needs then the baby, but as you see i made it through and every day it gets easier. My eight yr old, a girl does see the baby';s father come around and she also is a daddy's girl, but since she sees that her father still comes over and the baby's father she knows that she is loved and having different fathers does not mean that she will be treated any differently. The baby's father comes over everyday, but we have so many problems it is unreal, he has the "nerve" to tell me he does not want his "son" around other men and now that his wife knows, there is so much.
y daughter always talks about the last name being different but she says," even though we have different last names we have the same momma". You can never be too over-protective b/c at first i was ashamed and did not want to explain that I was having a baby and n ot married, but children know a lot more then we think they do, If you have the baby and the father truly want sto be apart of his/her life, then you need to consider that even though you are worried about him being around the other children this child has a right as well to know its father. Children don't ask to be here, and unless you don't think he is trustworthy enough to be around your children then I would understand. I would like to talk to you outside of this posting b/c we could probably help each other..I will write back later ↑
Dearest Understanding, I am glad you would like to continue contact outside of here,I too think it will help us. The father (I only just found out, and am only 6 weeks) still does not know, and he is out of town. I struggle daily with this situatuion, but today hearing his voice just hit me. There is so much more to my story, and there is so much shame. Again I am not proud, but here I am so I must deal!! My children know him, and so I do not fear him around them. Just a very akward situation all the way around. Again I am not sure how/when/if I will share this information til it is obvious I am pregnant. I guess I should stop and save more for later, look forward to chatting more. And Thank you for your support, I think that once I get a better grasp on things I will be a better support for you as well. Not just me inquiring ;-) ↑
I am happy to talk with you, I know that i can be more of a help to you now b/c I have already been through what u are going through. Don't worry about me b/c all I need is someone to vent to every once in a while b/c I am still seeing the father and can't seem to get out of the situation. Don't be ashamed b/c things happen just understand that Jesus died for our sins and no one is perfect, NO ONE.. if u really want this baby then u need to concentrate right now on not stressing b/c stress can lead to a miscarriage..I am trying to figure out a way to get u my own personal email address so people who do not need it will not get it..thisis funny to me b/c i usually never respond to these and now i am writing several times a day...talk to u sooon ↑
understanding , do you use any messengers? we can each sign on and then exchange addresses there?? i had absolutely no intention of posting anything on here just found this by accident and something about your post just hit home for me. i look forward to reading your posts too..talk soon jen ↑
Hey "me too", I set up a an email account so that u can email me and after i get ur message I will give u my personal one, so email me at understanding2005@sbcglobal.net and i will contact u back..bye ↑
I have a question for the Christian:
There are sins that are committed because of life circumstances. such as, some people steal because their children are starving. Is that forgivable by God?
In the case of Marriage being honored by all, what if a totally nieve and gullable woman were tricked into adultry with a married man. Is that exempt from God's judgement? What if I woman were molested as a child by her own father or uncle, wouldn't that distort her perception of marriage and wouldn't that be forgivable by God?
I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons for doing things that are understandable and forgivable.
I think there is a reason why the bible says those who are without sin can cast the first stone. I don't know why christians are always the ones who judge and crucify everyone. Why is that? ↑
I think like it says God will judge, we are no one to judge. We don't know circumstances, but marriage should be a sacred thing especially for those who "know" what they are doing is wrong. No one is free from sin, but try to live your life as decent as possible, God will judge at the end not men...there are far worse things than adltery but a sin is a sin. God is love and forgiving so look for him for strenght. ↑
To the Hebrew 13 v. 4...this is a posting for support not judging so i suggest u find an alternate place to read...oh and let me guess..u probably never made a mistake and u were probably a "real" virgin when u married, never cursed, never lied, etc...so if u have not did one thing in ur life that is considered a sin then you must be JESUS all over again...get a life and stop judging people.a as far as "sarah" said that is true we should all try to live life as decent as possible and even then we are all going to make mistakes.. ↑
well i hsve something to say, i'm in the same boat i'm thw wife and my husband had an affair and now the bitch is pregnant,yes i totally blame my husband he the one married but also the the mistress new he was married and got pregnant, i felt like she should of got an abortion because the child shouldn't be here and i have no pitty for no one her,baby but i love my husband and she'll never have him so she's having the baby out of spite but that's on her she have to live with that i'm sorry but your wrong DEAD WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑
hey boogie...no woman would have a baby out of spite! A child is not a tool, and your husband took the chance just as she did. Her life is not going to be easy, it sounds like you are going to punish this poor child for your husbands poor judgement. That is not fair to the child, children do not choose their life or family situations. They are innocent and should never be punished for what two consenting grown people have done. I can understand your resentment and anger, but just as the woman took the chance so did your husband but the baby did not. So I hope for the childs sake you are able to properly place your anger and hate elsewhere!! This site is for women what want to talk, not for condemning and judging. Telling you are upset and hurt is okay, but I do not think you are right to come on here and judge without knowing any of the situations. And I am sorry, but I just can't feel or pity a woman who can actually be so bitter towards a child. I know you do not realize what you are doing, but blaming your husband and his mistress is the only place the disgust and shock you are feeling..not the innocent life they have created. And if you make this Hell for her, I am sure she will survive but your husband will be responsible for financial help. And if you are lucky you won't lose your husband out of such hate. ↑
