To "me too" I just read through more of your previous postings and it is seriously as if I had written them myself. There are SO many similarities, sad but true. The overwhelming number of thoughts, emotions, scenarios etc that the situation causes is amazing....and exhausting! I have "good days" and some definately "not so good days" But luckly with my beautiful daughter to live for and the support of good friends and family I am growing in my ability to see the good!!! As someone who struggled with getting told congrats on my pregnancy, let me say BE PROUD OF THAT BABY & Congratulations!!!! It is a true blessing no matter what the circumstances surronding it are!
With lots of love and understanding,
Steph ↑
When I said i struggled with the congrats I meant because I always felt guilty like I had a dirtly little secret and people made me feel like the life growing inside of me was some how less important or something to be ashamed of because of the circumstances surronding the conception. Not true!!!! ↑
new2motherhood, I knew what you meant when you said struggled!! It is actually on this site in posting back and forth with other women as well as with hurt wives I am able to process so much!! I made a conscious decision to not terminate, it was against the father's wishes as well as his wifes. She says she would have in my position. But he has since come to me and apologized for asking me to do what he knows I don't believe in. And he has said he does not himself believe in, but he let the shock and fear control him. Regardless of how he feels, I know I am only doing this for the child. Yes this baby is going to have tough times, but personally I do believe it is better in life to own up to one's mistakes and work thru them the best way we can. My child will never be labeled as a mistake. The situation that brought us here yes that can be labeled that way, but a child is an entity of it's own. DNA, can be just that. It does not have to be punished as a product of an affair. When I was asked to terminate, I fell apart. I was disgusted and so on. And the biggest regret I have was even taking in the words and suggestions and allowing myself even if it was just for moments to consider the option. I know I am going to be surrounded by those who do not believe in my choice and decision, but those who are my true friends will know why I did what I did and that it was a choice for life and nothing else. Even though yes I do have support of family and friends, there is still endless shame yes!! But I am trying daily to allow myself the joy of life and of bringing a new life to this world. Thank you for your words, and I look forward to more communication with you!! ↑
to CS & OOOO, I truly do understand your pain and hurt. I have been on both sides of the fence. You are justified to feel and think the way do. Nothing you have said is wrong, but here is the flip side. Yes the other woman did not respect herself and the fact the man was married, but he did not respect you and the fact that he was married. Both parties simply thought for the moment. But when you find yourself pregnant you face the reality of your actions. You see your morals, values, and all your actions. Life flashes in your face and everyone involved no longer has that "thinking of you" mentality of protecting what felt so good. Now the mentality becomes selfish and everyone wants to protect themselves and now he wants to protect his wife from knowing the truth of his actions. At what point does this "other women" stop and examine her morals or does she keep living wrong. Yes many people get hurt, but where do the secrets and lies stop. At what point does she stop and say enough, we have already been so selfish. Ideally the affair should never have happened, if he was unhappy he should have turned to his wife and communicated, rather than to give that time to someone else. Turning to someone else never solves the problem. Ideally it may seem like the best way is to continue to cover up a secret, abort and end the affair, but does that fix him and his adultress ways? Does that fix the problem that is still hidden and you the wife never knew about? There is not a good solution. For the woman that is truly sorry for her part in the affair the decision to keep or not keep this child is troubling even after she has the baby. She understands the pain her actions have caused and she understands her baby will learn the truth one day. For the woman who keeps her baby for all the wrong reasons maybe hoping the father will come back... she will learn more often than not his intentions were never to leave his wife and the baby does not make the man yours. In many situations these women face the reality that they participated in something that was not in good judgement and they realize that they have now hurt innocent people, but they now face a new moral issue to abort or not abort. And they have to examine the reasons for the choice they make. And they have to weigh out which choice can they can live with at this point, they already have made so many poor choices. If they have any belief in God, if they do one more wrong thing for selfish reasons will God forgive them, look at what they have already done. I am saying all this to let you know that some of these women are good individuals but they face many questions when trying to decide what to do after the fact. It is so unfair that you the wife are placed in a situation unknowly and your lives have been interrupted by two peole who simply did not stop and think. It so easy to place blame. Truly the man and the woman have to take responsibility for their part and you the wife fair or not fair have a major decision to make. I apologize for the part of the "other woman" and I am so sorry for your pain. You have a tough road and now you have been faced with major life changing decisions as a result of two people being caught up in a selfish moment. I hope that within your days ahead you examine your marriage and yourself, you deserve hapiness and peace in your decisions. Again, I am sorry for your mind and heart being placed in this position. ↑
