Name: hawaiiangel81 | Date: May 21st, 2007 3:55 PM
I am 8 mo pregnant w my boyfriends baby and i just found out that hes married how could i have not seen this I know i want this little girl and he wants to be involved with his daughter but i am so confused. How could he do this to me. ↓
For those who are not yet a member, Register and become a part of our close-knit forum community.
Name: Allisonc79 | Date: May 22nd, 2007 11:52 PM
As a husband or bf, you now know he's not good material. But he still has rights to his child, just be patient and give it time. You need some time to stop contact with him and work this out within yourself. Then later, allow him to see the child. He has really deceived you big time so I know you might even feel weary about him seeing the baby. Maybe allow him to visit while you supervise, but after you've had some alone time. ↑
Name: hawaiiangel81 | Date: May 23rd, 2007 12:24 PM
Im done w him. I am going to focus on my daughter. As i look back there were signs but i choose to ignore them . I am better off raising my daughter on my own. I am going to show her that you can't be walked all over by a man. I still do love him but theres no way i am going to continue hurting his wife cause i want him that would be selfish of me. ↑
Name: Allisonc79 | Date: May 24th, 2007 12:17 AM
good for you, you know when enough is enough. There are certain things that can't be forgiven. In my humble opinion this would be one of them. I don't know how I could go on in a relationship with someone that was that deceitful. Of course you love him, that doesn't just fade like that. It will take time and eventually it will fade, but you can still control those emotions and not let it rule over your mind and what you think is best. But like I said that is big time deceit. He actually just conciously and knowingly just lied to you on a daily basis. That is something the best of us could not forgive so, I think you are strong for keeping your distance. ↑
Name: Kayla_1605 | Date: Jun 5th, 2007 3:53 PM
KUDOS to you Hawaiiangel! really thats so big of you! best of luck with the baby ↑
Name: sassychick | Date: Jun 5th, 2007 4:24 PM
hawaiiangel, does his wife have any idea about you or the baby? What explanation did he give you for lying all this time, not that their is any explanation except for he's a liar. I'm glad you found this out now instead of after the baby’s born. Keep your positive attitude and know that you deserve so much better than that. Good luck to you and the little one. ↑
Name: jennifer_33106 | Date: Jun 5th, 2007 9:26 PM
Regardless of whether or not he is married I still feel that he should have to pay child support. Dont let him screw you. He got you into this mess and he should have to help support his child. WHY!!!??? Why I ask are men such freakin PIGS!!! ↑
Name: Terio | Date: Jun 6th, 2007 3:52 AM
Hawaiiangel, I read this thinking you were going to be crying your eyes out wondering how you could get him to stay. Damn, I am proud of you for taking the stand that you are. That really says a lot about you that you mentioned not allowing his wife to continue being hurt. You are so right. A friend of mine from long ago, ended up in a similar situation and eventually gave in and went along with being the other woman, for many years. By the time she woke up, she had missed out on her 20's and early 30's chasing the dream of a guy who she couldn't trust as far as she could throw. Worse yet, when things eventually fell apart with his wife, he came to her. Then she was stuck with a miserable, lying man who she resented and couldn't trust and who she never really wanted to begin with. I know your situation is hard and not what you planned to have for your life, but you are so right to focus on your daughter and not let her see you be walked on by a man. You sound like a nice person who is going to make the best of things ~ I wish you the best in your future. Things will work out. ↑
Name: name | Date: Jun 6th, 2007 10:17 AM
I'd suck him bone dry with child support, but I wouldn't let him see your baby. Does the wife know? ↑
Name: krissy2006 | Date: Jun 8th, 2007 2:23 PM
For all of you who are talking about "sucking him bone dry and not letting the baby see her father" etc... Do you all realize how selfish you are being? Yes he was a major jackass and no he doesn't deserve to be a part of his childs life, but that child deserves a father. Shame on you all for putting pirde, revenge and anger before the needs of an unborn child. A mother can NEVER replace a father and even if this man SUCKS MAJOR ASS AS A HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND, he is this baby's father and she deserves to know him. ↑
Name: name | Date: Jun 8th, 2007 3:11 PM
krissy2006: Take if from someone who's been there twice. When you've got a horrible person for a baby's ''daddy'', you would do more harm to the child by allowing him in the child's life. Plus, getting the money that you deserve to take care of your child and provide a life for it IS responsible and has your child's best interest at heart. ↑
Name: jennifer_33106 | Date: Jun 8th, 2007 4:14 PM
I agree with you Krissy but I still think that she should get child support. He will legally be able to see his child if he is paying it anyways. He does have rights to the child. ↑
Name: name | Date: Jun 8th, 2007 7:22 PM
Only if he pays for an attorney and takes her to court. A lot of men either aren't able to afford that or just don't want to. Plus, the most he will [most likely] get is visitation rights, unless she agrees with joint custody. ↑
Name: krissy2006 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 8:48 PM
