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I was having a conversation with my "ex" a couple of hours ago and I think I figured out were her hormonal shift kicked in and this actually makes complete sense.

1. she wants to be alone
2. doesn't want to talk to anybody
3. doesn't want me near here (and i'm the father!)
4. keeps insisting the baby is only hers!
5. this is my baby! OK ITS YOUR DARN BABY!
6. she thinks people might hurt her baby.
7. she doesn't want me near the baby? wtf?! lOL!

Well after that blasted conversation, I managed to pull the truth out of her with out her finding out. Talking to a bunch of hormones can be very difficult and strategic. I kept her hooked on the conversation by keeping it heated and working against her own words.

My conclusion is that she now feels very PROTECTIVE of her baby. She fears that people might try to hurt her baby or take it away from her, even tho the baby is not born yet! I am happy for her because that means she really wants this baby! It gets worse because she doesn't even want me close to her. She wants the baby all for herself, what a selfish mother! LOL I feared that her recent words were only to push me away, this is another hormonal roller coaster shes going to. Now shes got a people phobia and in this state, if I mess around too much, she might even call the cops on me! So I better stay back.

Some unlucky folks have had their girls in this condition and couldn't take the hint! The worst that can happen is having a cop knocking on your door or attending court to sign an order of restraint, now that is f*cked up and I don't want to push it to those areas.

She kept harrasing me and my sister all night long. Kept telling my sister she had no permission, kept telling me to take the pic off myspace. I told her "get a life, you are acting ridiculous and I'm tired of your shit. You want me to leave you alone, then you leave me alone now. Don't ever talk to me again, you have been very rude with me."

Its been about 3 hours and she has not responded and i'm glad as hell she hasn't, cuz...I don't ever want to hear from her again. Those f*cking hormones are making her a drama queen and she makes up an argument over ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING. I am done with her, i'll see her again in October, baby shower is in October, she doesn't know, i'll just drop my gift off and not even bother staying to see her that day.

man am i the only one who still wants to be with his ex now lol. she hurt me badly and i know im at fault for most of it i guess but damn it i still love her and want her back in my life :( after all she told me esp about she doesnt know if she keeping it makes me fear i lost her for good :(

No, i kinda think that if both our exes mellowed out mr and mrfaosfx would maybe take her back. at this point, we realize we need to take care of ourselves too. my ex told me a lot too, but i have just a bit too much going on to only worry about her right now....you're still in the denial stage of grief, once you progress, you will start to feel better, at least i hope

im trying to just worry about myself but its so damn hard not being with her anymore or waking up alone or going to bed alone. everything she told me makes me constantly think well she isnt coming back to me and i fear shes gone for good and ill never hear from her again or see her again. i even thought of suicide at times but idk i just am scared and upset its been 1 week today we broke up and she i think is about 1 month long pregnant.

Well I'm not hurt at all. I just woke up and very happy my "ex" has not contacted me. I will not contact her again ever!

I remember yesterday, this guy I knew who was a friend of hers called me over to talk. He is a friend of the guy who is the girlfriend of my "ex"s friend. Since they have been hanging out at "ex"s house, he has been hearing all the hype.

He told me the following words,

"Hey Raf, are you going to be there for your kid man?"

I said, absolutely, I'm all for my kid. Why do you ask me that?

"Well, I keep hearing that you stalking her and that you wont leave her alone. Look man, I went through the same sh*t, all I can tell you is be there for your kid. My girl got me locked up cuz I got just like you. I lost my job, I lost my apartments, I lost my car, I lost everything cuz of her."

He showed me a pic of his daughter and "ex" wife.

His final worlds were,

"You have to worry about your baby now man, start saving up, buy everything you need. You know...f*ck the mother, your baby is what is important, fight for him, not for her."

