im pregnant, and father told me to terminate pregnancy
Name: beth ellen | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 12:09 PM
hi, im nearly 3 months preganat the dad left me 1 week before i found i was , i done what i though was best and told him , i was expecting, and he told me to get rid of,, now i have had threats of his dad , saying to leave him alone or he will make things impossible for me ,he even is denying it is his , but he is the only person i have had intercourse with, in my heart i want to keep it , but i am already a single parent and find doing it alone sometimes so lonely, can anyone give me any advice, i love him to bits and i would love us to be a family, but i cant see it happening , coz he listens to his dad , his dad split us up in the first place, and i cant even talk to him because im scared of wot his dad mite do.. ↓
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Name: Teddyfinch | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 6:23 PM
i say f*** his dad. it's yours and your ex's baby and none of the old man's business. tell him to do what he wants. he tries to make things impossible for you, you can get a paternity test, prove it's his and make him pay child support. this guy sounds like a real loser. take him for all he's worth. he's earned it. ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 7:32 PM
Hi Beth Ellen. This the first time I'm actually responding to anyone in this forum. But I just wanted to say, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm also a widowed/single mom, got pregnant and found out after we broke up. I struggled with my decision. But I ended up keeping my baby. If you decide to keep your baby, the best thing to do is to do it on your own for now. You can not make the baby's father care for you or your pregnancy. He will have to come around on his own. The hard part is, his own father is actually condoning his son's actions!! What his father is doing is very wrong and cruel! If his dad is that way, well "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". And I'm sure he's also putting lots of pressure on his own son to keep him from talking to you. (if he wanted to) What I did when my baby's father left me was, I let him go. He told me he had someone else and he didn't want to be a part of my pregnancy.It hurt so much. I had plenty of time to think about everything he said to me. All he did was make me feel awful every time we talked. And all he talked about was how stressed out he was. He had nothing nice to say but a lot of hurtful words to throw at me. I was his emotional punching bag. I found myself thinking about him constantly because I loved him so much. It was nonstop. From the moment I woke up till when I fell asleep. It was too much for me to bear. I was tired and emotionally drained. I couldn't concentrate on my family. Then I thought about my baby and how unfair all this is to him. I decided to put my baby boy first. Life does get better coz that was just 1 month ago. From then, my whole outlook has changed. My heart is slowly healing coz I don't have bf badgering me about "it's your fault". I changed my phone number and started to accept being a single pregnant mom. Once you've decided that you are better off without him, you will feel so much better. It doesn't mean that he will never come around, it just means that you're taking control of your life in order to be a happy healthy mom. It takes time but it's all worth it. I hope this helps you. I know how difficult this is. This forum has helped me so much just reading about all these strong women who are fighting their own battles. I wish you the best! And God bless you and your baby! ↑
Name: beth ellen | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 6:52 PM
thanks xndra, that helps i have deicided im gonna go ahead with the pregnancy, after alot of thought, i have come to the conclusion how much happiness this will bring to my life , i still have heard nothing from the father but i will just wait ,at the end of the day, he will be the one loosing out , he wont be there for the little things the first kick, first scan, etc, i will have all the memories, plus a beautiful baby, i still feel so hurt by him , and wish he could see sense if he didnt live in his fathers shadow he may see what was going on , i really feel sometimes i wanna go to his house grab his hand put it on my stomach and say this is yours just look what ya missing , im glad that you are doing well , how many months are you now ???well lets hope we both have an easy pregnancy from here ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 8:31 PM
Sorry so long....
First of all I'd like to say "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" I'm sure you're going to be a great mom. Seems like you're already making sound decisions for yourself and baby. I agree that it will be his loss. Having a baby is such a blessing and he chooses to miss out. That shows you what type of man he is. He's not smart enough to think for himself and he's weak for allowing someone else to dictate his life. He's hiding behind his father and taking the easy way out. What you're doing is a good thing. Be patient and give him space. He may come around later. Just focus on yourself and baby. Keep yourself busy. Some things I've done with friends are I take initiative to make dates with my girlfriends to go out to dinner, shopping, go out for ice cream or take a nice walk at the park and talk. Sometimes I invite them over and we all help cook dinner then watch a movie. Try to surround yourself with family who are supportive. Oh and also lookinto Prenatal yoga when you're a little furter along.
As for me, I'm 6 months along. I'm getting more excited and less heartbroken. Don't get me wrong, I still care about my baby's father and still have some moments when I hurt. But those moments don't last quite as long as before. I think we all go through those painful times when we think " how can he not care?" But overall, I know I'm getting over him. It feels good to feel good. I realized that he's just a distraction for me. I've been so focused on getting things done and preparing for my baby that I think less and less of him. Since we stopped talking, I'm getting back on track.
