I happened to come across this forum by a google search. I notice that there hasn't been any recent posts lately, but I am still hoping that someone on here can give me some advice without being too critical. My situation is similar, yet different. I am the 'other woman.' The man I have been seeing is in fact married. And sadly, I've known that from the very beginning. We met through work, although we do not actually work
together. And we were associates for a while, both in relationships, (my relationship has long been over, but I wasn't married.) As time went by, we became close, and after spending long periods of time together, we became intimate and eventually fell in love. I have no doubt this man loves me. And I love him as well. He has a 10 yr old daughter by his wife, which is why he has never divorced. (And yes, I know this to be true.) His work sends him away for weeks and months at a time, which is when we are together. Which is far more time spent with me than the few days a month he spends at home. He has told his wife about our affair.....and for a while she continued to call me. I never
answered her calls or called her back. Eventually I changed my number so
I wouldn't continue to receive unwanted msgs from her. She's determined to work things out with him...which is her perogative. Altho he continues to be with me. But now, things between us have taken a drastric turn. 2 weeks ago I discovered that I was pregnant. I'm 28,
never been married, and never really wanted to. I do not want to keep this child. He, however, is adamant that I do. I have been selfish continuing this relationship with him, knowing that his wife is desperate to hold onto him. (They have been married for 10 years, when
she became pregnant at 20.) However, I fear now, that if we were to have this child, ultimately, it would be his daughter who is hurt the most. I know his wife's beliefs well enough to realize that she will think of this baby as an abomination. She has held his daughter over his head so many times because of this affair, that I'm certain if this child was carried to term, his daughter would instantly and always despise it. She would be taught to see me and our baby as the cause of
everything that went wrong. And as a result, both children (his daughter and ours together) would suffer. And my greatest fear is that she will forever resent her father....which is exactly what I do not want. I am not a hurtful or vengeful person. I adore the close bond she has with her father. I would never do anything to come in between that. His wife is full aware that they have only stayed married because of their
daughter....nothing more. And I've known this long before he and I ever got together. But that's really irrelevant. What is important right now is me being pregnant. I'm not ready to change my lifestyle at this point in my life, and I certainly do not feel comfortable bringing an innocent life into an unstable enviroment. I commend women who are strong enough to do so, kudos to them. I, however, am not. I don't want to destroy his relationship with his daughter. And I've expressed this to him. And yet he is still committed to me having this baby. I've prayed for a miscarriage. I've even considered going in for the procedure and just telling him I lost the baby. But I can't bring myself to be deceptive about this situation. This is just as much his child as it is mine. So I want him to face reality and come to terms with what I feel is best in our particular situation. I need and want his support in this decision.
Any advice is welcome. Even if its bitter. I'm a big girl. I can handle it.
(AND AS A FOOT NOTE..... to all of the 'wives' on here who say the 'other'
woman should abort their children.... here's some food for thought....