I took his advice, we shook hands and left. He told me he would keep an eye out for how things go in her house since he hangs out a lot in there with his friend.

idk why its so damn hard for me to let go than.. i just dont get it i been through this before with someone leaving or me leaving them. i dont know why i cant just let this one go or move on.. part of me is really wanting her back or afraid i will never hear from her agian or that she hates me and never wants to talk to me and is actually happy we arent talking.

maybe you have issues letting go, i dont know, im still just in training to be a psychologist. she might be happy you arent talking, and in a way if you loved her, then her happiness should be the most important thing to you. if you keep added stress on her, something could go wrong with the baby...im giving my girl space and staying away so im not involved with hurting my child, and never is an awfully big word. i think that if you too had a truly invested relationship, your insecurities of not being with her would fade away...but once again im not a psychologist, just training to be one.

i am trying everything i can to leave her alone and let go. but at the moment i dont even know if shes keeping the baby. we had a great relationship with the normal bumps in the road. just letting go isnt something easy for me to do. to always remember the things we did together and now to not be together is killing me inside. i only ate 2 times in a week. and they werent the best things to eat.

Well if its one thing I've learned about human psychology, is that when a person has something and they know they have it, it isn't as important anymore but when that person finds out overtime that they are about to loose what they no longer thought was important, they suddenly want it back.

Its like for example, your a poor person and you keep playing the lotto and one day you finally win 3 million dollars. Now you have all this money, and its not important anymore because that is it, you have it, its yours. But now lets say you lost all of that money, soon you find that you suddenly want it back, you fear life with out it because of all it has brought you, so you fight to get it back.

Another example, I had a GEO 92 Prizm I loved very much, really nice car. I spent tremendous money restoring it and got it working again. Once it was mine, I could care less of it, I didn't feel the same way about it. I lended it to a friend and something went wrong on the trip from New Jersey to Pennsylvania, I think a oil leak developed under the oil pan, they had recently done an oil change back there, maybe the guy that serviced it forgot to put the screw back on or something, I never checked but the engine was completely blown away. I looked at it, I did everything I could, tried to figure out what was wrong. I even brought parts to try to get it to work, thought about towing it. Suddenly I really wanted my GEO back so bad it hurt. I had no choice but to junk it and I tell you, it was really hard to let go, to see it get towed away for ever, I never knew a man could get so attached to a machine. Sometimes, if your not careful with what you have, you might loose it for ever.

This has happened to me and my "ex". I remember we had a big argument once. I told her to bring me some food at work but she was unable too, I was hungry as hell that day and got really upset. When I came home, I didn't wanted to talk to her, told her it was over and that I didn't wanted to see her again, she cried for hours and hours, I staid at a friends house while she began packing things to leave my house. It wasn't long before I started thinking that I didn't want to loose her, who was I going to hold now? who was I going to kiss? I went back running to the house and saw her crying in the room. I locked the door and hugged and cried with her and told her to forgive. She hugged me and begged me not to leave her, she said I love you too many so many times I can't even remember, we hugged and hugged and kissed for a while. Of course, the next day she was now upset at me but she didn't wanted to tell you, she politely asked me to unpack everything and put it back were it was, I had no choice but to do it, it was my fault anyway. She didn't talk to me for days even though we talked about it but I guess that was my punishment for making her cry. A week later we talked and agreed that we will always love each other no matter what happens.

You see, when we have something and we know we have it. We tend to become complacent and not worry about it but, when we are about to loose that something, we immediately take action because, its not the object of our desire that we are loosing, its everything that comes along with it.

john, don't worry about it. I have talked to many relationship counselors and have learned a lot from them. Most of them reminded me that if a person truly loves you, sometimes they will hurt you intentionally for your own sake but in reality they still love you dearly. You can't stop loving a person in one day, that is impossible, for love to die something very catastrophic must happen but that is very unlikely. No matter how many obstacles, arguments, painful moments, deception...in the end, if you clear all of those obstacles, love is still there waiting, just as you left it, you will see in time.

