I will be 48 soon and have 3 healthy children of 26, 23 and 17. I recently married and my husband is 11 years younger than me. he also has a healthy child aged 3 (doesn't see much) from a previous relationship. i have started to have very strong urges that i want another child. emotionally and physically i feel ready for this. i eat a very healthy diet, am of normal weight, do not smoke, do not drink and avoid any chemicals etc. BUT it is my age I am worried about. I do not look or act 48. everyone thinks I am younger and my periods are regular and normal. But now I have started looking into pregnancy at my age the fear is creeping in. The statistics for having a child with Down's syndrome are unbelievably high. also I know I would not be able to go through with a termination so i do not find all the tests offered to 'older mothers' reassuring at all. I do not know if I am being selfish. if i follow my desire to try for another child it seems I have a high risk of giving birth to a handicapped child, which even if I could cope, would mean the life and lifestyle of my husband and existing children would be greatly affected. this is going round and round in my head and I cannot decide whether to try for a baby or not - I do not know how real these risks are! any advise is welcome. ↓
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Name: lil-miss-saunders | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 4:16 AM
Hey jeanniek if you really have doubts about carrying and giving birth to a child, have you ever concidered adoption? I know it may not be the same as having a child of your own but it prevents all of the risks that you mentioned? ↑
Name: jeanniek | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 5:37 AM
Hi and thanks for your reply,
I really would like a child from my husband. but also I loved being pregnant and loved breastfeeding and the babies when they were tiny. these were precious moments in my life. it is more that I feel my husband and I should have a child together. for the first time i am with a man who will be a good father! also i am too old for adopting a baby i think - i do not fulfil all the criteria unfortunately. ↑
Name: candaceann | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 4:53 PM
I am sorry but at 48, I would not consider having a child. The cons out weight the pros. ↑
Name: MELANIE | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 6:56 PM
hello jeanniek ,(i would try) is my answer to you,because you will always think I WISH, I WISH, hopefully you have a good doctor who will understand your needs , hopes, and fears,(harley street in london) has very good doctors who will explain all the statistic .but most doctors are pretty well up on the risks,i will hope you will feel ok what ever your decision ↑
Name: Buff | Date: Dec 7th, 2006 2:05 PM
there are positive stories out there, my own mother was 44 when I was born, and my DH's aunt had her last child at 49, perfect and uncomplicated. It can be done. In the end, you need to decide what's best for you and your family. Good luck ↑
Name: suze42 | Date: Jan 4th, 2007 10:57 PM
Elizabeth Edwards, the senators wife, had 2 kids late in life at 48 and 50 I believe. Im sure she is very happy w/her decision. And those kids are adorable.
So go for it. ↑
Name: sonia989 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 12:28 PM
It's true that the risk of downs is higher, but you would probably have a lot of trouble getting preg in the first place. The preg rate for women 40-42 is about 20 % in one year of trying and the m/c rate in women doing ivf at this age is about 50%. And you are quite a bit older than that. However, if you can afford donor eggs, you can have a baby at practically any age. It costs about $30 000 for a cycle, but it gives you options you never would have had, and the preg rate per cycle is very high- about 60%. When you hear of celebrities and rich women who have kids after 45, a lot of them are surely getting this kind of assistance. And with eggs from a young donor, the downs risk is according to the donor's age, not yours. I hope you get your baby! ↑
Name: orchidmom | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 6:16 AM
I guess it will be depend whether you will be ready to have a baby at this age, specially your health. ↑
Name: jeannie123 | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 10:19 AM
One thing I would point out is that two of your children may be at the age where they will have children themselves soon... how would you feel about having children the same age as your grandchildren. You may just want to enjoy this time of your life and start bugging your kids to have babies like my mom does!! ↑
Name: AmericanReject | Date: Jan 26th, 2007 6:59 AM
honestly in my opinion..i think you should not have another kid...because when your kid goes into high school you'll be about 60 or 65 years old...and thats grandma age...if you like the babies and your kids are going to have kids...then why dont you wait and have them make you a grandma...you can help them when the babies are little and it might make your needs to have a child less....but i know you want one from your husband but i'm thinking its a little selfish to put your kid through that...you have kids already and they are amazing i bet..i think you should cherish that and pray for a grandchild....in my honest opinion ↑
Name: intlbaby | Date: Mar 30th, 2007 9:49 PM
I have a couple of friends who got pregnant w/o medical assistance at 44 and 45. Everyone is a little different -- a woman's fertility is usually fine until about 10 years before menopause. If your mother/sisters/aunts had late (late 50s - early 60s) menopause, then I say go for it. ↑
Name: javidsgirl | Date: Apr 3rd, 2007 6:40 PM
you know i think if you truly want a child then go for it you see women of all ages having children this day and age and after all who are we to tell you not to right? if this is want you and your husband want and god willing go for it ↑