I'm sorry but whether a man is a good lover/boyfriend/husband has no bearing on if he is a "horrible person" and doesn't deserve to see his child. If he is a known rapist, child or woman beater/molester, or anything like that than I agree that no, he shouldn't be allowed in the life of the child. But a man who can't keep his dick in his pants has no bearing on whether he is a good father or not. Sex and relationships with women have no bearing on a man's ability to be a good father. Now just let me say, that I was born out of wedlock to a 16 year old girl whose 18 yr old boyfriend (my father) was in the marines and I didn't get to meet him until I was 10. That was HORRIBLE. Every child has a right to meet their father and if possible have their father in their life. EVERY CHILD! Name, I don't even have anything to say to you after reading that thread you started. ((((shakes head in disgust))))) completely ridiculous... shameful even. ↑
Name: Danii | Date: Jun 10th, 2007 10:41 PM
If he wants to be involved then you should let him. He may not treat you well but that doesn't mean he can't be a good father. Also your daughter should not be made to suffer cos her mother/father made a bad judgement. The father of my child is not a "model citizen" but i wouldn't dream of keeping him from our son and i believe that if he truely is a bad person my son will see that in his own time and make his own decisions. I do not want to be the person to hold him back. Having said that (and because i know people like to rip you to shreds on this forum) of course that excludes circumstances where the father is aggressive or abusive and having him apart of his childs life will be dangerous or harmful. But I would expect that if that was the case you would know that already and wouldn't be asking your question. And i think that you will be an absolutely fabulous mother, the fact that you state that you don't want to hurt his wife shows to me that you are kind and considerate and more than capable of putting others first-a quality i think is essential in raising a child. But your not really the one hurting her, he chose this situation. Goodluck hawaiianangel! I hope you have a gorgeous healthy little girl that brings you all the joy and love you deserve. ↑
Name: siouxindiangrl | Date: Jun 11th, 2007 4:21 AM
I am in the same postition. Iam 7 wks pregnant. And found out last week when my boyfriends wife called me, that he was married. And she's 8 wks pregnant too. I cant stop crying and i am severly depressed. Iam so in love dispite the fact that he's a liar and a cheat and i dont know what to do. I have no one to turn to and no family to confide in. He wants an abortion and I dont. He said if i decide to keep it he'll take care of me, but he was confused when he told me he wanted to eventually marry me and have and lots of kids. Confused?? Yeah right more like, skitso. He knew he was already married and had no plans what so ever to tell me. Im heart broken and very much alone. ↑
Name: Dequom | Date: Jun 11th, 2007 5:25 PM
Well said Chrissy.....couldnt have said it better my self ↑
Name: jennifer_33106 | Date: Jun 11th, 2007 10:14 PM
I agree Krissy! Just because he is a horrible husband does not make him a bad father. If he wants to see his baby then by all means let him. You wouldnt have that little miracle if it wasn't for him. It takes two. Good Luck hawaiiangel81 and I hope you make the right decision. ↑
Name: hawaiiangel81 | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 12:00 AM
I just gave birth to a beautiful little girl & her name is Samantha Mica . She is the light of my life . I called his phone to talk to him the other day and his wife answered the phone & told me that she didnt believe that this was his baby and i was just a liar out to get money from her husband. She also said that her husband will never see our daughter. I can't believe shes trying to punish an innocent baby. Samantha never did anything to her . Her husband did and i did . ↑
Name: sassychick | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 1:37 PM
Congratulations on your new daughter hawaiiangel. As for the father and his wife, I'm sure the wife is still in denial about the whole situation and the father is probably scared to death that she's eventually going to find out the truth....that he is the father. If I were you I would force him to take a paternity test. Your not out for his money you trying to support the daughter that he helped create and that he's also responsible for. He needs to step up and support his child. I know you must be going through so much right now both physically and mentally. Please take care of yourself and Samantha and I'm sure the situation will eventually work itself out. A child is a blessing no matter if it was conceived in a time of deceit or not. ↑
Name: hawaiiangel81 | Date: Jul 5th, 2007 12:09 AM
Apparently he told her the truth but she doesnt believe him and this makes things worse cause she can't have kids and he wants to show his daughter off to his family and she wont allow them to know about the baby. He told me hes is ready to leave her because his priorities have changed to taking care of his little girl. He wants to have as much to do with his daughter and he comes buy everyday too see her. Weve had alot of long talks since i have given birth but hes not to the point hes ready to leave her. He told me if she gives the ultimatium eiother her or his daughter hes picking Samantha, ↑
Hawaii, don't lose yourself in this ~ Please remember that. Letting him into the baby's life is one thing, but letting him back into yours is quite another, especially while he's still in limbo with the wife, and confiding in you with his problems he's facing. On a much better note - CONGRATS on your little Samantha Mica. I'm very happy for you! And what a cute name. Good luck to you! :-) ↑
Name: hawaiiangel81 | Date: Jul 7th, 2007 2:13 AM
