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I am living with a colostomy after my vaginal birth. If I had my time back do you think I would have requested an elective c-section rather than be sliced up the way I was down there and permanently unable to use the bathroom? You bet ya. My vaginal experience was horrifying. I was like a science project. After the birth I was constantly on examining tables with my legs spread open for a variety of medical staff and specialists to see. It was not the childbirth experience I thought I was going to have. So a c-section in my case was definitely warranted. And because I am wearing a colostomy now because there was too much damage to repair, I do know a lot of other women who are in the same boat as I am.

I had a 4th degree tear with my son July 2005. He was only 6lbs. 11oz. but the doctor said I am very small. She told me that after I delivered and tore. Now she tells me I absolutely must have a c-section because I am just too small to deliver vaginally again. I am still deciding what to do. I have not had any major problems with incontinence, constipation, etc. but I still have not had sex yet as my vagina and rectum still are very raw feeling. My husband and I are wanting to try again for baby # 2 in the spring or summer. Hearing what all these women are saying it seems a c/s may be the option. I may try and get a 2nd opinion before I make my decision. Have you tried getting a second opinion? Well, good luck!

Okay, your vaginal was so bad you haven't had sex for almost five months?!?!?!? Uh, why the hell are you even considering another vaginal?

I didn't think she was "sugar coating" anything. I don't see why when people come on here, that it has to be all bad that they hear?? My c-section went just fine-some do, some don't. that is the risk you take with anything. It works out, or it doesn't. If she had a nasty tear, then maybe she doesn't want to deal with that and is exploring other options-good and bad.

well, actually you aren't too small to deliver vaginally as you did it. But maybe a c-sect would prevent you from further damage down there. You will however, have damage in a different place.

To Melissa, I find it rather hard to believe you know "many" other women who are in the same situation as you. I am an L/D RN and what, unfortunately, happened to you is very rare. My best wishes for you, that is an awful experience. I think these forums are very hostile and biased however, and at best are only somewhat medically accurate and at worst are patently false. In my professional experiences there are more good outcomes for mothers from vaginal deliveries as far as recovery, complications and future female health issues. That is just my experiences over the past 14 years. Far be it from me to know much about the subject I guess as I know my post will be pounced upon by a rabid few. Yes, there are times when a c-section is the better option, but NEVER for non-medical reasons in a first birth. Unless you are fully trained in labor and delivery I think you should understand that individual experiences can and do counter every statistic out there, so while the experiences are 100% to you, that doesn't mean it is the norm or even probable in most other deliveries. Many women have delivered after 3rd and 4th degree tears with LESS damage with the right doctor who is trained in assisting with slow descent. The right amount of counter pressure applied at the right times has done wonders for many of our delivering mothers. Again, sometimes a c-section is the better alternative, but not as much as some of you would like to think.

i had a 4th degree tear with my 1st child after a easy labor, but he wouldnt come out. I was just told i should have a c section this time so i dont damage the area any further. i was scared at 1st but now im remembering still being so sore 6 months after my first baby and having incontinece issues and having to stay home all the time.

To Maisy, I find offense to your statement where you said you find it hard to believe that I know "many" other women who are in the same situation as I am. Just because you are a L/D R/N does not mean you know what is going on in every hospital all over the world. When I was at the hospital seeing specialists for my birth complications, repair and eventually the colostomy, etc. I did meet other women there. And the other women that I met also knew other women who were in the same boat. So we exchanged phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc. so we can contact one another for support. So yes, I do know other women in the same situation as I am. By many, I am not talking about 20 women or anything but I do know 5 women, believe it or not.

I wish I knew an answer to help you- I'm having a problem somewhat similar to yours. My first son was born almost 10 pounds vaginally. I had a stage four episotomy and still (27 months) later have problems with bm's. I was in labor for more than 24 hours- after stiching me up the doctor said I should've had a c-section!!! Now with my second I'm afraid what will happen. Will my ass(sorry) be totally streched out? My doctor says it's up to me which way to go, but I'm scared both ways. I don't want to wear a colostomy bag and I don't want my son to be born with a scar on his face. Any suggestions? I have a different doctor this time.
Thanks

why would your son have a scar on his face?

To Melissa, I apologize for offending you, from your post it appeared you already knew them and that in your established circle of friends and acquaintances you came across many with your unfortunate birth injuries.

hey jessica,how are things,are you still on here?

I had a severe tear with my son who will be six soon. I have had 4 operations to help the incontinence/problems/pain and the first was when he was 2 years 3 months and 4 days old. I was in agony all that time and had a limited lifestyle. Other treatments have included an anal dilator and at one time I was taking 17 tablets a day to cope with the pain. I still have bowel problems and remain depressed. I have lost my career as a teacher (thus fianancial problems for my immediate family), relatives no longer speak to me as they couldn't deal with my illnesses, friends have long gone after I soiled myself in public, my marriage came close to ending, and at my lowest I came very close to killing myself. It took 3 years for me to bond with my son, who is still terrified of toilets after being aware of mummy screaming in the bathroom and having operations on her 'poorly bum'. I have been treated with huge disrespect by medical staff whom I feel should be helping me to get better - the word 'tear' does not even exist on my medical notes, and pages have disappeared so that I will never know what went 'wrong' in that horror hospital room. I certainly wish that I had had a c-section as I am still in pain and having problems after nearly 6 years. The hospital said that if I wanted another baby they would make me have a vaginal delivery again and that it would be "tough luck" if I teared again. If you have support, I would go with a c-section a second time around. Remember that even if you have no obvious problems after a tear, that does not mean that there is no internal damage/weakness. Having said that, I do know of someone who had a bad tear then had a vaginal delivery but she had tremendous support. She does continue to have bowel problems but at least it was an informed decision.

I understand the dilemma that you're in as I deal with a lot of women who have experienced this, and I have to say that I have treated many who have had more than one 3rd and 4th degree tears. It makes me so cross to hear people go on about the recovery from a caesarian when these girls (like yourself) often have problems for life! I can only advise you to listen carefully to the advice of your specialists and seek a second opinion if it makes you feel better. And I have to mention to the L&D RN that control of slow descent may prevent a tear but may cause prolonged traction and pressure on the pudendal nerve which supplies the pelvic floor ... so you can still end up with incontinence and sexual dysfunction. I'm not just pushing for a c/section here ... just I'm sure you are aware of those risks. I'm just presenting the other side. Could I also encourage anyone suffering with these side effects after a traumatic delivery to seek out a physio that SPECIALISES in this area. It can make a huge difference to your lifestyle! Good luck on whatever you decide.

It makes you cross to hear about us go on about our c-sections? What kind of medical person are you? I HAVE PROBLEMS FOR LIFE FROM C-SECTIONS and you should not be in the medical field if that is your attitude. How dare you imply that vaginal mothers deserve you empathy and c-section moms do not. I don't know what you call constant bladder leakage, urge incontinence, poor anal control due to a severed nerve, severe adhesions sticking bladder to uterus and pulling down ovaries and fallopian tubes and lower bowel adhesions if not "lifelong". These are very painful things to endure and in my case resulted in a total hysterectomy/oopherectomy and resultant ERT...lifelong enough for you?

I'm surpsing to have my baby on the 3rd of March