he needs to grow up, plain and simple. he made his bed now he has to lye in it. I dont believe in suicide(because i was suicidal when i was younger) he isbeing selfish and deserves everthing he gets. his wife and family are the only victims in this situation. ↑
Why is it that even though you all say your sorry for what has happened you still dont take responsibility for YOUR actions. You say these babies are a blessing, but who are they a blessing for??? You thats who. You have only thought of yourselves from the begining of the affair and now you continue to do so. Why dont you try to think of all the people you have hurt and continue to hurt by making the choices you have made. You all say its the mans fault (of course it is) but you decided to sleep with this man and not worry about the consequenses (baby, std's etc) aswell. Never mind thinking about yourself, for the first time in your life why dont you think of others including the children born out of these situations. Many of these children will grow up without a father, and knowing they were concieved through an affair and not in a completely loving relationship. Stop being so selfish. The decisions you are making now will continue to hurt people for years to come. I was born out an affair so i know what im talking about. ↑
to ?, are you saying that because we did not kill a life to save the mans marriage we are being selfish?? I am sorry you feel the way you do and the way you feel from being a product of an affair!! I do not choose to make my child feel as if they are bad because of the situation they were conceived from. The wife in my case wants the baby to go up for adoption so that it can be in a "two parent loving home". But that is not a realistic statement as her and her husband have a child in what was perceived as just that. There are no guarantees in life, and the only way to ensure a child feels love and security is to establish that yourself. My childhood was an absolute horrid one, I won't get into details as that in not necessary. But my point here is that as long a child is loved, feels love, and learns mistakes are okay and can be lessons in life they do not have to go through life feeling bad. I do not feel selfish for giving my baby a chance at life, nor do I feel selfish for the ability to teach all my children the value of life. ↑
All you women who are having babies by these married men will suffer in life, and personally i hope you suffer because you had no business bringing a married man child into this world, no matter what the circumstances was you ladies(mistress) stop and think for a moment how would you truly feel if the situation was reversed.are you having these babies to hurt the man/wife,or do you think with a child he will leave his family? most of the time you will be forced to raised these kids by yourself so your hurting yourself and everybody else.i've seen first hand how my sis. goes thur pain everyday dealing with this, yes i know my bro.-n-law is truly truly sorry but this is devistating to both side of the family, right now i'm there for my sis. to help her you (mistress) really need to learn from your selfish mistakes.i truly hope my sis and her husband stay together.but if she can't handle what's coming ahead concerning an outside child me personally i'll leave his ass.i'll never forgive the (mistress) for having my husband child. ↑
Let me first say, in my situation I did not know I was pregnant until after he and his wife were no longer together. She knew nothing about me and I was not the reason for the sep., however I still participated in wrong doing. You are correct we will suffer and you are correct that a child should not be born into these situations. If we all stuck to the traditional values none of us would face many of the situations and sins we ask God so frequently to forgive. many of us have sex before marriage, live with our partners before marriage, and so on... I have repeatly acknowleged my responsibility. I have no excuses. I was on the other side and I do understand the pain, although a child was not born of my husbands affair. I understand the lack of wanting to forgive the "other woman" and I understand the anger. All parties participated in deceitful activities and the wife became an unknowing participant. Forgiveness does not mean be friends with the other the woman, it means peace within yourself and God. Forgiveness does not mean you relinquish your own values and morals, it means you trust God to take care of things. God knows every individual, you can not keep secrets from him, he knows the heart and he is who everyone answers to. These children will have a father absent from the home in which they are raised, but not every father is absent from their lives. There are children who were born of marriage and they now have a father absent from the home for various reasons due to high divorce