To Me Too: You have got to be crazy or REALLY naive if you think a woman would not get pregnant or have a baby out of spite because they will. I'm not saying that this woman did that but I know of women who have done it. Or they got pregnant to trap a man. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Yes dear, there are some women who are manipulative and will try and get pregnant out of spite or to keep a man... ↑
If you are sure women do this , such as having baby out of spite you must also realize that her life is not going to be easy. Having a child is never simple, and no matter what the man is also responsible. If he took the chance of her getting pregnant he also knew what he was doing. My main concern is always the child, nothing is ever their fault. And I just hope that all around the child remember that and love the child as itself not just a product of a disliked situation. I am not here to argue a point please understand, just trying to perhaps stick up for the unborn child. Opinions can be helpful, but condemning just is not fair. ↑
I also feel for the child and would never condone punishing an innocent child for the irresponsible behavior of two consenting adults. My only point is that there are women out ther who indeed get pregnant out of spite. The saddest thing is even though it is the responsibilty of the man and the woman a lot of times the woman still ends up alone and gets stuck with all of the responsibilites and the man just walks away. Either way, its not the child's fault and that is an awful situation to bring a child into... ↑
Oh and you're right condeming is not fair and not our place to do. But if you knowingly do this for your own selfish reasons you will reap what you sow... ↑
Well to "boogie"..ur husbabnd had an affair, girl pregnant, u are so sure she is a bitch..WHAT ABOUT YOUR SO CALLED MAN HONEY.. u sound like a fool fighting for him b/c he CHEATED ON U... so figure out why he is stepping out, u do not even know what he told that woman.. and be sure to remember the baby did not want to be here so make sure u don't mistreat it...and if women like u would make ur husbands responsible instead of acting like he was wronged then we would not have so many of these situations... ↑
Yes the married men tell these outrages lies and when you find out the true facts you are already caught up or crossed the line with these men. For them to go to these extremes their is something missing at home. A lot of the women don't know your men are married. Put your anger in the proper place. ↑
Well, I agree that the man should be accountable also because it takes two to tango. And a lot of the men do lie to the other woman. But it is not necessarily true that something is missing at home. To be honest, some men are just dogs and if there was really something missing they would just leave their wives. Lets make excuses for the men because chances are if he cheats on his wife, the on he made vows to, he will cheat on you too. Anyone he is married can tell you that it won't always be perfect but the bottom line is you both made a commitment and in a commitment you choose to stay committed. You don't run out and have an affair when things get bumpy. That's what marriage is. So don't say something is missing at home cause that is not always true. The problem sometimes is lack of commitment and others times is he wants to have his cake and eat it too. The other woman has to stop thinking that you can save him and make him happy the majority of the time it doesn't work like that because if he cheats on his wife he will cheat on you too... ↑
Okay I will reword it something is missing and yes I do agree some men are just dogs and no marriage or relationship is perfect but something has changed missing but something is going on but when it comes down to it a marriage is a commitment and should not be broken regardless of what the problem is or if something is lacking. ↑
tell me why married men cheat with single women and the women are blamed?? It seems funny b/c he took vows not here she is free to do as she pleases but dog men, confused men, lonely men ,and selfish men see another women and think damn, wish i were not married...then one day they decide to say F*** my wife, i want a new woman, and then he usually pulls into a web of deceit some unsuspecting single woman...and then all the bull starts....to all the wives, if he did it to u once, leave, b/c most likely he wil do it again..... ↑
Men may cheat when their wives think everything is fine at home. He may want his cake and eat it too, he may know there are certain things his wife won't do or deal with and seek another. Or another may just end up being a part of his life one way or another. The issues at home may be his own, and he is not man enough to sit down with his wife and openly talk to her and let her know how he feels. We all change in our lives and in our marriages, but if we never ever allow our spouses into our hearts and thoughts then we are truly hurting ourselves as well as the one we love. So to blame the woman from the "affair" is not always right. If he lies and says he is not married he is wrong, if he says he is married but still has needs and tries to convince himself that what he is doing won't hurt his wife as long as she never finds out, of course he is still wrong. But just like the woman he is asking and consenting. The woman is not to blame, they both are. He took his own chance at jeapordizing his marriage and he must be held accountable. Should the woman become pregnant (and I understand some believe there are women who do it on purpose, and they are the stereotype) it must be understood he took the exact same risk as she did. Maybe he fell into the trap of "it won't happen to me" or if it does he feels he can give her money and she will just deal. Many times the man does this and he still gets to be intimate with the woman, but again that is not all women.