Name: slowpoke01 | Date: May 1st, 2007 12:01 AM
i would say to go for it. if it is really what you want then just try it. you may or not get pregnant but at least you tried and you wont have any regrets later. yes the risk of downs is higher, but i know a girl in her 20's who had a downs baby so i think that it can happen at any age and if it is truly what you want to do then you will be able to deal with it whether or not it has downs. also have you thought about ivf? in ivf they can do genetic screening to check the embryos for genetic disorders such as downs and that way they only implant healthy embryos back into you. just a thought. i say go for it if that is what you want. you cant let fear of the unknown hold you back or you will never get anywhere. good luck to you. ↑
Name: Roby | Date: May 5th, 2007 9:13 PM
was married to my high school sweetheart for 18 years and had 4 beautiful sons, now grown... I lost my first child 6 months into my pregnancy. I then divorced, (not such a sweetheart ladies), and remarried, for 10 years to a man who had already had a vasectomy. Right, no babies there... now, for reasons I won't speak about, I am with someone new, a wonderful man... just turned 50 today... I am 47, and I desparately want just one more chance... I feel so young inside in heart and mind and we both have so much to offer a child... I'm so much smarter now, I've made all the mistakes, I've done the whole "selfish" thing that everyone goes through... I want to have another child, and give her, him? The world, raise her balanced, educated and secure. Teach her to recognize all the blessings in life, and all the warning signs... I'll bet anyone who implies that a woman is too old to have a child, is probably in her 20's to 30's... and not to discount that age group, as it was a wonderful time in my life... but, step back a minute and don't discount my age group either... we are women too, full of love, full of life, and full of desire... who cares what anyone thinks?!!!? With any luck, I will have another child, and I will raise that child with the knowledge, wisdom and experience that my 47 years has given me... as well as the youth, wonder and whimsy that is still in my heart... to all of my "sisters" out there, I say "damn the torpedoes!!!" Go for it!!! ↑
Name: CyndiG | Date: May 6th, 2007 11:17 PM
I know this isn't the popular response, but, my grandmother and my mother were pregnant at the same time. I have an aunt and uncle that are 2 years older and the same age as me respectively. My grandmother passed away 4 years ago, leaving her two youngest children at 29 and 31 motherless. My uncle literally had to be dragged off of her casket. It was so sad! I know it's hard to think of death, but it will inevitably happen. I also know that 29 and 31 is old enough to be self sufficient, but we always need our mommies. That's just one perspective that I have personal experience with. Good Luck with your decision! ↑
Name: frankschick2001 | Date: May 14th, 2007 4:08 PM
I think at 48, I would worry too. I would never tell you not to do it, but for me, I wouldn't try to get pregnant at 48. The risks ARE real. Adoption is an alternative. Although again, I do not know how easy it would be to adopt at 48. Perhaps if you were willing to adopt an older child, it would be easier? ↑
Name: billsgirl | Date: May 19th, 2007 4:30 PM
i completely agree with cindi- it is sad to think about, but it would be so hard to bury a parent at a young age.sorry ↑
Name: hawaiiangel81 | Date: Jul 20th, 2007 12:05 AM
I don't see anything wrong with you having a baby at 48 i am the daughter of older parents. I was loved and they were there for me and i loved having my neices and nephews who are my age. ↑
Name: docbytch | Date: Jul 20th, 2007 6:33 AM
Go for it. As for the people discouraging you....it's not as if only "older" parents get buried by their kids at young ages. People can die at all ages. It is getting old to see how people on this board assume 60 is soo freakin old to have a kid in high school. Like 60 means you are unable to enjoy life or something. My father died at age 52 when I was 18...despite the fact he had been in perfect physical health. Occupational hazards made it such he ended up dying of Brain Cancer 7 mos after dx. Shit happens. It's unfair of younger women who have many childbearing years ahead of them to judge women who are older. I also stand up for young moms too when older women judge them too harshly... You gotta follow your heart in matters like this. I also know many kids of older parents who grew up very happy well adjusted. It's not as if they saw their parents doing nothing but sitting around in rocking chairs waiting for life to end!!! Puhlllleez. Good Luck ↑
Name: littlebaby2 | Date: Dec 5th, 2007 2:45 PM
getting prego at 48 is like winning the lotto...good luck! ↑
Name: BeckyBunny | Date: Dec 6th, 2007 12:54 AM
I think that the most you have to worry about at this age is how your children will feel. Have you discussed it with them to get their opinion? Surely their opinions are worth more than the opinions of a bunch of strangers. You have obviously given this a lot of thought. Personally I would say that if you wholeheartedly want a child, and your husband feels the same, and your children do not object - go for it. You are obviously a healthy person and are probably capable of bearing another child. My Grandmother had 12 kids, the last at age 42 - she was pregnant at the same time as her oldest daughter. My uncle Kevin, Grandma's youngest, and my cousin Rachelle are only a couple months apart in age. As far as I know, my Aunt never had any problems being pregnant at the same time as her mother. I must tell you also, that Kevin, while he does function perfectly fine in society, is not retarded or deformed or anything - he is just a tad bit slow, and he tends to think like a child. There are always risks, you just have to get with a good doctor who will work with you, and decide: do the benefits outweigh the risks? I wish you all the best. ↑
