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I have a friend who's planning to go back to work when her baby is 2 weeks old. She's doing what she has to, to support her baby and herself, and so are you, so don't feel bad about it. Would you really feel better if you stayed home and applied for every kind of welfare there is? The only thing you can do is make sure whoever will be caring for him is doing a good job...drop in at odd times and see if he's dry and content, ask other parents in your area what they've heard about the day care you're using...He'll be fine.

i just had a baby on 5-20-05 i work that whole day and i only took 1 week off. u do what you have to do that doesn't make you a bad mother

I am in my first week back to work and I seem to be getting really depressed. I really wish I had planned a little better so that I didn't have to return to work after 6 weeks. Luckily my sister is able to care for him or I'd probably be a total basket case dropping him off with a stranger.

i know exactly how you feel. i went back to work when my baby was 6 weeks and it killed me i felt like no one can take good care of her and i too felt like a bad mother. the first day i was very sad and yes i did cry all the way to work i wanted to turn back so bad but you have to be strong and just know that you are NOT a bad mother for going back to work. in my case like in yours you have to its not a choice so just know that its the best thing for both of you. good luck.

I have a 12 week old and I am back to work for the 2nd week. It was really hard at first but I just make sure that from the time I pick him up after work I spend alot of time with him. You also need to remember you still have days off and you still get to do all the special things like baths, reading to him and singing. Your baby will still know you our its mother trust me. And it is the best feeling in the world when you go pick him up from the babysitter and he gives you this big wonderful smile. Good Luck!

I went back to work in 2 weeks. That baby will be fine.. I love my job and the time I spend with my baby at night is now more precious. They have to get used to the realities of life.

That is a really dumb comment.
Newborn babies should not have to "get used to the realities of life."

I have worked since my son was a mere sprout. Let me be the first to tell you that he has survived to be a smart, independent, loving child. He is now almost four and has been in daycare for quite a while. You are doing what needs to be done. When your baby is tiny they are really all about having their needs met. I don't want to make it sound like you aren't absolutely required for this kiddo's well being, but as long as his needs are met, he'll do great. Once he is old enough to really know the difference between you and everyone else your job will be to make the time you spend together about quality, not quantity. Just remember that no other care giver could ever replace you in his heart. The fact that you are feeling guilty about this assures me that you are doing a great job so far!!! So, try to go back to work with a clear concience. Everything will be OK! I promise. It worked out great for me!!!!

Dore, I haven't had my baby yet, but I HAVE to work also and will be using daycare. Oh honey you are NOT a bad mother! I've been doing some research about children in daycare and there are some positive things about it. Studies show that children in day care and children with stay at home moms get the same amount of quality together time with their moms, maybe even more so out of working moms guilt. They learn to share, and work together / get along with other children. Also I read an article just yesterday that said studies show that children in daycare score higher on apptitude tests in school. I wish I could stay home with my baby, and I would if I could, but it helps me to think that there are some positive things about daycare. I think your feelilngs are perfectly natural to all mothers just returning to work. In a few months when it's me and I'm on here posting that I feel like a bad mother, please encourage me!

hi dore, i am not going to condemn u as being the sole provider u dont have a choice and i wish u did as i plan to not miss a single minute of a single day with my daughter, everyday something happens and i want to be the one who sees it first, 'not annie the childcare worker for example'...I have to touch on jennifers comments and her so called research to try and make herself feel better. Having worked in daycare i can tell u what its really like and one theory regarding both childcare kids and children at home get the same amount of attention is definitely a load of bs.. How can childcare kids get the same amount of quality time with mom if they're at work. They say childcare kids are smarter, i think more so they grow up faster as they have no choice but too. They cant even play with a teddy safely without a bigger child ripping it out from their hand and who is gonna stop them, the childcare worker changing the diaper or the one putting a child to sleep, see my point.
Having worked in daycare i will say one thing, u gotta be very careful as staff r nice to parents but can be awful to kids, there are a few good ones, i mean a few. Having worked in them i will tell u the child to staff ratio is appalling, usually 1 staff member to 5 kids, with babies i can tell u staff dont have time to interact with them much, they are dumped on the floor with toys around them or a toy frame over them to give them something to look at and acknowledged when they cry, when its feeding time or nap time, they dont get the one on one like they do at home, dont believe me, ask a staff member and tell them to be honest with you because with changing diapers, making beds, non stop routine there is no time. I dont want to make u feel bad dore cause this is in response to jennifer, i will take my child to day care later on one day a week so she can play with other kids, learn to share etc, full time no way! If u try to kid yourself jennifer by thinking u are being a good mom just know that when u clock on at work more than likely ur darling is laying there on their own til they demand attention with a cry. I am just glad i have worked in the field to know full time care is cruel and if avoided, should be. You walk into a daycare ctr and ask the staff who is full time and who is part time then watch those kids personalities, full timers are usually angry tired little shits and part timers remain sweet. I would be angry too if i was woken in the morning then dumped somewhere all day wouldn't u be?