when a woman becomes pregnant, whether it be by HER husband or YOURS,
that child is just as much a part of her as it is a part of him. No woman should ever abort because of who she's pregnant by or because someone wishes for her to. If I was ready to become a mother, whether he
was happy about it or not.....I WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE MY BABY BECAUSE IT IS JUST AS MUCH A PART OF ME as it is the father...not because I was
being vengeful or spiteful.) ↑
Nicholle
you sound like me - your intention your relationship - so many things you said - when i was in this position - i seeked advise and answers on this forum - bad idea - very bad - anyway - i have a 10 month old by a married man that ive been with for 7 years (not anymore) dated him for two under the impression he was divorced - when i got pregnant - he cried to me everyday and begged for me not to go through with the abortion - i wne for one 4 times - out of my control for many odd reasons - never happened - had a VERY bad pregnancy - madly in love with my boy - but it is the LONLIEST feeling i have ever had - coming to these forums to help you make the BIGGEST decision of your life is not the way to do it - right off the bat - you do not sound like you are ready to COMMIT your life to a child - i am 30 and i was far from it - wanted to give the baby for adoption because of the guilt - i felt he would be better off with a couple than being a product of an affair or a love child - i love him to death but it is VERY HARD being a single parent AND having a married man as the babys father - a lot of humiliation for myself and my family and who knows what my boy is going to feel if he hasnt left her yet - chances are hes not - same for her - im sure that he loves you - prob married out of habit or for his daughter or whatever - same thing with my ex - married young cause she got pregnant - what makes her kids more important than mine - i would love to talk to you - hopefully help you out as much as i could - please think hard about this - was a very horrible time for me back and fourth etc. and im still suffering - my baby is the most amazing thing ever - but the experience is SO lonely - think of how lnely it feels to have a marrried guy as a boyfriend - imagine having a baby from a married man ↑
Dear Nicholle,
Reading your post took me back to when I found this site approx. 18 months ago. My daughter is now 10 months old and such an angel. I used this site for venting and so much more, and took in each and every post the good and yup there were some horrid replies!! I like you was nervous about telling the father, and since everything has come about I found out so many facts. I was on the pill, but he chose to not tell me he had been previously tested and had what was supposedly labeled "super sperm", my reason for sharing this is that he has told me several times that knowing this he was hoping the pill would not work and that I would become pregnant with his child. That of course has no bearing on anything at this point, and he and I are in such different places now than we were then. But what I will offer you is the option to discuss anything with you, such as the rollercoaster I have been on for 18 months since learning of my pregnancy as well since the birth of my beautiful daughter 10 months ago. I get a strong feeling of conflict from your post, as you state that you believe a child has a right to be born no matter what the situation yet you think you may want to terminate the pregnancy for anothers benefit. The father of my baby actually did ask me to abort, but has since apologized and says he knew I never would. The wife also prayed I miscarry, told him he would not be part of my daughter's life and insisted my child be put up for adoption. Abortion just was not an option for my personal self, and I even discussed with the father that should I even consider it I would be doing it for him and his wife which had no bearing or reality of the unborn child I was carrying. I knew and know that I was playing with fire just as I personally knew I was going to carry to term. I foolishly trusted the pill, but on the other hand I love my daughter endlessly and do not in any way wish her not here. The very best advice I personally can offer you is to continue to use this site or any forum you find helpful as you struggle with this pregnancy and the choice you are facing. How far along are you? Here to share and listen if you life, sincerely..."me too" ↑
to dahliasamuel & me too....I cant begin to imagine what it would be like to go through with this pregnancy....ultimately I realize that it is my decision, it is my body, my life and just as much my baby as it is his. But yet at the same time, I don't want to go against his beliefs, I want him to see things my way. Maybe that's selfish of me...maybe not..I guess it's a matter of opinion. Thing is, I'm not lonely in this relationship. I am with him for weeks at a time. I go to sleep with him every night and wake up beside him every morning. Maybe 5 to 7 days out of each month, he is at home. And I welcome those moments. I see it as "me" time. I get to go home as well and spend time with my friends and do my little things I love to do. Maybe in the beginning I might've felt lonely...and I expressed my doubts and feelings to him, shortly thereafter he came clean to his wife about us. She didn't figure things out. He told her. He has asked for a divorce and they are currently going through counseling. Not marriage counseling, but family counseling so that his wife and his daughter can learn to accept things as they are and get the neccessary help to move forward. She knows he doesn't want to be married, but he does care for her and he loves his daughter dearly and he wants to make the transition as smooth as possible. He hasn't been happy for a long time, but stayed married out of obligation. He had one affair (other than me) 6 years ago, and he was the one who came clean about that one as well. She chose to stay with him....or more like, either he stayed with her, or he wouldn't see his daughter....personally, that's my take on the situation.(and before any of you say that I'm 'sitting in the dark' being naive....just know that I know this to be the truth...not only from him....but from the msgs she used to leave on my voicemail.) He has even said to me on countless occasions, that whether or not he and I stay together or not.....that he is finally at peace with who he is and what he wants in life.