Love is not perfect, it survives with friendship and affection. When a relationship goes sour, its usually because of lack of affection between both partners, this happens because they know they have each other, and they don't feel like they have to do is much (when we have it, we no longer want it) then the couple decides to break up, this is a hurtful moment, passion and affection start to build up again because you start missing that person (when we loose what we no longer wanted, we suddenly want it back) soon after some time, you both realize you can't live with out each other and you get together again and the love cycle begins again. However, for some the possibility of re-uniting is impossible in some events (if were not careful, we could loose that person for ever) if you don't fight in the end for that person you love, you might not get them back.

Either person must make the call if the no contact rule is employed. The no contact rule does not work if you were the one who broke up with your loved one...the no contact rule works if you are the one they broke up with.

This rule works for you john, this rule works for me. I am speaking for both of us now...our girls don't realize that with out us, they loose everything that we have given them. It was us, that made the baby a posibility, it was us that brought them love, only us know how to make them feel special, only us know them so well and only us can provide support when that young one is born.

If a woman hurts a man so much up to the point were he begins to hate the mother, he might be doubtful about the future, start wondering if the baby is his or not (this is why men request paternity test after baby is born, before they sign any papers) this always happens because of the mother and her course of actions during the pregnancy an act of infidelity or being too distant.

Its actually even more dangerous when you now your girl has an "ex" husband. My "ex" had an "ex" husband. I forgot to tell you guys she has a 1 year old kid. She had divorced with her husband weeks after the baby was born (this was 1 year and a couple of months from now) It was very hard winning the love of my girl, I spent months and months, showing how much I cared for her, how much I wanted to be with her. She gave me a yes last December during Christmas night. From this day we became two love birds, we were inseparable. A month later we started using the "I love you" word. She started it first, one day she just texted me "I ..... you." I looked it at for a while and realize that this can mean two things, I like you or I love you or even I care for you....I had to risk it, I responded with a big fat "I love you? because I do love you." she just said, "umm, ok!" She didn't say anything for days and then one day, I texted it to her "I love you" and to my surprise, she said "I love you too." When I got home from work, we had a passionate night (oh yes baby! lol) This was around February, we said I love you to each other thought that hole moment, it wasn't sex, this was love. I think that's were my little one started his life.

We were very happy with each other and soon she told me she was pregnant, I was happy happy, we both wanted this baby in our life. I later took her out to eat, and then gave her a promise ring, she cried and accepted it.

The month of March came and we were still very happy with each other, going out and having lots of fun. And then on the third week of March she started a strange pattern. She stopped texting me at work to see how I was doing, she stopped saying I love you, she would say it back if I said it to her but she never said it to me, she stopped taking initiative for everything. It wasn't soon before she started sleeping in what used to be my sisters room (she had moved out, my whole family did, they left the house to me) there was a big TV there, she said she was just watching a movie but slowly she started sleeping there more often. One day I just decided I would sleep with her one night and thats when she told me, "I want to be alone ok, look...i've been thinking about moving out. I didn't wanted to tell you but, its just how I feel." --- This happened on the last week of March, she was a moody and bitchy person through out all that week.

By April she had moved out across the other block from my house. I was now sleeping on my own and turned into an emotional wreck. I kept texting her why oh why...more like were you are right now john, I was just like you man, I was desperate, I wanted to hang myself. I didn't know what to do, I wanted her back so bad. I kept asking myself, what did I do wrong, I would visit the places were we spent time at and think about those moments and it just made me cry and cry, I couldn't stop crying. I slowly started going to her house and kept insisting and saying I love you to her but she never said it back, I never gave up. One day she was just so angry when I tried to talk to her that she finally said the words that hurt me really bad, "she said, she no longer loved me and to just find another woman and move on with my life." I wanted to die man, I cried in front of her like an idiot and she was strong as hell, not one tear in her eye, "man don't cry, just suck it up, be a man." I was so angry that I left. The hormones kicked into full that day.