To be honest I am still in love with him but i dont know if i could ever trust him again. But his wife did give him the ultimatium which we knew was coming his daughter or her and he choose his daughter i am proud of him for standing up and doing whats right. He is a great dad and is over everyday after work to see his little angel. She has him wrapped around her pinkie. He told me that he is moving out and going to find a place near me so he can spend as much time with his daughter. He has decided to finally leave her. I don't know what will become but right know we are just being co-parents which is the best thing that we can do for samantha. ↑
Things have actually had a big change in our lives we got married Feb 2nd 2008. She will be a year on June 14th. I just found out i am pregnant w our 2nd. I know not everyones situation works out. But mine did . ↑
Name: Cat24 | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 4:11 AM
hawaii first of all i'd like to say well done for getting rid of the scumbag and focusing on yourself and your little girl. i also think that you should tell his wife, think if he has done this once already, he has probably done it to several other women and she has a right to know. just do it annonymously as im sure anyone who was the wife in this situation would want to be aware of what their so called 'loving husband' has been doing. ↑
Name: Cat24 | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 4:15 AM
lol hawaii i read this post a bit too late and didnt read all thats happened since. i do think though that if a cheat has done it once he will do it again, regardless of whether he has a ring on his finger or not. personally i think you have made a big mistake and been completely sucked back in by him, and now with baby number 2 you are even more trapped. all i can say is try not to be so naive when you see the little signs, because one way or another he WILL do it again, its in their nature. good luck ↑
Name: COLLEEN084 | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 9:48 AM
Cat I somewhat agree w/ what you're saying to hawaiian girl. All up to the point where you say its in "their" nature. Not all men will cheat on their mate and I do truly believe that a man can change. However, this is where the tricky part comes in. He has to truly want it AND show it. It can't just be 'blah blah blah, I love you and want to change' it has to be SHOWN too. The only comparison I personally can relate to on a similar subject is dealing w/ my dad as an alcoholic. Sure he WANTS to change all the time and I can see it in his eyes that it truly does hurt him when he hurts me, but it still isnt going to change a DAMN thing until I see something different. I sure do hope hawaiian girl gave her new hubby a chance to prove himself because his history is indeed a HUGE red flag. I also really hope she assesed whether or not she will stick by his side in the chance he slips up the way he did with his ex. I just hope she didn't take the plunge too quickly...I think thats sorta the sentiment you were running w/ too Cat ↑
Name: Cat24 | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 12:09 PM
yeah colleen i agree with your comment. when i put in their 'nature' i was not meaning all men, just the cheats. i do believe that a small percentage probably have the ability to change if they really want to, but this percentage is small and at the end of the day when a pretty young thing comes along and offers it on a plate this guy has shown that whether he is married or not, he doesnt think twice about it. i think he sexual power women have over these men is more overpowering than their ability to 'play it right' and not cheat. she is in denial at the moment and who knows it might take years for her to see, im not an 'i told u so' kind of person but i can see it happening and i don't even know much about the girl, the facts speak for themselves. and now he is not taking any involvement in his ex wife's pregnancy which i think is just wrong. it shows his guilt and he is making her out to be a nutter so that his denial can stand up. the poor child will suffer from this and its just so cruel. the guy cheats, can't take responsibility and then has hawaii jumping to his every demand, - he hasnt got it bad has he!! ↑
His ex wife didnt even tell him that it was his baby until after we got married and she is due the end of the month. He will support her but when she got pregnant she had been living with a guy her bf and know he dumped her in january . He is a great father and as far me going right back to him he had to regain my trust which he has. I do believe him . Its not all blind faith i watch for the signs . He & i have an open line of communication. They both had already checked out of the marriage when i happened. I understand that things all happen for a reason . I do have to question him sometimes and he knows thats because of his history. But he will always answer me with out hesitation because he loves me. I know some of you doubt my decision to marry him but i thought long and hard about it and i am sure i made the right decision but i also say time will tell. He knows i have no problem leaving him if he cheats i am gone as fast as u can blink an eye. ↑
Name: Cat24 | Date: Apr 21st, 2008 7:34 AM
hawaii how can you say you will be gone if he cheats? because he lied to you from the day you met him, and you forgave him. his ex wife is pregnant and it could very well be his baby (cheats tend to get around) and you have forgiven him. i honestly think the guy has got you wrapped around his little finger, as long as he tells you his ex wife was a psycho nutcase then you will believe that. but the facts are that he could have very easily gone back to her for a brief encounter behind your back. the only way to tell is a DNA test. facing the truth is always the best way in the end. ↑