All of my friends know that he is married and know his situation.... they adore him and usually take his side on 'everything.' including this pregnancy. Which is why I've reached out for advice from complete strangers. My finances are of no issue, so this is not a choice based on monetary stress. I love my life as it is. I don't feel as if I'm missing anything, and I'm not ready for things to get flipped upside down. Becoming pregnant was a complete suprise... and not a good one. He was originally excited, which angered me intensely....we've had a few heated discussions on the matter, and he still won't budge...I feel as if he holds resentment towards me for suggesting termination. And then he gets quiet and pushes the subject out of mind. This is so stressful. Luckily, he went home 2 days ago, and he won't return until tomorrow, so I've had the last couple of days to just take a breather and reflect. But when I see him tomorrow, he will pretend that all is fine until I bring it up again....Which I will continue to do until he sees things from the true perspective. I knew from the beginning he was pro-life. I am pro-choice. So precautions were taken. To no avail. Now I've gotten myself in a world of mess. I don't want to hurt him or our relationship. I am content with where things are. I guess I should consider myself one of the lucky ones. ↑
Dearest Nicholle,
I tell you that each time I read your words I can so vividly remember my own turmoil of when I learned I was pregnant and the struggles of the months ahead of me at that time. I spent more time with the father of my baby than did his spouse as well, and he told me countless times that he knew I came into his life for a reason and never would he regret anything. That is why he told me he is glad that I was having his child, that way he knew i would forever be in his life. Raising our child is a whole other story, we are not together nor will we ever be. And because of that there are so many conflicts that occur daily in regards to our communication as parents. I have 2 other daughters now age 7 & 10, and he has a now 3 year old daughter. I worried so much about how my own children would come to terms with this new baby, but to my surprise they embraced their new sister and we have had many discussions on why she has a different father etc. There are so many others who do and will judge our choices and decisions, but the bottom line is we must do what works for our own life and live with our own choices. The father of my baby is such a wonderful loving father; I have seen this with his other daughter. But unfortunately he is not there yet with our daughter, he is unable yet to be a strong man and be a strong source of love for our child. Instead he chooses to hide behind others and continually make excuses that are in his own mind taking any blame or responsibility off of him for any of his actions. We battle constantly over such trivial things, but the basis of our differences come down to one simple thing….I am raising our daughter and only have her best interests in mind every single minute, he on the other hand is so afraid to be what is necessary that he is allowing others and other factors to pull at him which cause him to make selfish and unrealistic choices and demands for our child. He is basically allowing our daughter to be punished and suffer because of what he feels and felt for me, but is angry that I no longer feel such for him and have lost all respect for him as a man. Yet I continue to go out of my way to encourage the bond between him and our daughter, the way I see it is the relationship he will have with her can only be determined by him and his own actions. I will not be the woman who got in the way or prevented her from getting to know him at all, what my daughter feels or will feel for him will be a result of their own relationship. I do not speak ill of him in front of my older daughters and will not do so in front of the daughter he and I share as she is older. Have you been to the dr. yet? Have you been able to discuss your options and/or choices with anyone you trust to help you as you struggle? I myself was 24 when I had my first daughter and I thought I was so not ready, but then maternal instincts kicked in and I found myself hopelessly in love with her. I encourage you to explore these feelings, fears, and options you are facing any way you can and as often as you can right now. Whether you choose to carry to term or terminate there is such a long road ahead for you. Ask me anything or feel free to vent as you need, just know that I will continue to read your posts and be of any help I can. Sincerely, Me too ↑
me too.... you're amazing. Too bad I don't have any friends like you. My friends are amazing, don't get me wrong.....they just have never found themselves in my situation. They believe they understand as well as anyone since they know both me and "the guy" so well.....half of my friends think its too soon and are sided on me with termination and the other half are siding with him. Family isn't anyone I can turn to, they all live in germany and do not speak english. My father who moved over here 34 years ago, passed away 5 years ago. I'm the only member of my family to be born a U.S. citizen. So since his passing, my friends have become the only family I have.
