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4 posts on this thread and the last post was on May 18th, 2007 9:56 PM

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inuk-mama - May 4th, 2007 4:31 PM

[Original Post]

I don't know if this is where I should post, but maybe some feedback from other fathers will help shed some light on the situation.
DH and I are pregnant with our third child, due in October. Our first is 7 and the second is 8 months. He was laid off from his job in the winter, and only found temp seasonal work for a few months. Now he is unemployed and a month out of rehab. I had to apply for lowcost housing as I couldn't afford our little apartment on my own. He isn't even trying to get a job!! We went to drop off resumes and he made me hand it to the receptionist!! I din't put his name on the lease for the new house and plan to keep it that way, as I can't count on him to always be there and help with things like bills. He is living with me, and for this month, gave me $40 towards groceries,power,rent,cable,phone, and the loans that we took out to move!! I don't know what to do! I tried talking to him about gettting on the job search last night but he called me dumb and left. HE didn't even come home last night! he stayed with his parents! I am tired from working 7 days a week trying to support my family with no help from him! I just wonder if this is because of the pregnancy, is he feeling overwhelmed, or is it something else altogether? We argue amost every day lately and last night I told him to not come back until he has a job, and the first thing he said was"give me my $600 first"
he put in $600 for us all to move.
What should I do? I've suggested couples councelling, but he refuses, and I've told him that the other option is to split, and he says "fine" but then comes back a few days later with a hug and a kiss and expects everythign to be back to normal!! Should I jsut grow a backbone and tell him to get out, or should I hold his hand, and continue to try to save this relationship?

Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - May 10th, 2007 4:29 PM

I don't know what you are going through, but my sister had a boyfriend who was the same way. She kept taking him back (she had 2 kids) he wouldn't get a job and didn't do anything. So she left him...he is married and still hasn't changed at all. Not even for his children. Sometimes you have to let them go, your children need you first and foremost. It would be easier for you to let him go. You wouldn't have to buy as much food, or as much little things here and there that are the necessities. But if you keep him around and he don't get a job, it will just make it harder on you. I'm not a guy or anything but from what I see he doesn't care to try and make it work, so why waste your time on him if he doesn't seem to care?

inuk-mama - May 12th, 2007 2:15 PM

Well, just to update, I kicked him out of the house and within a day he had a job! ha! I guess it just takes a kick in the ass to get him motivated? I haven't taken him back and told him he needs to prove he is a responsible, able, parent, and partner before anything will change in the slightest. He comes over after work to see the kids and stays to put them to bed then goes back to where he's staying. He is being very civil and kind, But I can't trust that to continue if he comes back home. So for the time being, I am not letting him in. We have scheduled couples councelling and have agreed to continue with that for as long as it takes. I do hope that he can prove himself but I refuse to hold my hand on my ass for that! Thank you Nerdy Girl for letting me know that I am not the only one who has dealt with this kind of behavior! :)

MaryM - May 18th, 2007 7:22 PM

I think you are doing the right thing. He needs to know that you are serious and maybe this is the only way to show him. And good for you that you took the initiative for getting couples counseling. I wish you the best and hope that he really has turned over a new leaf.

DownbutnotOUT - May 18th, 2007 9:56 PM

Good for you Inuk-mama! It takes a real woman to make a bold move like that and even though I dont know you I am very happy for you. im glad he has a job and comes over to spend time with your kids and I think its smart your not letting him back in the door right away. Im sure that making him work to get back will make him respect you more and make him think twice about pulling this BS in the future. i hope you can things work out and if.when he moves back in you dont have to work so darn hard. the best of luck to you :)

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