!!!, I Hope you are doing okay today!! Talking to you have given me strength. In sharing with you as well as simply posting on this site, I have been able to believe in my own voice and know that what I feel I deserve is okay. I have posted on here to everyone a lot of what I am struggling with. My biggest struggle has been the wife wanting me to terminate and basically telling her husband he is not too and cannot acknowledge me and our child if he is to save his marriage. She has been constantly telling him what he is to do, and all of it was ways to get me out of their life and to make me and this child not exist. I can understand the pain of an affair, and without this child conceived I can also understand the need to make me dissapear. He has been allowing her to make demands and some he has acted on and others he has just not acknowledged as he was afraid to speak his mind. The only valid thing I have asked of him and needed of him is to know if he chooses to be a father and acknowledge this child. He has been telling me yes, but allowing her to think he won't. Finally things came to a head, I do believe he thought I wanted more than I have been specifically stating. But he heard my words, as well as allowed himself to be a man of integrity and has finally done the only thing I have really asked. And that is to stop telling me one thing, and her another. The affair is over, there is no longer a reason to lie. He and I have never lied to each other, and we have not been doing that now. But I am/was sick and tired of being told he will do the right thing but it may have to be behind her back. This child deserves better, if he cannot be true to this child and himself then he needs to walk away and do as wife is asking. I can't be lied to, lead on, and so on. We were never this way, and as we are over and we both want him to work on his marriage the only healthy way for this to happen is for him to stand up for what he wants and believes. I told him to tell me to F&*^( off if he can't deal, but don't tell me give you time and then you will tell wife what you plan to do. That is continuing a lie, and there is no longer a reason to lie. I was beginning to doubt him myself. But yesterday he let his wife know, that what she is asking is not how he can be. He is going to acknowledge this child, and as he had a part in creating this child he does have a responsibility in my well being and health. He also has admitted that he will not walk away from this child. She expects him to cut me and this child off completely in all ways since he asked me to abort and I did not. Therefore I am going against his wishes and only doing what she sees as "what I want alone". ↑
I just don't understand why if one wants an abortion for selfish reasons, such as saving one's own ass or so they don't have to deal with reality and the one carrying does not believe in that , that the entire responsibility lies with the mother. Why when we both made this child , we both took this risk (yes i know believing in BC, having an affiar, and having sex while not in a "real" relationship, yadda yadda) are huge and scary risks) but the fact is there is now a child and wishing it did not happen won't change anything. I am pregnant and we are the parents. So to expect him to help provide and parent this child is not unrealistic. If I could do this financially and emotionally alone , I would. But I cannot, the only thing I can fairly ask for is that he accept his part. It now seems he has, and there is finally a sense of peace and finality. I no longer have to wonder if this child will have to suffer emotionally and financially due to the father. I have two other children I am raising alone (father is active, but not in the home) and I do not want to make them suffer. Please know as you read this, I am aware of my actions and that affairs are hurtful and risky. But again I cannot change what is done. Now that I am not expected to do this 100% alone it will be much easier. This child deserves a good life, I Can love it with all that I am but we all know that is not enough. The father of my other children also will not punish this child, but he is not the responsible one. Okay I think I have released enough, just finally feel like there is a hope for my unborn child due to the father no longer wishing to hide and avoid. I needed to vent and share with others that there is hope, and if we find it in ourselves to try first before giving up sometimes things can be okay. Thank you everyone for listening and sharing, I feel for everyone in this position. ↑