rates. Fatherless children is the 3rd largest problem in the US and these children were not all born of affairs. Like I said in previous post, when in the situation you have a choice to make to abort or not abort and the woman already knows her sinful act, is abortion a continued part of this already wrong act? That is the question I faced. I faced the question of how could I face God when i had already lied and sinned, but to kill his child? It was the toughest choice to make because so many lives were effected. I actually went to have an abortion twice mostly because I did not want to hurt my sons father and I wanted to protect him. I also wanted to protect my children. There were more reasons why not to have the baby, but killing a life was a heavy weight when so much wrong had already been done. The wives are truly the ones who carry the biggest burden and they did not ask for this situation. They were unknowly placed with a situation that will forever change their life. I realize the husband and the "other woman" also have life changing decisions, but they entered into this knowly or at some point they knew. All involved face challenges that will pave the future regardless of blame. For that i am sorry. I think there is is saying that truly applies in life "it is not what situations you face, but how you handle the situation".To wives I am truly sorry for the position you are placed in due to selfish acts. ↑
I am sorry and only God knows the tremendous guilt I will carry for the rest of my life.Yes I have forgiven myself, but inside the hurt that my actions have caused will always be there. Thank you for acknowledging my genuine remorse and apology to the wives. ↑
I am 22 years old and have been dating a married (now) 56 year-old for the past three years. I have finally decided to end the affair. I realize that I have too much of a future to waste my life like this anymore. ↑
Dear waking up, I hope you have read many of the posts preceding yours and realize what you may be in for should you choose to stay. Honey you are so young and have so much ahead of you, as painful as it may be for you I do reccomend you do find a way to let go of the married man you are with. At his age and of course being married he can't have much to offer you, and you really do have so many years of life and adventure ahead. This is a good site for you to talk about your fears, as well as learn what can happen when an affair gets carried away. ↑
You are dead wrong becuz man only can do what women allow. My man has another woman preganant she wants to keep calling me cuz he want talk quite calling me she wasn't trying to talk we she was fu---- my man. Of course he denies that she is preganant by him so we will what and see the outcome cuz I will make sure that he has a blood test done. I say Woman stand up for what's right. Stop letting this man cheat cuz it ain't like that ain't let you know up front they have a woman. Yeah I done it before but once he said he was marrying her i let it go. ↑
first of all it is very unfair for some of u woman to judge another womans sittuation. i am pregnant, due anyday now with a married mans child. but men lie.men lie to get something that they will eventually walk out on. the man i was with told me that the divorce was pending was almost over and he didnt even live with her. that part being the only true part, not living with her.and yes, i was partialy in the wrong, when the divorse wasnt going through like a year later, but they still didnt live together, in another country a matter affact. maybe i was nieve or maybe just really wanted to be with him. over a year passed and he pcsed to another duty station in the states. as soon as he left i found out that i was preg. buut the whole time, this man was intending to be with his wife and i just didnt know about it. he goes to the states and she moves with in with him. he tells me all this stuff befor i found out that they were together together. like marriage and more lies on lies. i knoew he was technicaly married the whole time, and yes i believe in karma. thats on me though, and the father. but i told him, that if he wanted to work things out with the family i was in no place to t ell him not to do that, i said that his wife and daughter deserved that. but he said oh were not, i want to be with you. (trust me the situation gets way worse then all this but its just a briefing) all i am saying is that people should not look down or look differently at that child. its not the childs fault he/she was concieved the way there were. and that is no choice for a woman to make, being so selfish to take the life of a child because the parents made a mistake.my son will be the best thing ever and know so much love. im not asking anything from the father, i left it all in his plate. i cant tell him he is not ever gonna see my child. i dont feel i have that right. but i dont need anything from him, it doesnt matter to me if i ever see hima gain.but i did tell him that he wasnt goin to come to me in two years and say he wants my child to know him as his father, my child doesnt need to have him as a role model. and one of u said that we would end up raising these children on our own. big deal, people do it all the time, my baby will still resieve just as much love and so on. but please not all situations are different. and to the one who said what if it happened to you? well hun, all i got to say is shit happens.i dont see that a man would love his wife with all h is heart if he does something like that. and to the woman, dont be nieve. ↑