I slowly got over it and visited her house to bring her food and sometimes money. She was very cold and dark. I lost all hope, I lost my house, then I lost my job, then I lost my car and soon I was living in an apartment with overdue rent and my life was just an emotional train wreck.

You guys already know that eventually we got back together again some were in June after a big argument. That she did all that she did to push her away and while her hormones weren't attacking her she told me something very important that I just remembered now after talking about the past. She told me, "baby no matter what happens, please don't stop loving me, please don't leave me." My best guess is that at some point, this was going to happen again and she warned me before her hormones take control again, perhaps to remind me that she still loves me no matter what happens, no matter what she says to me.

Well I can see that this post turned into a boook! Were did I run off too? I'm sure I glad all this off my chest, now i'm going to walk to my moms house and see if shes got anything for me to eat. Spend some time there, then come back home and chill out with some C++ programming to get my mind of my "ex". I've got plenty of fun things to do which will keep me entertained and my "ex" is just a thing of the past. Now, I have to let go and move on, good things come to those who wait and I know that in the end, i've got a little boy and thats all that matters. I may have lost the woman I love so much but I've still got a little boy to look after.

I remain hopeful, because my girl said, "Just for now." She said she was stressed and needed to be alone. Since I kept pressuring her, she got annoyed I guess and told those things to me so I can forget about her and she can get her "alone time."

Like I said, I have a clock on my desktop that is ticking. Its got the baby due date which is now at 135 days, 18 hours and 42 minutes and bellow that is another one called "Hormonal Normal" I created this one because I think that by the time this clock reaches ZERO my "ex"s hormones would have settle down, I'm basing this on past experiences, that clock is now at 59 days 4 hours and 41 minutes...a very long time indeed but things should be different.

I'll keep you guys posted every Saturday on the progress o these clocks and if I receive any form of contact from my "ex" hopefully most around her can learn from us as we walk into the future, the rookies can follow our path and learn from our experiences and hopefully have much better success than us while we ride the wheel of trial and error.

well let me start by saying everything that happened. we met at a job we both worked at together. we dated everything was great. it was awhile into the relationship where i made plans to go to disney. she had never went there so it would great to take her. the prices seemed great and they were low. at the time money was no issue and my job payed well. BUT soon after my pay was cut in half AFTER i already told her no issue we will go to disney together. so than i had to tell her no it wasnt going to happen. man i got called a lier and everything.

than another thing happened, her sister needed bail money and had bonds or something idk the whole story. So being the guy that i am i told her i will try to handle it. in the end NOTHING i couldnt get rid of them all nor afford them all. agian got called a lier.

soon everything came to a head and exploded we talked about everything and we got past it, i even tried to get a house in my name but man my credit sucks so i tried to have my family cosign a loan, i told my family to not say anything to my fiance about asking for help.. big mistake she called me a lier for that as well saying there was never a house or anything. funny how everything i do or try to do comes around in the end and kills me.

than last saturday came.. she told me in the morning john turn around go home i just want my space i want to be with my family when i want and not always be around you. man i was hurt but took it. she said over the phone i love you and we will talk today and i will call you tonight before bed. we planned to be together the next day. BUT before the night was over i sent her a text saying you arent talking to me whats going on is everything ok? she said "i been thinking and idk if this is going to work" wow i said i had to call her asap to find out wtf is going on.

she told me she hates liers keep in mind this whole convo about lying or anythign was buried in the past 1 month ago. she didnt sound upset or anything just mad at me. saying its over she cant do it she cant do it. i begged and asked and cried over the phone saying please dont do this please. kept bringing up things she said was a lie but nothing i said could prove i wasnt lying she had it set in her mind i was lying to her so i said whatever i was lying just to get off of it. but that didnt help.

when i seen her to get my stuff back she didnt seem upset she kept playing with her necklace with the cross on it, looked me in the eyes sometimes she seen i was upset but i tried to not cry which in the end i didnt cry. truth was i was dead inside. i tried texting her as i left saying please think about us getting together agian.. she said "john its over knock it off" the pain never goes away. i also asked about the baby she than said "idk if there will be a baby". but another thing as i left her house she told me because i asked will i ever see you or hear from you agian. she did say "you will hear from me agian im sure"

idk what to do. the pain is alot and its killing me day by day. alot reminds me of her and whenever i am home or doing anything all i see in my head are times we spent together and her in my arms.

