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Boyfriend No Longer Wants Baby And Not Sure About Us

2 posts on this thread and the last post was on September 8th, 2009 3:10 PM
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PlayBones - September 7th, 2009 4:14 PM
 [Original Post]

Hi All,

This is my first post here. I'm 7 weeks pregnant. I'm 37 and so is my boyfriend. We've been together for 7 years. He wanted to try for a baby more than I did, and in the past year I agreed that we try. We got pregnant in the first month of trying so it was quite sudden!

At first he seemed excited, but Thursday last he says he's uncomfortable with how much the baby is gonna change our lives, so he's wondering if I'd consider abortion. I said it's not something I could to.

Friday and Saturday he said very little, tension was high in our house. And then yesterday I asked him to talk some more. He then said he's not sure about US and has found it hard to connect to me over the past 2 months.n That he wants our relationship to be more solid before bringing a baby into it.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? A lot of my friends say he's nervous and it's common for men to act like this when the reality of pregnancy starts to hit. Some other friends say he wants everything his own way and that I should move out and tell him he either commits to me and the baby or not.

Needless to mention I've been in a state of shock this past 2 or 3 days. Feels like a nightmare. I'm doing my best to sleep and eat well, but it's hard and it's a lot of stress on me.

I want to keep the baby, and am 99% sure I'll do that even if he bails.

Can anyone offer some advice? I don't really want to do anything to jeorpardise the relationship as he is and will be the father of my child, but on the other hand I do feel I need to stick up for myself and let him know that a life isn't something he can opt in and out of.

Grandpa Viv - September 7th, 2009 10:00 PM

Congratulations on your pregnancy and your willingness to stand up for yourself. At 37 you don't need to be messing around with maybe I do, maybe not. You have decided to become a mother, and I applaud. You could spend the next 50 years regretting any other decision. I venture to predict that your man will eventually come around to your point of view. Tell him that children are our best stab at immortality. Explain how pregnancy hormones have changed your focus, and this is the reason he has not felt connected the last month or two. When he gets negative, give a knowing smile, tell him you never realized how virile he is, and how much you are going to enjoy his hugs during the second trimester. Keep him away from friends who may be giving him negative feed-back. Good luck!

theatlantan - September 8th, 2009 3:10 PM

Congratulations!
My husband was terrified when I became pregnant with our daughter. During the pregnancy and for a year after, he was confused by the fact that he was no longer the top priority to me. I think this is completely normal. I had to make a point of giving him more attention, even though I was consumed first by the pregnancy, then by my daughter. It's hard, b/c you're tired, and going through so many changes, emotionally and physically. It's hard for them too. Try doing more little things to show how important he is to you. Try not to react emotionally to his fear (and that's probably what it is). My husband eventually recovered and we are about to celebrate our d.d's 3 b-day. Together. Good luck and don't give up!