My daughter is almost 1- how times flies!!!! But ever since she was 8 weeks old she has been in daycare and loves it the teachers and the kids but is always excited to see and be with myself and my husband...well there is a particular girl there who absolutely loves my daughter and my daughter loves her to death too. And also that my daughter has learned to say mama, she says it all the time and pretty much calls anyone she wants that, but I know she knows that I am 'the one'. Anyway, I just feel strange sometimes when people go on and on about how much my daughter is attached to this one particular teacher. Saying my daughter bawls and screams for 'mama' when this girl leaves to go on break. She was that way to the director and still loves her, but I think the director has stepped back just a little so she doesn't have her SO attached to her, and I appreciate that...and I feel bad being at all concerned b/c the one particular girl is going through some personal issues and I know having my daughter there and so loving really is good for her...but like this morning we were waiting for the daycare to open and I was talking to another mom and the girl walked up to get my daughter right from my arms and stood there talking to us waiting for the person with the key to open...and then said I could leave since she had her...I mean I value each moment with my daughter and it is really little things like that. Plus I didn't want to leave until I had seen her inside the building. Am I normal and or wrong for feeling the way I do? Should I say something to the director, and if so what could I say w/o hurting anyone's feelings...I really love the daycare and the people. Thanks for any advice... ↓
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Name: ginger6363 | Date: Jun 25th, 2008 9:44 AM
I don't think there is anything wrong with what your feeling, and if I were in the situation, I would be concerned a bit too. I don't think the teacher had done anything wrong, except maybe cross some professional boundries--she's acting more like a friend than your daycare teacher (with the waiting outside incident, anyway). I might call a meeting with the director and just express my concern in a positive and professional way---just say something like you feel that the teacher is getting a bit too attached to your child and it may not be healthy for your child or for the teacher to be too closely attached esp since your child will move up (I'm guessing) to a level and different teacher when she gets older, not only that but you want your daughter to be a little more independent and your concerned the teacher's overattention may not be helping in that area. You could always tell the director that you want to remain anoymous since you aren't lodging a complaint and ask that it be addressed between the director and the teacher. I don't think that's unreasonable, but that's just my opinion. Good luck! ↑
Name: margie | Date: Jun 25th, 2008 12:33 PM
I would feel the same way that you do. I would probably be even more upset honestly because thats why we are struggling so hard and my dh isn't working so he can stay home with our dd because I didn't want her bonding with some stranger so much and thinking of them as their mama because then I feel it would be harder to have the same relationship with her at home. I think that what she did was really out of line in my opinion. I get a little peeved even when my MIL just grabs my daughter out of my arms like that and acts like she doesn't want me there--if that girl did that to me I'd be pretty pissed off. Not to mention the safety issues! So lets say this girl is having emotional issues like you said, feels like your daughter is the only thing that makes her happy, I would think crazy things like what if I left her there outside the daycare--who would be stopping her from just taking her? I'm sure she means no harm but I think that there is reason to address your concerns. ↑
Name: countrymom401 | Date: Jun 25th, 2008 5:42 PM
ummmm I will start by saying I am a sahm . So I don't have to leave my baby with other people. But as for grabbing your child out of your arms that would tick me off. Of course you want to see your child go into the building.....who wouldn't. Now I also know that babies and small children do get attached to other people and it is perfectly normal. Your dd is not calling her mama because she thinks shes her mama. She just calls that because it is one of the only words she knows that gets her attention from someone when she wants it.Your baby knows your her mommy and loves you more then anyone. But I am NOT in your shoes. If you feel uncomfortable about this teacher and the bond she has with YOUR child then I would absolutely say something to the director. :) ↑
Name: margie | Date: Jun 25th, 2008 6:23 PM
oh i just also wanted to add that i agree with countrymom that your baby knows that you are her mama, i think that babys instincively all know who that is no matter who else they also bond with ↑
Name: angeev | Date: Jun 25th, 2008 8:17 PM
Hello-I apologize if I am repeating what has been said but I am in abit of a hurry. First of all, she does know you are the one. I worked in childcare for years and you do get very attached to the children, but there is a line. Okay maybe your daughter does cry for this teacher and call her 'mama' and maybe they think it is cute, but telling a parent that is really treading on thin ice. You want to be honest with parents and let them know their children are cared for but any kind of comment implying or making you feel like you could be replaced...you just don't say those things to parents, especially knowing how hard it is for many to leave their children even in the most fabulous of centers. Honestly, as a parent I get sick to my stomach when I need to discuss an issue with the center, I don't know why especially since every issue I have had has been so so minor. But, looking it at it from a teacher's perspective, I think you could, and should, say something to the director. Every director I have ever worked for was great at keeping things from the staff (and parents to a degree) to save feelings but would really throw feelings out the window when it came to safety issues. I think you could explain your feelings to the director and make it very clear that you appreciate the relationship they have but your feelings are being hurt alittle and, if you would llike, that she would rather you NOT share this with the teacher. As asst. director I had to deal with a couple similar issues and this is a time when a white lie to the teacher is okay...maybe they can put her in another room at times and create a little distance, she could tell the teacher it is possible to et too attached and she is only making it more difficult for the child's upcoming transition to the toddler room, or that the director sees it as an issue and not you. Personally, I think how you explained things here do not sound negative toward the center at all. And you are not crazy for feeling this way, it is totally understandable. Okay, I am going on and on,sorry. Now I have to go ask my question. Really, it is possible to get too attached. I have been out of childcare for 3 years and still think of the kids and can't help but cry when I go make my annual visit back home. ↑
Name: tish212 | Date: Jun 25th, 2008 8:27 PM
i can understand your feelings... it seems this girl has become overly attached to your daughter...and maybe you might want to TRY to approach her and speak with her directly that you like the fact she is so loving to your daughter but she needs to realize that she is your dd, the whole taking her from your arms thing and telling you that you could go would make me mad, however i wouldn't have let her take my child from me...(not saying anything bad to you) but i think that if you want to make that boundry clear you need to say something...and NO i wouldn't ever leave my dd with a "worker" of a daycare when the daycare isn't open, anything could happen... ↑
Name: filly06 | Date: Jun 26th, 2008 8:20 AM
Thank you ladies...it's helped! Also, that morning I did not leaver until I went insied with ehr and got her back to give her a hug and kiss. :) But yes I know she knows that I am mama...but like you have all so kindly related it is hard to have to send her to daycare and go to work. ;) I did talk to the director yesterday, but kind of indirectly...since my daughter is about to be 1 I asked when she was moving to another room...and it will be soon. So that makes me feel better. Plus apparently the girl ended up needing to have the director step in a take my daughter b/c she was 'being bad'. Well not to brag but that SO does not sound like my daughter...but I think she may be getting bored in the nursery and possibily annoyed by the girl's attention. My dd LOVES attention but she is also to a certain point independant. I asked the director how was she when she got her and she said fine...so maybe my dd is fixing this issue for me. ;) But like I said I really really like her daycare and am glad she is somewhere she likes and is learning to share and so on...but thank you so much for advice and lending me a shoulder, you guys are fantastic. :) ↑
Name: angeev | Date: Jun 26th, 2008 9:40 PM
Happy to hear you kind of talked with the director and are feeling abit better. Thanks for letting us know, it might sound silly but I was wondering how you were doing. ↑