to unfair....Yeah your situation is different he was lying in my case he wasn't lying to her about me the worked together playing friends. She even did my daughter her before...okay. You my ask why I am I still around while cuz I haven't seen her she says that she is preganant. He says she is crazy and jealous. When that baby is born I will make sure like a said before a blood test is done. I will bounce if it is his, He will have to explain to his daughter (we have) Why this girl she thought was a friend has a baby, that is her brother/sister. He just hurts that I case after he wasn't giving her the attention she wanted she wants to tell me. You are different you are saying you don't need him the same why a would be but she is saying that mf will pay. I just feel like when you know what you are getting into how can you get so angry when the run like sissies. Be strong cuz you don't need a man to raise your child. My man is there and I still do the most part. But she diffently doing this out of spite. I can just here it in her voice when she told me. That's so wrong for that child cuz if it is his, he is so stubborn he will not be apart of that baby life. But that will be there business cuz me and my daughter don't wont nothing to do with it at all. It just hurt so bad to think the one you love will do something like this. Like someone else said it ain't got nothing to do with the woman at home not doing her job. Cuz I am a damn good woman he is just a cheater and liar. I am trying to get some bills caught up so I am dealing right now. PEACE ↑
I saw a movie last night and it kinda reminded me of this site.Its called"Diary of a Mad Black Woman". Maybe you shoudl all rent it.Its about this lady who was married to this man for 18 years and one day she came home to find her stuuf being packed and thought he had bought her a new wardrobe.On their anniversary he kicked her out of the house and had the balls to bring the other woman home and come to find out they had kids. Its kind of a comedy,romance movie but i think alot of you will like it.Its really hard to explain but at times it had me on the verge of tears then laughing my butt off. ↑
It is not the job of random woman to keep our husband in line!!!!!
Do I feel remorse for the affair?Yes! Do I wish I had handled it differently?Definately! Do I accept full responsability?ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! And that is what some of these wives want. They want it to all fall in the lamp of "the other woman." It makes it easier that way. But I'm sorry, it doesn't play out that way! I did not take a vow in front of family and friends to be loyal to her! I did not lie or sneak around behind her back. And I am not the reason he was looking to do so!!!! Husbands carry the responsability to their wives - not a stranger! Frankly, sometimes the faithful partner is partially to blame. Not that an affair is ever excusable, but when things are not good on the home front people tend to look elsewhere. You can think I am making excuses if you wish...if that makes it easier to live with a man who did not respect you enough to stay commited! ↑
I don't want you to take full responsibility!!!!!!!!But why NOW do you want the wife to know? Cuz you lonely and depressed cuz, he want talk to you anymore....So you wonna bust her bubble cuz yours got bust....I just say you the one with control over the situation. Why make her miserable, she didn't sleep with nobody husband.....You did But I only can speak for me. As soon as I pimp him get all my bills paid up I will be gone. Cuz HOES like you will always be out there. I can make myself came I love me more than any man that I will allow him to sleep around unprotected. I just hope you know you rep what you sew. ↑
Personally, I do not see how your acceptance of your role of the "other woman" is genuine simple because of the statement directly after. You seem upset at the wife who didn't know about you. I don't see how she is the blame for his inability to stand by HIS word. Hopefully you will realize we all carry a responsibilty to each other--PERIOD. I think it boils down to respect for ones self, when that is lacking you can't respect others. When the "shtuff" goes down some people look for any one and everyone to blame--other than just themselves. I am not talking about guys who lied and said they were not married. But if you have been with a guy for any lenght of time and you haven't met his parents, friends, family, don't have a home phone number, never been to his house, you would have to be a moron not to know something fishy is going on. If you knew he was married before and didn't break it off or have to desire to tell the wife. To tell her after you are pregnant is only done out of spite. Pure and simple. ↑
You know i see alot of name calling on here and i just want to clarify something. If the other women are morons for not knowing he was married then the Wives must be morons for not knowing he was cheating. Hows that for simple science? ↑
Not that makes a lot of since don't it why wouldn't you know your man was cheating....While how about cuz they both was smiling in your face faking friends. Now whose the MORON u fork nowing but allowing it, Cuz you weak... My only problem is why do you have to tell the other woman when things aren't going right for you. That is my question why tell NOW please someone answer that question why did you tell?????????????????????????????.