don't feel guilty. it is not as traumatic as "something to think about" said. daycare children do do better in school if they are in a quality child care center with adults who have a degree in child development and children their own age to play with. kids learn the difference between their mother and a child care provider and love their parents. the day care provider will be like a teacher except being a baby he won't even remember. they do not suffer any psycological damage for being in child care. just spend what time you do have with your baby. let him know you love them. drop in on the center to check up on him. ask lots of questions on how he is doing. talk to him about how he's feeling (when he's old enough obviously), you are a role model to him by supporting yourself. you obviously care about him and he'll pick up on that. don't worry. he'll turn out fine.just be active in his life. just because a mother stays at home doesn't mean she is active in their life and doing the best for him or providing the best learning environment. most mothers need to work when they have babies in this day and age. you are not alone. you are not abandoning him.

Oh and real research shows that even full time day care kids can do fine. one person who worked in a daycare center and thought the full time kids were cranky is not scientific research. look into the real research. as long as you spend time with your son as much as you can and let him know he is loved he'll be fine.

"Something to think about"...while you may have valid points about what can happen in (some) day care centers, I think your choice of words doesn't help your cause. Referring to some of the kids as "little *hits" or having "*hitty personalities" could make some of the readers wonder what type of child care provider you might have been. Don't get me wrong...you may have been awesome, but I'd be pretty uncomfortable with someone who makes such comments to have taken care of my children. How would you handle it if your own child, who you plan to put into daycare for a day during the week, ends up being one of the kids some of the staff doesn't like as well as the other kids? Would you want them to make the same type of comments about your child? I wouldn't. Some people, as you've said, don't have a choice about child care, so why make them feel worse about it? I don't like child care, either, but some people have to rely on it. By the way...Jbear, I don't think there's any shame in being on welfare when your kids are little. A woman watching her own child is doing at least as much as a daycare provider, so there is monetary value to it. Some people would rather watch their own children, and if it means being on welfare for a little bit, they're willing to do it. By the way, where's the father in the equation? Moms nearly always seem to take the biggest hits on these issues.

I meant for a study to be valid you need enough participants and control factors. you sound like a terrible provider. any parent should research a center before taking their kid there. theres no way i would take a kid to yours. most parents don't have a choice. they are either single or don't make enough with one income.once kids get older they know the difference between a provider and a parent. its like extra schooling. and parents of babies probably don't have a choice. you can watch somecenters on a camera to see if your child is being cared for properly. and quality care is better for cognitive growth than the typical stay at home mom. there is always exceptions of course. but only quality day care is better which unfortunatrey most can't afford. a quality center is one where teachers have degrees and kids are seperated into ages and there is a low teacher to child ratio. kids do not suffer when their parents work. some stay at home mothers probably don't provide enough stilmulation and aren't devoted to their kids and so are working moms. its not about whether you work or not but how much love and devotion you show your child.

i find it interesting that people criticize both - the stay-at-home and working moms... what other option is there? Seriously, as much as we all would like to be there for our babies all the time - it's just not possible. And it's not something new neither - never in the history of humans the mothers were by their children's side 24/7... Just like with other animals there are times when one or two females are taking care of a larger group of baby cows, lions, humans whatever - while the others are hunting, grazing, working, etc.
It's called life...

The comment from "hmm" is so true. In life, most mothers can not be at their child's side 24/7. While I think that the brutal attacks on daycare may be unwarranted, I do agree that kids who have individual attention - if not constantly, than at least as much as possible - are getting a more sound start in life. So why not try to offer good advice to help each other try to find more positive solutions for caring for children and giving them the love and attention they need rather than attacking everyone for whatever they're doing? Like "hmm" said, there are attacks on stay-at-home moms as well as daycare. Why do women attack each other so much? Why not involve the idea of dads or other positive options in the discussion instead? It sounds to me like many people here are just trying to make themselves feel better about whatever choice they've made rather than trying to offer Dore - and everyone else - actual advice like she asked. Dore - I would say, if you have no choice, then you should try to comes to terms with your situation because your baby will most likely sense your stress and unhappiness. So try to find a way to provide the most love to your baby as possible and know that you're doing the best you can. After all, nothing matters more than genuine love to your child - if you give him that in abundance, I think he will be okay. And the other thing I would say is to reevaluate your situation. Perhaps you really don't have a choice, but think hard on this...could there be other choices that you could make that would allow you more time with your baby? Perhaps getting another job where you could work from home. Perhaps enlisting the help of family. I can't offer any specifics because I don't know your specific situation. But look for other options as you go along until you find one that works for you and your baby and don't give up until you do. We all face obstacles throughout life, and the best we can do is to keep working to find solutions to keep ourselves and our families happy and secure. Hope this helps a little.