Me Too... Theres not really anything i can write in response to your last posts, except that i am happy that your situation is resolving itself and that you now have strength to move forward with your life. I must be honest though, my situation is probably made a little easier on me as my husband has not as yet been 'allowed' to acknowledge his son, therefore he cant bring him home nor does he have to visit the other woman. I do know though that there will be a day maybe not so far away when he will be able to be a father, but i feel that at the moment i will not be able to bring myself to spend time with the baby as it is still too painful as i should be holding my own son in my arms. I dont know if i would have felt different had i not lost my son, but im sure that in time i will be strong enough to come to terms with everything as a whole and move forward with the hope of a little light at the end of the tunnel. I am in a way envious of you, as you know where your life is heading, you know that you are going to have a beautiful baby and that the father is going to support it. You are looking at your situation as another chapter in your life and you have accepted it, you should be very proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me as writing here to you has helped me take the next step forward. I have decided to build my life again. I am looking for a new job, and have given myself a mini make over (new clothes, hair, the works), oh and my husband is footing the bill. LOL. So much has happened in my life over the last 3 years that i am fed up of being the 'person who has all the bad luck', so have decided that as from today nothing else is going to get me down. You have helped me to turn to the next page in my life. Thank you so much. ↑
damn all the bull---- the other woman is tryflin, and i blame my husband because he's the one who said those vows he gets 99% and she gets 1% if you know everytime time you call this man and he's hardly available,unable to go to his home,unable to stay the night, etc, then he's married!!!!!!!!!!! RED FLAG women should learn to do there homework when it comes to men. men cheats but why get pregnant i just don't understand he's not gonna leave his family for you, i just don't think it's right yes i'm hurt and upset, but i pray that god change my attitude about the situation because right now she's on her own i don't care the child will never come to my home i want no part of it ,call me whatever name you want to but that's how i feel right now,no i'm not gonna leave my husband but ever DOG GETS TIRED OF BEING MISTREATED i don't wish bad on nobody but i want no part of it,my husband and i will have an attorney to have the blood test set up, but first i have to see with my own eyes that she is really pregnant she left the message on his cell phone answering machine. but no matter what has happen my feeling won't change over night the way i feel about my husband i have 15yrs into it 3 daughters 1 g-daughter 14,16,18,2 if's a shame how your life could go from sugar to shit!!!! over night. ↑
!!!, please do not be envoius of me!! The thing in my life that keeps me grounded and moving forward is my children and my determination to not sit and lick my wounds. You too are taking a stand and you are doing an excellent job of it. I know my life is not going to be easy, and there will be days when I fall and lose it. I hope you will also be able to get back up when you fall. I have a serious family history of bi-polar and manic depression and have suffered from it myself the past few years. This pregnancy is making me stop my medications, so I have to beat myself up mentally so to speak to ensure I do not fall as that is the natural chemistry of my body. It can be so easy for me to let go and not focus, so each and every day I have to get out of bed and create positive reasons and state to myself reasons to not take that route. I am the other woman yes, but in my reading (research is an obsession of mine) I am also learning about affairs, infidelity, and the parts all involved play. Yes the father of my child is choosing at this point to stand up and tell me he will do what he is "supposed" to do. But so far it is only words, and his wife is the real power in his life. To keep her he may have to step down. I do fear that, nothing disgusts me more than a man/person who will not stand for what they believe in to please another. But she does have valid reason to fear and doubt him and where he stands in regards to me and his marriage. Each and every day I also try my damndest to stop holding such bitter anger at her for expecting me to kill my unborn child so she can have a "normal" life with their child and marriage. Same with adoption, she really wants him to either push me or demand I do adoption. She sees that as another option to not have to deal with me or child. When in reality there will come a day that child will want to know it's background and that will still lead to them as well as me. But adoption is not an option for me at all. So what I am saying is that she has valid hurt, anger, and disgust and many times we "other women" are much easier to place ALL the blame than admitting the man too is to blame etc. There is going to come a time when this child will no longer be so easily dismissed, birth will force my child into her/their reality. And I do fear that she will resent my child should she be around it due to the circumstances. The fact that you so openly and honestly admitted to me that you yourself have reservations about the child from your husbands affair I thank you for. I hope that you are able to continue to talk and explore those feelings and find what is acceptable to you. I want the same for the "wife" in my own situation. And right now I am very very bitter that killing my child is her only solution to getting past what her husband and I did which is have a long term affair.