I know as a single woman, that it doesn't matter who you're dating or in love with, married or not, that nothing is forever. Personally, after getting to know so many married men in my life (platonicly of course, except for this one I'm with now) that I have yet to meet a man that was truly 100% happy in their marriage. I don't ever want to become one of the statistics. So my childhood fantasy of a big beautiful wedding disipitated years ago. Being single is a way of life that I have chosen for myself. And I'm happy with my choice. If things between me and "the guy" don't work out...well he wasn't the first man I was in love with, so he won't be the last. I've broken hearts and had mine broken as well. You just scramble to pick up the pieces and move forward onto bigger and brighter things. I will be seeing him tonight. He should arrive early evening. I am willing to hear his perspective for the first time since the 'news'. Although, in the end it is ultimately my choice, and my choice alone. I went to the dr already, within a week after my missed period. I have been pregnant before, with 2 m/c.(not by this guy) I am considered high risk (altho my threat goes down in about 1 1/2 wks)because from the ultrasound the drs say the baby is low on my placenta as tho it has attatched and reattatched. I guess secretly, I am hoping it just goes away on it's own, so I personally won't have to deal with it. And then there's my friends who have put the thought into my head that.....if a miscarriage doesnt happen, its for a reason, that it's meant for me to have this child...which is exactly how "the guy" feels. I'm just so torn. Torn over the 'right thing' for me, and torn between the 'right thing' for everyone else, and torn between even knowing what the 'right thing' is anymore. For me, having a strong father figure is important. My father was the one who raised me, while my mother decided she wasn't ready and went back home to germany. (she hated the U.S. and my father refused to leave) So I never really knew her. Personally, I turned out just fine with only 1 parent. My dad never remarried. He dove into his career and spent time with me. We were very close. And I wouldn't change it for the world. God I'm confused. I just keep on rambling. ↑
Dearest Nicholle,
My pregnancy with my baby was a very difficult one to speak of. Of course emotionally as well as physically, there is not a medical explanation the dr could specify except for the fact that for some reason my body was rejecting the baby. I spent countless days at the hospital, on bed rest, having tests run, etc. Pregnancy for me is never a "joy" but this one in particular was a huge challenge for the entire time. I myself often wondered if I would miscarry and that it would be what was meant to be as I truly felt I was literally fighting with all I had to bring my baby into the world. The father and I had an extremely strained communication during my pregnancy, so my mind often went to the place that perhaps I was going to miscarry so he could be done with me and not have to deal with his actions. But of course as you know I carried my baby and delivered her, she was almost a month early and weighed only 5lbs 9oz which is very small for me...my other children were much bigger. But on the other hand her sister from her father had the same birth weight. See I too ramble...hehe. Anyhow, rambling is okay I believe as it is often through our own thoughts and words that we are able to realize some of our feelings and continue to explore. I too had some really good friends by my side during my pregnancy and once they learned of my decision to not terminate they did the best they could to just be of support. Listening to the father is very important and you should be proud of yourself for ultimately reaching the decision to hear him out entirely tonight as you have struggled and searched the past few days for some clarity in this matter. I will tell you this is not going to be easy for a while to come, as I have told you my own baby is now 10 months and I still am on a rollercoaster ride. One thing I do know for sure though is that I did listen to others, searched deep into my own soul and truly made the choice for my own life that I knew was the right one. You must do this for yourself at this time, I am sure you are aware terminating is not an "easy out" as it will be with you always but this is truly your life and you must consider each and every option and give them all 100% of your thought, and consideration. The father and I have been to court, had the paternity test done (as we are not married it was necessary for legal precedings) , have a mediator, and are even in court ordered therapy. Each and every time I have to let my daughter go and spend her two three hour visits he gets weekly with her it breaks my heart. As I mentioned before he does not have her best interests in mind most of the time as he is still in a very selfish place, but I would not change a thing in my life in regards to the fact that my daughter is here and I love her dearly. I made a choice for my life and my family that I knew was right. I really hope you can work towards reaching that decision for your self and work towards accepting whatever choice you make. I do with you luck tonite as you speak to the father and will be here