Well I've already been there and done that. The classic I want to go over and pick my stuff up is to get once last chance to look at her or to see if she says something but these pregnant women are strong man, they show no signs of weakness what so ever, you could be crying your face off and she wouldn't shed 1 single tear.

Her playing with her necklace is a sign of being nervous. She wants to tell you something but she is afraid she might loose her position in the relationship, she is on top right now and she wants to continue dominating you. Women LOVE attention and your giving it to her 100% and this will keep her satisfied as long as your feeling hurt and hopeless.

First you need to understand that actions speak louder than words. You need to find a way to redeem yourself by promising something that you are able to deliver with out any excuses and once you do that, cut off all contact from her, for a while.

She believes right now that you are unfit to be a father, because of all you said and failed to do, she thinks that in the end, she will be all alone with this baby and will have no support from you, that you will always screw up some how.

Right now you need to redeem yourself and then cut contact and see were you go from there. Do something that will make her feel special, its not too late to do it. Save up some money and then tell her you want to take her out to do some maternity clothes shopping, make it all about the baby...DONT PROMISE anything, work your way on that slowly until you find something that you CAN DELIVER.

i let my ex know that if she needs a ride monday for the next doc visit i will take her and that i want to go. i also said that if you decide to keep the baby which i hope you do i want to take you maternity shopping since im working now. my exact words. i said well have a good 4th of july and that was it. i am going to go all day today not sending her anymore texts, as well as tmrw i will not make contact with her i said what i had to say all i can do now is hope and pray i guess :( clothes i can def afford, i also wanted to buy baby clothes but i will wait to see whats going on first. anyways guys LIFE SUCKS.. how is it that no matter what we do somehow we are wrong?

but of course no reply.. or at least not yet. im guessing she prob flipped it open seen from me either a. deleted it without looking or b. looked at it and read it and closed it

im hoping she seen it at least... hope i did the right thing by sending that text and leaving it alone. the no response is worrying me :(

Well it may be too soon to take her maternity clothes shopping, shes in her first month and that belly will not start to show until after 3 or 4 months minimum.

Stop asking questions like "IF" you decide to ... she will not act on this! You really want a response from her, try this.

"I'm sorry how everything has turned out but now, I must move on. I've been thinking about moving to another city and starting a new life."

I will guarantee you, that she will want to know why you want to do this. It depends on the mood she is in, if she really feels something for you, she will want to know why. I'm going to text this to my "ex" and show you the respond I get back, it may not be what I want to hear but they always respond back with a smart question.

I know mine will just say "Do what you want with your life and leave me alone. I don't care anymore." As hurtful as that may sound, you have to deal with it. After this, never contact her again, period.

Ok, this is what I wrote to her in myspace...

****

My life is over here in this place. You said you don't love me and to move on with my life and you will move on with yours. I am sorry it had to be this way but now, I must truly move on and forget about you for ever.

I will be moving out of town soon to start a new life. I hope you have a healthy baby.

I now say good bye to you for ever. Remember when I said this chapter is now closed and you said "just for now." Well there are no more chapters in this book, this....is, "the end." Good bye and have a nice life, may god be with you and may you find peace within yourself.

---Rafael

****

It may take a while for her to reply but remember, you may not get what you want to hear. If my "ex" really hated me, she would have blocked me in MySpace already but obviously she has not.

When she responds, I'll post the response here. I guarantee you, yours will be better than mine. Well good luck john, I'll keep you posted if anything.