Keep it up. And remember that it's ok to feel your emotions, but don't let them control you. Oh.. how long were you with him? ↑
Name: beth ellen | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 8:46 PM
hi, 6months wow , im so glad everything is going good for you , and you are well,,how old are ya other kids, mine are 10 and 5... im gonna try and not be ruled by my emotions , but i am very up and down at the mo, but like ya say, things move on and we start to get over these things , , i was with the babys father for only 7 months, he was the first person i was with since my marrage broke down after 11 years, and its been 2 years for me to get over that, and unfortunatly, one nite of unproteced passion, at xmas has left me pregnant and single again , i thought the babies dad really liked me as much as liked him , but with his dad the 3rd person in the relastionship it made things impossible, and when i told my partner he told his dad and things went the way they have ,,, i just want things to be so diffrent, i have told my sisters who i am really close to, and my friends who said they would be there no matter what,but im soooo scared to tell my parents,, its so hard , i want him here holding my hand we should be telling people together,... ↑
Name: tprautz | Date: Feb 18th, 2008 10:48 AM
I can relate, first you need to do what is best for you and your child. I found out last week am preg for the second time and of course we just decided to not see each other but I first thought maybe I should have a abortion but was I doing it to make him happy or even life easier on him, forget that I am a single paretn to a great 8yr girl she is everthing am more and if I made the choice to be her mother then how come I can be one again to this unborn child. ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Feb 19th, 2008 2:07 PM
Sounds like we're about the same. My husband died 2 1/2 years ago and we were married for 8 1/2 years. I stayed single for 2 years until I met my baby's father. I really fell for him. We were only together for 3 months and we broke up. He's younger than me and has no kids of his own so I didn't want to constrict him. But I still loved him. Then I found out I was pregnant a month later. He told me he didn't want the baby and to get an abortion. First he went to his father for advise. Fortunately his father wants us to go through with the pregnancy. Well my bf didn't agree to it but tried to be there. I guess if phone calls matter, at least he would call me to check up on me. Then he just stopped calling altogether. Last I heard from him was he was with someone else and he told me he wasnt' going to be there for me during my pregnancy. Then he said he wanted a paternity test and will take me to court to get full custody of our baby if it's his. My heart was crushed. I asked him "why? what happened?" Another woman happened. I loved him so much and all I wanted to do was be a happy family. But he said that he didn't want a family from a broken home. I cried for days. I still do sometimes. I haven't heard from him for a few weeks now. So I understand the roller coaster ride you're going thru. I keep hearing that it's normal to have these emotions. Well... I'm really tired of having a broken heart in my chest. I guess it's one of those days for me. ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Feb 19th, 2008 4:30 PM
Hey .. i completely spaced out on replying to your questions. it hasn't been a good day for me. You know telling your parents will help you alleviate alot of the emotions you're feeling. I struggled for a month before telling my mother. My sisters, mom and myself were all in one room when I made the announcement. My sisters already knew and were there for support. After finally telling Mom, I felt relieved. I wasn' t hiding anything from her anymore. But more important, I had my mom, my best friend to confide in. Of course she was upset at first, but now..she's more concerned than anything else.
I have 3 boys from my husband. 12, 8, & 7. They're all excited about baby. How old are you? And have you told your kids yet?? Has he tried contacting you? I hope you're holding up ok. I'm always stealing hugs and kisses from my boys. It's the best remedy for a broken heart.