to listen to your rambling after your days with him are over!! The father and I spent some time away when I learned of my pregnancy and it was very tense I do remember as much, but it gave me an idea of how he was going to be in the future. I wanted to believe his words vs. his actions, but as I suspected his words were just that “words”. In time I know he will learn to love our daughter for who she is and not who her mother is and what her mother represents to him and his life. I cannot be with him nor can I be anything in his life other than the mother of our daughter and hopefully sooner rather than later he accepts this and it will only help his relationship with our daughter. I did not know my father growing up, and was in the middle of my mother’s divorces and break-ups so that is why I have chose to just be a strong loving mother to my daughter, not interfere with her relationship with her father but most definitely continue to look out for her best interests in regards to her father and his selfish demands. Okay my dear, I will close now and again I hope you are able to find some peace in the days ahead as you deal with the father and your pregnancy. I look forward to your next post…….sincerely..me too!! P.s. what state do you live in? ↑
Sorry I haven't had a moment to log on lately. I never had the opportunity to have the 'talk' with him. We got called into work all the way to louisiana and things have been hectic. I live in cincinnati, ohio. So working so far away this time has kept me more than busy. The bright side is, I haven't had much time to contemplate my situation. Altho just yesterday, I began spotting a bit, and he asked me if I was relieved, and I responded with, yes, if it was to happen, I would be. The choice would be out of our hands. And then he turned away from me and clammed up. It was at least an hour before he even looked in my direction. Altho the spotting stopped almost immediately, I didn't tell him. I figure, if he begins to deal with the issues that this pregnancy might not go to term, and he can accept it, then maybe he will see that this just isn't the time for this to happen. I want to thank you so much for time and compassion. You've truly been a breath of fresh air and perspective. Just knowing that you have been through what I'm experiencing so so very comforting. Thank you, me too. And I look forward to hearing from you again. ↑
Nicholle,
Anytime you want to vent at all, I am here to listen. Spotting can be normal, but it can also be a sign of trouble if it continues. If it does continue be sure to call the dr. as it may end up being bad for you, not just the baby. Keep your head up, try to stay positive and you are right whatever is meant to be will be. I truly believe God only gives us what we can handle, I know it may sound corny but it is true. Keep in touch my dear, Me too. ↑
Ask yourself ?Why you chose to allow this man to use you for sex.? Why did you allow yourself to be in second place? How can you DATE a married man? You are not responsible for his family's reaction to his cheating behavior...if this man decided to actually be a dad to your child then you will have to deal with his family for the next 18 years. Think long and hard about that reality...18 years not to mention your child will bare the burdern of all the bad decisions. Also, start thinking...really thinking about your child' feeling not this married man you slepy with for 2 years. What type of quality of life do you want for your child????????? ↑
i get what is being said about having to deal with the "married man"/ "father" throughout the child’s life. it is not easy, there is no doubt about that. I just had a court ordered therapy session with the "father" today where we fought for 30 minutes then after the appt. had an hour discussion that went much better. I do not enjoy the bickering and the games, but the fact is choices were made 1)an affair did happen 2)my baby was carried to term and is now in existence and looking back and saying I "should of" done things different has no bearing on her future or us as her parents. My daughter is beautiful, wonderful, and amazing...sure I wish her circumstances were different and I struggle daily with having to share her with her father as well as be forced to continue communicating with him for the rest of her life, but again choices were made and the only other choice I can consciously make is to be a good mother to her, never bad mouth her father and allow him to be a father to her and her life will undoubtedly be a good one and she will learn that no matter what the circumstances were that brought her to us we love her, adore her, and welcome her into our lives. there is no better gift to give a child that much i am positive of!! coming from a very dysfunctional family myself where there were no affairs, my daughter is already having a better childhood as there is no blame or bitterness displayed in her presence nor will there ever be. my point is simply that should a mother find she is pregnant and is not with the father, yes it will be difficult and trying but it does not have to "ruin" the childs life as so many are quick to assume will happen. A child who is loved, wanted, and cherished will thrive in the environment they are in and it is our job as parents and mature grown ups to learn from our mistakes/actions and raise our children in a positive and nurturing environment. So as a mother is struggling with terminating or carrying to term she must understand that no matter her choice there is no easy answer and it is our job to make the best of our situation and decision no matter what we choose ↑
