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First Time Dad Reactions

3 posts on this thread and the last post was on February 7th, 2006 10:13 PM
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Pixie - February 7th, 2006 1:08 PM
 [Original Post]

Ok, I'm not trying to intrude on the guy's forum, but I just need a male's perspective on this and unfortunalty non of the guy's around here have children. I recently threw out the father of my child, I'm 12 weeks pregnant and we fought constantly b/c he would stay out until 6am, drinking and doing drugs. I tried to ask him to help me with things around the house and it just escapes his memory to do so. I'm 23, he's 30 and when i first knew I was PG wanted an abortion. He convinced me otherwise b/c I "wasn't allow to abort it", that we would both be great parents, he would be there for me, yadda yadda yadda. I kicked him out b/c we were always fighting and it was taking it's toll on my health, and I knew it wasn't good for the baby. He's still within walking distance from me now, but hasn't tried to come by, tells our mutual friend's that I'm horrible and I threw him out b/c I'm a b*tch, etc etc etc. He's been drunk since he left the house and some of his friends have called me asking to take him back b/c they're worried about his health and his substance use now that he's not home. Could I expect him to ever get on the Daddy train? I feel tricked, b/c he talked me into keeping the baby, got the whole family idea embedded into my head, and now he's gone and won't speak to me just b/c I threw him out. Could he realize I did it for my own good? Should I keep hoping he'll get his head on straight, or should I look for other means of support for me and my baby?

** - February 7th, 2006 2:20 PM

I think you had every right to do what you did. Try not to keep waiting to see if he'll come back because even if he does, theres a very small chance that he will have changed and see it your way. As for the baby, it all reeally depends on if your able to support it. if you find another man who accepts that your pregnant and is willing to stick with you, you could keep the baby and not really worry about it but if you cant, you have to be really sure that you want to keep the baby knowing that it will grow up without a dad. its not too late to abort but i strongly advise against it. If you really cant support the baby, carry it to full term and then look for a loving family to adopt it. There are so many people out there who cant have kids or just havent yet that will love your baby.

jb - February 7th, 2006 8:30 PM

I am not a male, but I have to give my 2 cents. I think it would be silly for you to take him back right now. You would think he would have "grown-up" by the age 30, but that is not happening. Yes, it is possible for it to happen sometime in the future. When....who knows. Only time can tell. You need to do what is right for your health, and the baby's health. The environment that you were in (when he was living with you) is not healthy. It will not get healthy until he grows up. I agree with the poster above me. I can't tell you what to do with the baby, yet I dont condone abortion, but I think you should consider the other options on the table. There are many people unable to bare children and would love to adopt. Or, if you kep the baby It would be much better for the baby to grow up wothout his biological father than to grow up in a house of constant fighting, drug and alcohol abuse. Look to family for support in whatever decision you do make. I think you would be surprised at how much you really can provide for a child even though you are/will be a single mother. Things work in mysterious ways. The rewards of a child in your life in these or any circumstances, far out weigh the risks. You can do it, if you are willing to try.

Brad - February 7th, 2006 10:13 PM

Invite him to the baby classes. Youy may not be together but he is the father and the fear of the unknown when they start talking pulls you into line very quickly. For me I have no attraction to anyones elses babies at all. You do have chemical sensors for your own though.