|
Hi,
I am in a real state of despair. I am 36 and my gf is 25. She is 9 weeks pregnant. The problem is our relationship, and the fact that I have fallen out of love with her and I feel stuck! This was an unplanned pregnancy and I was blown away when she told me.
Stupidly we have been using the "Rythm method as a form of contraception" I know.
The problems are these.
We have been together for 10 months and our relationship has been very rocky from the start. I seen the warning signs early but chose to ignore them. Prior to her falling pregnant we would hardly agree on anything. If I disagreed with her about anything I would be abused and yelled at. Topics ranged from religion to not coming to bed when she wanted! Initially I would ask her not to overreact and to talk about things with me if we had different opinions, but this would lead to her saying she was right and I was wrong. I would be put down and abused to the point I would try and walk away cause I couldn't take it anymore. Whenever I done this she would threaten to kill herself, that I was having an affair and say it was all my fault and that she was going to tell everyone how bad I was. I tried so many times to sit with her and say that this type of behaviour was unacceptable but she would say that she behaves that way because I do not listen to her, which is not true! I am a calm easy going person and understand that everyone is entitled to their own viewpoints and everyone should be treated with respect, especially in a relationship.
About 6 months into our relationship, she went overseas for 2 months to visit her family which was great and I was very happy for her. I thought the time away with her loved ones would do us the world of good. Within 5 days of being over there she had a huge fight with them (because someone didnt share the same viewpoint)and called me threatening to kill herself if I didnt borrow the money and come over straight away to be with her. I have work commitments and this was impossible. I would say that she was being totally unreasonable, to which she would respond that i didnt love her and she was going to kill herself! I spent $500.00 in international phone calls that day!!
During her time away she told me that if I didn't message her every 5 mins then I was cheating as well?? I am a devoted bf and am even scared to talk to another woman now!
We were on the verge of breaking up so many times and the trip was supposed to be a positive thing for us. But it wasn't. It drove me away and my feelings started to change for good! My heart was not in it anymore.
When she came back it was ok for about a week or so until the abuse started again! If I turned the light on getting ready for work, or had the TV too loud I was abused. If she did it, I couldn't say anything (even politely)as I was putting her down! When I asked her to not speak to me that way she would say that I always put her down by saying how bad she is and I am the reason she talks to me in such an abusive manner. She would not stop until I accepted that I was the one in the wrong! I would not do this! And nothing would get resolved or spoken about. I was too scared to bring it up.
I know I am not perfect, but I am sensible enough to know that this type of behaviour is not normal.
But nothing ever gets resolved or spoken about!
Things are swept under the carpet and I am left feeling really hurt! Then she asks me what is wrong??
3 weeks before her finding out she was pregnant I had expressed about the fact that our relationship was in serious trouble. She blamed me and how I "put her down" Now she has fallen pregnant it is even worse. She talks to me in such an abusive manner at times that I cannot handle it.
We live with my younger brother and she even blames him for our arguments. He is the nicest person you could meet. She even puts him down by yelling at him and saying the most mean things. She took his last cigarette last night and I asked her to say sorry to him, not me (very lightly) cause I know the way she reacts. She proceeded to give me an ultimatum of choosing between him and her and that she hates him! She screamed this at him and even blamed him for coming between us. The things that she says cannot be taken back and he is now looking for another place to live. I have asked her to apologize to him. She says she doesn't want to. I don't understand it. It makes me hate her!
I know women can be very mean and emotional when pregnant which I am prepared to take, but she has been like this the whole time even before her pregnancy. Now she uses the pregnancy as an excuse to be such a psycho.
She now threatens to leave each time I defend myself and tells me that I will never see the baby and she will tell him/her what a bastard I was. She will throw such personal things in my face. I keep telling I cant be spoken to this way but that is "putting her down"
If the baby wasn't here I would be so gone! But I guess I am holding on to a hope that she will miraculously change but I dont think this will happen!
I feel so very depressed and I am so scared about a baby coming into this environment and what the future holds. I have expressed this to her and her is response is that it is a blessing from god and that I need to change.
I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends and have pretty much stopped socialising because I am so depressed. The people I have told things to say there is something wrong with her
I have thought of leaving her but I know this would break my heart down the track with a baby on the way. I am happy to be responsible for the baby that is not a problem. I dont know what to do anymore??
I am so unhappy and lost. I have lost my passion for her and my life. I feel ruined. I do not love her anymore.
|