Having an affair with a married man is wrong. I can understand to a point when a women doesn't know he's married, but when you do find out, it's your responsibilty to end it. I realize that you can't help who you fall in love wiht, but you can choose not to be around him enough to fall in love. Yes, the man is responsible too, but how many married men are on here talking about how upset they are that they got their mistress pregnant? Not very many, the woman is the one who has to deal with it. Stop sleeping with men you have no right to sleep with, and alot of these problems would be avoided. It's the same a getting pregnant as a teenager. You are essentially asking for hardship and you are sure as hell gonna get it. ↑
hey everyone just found out mon that im pregnant.been seeing this guy for the past year.hes told the wife sun that hes leaving,but i dont know what to do.im so afraid to have an abortion ↑
this message is to "me too". Does the wife of your baby's father have involvment in your childs life? I'm in the middle of a battle with the father of my child.. we are going to court at the end of the month.. he refuses to see his daughter b/c his wife wants to be involved in visitation. ↑
dear madison1118,
How old is your baby? Are you fighting for the wife to not be involved? If so why? I ask because I went thru a huge ugly drawn out battle regarding the wife and her actions and so forth towards me during visits. I know she has contempt for me and that is understandable, but we did court, mediation, and now court ordered therapy and I continued to insist that she stop the dirty looks, stop trying to push herself into a situation that is not hers to control. The father was trying to shove down my throat that they were going to be co-parenting therefore I had to deal with her. The reality is I do not have to deal with her, I don't have to address her, she is to respect and support the decisions the father and I make and that is the only role she is allowed. Sharing your child with another woman is tough, just as knowing she is going to have a role labeled "step mother" is extrememly difficult but if she is not going to harm your child in any way and does not pose a threat to your child then the courts will allow her to be present as long as the father is. If she displays inappropriate behavior such as disrespecting you, using the visitation to hurt you etc. then there will be limitations of course but you cannot prevent her from being around your child as she is married to the father. I went thru the father using visitation time to make a point to his wife that showed her he was doing what she asked. He was not allowed to speak to me without her around, he was not allowed to be around me without her present etc. What it all comes down to is that whatever is best for the child will prevail. I fought long and hard for this, and it is just a couple weeks short of a year that this has been going on. We actually go back to court next month as well as mediation next week, and the court ordered therapy the week after. So as you can see my battle continues, but at this point it is no longer about the wife and her disregard for what is best for the child, it is the father and I. I can and will share with you anything that can be of help, I was always told it would get easier and more often than not I felt that would never be true. But as time has gone by I have been able to focus on my daughter and continue to fight for her needs, but also accept she has a father who also has rights and I cannot control what he does just as he cannot control what I do. Have you gone to court regarding custody yet? I have physical custody and that is a big deal as that means the child is with me almost all the time and I am the one who knows what is best for her and what her needs are vs. her father who only sees her a few hours at a time and is very selfish regarding his family at home and what he will give to our daughter. I hope this helps, I hope to hear back from you and wish you luck as you struggle through this. It is a very tough time, and even though like I said it has been a year I remember all to well how it all felt and how far I have had to come to ensure my daughter is first and foremost not the issues her father and I have/had. ↑
i'm kind of in the same situation as you apart from the older bloke i'm seeing isn't married but has 3 children and a gf! you was right to go to his parents, you don't deserve to go threw it all alone, just be careful and make the right decision, best wishes sweetie take care xxx remember your baby is the important one now not the married man, it's his choice if he wants to be part of the babies like or what you can't make decisions for him,and thats what im going to do if the babies father wants to be part of their life then great, if not there isnt really anything i can do and your the same, anyways take care xxxx ↑