I was on the pill, and in the extremely small percentage that become pregant on the pill and now I must deal with the circumstance. I do not say consequence cause that means I will resent this child. I could also terminate this pregnancy, but that is selfish and only saving his ass. I will do what I must, and I have given him the option of being part of it or not. This is my choice and my life, and I am sure I will get many different views on this. All I can say is this is what happened, obviously happens and I am being responsible enough to handle the situation I have found myself in the way I personally feel for my life. Oddly enough I am not bitter, and have absolutely no intention of telling his wife. That would mean I am punishing him and demanding he accept the decision I have made, and that he said only I can make. We all have our choices, and I made mine based on the reality I have a child growing inside of me and it will and can be loved as it deserves!! ↑
Ok, but doesn't your baby also DESERVE to grow with his father by his side, to have a real family? What done is done, but for other women in the same boat, men and think it's all fun and games...The children always suffer at the end, I just hope your children have a good support system to get through the confusion and questions of Why does my daddy have another family?? ↑
Amen,me too!
You know what the funny thing is?
No on can judge you but God.
And the good thing is is that God is a forgiving God.
Remember all sins are weighed the same. (except blasphemy and suicide)
I am in the same situation but I chose to give my life to God and face the mistakes made like a real child of God.
There is no point in committing another sin by having an abortion.
I no longer deal with the childs father although he would have rathered us still mess around.
He already said he wants nothing to do with the child because he already has a family.
I wish I would have known all of this before.
But all I can do now is accept it.
I have no desire of even contacting the wife because I am not trying to hurt her but I am praying to God that He will bless her with a better man than the one she is with.
I thank God for this opportunity to give life and will not take it for granted. I thank God that he has forgiven me for my sins.
And I thank God for all of the mothers on this forum who are trying to be strong and start a new life with their child.
I will pray for us and the children because God loves us enough. Forget the rest. They were put on this forum to make us strong.
We will be alright.
Stay strong and be blessed. ↑
you are a sinner that has to pay the price for your sins... You let your naive emotions out think your logic to thinking that this man really loved you now you have to take care of the baby alone and you still don't get the man- was it really woth it silly goose? ↑
YOU HAVE BEEN DATING A MARRIED MAN FOR 2 YEARS AND FELL IN HIS TRAP! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT 2 YEARS AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO INVESTIGATE HIS HOME OR FAMILY HISTORY- COME ON NOW - YOU CAN'T BE THAT WIPPED? SISTER WHERE DOES SELF WORTH AND JESUS FIT IN - YOU SHOUL HAVE KNOW HE WASN'T A REAL MAN OF GOD IF HE DIDN'T HAVE THE DECENCY TO BRING HOME TO MEET HIS MA-MA
STUPID MOVES - ONLY BRING STUPID RESULTS! LEAVE HIM ALONE GET THE CHILD SUPPORT MONEY AND LEAVE TOWN AND GET SAVED! THEN MAKE BETTER CHOICES IN MEN! OH AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD YOU HELP CREATE!! think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑
Here is what I just don't understand?? There are women on here who have found themselves in situations that they find difficult for their lives. But then there are those of you who just type hurtful, negative, and condemning messages. What do you really gain from tossing stones yet not having any solutions to back your anger?? Every woman on here who is using this as a pregnancy info site as it is just that, has kind words and is encouraging to the others. We all have our own opinions sure, but to just come on here say horrid things and nothing in a positive note just makes me feel sad for you as you must be in a position of your own and need to seek guidance elsewhere. Because your words on here obviously are not helpful, and I am sure if you feel better afterwards it is only a brief release. ↑