As a single mother of two, and pregnant with a 3rd going back to school is extremely intimidating. But as long as I have procrastinated in my life, I can no more as it is now a necessity for myself to provide for my children. To read so many immature people post on this site, about this is what I deserve, I should have known better etc actually can be upsetting. But the reality is what good does coming on here condemning us for what is past?? If we learn from our mistakes and move forward, then we truly are doing the only responsible thing at this point in our lives. This is not a site to brag about our trysts, and consistent affairs with married men. This site is used for some wives to vent, and for women like me who do regret their actions but also value life and that of an unborn child to talk with others in similar situations and not feel so alone. One post, comment, or verbal assault on here will not change what has happened or the fact that there are others doing just as we "other women" have. We have found ourselves in a very difficult position and are doing what we know best and that is move forward and not punish an innocent life to please others or to escape the actions of ourselves. ↑
Angery wife, no one asked you to leave your husband because he cheated but dont get upset if he does it again.Once he gets a taste of it he'll go back to it.Not every woman wants these men to stay the night so we dont usually think about why he cant stay the night.How can you think that we got pregnant so he would leave yall and come to us.We know that even if he did leave yall that there is always a chance of him finding someone else and leaving us for them so, dont for one minute think that we got pregnant just to steal him.Im sorry your so mad.I never thought that the guy i was with was married and if i had even the slightest clue i would have not even looked in his direction more then once. ↑
I agree with "preggo mommy". Not all women who find themselves pregant by a married man want him for themselves. We are pregnant, and if we carry to term then we should not be punished for allowing a life conceived to continue. There are decent mothers in this world, no matter the situation if we have these children and are willing to raise them that does not mean we will ill on the wives. Yes some women I guess (or rather am being told) do wicked things to the wife, but it sounds like preggo mommy, myself , as well as others are the exception. The thing we do deserve is for the father to be responsible as he too created this child. If he chooses to stay married, then so be it. And if we don't want him for ourselves for whatever reason, then why call us names for choosing life? ↑
To preggo mommy and me too: just except the fact that you all are tryflin you women knew damn well those men were married so why get pregnant get up off that excuse that you got pregnant on birth control, now you stupid women are stuck with these babys and believe me if i'm still around that baby will know from me that there mommy had an affair with with my husband and they shouldn't of been here point blank.i'm gonna continue to have my life and live comfortablely and i damn show ain't gonna take care of no damn baby, don't get me wrong my husband is truly to blame for this but he's gonna pay like hell right now he's so scared that when he come home that we'll be gone (his family) all he can tell me that it was a big MISTAKE i've stood by me husband in every situation he's been through in life but this right here i won't, and i can't help him so he has to make a choice. next time you chicken heads do your damn homework when it comes to mens, and yes do you wish the mf could stay the night especially if he was damn good you will be punish,.and you child will suffer what goes around come around,one day you will get married and when you least expected the same thing will happen to you and you will feel those hurting PAINS that the wife has felt. so don't think for one minute your off easy for giving life your not and i hope you get everything that you got coming to you because you all are TRYFLIN and i have no pitty for you so stop running off at the mouth.ENOUGH SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑
angry wife!! perhaps you may feel "stuck" in regards to the baby in your situation and I pity that poor child!! But I am not stuck, nor will I ever be STUCK with a child. There is no such thing, children are the most innocent in this life and they should never ever be punished for situations they cannot control. For your sake I do hope a day comes when the bitterness subsides or that your husband does not allow that child near you. But never fear, as the child grows up it will be smart enough to figure out what is really going on around you. But to purposely tell the child they were not wanted, they were a mistake, is just spiteful!! This will NOT benefit you at all. Maybe now your anger is telling you as much, but you too will end up hurting. I am not going to continue this bantering of yours. The only thing I hope for you and your life is that you really do reconsider causing such mental harm to an innocent child. ↑
to understanding: back to you response on july 25th yes i'm calling her a bitch and you too because your the other woman yes men tell lies and that's just to get into the panties,when men go out and cheat don't always think the wife ain't doing her job at home that's not always the case honey, you other women always seems to cater to the married mans ego, believe me honey i'm gonna be just fine with or without him and i don't have no damn baby to tie me down. ↑