And tprautz, congrats in your decision. Sounds like you have a good helper by your side already. ↑
Name: beth ellen | Date: Feb 19th, 2008 7:04 PM
HEY WHATS UP WHY,today not so good ?... im 29, hows about you? i know how ya feel though about the aching in ya chest, i just hope it will end,not word from him yet hows your situation going ?i still havnt told , my mum and dad, im so scared , and i havnt told the kid either , there just doesnt seem to be the rite time ,to many emotions for one person to deal with ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Feb 21st, 2008 12:43 AM
Hi... I'm 31. yesterday was pretty emotional for me. It's been tough,coz i still miss him so much. sometimes i feel stupid for wanting a jerk to be in my life. I guess that's what makes us women different from men... we're loving creatures not heartless. I know things will get better, it's just a question of when. Anyway, enough about me...how are you holding up? I know it's hard to tell the ones closest to you, but once you've worked up the courage, you'll just tackle it! My girlfriend said to me when i was in your shoes was, "Ain't nuthin to it but to do it." She said it so calmly. But it really stuck to me. To this day when a challenge, task or whatever else comes up that NEEDS to be handled, I just repeat that phrase to myself. Believe it or not... it gives me a push to get it done. Don't worry, you're a grown woman and you made a very good decision for you. God won't give you anything that you can't handle. And just think, the worst that can happen is for your parents to be mad at you. But soon they will see past their anger and know that you did the right thing by giving your child a chance at life. And they'll see you for the strong woman that you are. Don't let other people make decisions for you. No one else will live your life for you but you. Dang I can ramble on..LOL! Well, talk to you soon :) ↑
Name: tprautz | Date: Feb 21st, 2008 6:42 AM
Am glad I made the decision to keep the baby no matter what we chose someone will have a negative or positive commentm, well I feel God will not give me more than I can handle...The father knows the truth and from here I need to concentrate on my new child to be and my daughter from a previous relationship, children are gifts from God. We should be blessed for we chose the road less traveled most would terminate the pregancy and more on, NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑
Name: cors1wfe | Date: Feb 24th, 2008 10:26 AM
my husband and I married 5 years had 2 sons already 8 and 4 - ended up pregnant while using nuvaring - I was upset because I just knew that my dh was going to freak out - he did - he asked me not to have it - said it just wasn't the time for us - we were done etc etc. - well I went so far as to even make an appointment - then cancel it later - I even spent the first night after telling him at my mom because I just didnt' want to hear all his nonsense as to why it wasn't a good time and that it was better not to have it - it was one of the worst nights of my life - I just thought for sure that I would lose him - then do you know what happened? I WOKE UP - I realized that after all of this time together if he could be that selfish than he wasnt' the man I married nor the man I wanted to spend my life with - I came home I told him we weren't young irresponsible kids and that abortion was not an option for us - I told him that I loved him very much and I am sorry that he was going to feel upset about it for however long but he might as well get used to the idea of another baby because another baby was on the way. I told him that I prayed and hoped that he would not resent me or the baby but I couldn't risk resenting him FOREVER had I done what he wanted - and that was that - I put my foot down and left it up to him - he could stay and accept it or leave and be free- although it was very tense in our home for a few weeks - he came home one day - ready to accept the baby and my decision to have the baby - when we found out it was a girl he was so happy and just hugged and kissed me and THANKED ME for not listening to his selfish stupid talk. He rubs my belly all the time and talks to my belly button like it's a microphone - I know it will be hard and in the end it might not go the way you want but selfishness to that point is very dangerous.....if you want the baby then HAVE the baby - it will be up to him to decide whether to stay or go and you were ok before he came along and you will be ok if he decides to bail - Good luck - You are strong! Do what you have to do for you! Married or not an unplanned pregnancy can really be tough on a couple! ↑
Name: Cat24 | Date: Feb 29th, 2008 7:39 AM
i was suprised to hear that more terminations happen not because of terrible situations such as rape or a very young mother, but actually they happen more often in couples that are married!! i was shocked to hear it because i always thought that most terminations would be teen mums and rape victims. it seems that most of them are actually when the kid 'messes' up their plans. beth ellen that guy isnt worthy of you and most certainly not worthy of your baby. i can't believe there was so called 'men' out there that give such vile ultimatums to the woman they are supposed to 'love'. i wouldn't call it love when your partner wants you to destroy the little creation you made together. if you are that scared of his dad ellen beth, i would consider a harassment injunction or some form of Police protection. they are treating you like a criminal who should be punished. what vile, nasty men they really are. you deserve better. ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Feb 29th, 2008 5:57 PM
Hey Beth Ellen... just checkin in on you to see how you're doing.. Hope you're ok : ) ↑
Name: beth ellen | Date: Feb 29th, 2008 6:06 PM
hi im not to bad, had an altercation with my ex and his dad the otherday, tried to talk to him to get medical history, next thomg his dad was behind me swearing and shouting, was so scared police are being involved coz of threats ,but im ok seen the midwife everything is good got my ultrasound next week, ...... hows things at your end any luckwith babys daddy? how you feeling ? ↑
Name: Xndra | Date: Mar 3rd, 2008 3:12 PM
Hi, glad to hear you're ok. You must be excited for your ultrasound. Are you going to find out the baby's gender? This is one of the most rewarding time for moms. I think you should definitely get a Restraining Order on his father!! He has no right to treat you that way! He sounds really vicious toward you. More so than the baby's father. And before your baby's arrival, you should consider your long term safety as well. The only person who has a right to see your child is the baby's father. No one else. But even he is questionable. What a jerk! Urgh! Talk to a lawyer if you can. I checked out this website singlepregnancy.com and it has alot of helpful info for women like us. As for me, I haven't heard from my baby's daddy for a month now. But, I'm fine. I've been really busy. Looking for an apartment and getting organized before baby. I'm also helping a little with my Baby shower for some added fun. And I have a girlfriend who just gave birth on Saturday and she's sooooo happy! She's also doing this alone. But seeing her little angel last night just got my spirits up. I know things will be ok for us. We just have to continue to keep out head up. Take care and stay safe. ↑
