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May Give Baby Up For Adoption, But Do I Want To?

3 posts on this thread and the last post was on November 16th, 2009 5:38 PM
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KingDavid72 - April 30th, 2009 8:57 PM
 [Original Post]

My fiance and I met at the end of June 2008. I asked her to marry me in October and gave her an engagement ring. Things were perfect and then, she got pregnant in november. A couple months later, things began to go downhill. A month ago, she told me she didn't want to keep the baby or marry me anymore. I figured it was just hormones because she has been on some serious mood swings lately, but I overlook that because she is not herself right now. I love her more than life itself. Now, we each have 3 kids from a previous marriage and this pregnancy was not planned. She has given me the ring back and asked for her housekey back and wants to give the baby to her twin sister and her husband who live almost 4 hours away. I have been opposed to this until just recently bacause I am finally trying to think of what would be best for the baby and not just what "I" want. I am a nervous wreck over this because the baby is my child and he always will be. I don't want to lose him or my fiance but I stand to lose them both. It probably wouldn't be best to keep him and have him alternate between 2 split, single parent homes struggling to afford raising a newborn baby. Her sister and her husband are great parents who want another baby and could give him more than we could at this point. My fiance is around 22-23 weeks along right now. What is my question?... Will I or her be able to give him away once we see him born and hold him? I have a hard time thinking so but she is determined to give him up and only wants me to consent and wants nothing to do with me if I oppose her...except maybe have sex because she says that that is the only reason she may have me around at this point. She doesn't even know if she wants me around if I do consent. Is it just hormones or am I a fool for hoping we can work things out?

MyLifeNotYours - June 14th, 2009 11:46 AM

Good luck! I personally wouldn't be able to give up my kids, but hey everyone is different & have different thoughts.

moocheevan - September 12th, 2009 1:46 PM

Putting up a child for adoption is difficult. But if you know the child has good home and you do a open adoption it might not be so bad. We have already adopted two children, one private and one open. They both worked out. We are looking to adopt another child. We do both open and closed adoptions. With open you can keep in touch with your child and know they are thriving.

asusan - November 16th, 2009 5:38 PM

I don't think there is any hope for your relationship with this woman. It's awful and sad, but she is not even prepared to raise this baby herself. It is nice that she has a family who can support her though, and it is likely that she will remain to be part of the baby's life, only as an aunt. i warn you, having been adopted within a family myself, this situation could get very sticky. i would recommend either preparing to raise this baby yourself (your ex-fiance cannot let the baby be adopted without the father's consent, so theoretically you could opt to keep it and support it yourself) or else develop a relationship with the sister who will be raising it, and opt for an open adoption, though know it might not work out the way you want it to. if i was you, i would try to keep it myself/ have custody with the mother if she wanted it.