to me too: i will ever hurt a innocent child nor do i wish harm because i have kids myself, but i will never be a part of a child that my husband conceived by someone else during our marriage. i'm not gonna sit here and pretend that i'm ok with it hopefully god will stray me away from me husband because i know i deserve better it just he's been a part of my life for so long, so to answer you question i don't wish harm on no one,just don't include me in that life. ↑
angry wife!! You have really got me riled up and normally I can walk away from things, but you are being so spiteful but won't admit it. You telling this child they were concieved from and affair and should not be here IS punishing a child. Hurting their heart and soul is also being mean to a child. You are right you do not have to be around this child, nor do you have to like it. But for petes sake, why ruin their lives with your anger and hurt?? You post on here how evil we are, how we are lying about birth control , yadda yadda. Yes we made mistakes, but the point of this site is for ALL of us (wives and other women included) to be able to vent, explore our feelings, and find strength in numbers. So if our mistake is being with a married man yet finding ourselves pregnant for whatever, don't you think maybe you too are making a mistake for taking out your own hurt and disgust on others you know nothing about. And constantly condemning our children? Any number of us could have terminated, but that is not something we believe. We are not having this child to hurt anybody, it is the exact opposite. We are women enough to realize things did not go as planned, but having a child is by no means a tool to ruin anybody's life. We are choosing to have these children out of love, and as you certainly have read none of us are with the married men any longer so it is not about getting him back. And again I repeat, maybe you feel burdened or tied down. But we do not!! Sure we can feel sad, or alone. But we are not tied down by a child, should we have felt that way we would not be the kind hearted people we are who are choosing life over death. Can you please try to look in your heart and properly place your anger? Anywhere but the child is fair. I can take you coming on here and saying unnecessary and resentful things to women but our children whether from a married man or not do not deserve your spite. ↑
To Angry Wife... I dont know if you have read any of the posts, but i too am a wife whos husband had an affair and got the other woman pregnant. I know how much it hurts, believe me i do, but i really do think that you are misplacing your anger onto people who you know nothing about. I can only say this now as it has been many months since i became aware of my situation and if im honest i felt exactly the same as you are now. I have had to decide what i want out of my life, and my choice is to stay with my husband, and even though i want nothing to do with his child (at the moment anyway) i do not want to be the person who stopped a little boy knowing his daddy. We all make our own decisions (thats how we got to where we all are now) but you really need to think about your future with your husband, i can completely understand you dont want anything to do with the other woman or the baby and that you dont want your husband to have any thing else to do with them, but in time this will end up coming between you and your husband and even though this is all his fault he will end up resenting you for not letting him be a daddy to his baby. I know it all seems that everything has landed on your shoulders and maybe it has, i know thats how i feel, but making the right decisions now will help you move on and be happy with yourself inside. This is the hardest thing i have ever had to do, but should my husband ever have the chance to spend time and help raise his child i will not stop him. I may ask him not to see the other woman (have her mother there when he picks his son up) and i may not want the baby in my home, but he can always take him somewhere that i know my husband will be faithful (his parents home). The women on this site may have had affairs with married men, but they have all felt the aftermath of their actions, and it is these women who have helped me realise that every situation is different. They are the women bringing up children on their own and we are the women who still have our husbands and our family (children). You also need to think about if there is ever a chance of rebuilding the trust you had in your marriage, if you realise that you dont, then maybe you would be happier in the future if you didnt stay married. I hope this doesnt come across like im having a go, thats really not my intention, i have only said this as it is what i myself have had to do. If you need to talk to anyone im here. ↑
To angery Wife: How could you even think about telling a child they are unwanted.If the husband decides to take the baby to his house and spend time with him or her willingly then i thik that means she or he IS wanted.I dont see a man taking a child to his house if they are unwanted.Just because the husband made a mistake doesnt mean you have to take it out on the child.How would it make us triflin if we didnt know the men were married?If this is the case then it must make you triflin to know that he cheated and now your on the same dick we fucked.(excuse my language)Our children are not unwanted nor are they just here to steal the grime you married.Believe me, we dont want your men.If he cheated on you then hell do it to us.I hope you dont talk to your husband the way you are talking to us because i can say this much.It will most likely leave you all alone because itll drive him to do it again.Why stay with you if he can go somewhere else and get better treatment.Think about what you are doing.I noticed you said you had children. Why is it ok for him to help you raise the children you have that are not his but its not ok for you to help him raise his children.What would you do if he went around teeling your children they were not wanted and thats why he has to put up with them?Is it ok for people to tell your children they are not wanted?Maybe you and your husband and you need some counsoling.If you wish that life would guide you away from your husband then why do you stay with him?Why not leave him now? ↑