Name: LN030905 | Date: Dec 10th, 2007 9:41 PM
If you want a child then you should go for it!! It does help your chances that your husband is younger..as long as he is also healthy. If God allows you to get pregnant, then your child will be a blessing to you and your family. If you do want this, of course, I would suggest ttc right away! Maybe go ahead and visit with a DR just to make sure everything is okay so you dont waste any time! Good Luck! ↑
Name: 3_babies_at_41 | Date: Jan 30th, 2008 1:03 AM
Wow woman, you really got guts!!! And I thought I was cookoo (smile) for wanting another baby at almost 42. I too have 3 children; however, mine are ages 3, 2, & 1. My opinion, go for it ---- because if you don't, you may end up regretting it; when it is TRULY too late. ↑
Name: ^lucy^ | Date: Feb 4th, 2008 5:10 PM
my mom's friend had her last baby around 3 months ago and she's 45... she has 2 boys from a previous marriage who are 21 and 16 and has 2 girls 6 and 4 from her current marriage.. she wanted a boy from her curent husband and decided to give it a try.. she had fears just like u did but had faith that what God is planning then she will get. she has an adorable baby girl who is so healthy and cute.. her preganancy was easy and normal and her delivery wad the easiest among all she said.. no tears nothing cz its her 5th child and she's so happy that she tried and never kept saying I WISH.. talk to ur doctor and hope things will go right for u and ur husband..its fun to be pregnant after all those years :) GL xx ↑
Name: Bumblebee | Date: Feb 23rd, 2008 3:14 AM
jeanniek - How wonderful that you feel young at heart and want to share that with your and your wonderful husband's baby! The stats are just that - numbers in a pool of unknown realities and infinite possibilities. Along with your good diet and young heart and supportive family, I wish you the faith to follow your happiness. Down's or healthy baby, it will all be a family filled with life and love... and either way, will be a lifestyle change along a wonderful adventurous path. The down's or other challenged kids I have met and played with - have always completely and wholly sucked me into their world of amazing sweet laughter and unique gifts..... and have allowed me a peek into a world I cherish. I wish you all the best with the decision. :) ↑
Name: Lola128 | Date: Feb 24th, 2008 5:29 PM
Hi Jeanniek, while I understand your desire to have a baby, I think you should maybe reconsider for your child's sake. Lets say you got pregnant right away, you would be 49 when the child is born. You'd be 64 when your child got into high school. About 69 at high school graduation. While you sound as though you lead a pretty healthy lifestyle, risk factors to your own health will grow at an exponential rate. Will you honestly have the energy required to be a fun, energetic parent to a young child, full time? What about the very real risk for that child of losing a parent at possibly a young age? I was in my 20's when my mother passed and it was horrendous, though I was an adult, no one should lose a parent that young. In your situation that could be a very real possibility for your child. I truly don't mean to be insensitive or offensive, I do understand that your motivations are altruistic, but I think that they may be a little bit short- sighted. Perhaps you should instead encourage your new husband to have a closer relationship with his 3 year old, one that you may be able to be a part of. After all, a new baby should not, and could not be a replacement for his existing child. I hope that I haven't been thoughtless or harsh, but for a moment, think about this baby you want to have...think about how much you would love it, and how much it would love you, would you really be o.k with setting that child up, from birth, with the very real possibility of only knowing you for 25 years or so? That child's life might only be just starting then, should they have to watch as yours is winding to a close? Again, I do truly wish you all the best in whatever your decision is, I do caution you to think it over deeply, even the unpleasant parts nobody wants to think about. ↑
Name: Cat24 | Date: Mar 26th, 2008 8:53 AM
i think this is a difficult one because whilst every woman has the right to have a baby unfortunately facts of life, health issues and circumstances mean that such decisions need to be deeply thought into. i think i would have more sympathy for jeanniek if she didnt have any kids at all and was desperate for a baby with the love of her life. i also disagree with roby who tried making this into an ageism issue. to me its nothing to do with being 'anti women in their 40's' its to do with the bare facts of life, the risks, the impact on her other children and how long she will live to see this baby grow up, get married, have kids of his/her own. nobody can predict these things but science has told us that the liklihood at a later stages in life is higher. i agree with what americanreject said about looking forward to grandchildren now, enjoy watching your own children do the whole pregnancy, birth and motherhood thing. i do think it is a selfish thing to inflict on a baby because it seems like its something she wants to do because she has a new fella in her life, wants to please him etc. but then he also has a child, so its not like either of them would end up 'missing out' on what its like to bring a child into the world. i honestly think sometimes we should appreciate and be happy with what we have, rather than thinking 'what do i want next' and forgetting all the risks and implications it will have on everyone else. ↑