Ive been seing this guy for over a year. I thought he was my dream man and i guess not apparently!. He left for his home country for a month last year and said it was due to a close relative being ill and called me everyday. Everything was fine when he got back and he told me he loved me and all that ...bs.. My friend was surfing a site and found his wedding pics he married his gf of five years which i had NO idea about. I just found out im pregnant. He cant be around because his wife is moving here and well..hes married. He also lied about his age quite a bit and some other things. I have no family or friends here and live on my own. I feel so alone and lost right now i dont know what to do. I have been very for a long time and am having trouble with everything.I dont want to give this baby up or get rid of it but i dont know how ill get through the nights alone. I am just over the age limit to qualify for youth support...Please help :( I dont want to wreck anything for anyone. ↑
Dear Me Too:
i am so glad you have taken the time to write in this forum. Without giving out alot of sordid details, I also am pregnant by a married man. I thought I was the exception....in some ways I still entertain the idea I am. I am in my late30's and this pregnancy was completely unplanned. I have three children, 15, 12, and 7. My baby is due in late July. The bottom line is I love this man. He loves me also. It is like a sad cliche', except his wife is the stepmother of his children and apparantly, they love her deeply. I don't know what to do...for the 4 or so years we have been together I have allowed myself to think we would eventually be married. He has allowed me to live under this assumption. I am broken. I want him yet I know that we will not be together. What will change after 4 years? And then there is the baby. I am so sorry that she is going to be born into this situation. If we are no longer together, how do I tell her? He is not planning on divulging this piece of news to his family. Should I just break this off completely and never tell her the circumstances? I don't know if he would even hear of it. Speaking of rambling...I have so many questions and no answers. I hurt for myself and my children, born and unborn. Please don't judge me, I am able on my own to perform this. ↑
I don't know why you would blame yourself if he does anything to himself.He knew what he was doing when he was cheating on his wife with you for 2 years.And then he left you because you would not have an abortion you we're his play toy because he is bored at home,but had no intention to leave his wife.don't worry about this man think about yourself and your child he is a grown man he knew what he was doing. ↑
dear intoodeep, i don't know what happened with this site but i used to be notified via email everytime there was a post or reply and would then know when someone wrote me. until today i just figured the site had taken a dive or whatever, i see your post was dated march 15 and that your baby is now born. if you are still out there feel free to respond i don't mind at all. hope u r doing okay!! ↑
You knew you were messing with a married man so why did you have to take it to his wife when you got mad? I do not like women or men like you. If a woman was with my husband for two years knowing he was married and then came to my house to tell me because she was mad at him, I would beat her a-s! Go get in a hole!!!!! ↑
I believe that when you know that the guy is married why would you cut someone elses grass no matter what type of marriage they had, there is a difference between comforting him and opening your legs for him. I would putmyself in the wifes shoes, and their childrens shoes because to you it's all about 'poor little me' unfortunatley there are children involved, and i especially feel sorry for a unfaithful married mans children, knowing tat daddy didnt love mummy enough because he had another baby with another woman. Its actally quite sad, i feel for all women who get in this situation because not only are you hurting but so are others. its a shame how selfish people can be sorry but thats just my opinion baby juice ↑
That's a tough situation to deal with. But the only remedy is to file for child support, so that atleast you can be financially secure. Then go and get some couseling (which no one has recommended)!! I almost had a baby by a married man twice (and my story is completely different from most on here too). I think getting some "talk theraphy" doesn't hurt, because there is some what of a self-esteem issue that is lacking on women that choose these types of relationships. Sometimes your brain and emotions won't allow you to do the right thing. And you never know there could be something that has happened in your life that has allowed you to think it's okay to waste your time with someone that not only treats you less than the woman you are, but does it to the woman he had the nerve to make a "promise" to under God. ↑
I came across this discussion doing a google search. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who fell for a married man's lies. My daughter is 5 1/2 months old...and her Sperm Donor is still married. I've been with him for SEVEN years. I bought into his lies for seven years. I broke up with him countless times, but he always pulled me back in. He'd make me feel sorry for him--or he'd threaten suicide; said he couldn't live without me.