To Angery Wife,It really pissed me off to hear that you would do such a thing to a child! You better hope the lady your husband knocked up is nothing like me because when my 6 year old came home and asked me what a whore was and said she told him he was a mistake and she was going to get rid of him,i took a trip to her house. She got her ass whipped then when she called the cops i sat on her couch and waited on them.When she realised i wasnt going to jail she shut up talking all that trash.I asked her not to say nothing to my child that it was my place and when i thought he was ready to hear what happened I would explain it to him.I wasnt going to lie if he asked.She had no right saying anything about me and she is no victim as some of you other wives. Usually when a guy cheats its because hes looking for something thats missing at home.In your case he was probably looking for someone who would be nice to him.You sound like a real bitch yourself.Or maybe you werent good enough in bed.I dont apply that to all women though.Some guys cheat for no reason but i think you drove him to it.You dont deserve to have children if you feel you want to hurt an innocent child like that.Get some counsoling and stop trying to say its his fault when you are on here making it clear that you blame us because your husband is a scum bag cheater!!! ↑
I have posted quite a bit recently on this site, and I actually do find it somewhat therapuetic. I am normally a very easy going person, who does not get riled up. I can relate a lot to women on here who are pregnant or have children by married men. But on the other hand, I do realize more and more how much hurt the wives do feel. When I have posted to the wives on here, I hope you realize I truly am sorry for the pain in your lives brought on by the affair from your husbands. There is no way I can bring myself to apologize to the wife in my situation right now, and I don't know if that is something I am going to strive for, but not because I am okay with what has happened but because at this point I cannot comprehend her words and actions. But what I feel I do need for my own self is to stop feeling such spite towards her. Her pain from the discovery is causing her to wish wicked and evil things on me. I have never been disliked so strongly, but that is not what I feel the most pain from. The pain is from the ill wished on my unborn child. I do not know how I would act should I find myself suddenly aware of my mates choice to love another woman at the same time as myself behind my back for years. But what I want most for the future and sake of my unborn child is to find peace within myself in regards to the wife. She wishes me to terminate and even lose this child. Adoption is also another way she feels her husband should push me to pursue so that this child will not be a "burden" in her life. Wishing me to specifically lose this child is so evil, and I have not been able to comprehend such thoughts. The fact is the affair has happened, and if she does believe she can live a "normal" life as long as this child is not alive is unrealisitic. ↑
This pregnancy is not easy for me, and there are times when the stress is causing me severe cramping. I try to stay focused and calm, but the truth is I worry every day that the wive's wishes of me miscarrying may come true. I am no longer seeing the husband, the second I learned I was pregnant it was over for me. Before I even was able to tell him. Basically upon learning of pregnancy my entire lifes focus changed, the thing that matters most is taking care of myself as that affects the health of this child. As well as the life of my other children. I am not trying to pull this man away from his marriage, he wants to preserve his marriage and by the way he has reacted to me being pregnant I have seen a whole new side of him. A side that tells me I am better off now only focusing on my own family, that being me, my 2 children, and this growing life inside me. The only thing he needs to do is decide what part if any he wants to play in this childs life. He has recently stated he will be a present father in my childs life. And whether or not he is able to do as much, I have absolutely no intention of interfering in his life. What he tells his wife, is up to him. The only thing I truly pray is that in time she will learn and find it in her heart to accept this child is as much her husbands as the child they already have. And that if she cannot accept this child, she make it acceptable for his to see this child if he chooses. I cannot allow my child to be in an atmosphere that is not healthy or positive for them. It is easy to come on here and tell others how they are wrong, how they have destroyed lives etc. But I believe like myself other women on this site are confused daily and are just trying to do the right and best things possible for our children. ↑