reply to lisa, In my situation I did not tell. But given there is a child involved eventually the wife would find out. I was asked to terminate, that in not for my life. I gave him the option to not deal, to not have to own up to the fact we only used the pill were not truly safe. We were wrong, I know this and I am dealing with this each and every day. The reality is what we did happened, I am having his child and he does not have to acknowledge but I do. I have not talked to the wife, and even when he has contacted me and talked to me w/out her knowledge since our affair was confessed by him. I don't see the purpose, the issues between them are just that...between them. I am sorry , truly sorry, for my involvement in the pain caused. Our affair is over, and should he want it to resume I can't and I won't. Some women do feel a need to approach the wife, but I gain nothing from it and I only add to the severity of what has been done. ↑
Didn't mean to step on your adutering toes. I agree there are signs when your husband is cheating, some wives get them some ignore them. But as the other woman her signs are glaring red flags e.g. you have been seeing the guy for 6 moths and you don't know his home number or where he lives. How much longer should the line " I want you to be able to reach me where ever I am" last? Especially, when a lot of times he doesn't even answer your call. ↑
to me too, See in my eyes you are a real woman cuz you say I made a mistake I will deal with it. You not making him take responsibility not to say it right that he doesn't but I just think it is wrong to make someone be there cuz you won't them too. Cuz when I got preganant with my daughter me and the were just having casual sex honestly but i fault like this is my problem either you can be there or not.... oh will me too. thanks for not telling :) ↑
You were woman/human enough to admit it, see the other persons perspective, and strong enough to perservere without bitterness. The world need more peopel like you. What I mean by that is everyone makes mistakes, the object is to learn and grow from them. Not repeat them, become bitter, or try to half assed defend them! Thanks for being a REAL WOMAN! I have nothing but respect for you. ↑
Why dont we all stop arguing amongst the wives and the other ladies. All i see is everyone blaming everyone. Wives, how can you blame the other women for wanting to tell you they are pregnant by your men? If you got pregnant by a man wouldnt you want him to have something to do with your baby no matter the circumstances? The other women on this site seem to be just as hurt as the wives. They are not these cold hearted bitches everyone is making them out to be. They are hurt just like the wives and we all need to accept that we all got played in this somehow or another. It shouldnt be a constant argument between us because there are other people involved. I understand that the wives feel betrayed and the other women feel hurt but we cant just act like its not happening already and theres nothing to do to stop it. We all need to start acting like adults and get over it and not make this child feel unwelcome. That child was innocent comming into thie mess and they should be treated innocent. Just because you wives have not forgave your men or these other ladies that needs to be put aside and the new situation needs to be dealt with. One way or another, wives, you need to either forgive him or get rid of him because as long as you havent forgiven him its going to keep a tear in your heart and anger will always fill it. You will always feel unhappy and not be able to trust anyone let alone him. As for the other women, its completely up to you what you decide or decided to do with this child. You are probably hurt just as much as the wives and i feel your pain being the other woman in my situation but you need to give these wives time to think about what they want and let them get their feelings together and try not to rub it in too much. ↑
to all of you who responded on 9/6 these other women knew that these mens were married or had other girlfriend cut the bull, to the other woman everything would of still probably be going on if you wouldn't of got pregnant, and futher more the wives are the innocent ones here, things could be going fine at home the wife i'm quite sure if she willing knew he was cheating then she knew what kind of situation her marriage was in, but the other women are tryflin and i still say they shouldn't of brought a married man child in this world. poor child if it's a girl she don't turn out to be like her mama a whore, and if it's a boy that he don't turn out to be like his daddy a cheating dog, so why bring the child in the world,there's know excuse find your own man and leave the married ones alone,stop being so desprite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑
to the other woman: why didn't you tell the wife you were sleeping with her husband before you got pregnant? but you can tell her your pregnant by her husband,you just wanted to be in his life for the next 18yrs. still dreaming and hoping he leaves his wife for you, now you look like a fool, once again poor innocent child. to all the married women stand by your husbands don't give these other women what they want, that's why they told you in the first place hoping you leave him so they can be there to pick up the pieces>>married woman also pray and ask god to help you and guide you during this difficult time he will deal with the husband especially because he made vows to love honor and charish, and the other woman will be delt with also so keep your heads up. ↑