In August 2006, I moved into a new house and we had a fight about when he was going to move in. He said "in the next couple of months"....oh, but I had heard that a time or two before. He said, "Lets have a baby." ARE YOU CRAZY? NO WAY! He got mad at me. A day later, I cooled off and he said, "Getting pregnant/having a baby with you will be my way of proving my senserity to you. It will prove to you that I'm going to leave my wife and move in with you." And I bought it. Due to medical reasons, I didn't think I could get pregnant. So, I figured, "what the hell--it's not gonna happen anyway." Less than a month later, I'm pregnant. When I got pregnant, that's when he realized our relationship was a sin. Apparently, it woke him up and pulled him out of the fantasy world he'd been living in (that's what he told me). Now, he's seeking counseling from his priest, with his wife and they're trying to work it out.
Long story short, he's still with his wife. And he wants to be a father to our child. I wish he'd leave me and my baby alone. He knew I didn't want my baby with his wife. I drove by his house one night when he had my daughter and caught both cars there. I knocked on the door and demanded to have my child if his wife was home. The wife was peeking through the window. I asked if I could talk to her, she shook her head no. (I just wonder what he's told her. Maybe he told her it was a "one time thing"...maybe she doesn't know it's been 7 years). I hate the thought of my daughter being around his wife!! I don't understand how he could present our Lovechild to his wife. I don't understand how the wife could accept that. Damn, she must be as stupid as I am.
So, the Sperm Donor and I have an agreement--he takes Lily but he is NOT to go near his wife with MY daughter. When he has her, I do drive-by's to check where the cars are. For seven years, he's told me what an awful mother she is to his son's. I'll be damned if she's gonna be around my daughter. And....she's jealous that she never had a baby girl; she's always wanted a baby girl. Damnit....Lily is MY baby girl and his wife can keep her paws off my daughter. Ugh.
He told me on Thanksgiving that I wouldn't have to worry about it much longer, that he would probably be living alone. "I guess that's what I deserve" he says. I looked at him with no sympathy and said, "That's what I got. I'm a working single mother because of you." The only reason Lily exsists was to prove to me that he was gonna leave his wife, and he's done the complete opposite. She has forgiveness in her heart for him and thinks MY daughter is a doll. She blames ME for everything. Blames me because I knew he was married. (I'm pretty sure he knew he was married too). Yeah, this situation is a complete cluster phuck. But, as long as he keeps MY daughter away from his wife...I won't have too many panick attacks.
Seriously, how the hell could he present our Lovechild to his wife? How could she accept that? She has no rights to MY daughter. If I catch him taking Lily around his wife, he will see the biggest b*tch this side of the Mississipi.
Yes, I know I did wrong. So the hell did he. But, his little world is exactly the same as it was....and he gets visitation of Lily. I on the other hand, get to be a single working mother--take care of the house, Lily's laundry, bottles, etc etc. It irritates me to NO end that he takes Lily around his family....people I've never met. She is MY daughter and I should have every right in the world to know who she is around. But, nothing is legal, we're just trying to do things in a civil manner.
Any woman in this situation? Having to hand your baby over to his wife? Not knowing any of his family, knowing your child is around them? OMG. I eat Xanex...and it still doesn't help. Ugh. I'm going to raise my daughter to hate anyone with a penis, I swear. ↑
FYI guys! mama bear already had baby bear by now. They either worked it out or he stayed with Golilocks. Read the dates... This dates back to 2005. :) ↑