to whom ever have something to say that is the way i feel right now you other women have no idea how devistating that could be towards the wife,i will be honest with you if i was the other woman and i got pregnant ain't no way in hell i'll bring this child into this world , i know everybody is different, and for (me too and preego mommy)you just wants pity and this is my house and if i'm not ready to accept his child then no i don't have to. yes i'm very angry that you women could be so nieve i just wish the best for a'll ya'll chicken heads! and eventually i will leave my husband because this is something i don't wanna except,and i don't have too,so next time you other women do your homework when it comes to men. ↑
ANGRY WIFE!!! Pity I don't want, if I wanted pity I would not go thru what I am going thru for the sake of my unborn child!! Pity would be me asking others to feel sorry for me, and demanding the father stop looking for a way out!! No maam, this is not about pity! Chicken Head?? Come on, we are grown women. I choose to find strength and positive in a very akward situation giving a child a chance at life. This life they were given, and I am now responsible for seeing move forward. You choose to come up with juvenile and immature phrases and names, well if that genuinely makes you feel empowered then so be it. I am empowered by my ability to move forward, not sit and lick my wounds about what coudl be labeled a "mistake" by others. I refuse to call my child a mistake, a circumstance of my situation yes. But never ever will my child ever feel they were not wanted, not accepted, not loved, or not a beautiful loving precious child!! ↑
again to angry wife, you tell us Other Women to do our research/homework on our men. Do you really believe it is possible to know what a man will be like, act like, etc. in the future? What about you, did you know your own husband would do such a thing? If you did not know how the HELL should we kn ow?? ↑
to be labled as a mistake is what my husband has told me and his mother so he does feel like it was a mistake,and in your situation by getting pregnant by a married man was a mistake so you can label it the way you choose once again i hope you ladies and your baby have a wonderful life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑
to (me too)if your messing around with a man everytime you call you get no answer,voice mail, or phones always off red flag, your unable to go to his home red flag,quickys red flag, just don't be so nieve when it comes to mens ↑
Angry wife,
Honey you don't know my situation you are just making quick judgements. Don't tell me what I need to know or not know about a man. I pity you and your husband for allowing such labels and misery to be placed on the child. It does not deserve it, and you are old enough to know better. At this point you and I could banter back and forth, but the point is useless. And I refuse to let you continue to call me names and describe to me how my life is and will be. You can continue to be juvenile and make immature comments, but you will no longer get any response from me. The affair of mine is over, the product of that affair is a child. What I believe is that this child deserves a chance at life, and I am the one going to give it that. So help me God should any person or woman dare speak a single ill word to or in front of my child there will be some serious consequences to pay. And then and only then will my actions be correctly deemed a mistake, but children are first and that is that!! ↑
What Angry Wife is feeling is completely normal, her words may be harsh but it is probably the only way she can vent her anger at the moment. God knows that i said a lot of very hurtful things when i found out my husband was having an affair and got the other woman pregnant, and yes i did wish the baby wasnt here as it would have been one less thing to come to terms with. Yes this has changed now but it does take time. My whole world turned up side down, two of the people i trusted most (my husband and my friend) betrayed me in the worst possible way. I felt like my whole life (with my husband) was a lie. To say that i was heartbroken would be an understatement. When you feel that sort of pain you say and do things that you wouldnt normaly do, and at the moment it seems that the only way for Angry Wife to have any sort of control back in her life is to tell 'other women' what she thinks and feels. Its not really directed at you, its directed at the other woman in HER situation. You ladies have come to terms with what has happened, but you really have no idea the sort of pain she is feeling at the moment. Unless you have been the wife in these situations then you will never know the pain. To be honest it seems like the only pain most of you 'other women' have had to face is the fact that your going to be single parents and what the wife has said about you and your baby. Dont forget though that they are only words (sticks and stones will never hurt!) but actions hurt a whole lot more. Many of you say very hurtful things to, these words are like rubbing salt into a wound. The fact is we all need to stop being bitchy and slagging off people we dont know. This site is intended to help women, no matter what their situation, we should be able to talk like decent human beings and get advice and support from here. ↑
!!!, we have had several posts between us and I have valued your words tremendously. But this last post you stated that" it seems like the only pain " we are enduring is being a single parent and the things said about our children. That is not true, we too are going through a time of serious emotions. Some of us, myself included no longer have jobs due to what has happened. This affects our livelihoods, so the man we once cared for is now the enemy in court etc. I don't see there as being one way as worse or better than the other. And yes I agree angry wife is just venting, and I am thinking that for myself she got to me on a bad day. But I am sick and tired of having to defend this pregnancy. The fact that I did not terminate and have not miscarried which are both hopes of the wife, just does not sit well in regards to the fact this is "my" deal. The husbands get to go home to their houses, their lives, and so on. And we other women are supposed to just shut up and deal with what are being deemed as consequences. We did not put this child in our bodies, but we are mature enough to realize life is not to be taken lightly. So to constantly hear that we made this choice, we put ourselves in this position, we knew what we were doing, etc. sometimes just bites. ↑
For those that ask why did some of these women get involved with a married man? The truth is why do many of us have regrets in life, why do many look back at our lives and say what if, if only.... We are not perfect and people use poor judgement. Speaking from experience, I would not trade the father of my child for anything. He gave me the greatest happiness, however i would change the situation. I have had to ask God for forgiveness. My choice hurt many people. It is a hurt I will live with for the rest of my life. The pain of my choices hurt my best friend (him), his wife (although they were already getting a divorce and she knew nothing of me), my children, my family and the list goes on. But this is the real deal, did you ask for forgiveness, did you forgive yourself, has a lesson been learned, and most of all is do you know what a healthy relationship consist of? I have a beautiful child and the father is involved in his life now, it was not always that way. My child is a child of God, not sin. Because of my hurt to myself and others, I am able to teach my child the importance of healthy relationships. My experience has changed my life forever and brought a new life into this world. Try not be judgemental of others and pray for them. If those that are judging would hold value to their belief in God, trust God to take care of the business at hand and until then judge not others, rather believe in God for them. People make bad choices some are worse than others, but never the less we do make bad choices in our lives. I love my child with everything I have in me, but I also look at him and know that many people were hurt as a result of my giving birth to him. Just remember people like my self are not always "sluts trying to ruin families", we like many other people in our society made bad choices that resulted in life changes. Our intentions may not have been to ever hurt people or ruin families. I know the struggle they face when pregnant. They carry a big burden and guilt beyond the imagination, but these women are some of the strongest women I have ever known. They face judgement from the wife to the religious sector, they face who will get hurt if this child is born, they face abandonment, they learn who their true friends are and are not..... the list goes on. Please don't be judgemental rather pray for them to learn from this and pray they raise their children to understand God and how to be involved in healthy relationships.I have learned that everything happens for a reason and the funny thing is in my situation his wife was the lucky one, she walked away. He was now my problem and I saw all that she had to deal with. I got what comes around goes around. I was the one answering his phone at 2am with another women on the other end who knew nothing about me and the a baby due in a month. But now i am filled with blessings and I know it is because in my heart I forgive myself and him. We are now better friends and we take care of our son. He is still working on his parenting involvement but some things have to work in Gods time. faith, strength, and prayer is what any pregnant woman needs when faced with a trying situation. ↑
to life goes on, Thank you so much for your words and perspective!! What you expressed is honest and true, definitely what I needed today. I am working towards the point you are at, and you give me hope. Thank you again!! ↑
to me too - please ask for forgiveness and mean it with all your heart God truly forgives but only if sincere. I did not get here easy and I certainly was not let off the hook by any means. The road has been long and I am still driving. I have a sister who thinks I had no values and does not speak to me, she also has not seen my son. Because of my sisters feelings for my situation I was asked on the last holiday if my other children could go and then my mom was kind enough to bring me some ribs. Oh course race plays a part. When my son was first born I looked at him and cried. I apoligized for bringing him into this. I didn't love him the way a mother loves her newborn, I actually felt if I didn't have him his father would still be with me. Somehow when the days were long and the nights were lonely, God truly carried me through. I prayed every tear and every other breath I took. I must have wore God out, but in time he showed me he was there. I understand why I had this man in my life, why we went through the things we did, and why my son was born. I am now in the progress of starting a non-profit organization. It is not what we go through, but how we handle it. I guess some could say I turned my failure into success. My son is my love and inspiration. God truly put in overtime and knew what he was doing. Despite the obstacles, I am steadily working my way through the course. I am looking to be in first place all do to my experience. So please keep your head up high, you now your heart and you now the good in you. Don't let anyone steal your joy, you determine your day and your joy. In the end it is not the people of society you answer to it is the man above. ↑
Me Too...I truly didnt intend for this post to upset you or any one else on this site. My intensions were merely to tell you that i too felt the same way as Angry Wife, and thought the same thoughts as she is at the moment. That has all changed since i have been talking to you on here. You have inspired me to move forward. Your child is a consequence of yours and his actions, but for you it should also be thought of as a blessing. God has given you a child, someone you can love and who will love you in return. It has only been since talking on here that i realised that every situation is different, and if im completey honest i do still feel something like hate (hate is too strong a word, but i cant think of the right one at the mo) for the woman in my situation, not because she has betrayed my trust and had an affair with my husband, and not because she has had a baby with my husband, but because she wont let him be a daddy to his son if i am still in the picture. There arent many fathers out there who truly want to know their children but when they do they are still condemed and not 'allowed'. I am sure that everyone concerned in this type of situation has had to become a stronger person, wife, other woman, and the husband. Remember that you should never feel the need to defend your pregnancy or your actions. what is done is done. You are in a situation that is sometimes very hard to come to terms with, but you are dealing with it and doing a good job to. ↑
to the angry wife - Truly what comes around goes around. Although my childs father is no longer married and he is slowly coming around, we still have a long way to go. My son is still a secret, his mother, brothers, and daughter does not know. I made a choice to allow him time to do the right thing rather than take the whole situation into my hands. My son needs his father and I have to allow God to work. In addition to his seeing his son, the two of us have been spending time together. But I have to tell you this, every day is hard and keeping the faith and trusting God has been hard. I now have take out the trash his wife no longer has to take out. You see I know he is seeing other women, not of his honesty, just knowing him over 4 1/2 years. I know him. I am the woman left at home with his 7 month old baby. I was the woman left in labor without him and a week before giving birth went by his apt. only to see a her car. Not looking for you to feel sorry for me or any other woman, this is a situation I take full responsibility for. I do not blame him, I am responsible for my actions and choices. I see his wife as the real winner, she has a peace of mind. She no longer has to deal with lies and games. She does not even let him pick their daughter up from her home, he gets his daughter from the grandmother. She truly has freed herself from him. My child is only a infant, my road will be long and hard. For the love of my child and my sons right to have his father in his life I continue to have patience and faith. No do not misunderstand, my sons father is a good man. We both were not ready to parents and it was completely unplanned. Sometimes the unplanned can confuse people and a child is huge responsibility. I am telling you all this because I know as the woman who became a part of the lie and a woman who was lied to throughout pregnancy both sides are very hurtful and is a pain like no other. Once you find forgiveness it is the greatest relief. I am not angry at him because i have learned to trust Gods plan, not sure what the plan is but so far things are getting better. Once I forgave I stopped saying things like, "how can you spend more time in between another womens legs than getting to know your own child....." He did not see his son until he was 3 months old. Once I forgave I did not go backwards and I relieved myself of that pain and no longer really think of the past. I focus on tomorrow, I can't change yesterday. Forgiveness became my key to my peace of mind. I had to forgive myself for my actions and him. I felt if I was to ask God for forgiveness, then i had to be willing to forgive. Ladies on both sides when hurt and betrayal take place feelings and emotions explode even to the best of people. We become hurt and have no control over it, we use words and actions to express this hurt. Angry wife I understand and I am sorry for the pain this affair has caused you and the woman in the mix I know your pain, everyone becomes hurt. I don't of anyone who walked anyway from these situations feeling a sense of goodness. Even in my case were he is coming around, I have not "gotten my man", it is a healing process and many prayers my son will have a positive father figure in his life. I do not want my son to think this is the way men are and this a way of life. Angry wife, you had every right to say and feel all you felt. Now take time to forgive and heal. True forgiveness lets the past go and does not hold it (meaning it is not a fighting tool, release it from the mind). That will take you into a better place and give you peace of mind. My prayers go out to all the women both sides. ↑
