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No harm done. I beleive that there are men out there that are slime too. Try to get stronger from this experience, don't lose hope. Take care!

Thank you. If you only knew what he put me through then you would understand. You take care as well.

Divorce his lazy ass

Divorce his lazy ass and put him out. That is a damn shame. Why be married to him if that's the case? If he won't even pay any attention to his own kids , then he doesn't care about his kids and he doen't deserve to be their father. You'd be much better off being a single mother.

Wow, I am quite shocked reading these messages here. I am sorry for those who have bad experiences with men, but we are not all lazy game playing cheaters.

Do these men also act like this in your dating/living together period? If so, dump them for a better specimen. Refine your screening methods and get a better guy.

Ed: No they do not act like this during the dating period. If they did we would have never made it to the marrige. You see that is how it works. We meet a guy and he is all sweet and opens the door for us and pulls out our chair and lights our cigarette and so on. This goes on for about the first oh three or four months. Then they get settled and they begin to show their true selfs but by then it is too late for us girls because we are already in love and for us there is no turning back. We think that things will go back to the way that they were or that he is having an off day,week,month. But you see it just gets worse from there. Then for some dumb ass reason we as woman think that if we have a baby that we can save a relationship. And that it will make the man be more grown up but it doesn't. It is quite the conundrum.

Every guy acts differently during the dating period. It's where guys do their utter best to either win you over or just sucker you into bed. I'm not saying you should never believe a guy that you're dating, but you need to get your most important information verified if you want to be sure you got a proper guy. Get info from his family and friends.

Do people in the US shack up before they get married or do they date, get married and then shack up? My wife and me lived together for 5 years before we even thought of getting married. Only when we were both 100% satisfied about our relationship, did we get married and now recently had a baby.

There is always the possibility of turning back and breaking off a relationship, it might be tough, but it's not impossible and you'll do yourself a huge favor by doing so. People can only change when they admit to having a problem, waiting for him to change never solved anything. For those yelling at their guy to get him to help, that won't work either, he'll just be more likely to shut himself out.

If you could, would you define mens laziness as a cultural or as a religious problem and how big is this issue really? Are there really no good men where you live?

(sorry if my English is a bit off, I'm from Holland)

When my dh is at home he doesn't help much around the house either. He was kinda messy while we were dating so I shoulda known...but I didn't think about it. I love that joke about the lady in the tub. That would totally happen! I get so mad when dh doesn't think I do anything unless I make money. Who is raising our son? Who is pregnant? Who cleans the house every day, provides activities for our son, cooks the meals, keeps the fort down while he's slaving at work? ME!! Why can't he just accept that!! And yes dh loves video games while he's at home. And I had no idea while we were dating so those self righteous ladies who think they have it all might not know some crap about their husbands too.

Honestly, all of these video-game playing and lazy men sound pathetic. My fiance (I'm a guy) would have my head if I left things around the house. I work full time and constantly make sure I do more than my fair share...dishes, laundry, etc. As for video games, forget it. I say just don't do anything, let him do it.

you say 'he doesnt do this' 'he doesnt even do that' but the main thing you missed out is the fact that YOU ALLOWED HIM TO DO SOD ALL IN THE FIRST PLACE!! its like with anything, kids or dogs, if you dont lay the law down first off then anything they get away with us all down to yourself!!

you are the doormat who lets him do nothing and he will stay like that now, its the way you have allowed him to be. you have let him think its totally acceptable!!! you cant call him lazy when you blatantly allowed him to be so for all these years!!

When my now hubby and I started living together i told him, " I am not the maid, and I am not your mother, If you are looking for someone to do everything while you sit on your ass you need to move back to your parents house." He got this shocked look on his face and assured me that it wouldn't be like that, and it hasn't been. He has a high profile career and is often gone 14+ hours five days a week, but still manages to do his share, and spend quality time with our daughter. I guess I really chose a good one. Good luck to you all, your gonna need it!

I guess I dont really have much to complain about after reading about some of your poor harrassed womens hubby / boyfriends! My hubby works 8 + hours a day, 6 days a week and helps around the house. We both work so we both do turns of cooking and dishes etc - its not unusual for me to come home and he has vaccumed, done dishes and washing - he is a gem - I guess we struck this deal up when we first got together. We do agree when I have our bub and stay at home for the first year I will take on a bit more of the house work - but only once I am getting enough sleep and functioning haha. He is even taking a month of work when the baby first gets here to help me out. Basically I think we both know what we expect from each other so it makes it a bit easier. Dont get me wrong hes by no means perfect and neither am I but the way we work together makes for happy homes. I hope some of your men get their finger out and help you ladies...... some of them have no idea how much you do!!! Good luck! :)

bellybubble it just makes you think how lucky you are when you have a man who understands and helps out. its down to what you accept at the end of the day and its just unfortunate that some of these ladies accept laziness. these lazy men get comfortable with what they can get away with and rarely change. its a shame all men aren't modern men!!

ok ladies,
i have been married for 27 years, my marriage to my husband has been very hard. yes he has worked and from time to time he will help out. i have tried to talk, yell, threaten, and yes even take away his prive. and this is what really pees me off. I AM NOT HIS MOMMY i should'nt have to have a talk with him ect ect.
now what do we do about it?get a divorce is not what God would want me to do and so the only thing to do is to trust God that he will use all things to work for the good. it the mean time thank God for sites like this because i thought i was the one that had something wrong with them. I do agree we should honor and respect our husbands but somedays i think i will go crazy, its called a button that shouldn't be pushed. i think i am a fair person. well good luck everyone and don't forget to rely on God not man alon

I am so upset right now - but I'm trying very hard to just let it go all go over my so that my blood doens't boil and I don't fall into a big lake of more tears. I AM SO DISSAPPOINTED with my partner! - i got pregnat accidentally while we were travelling (11 weeks now) and although the timing wasn't perfect we both decided that we wanted to keep the baby i was so happy at first and I could tell he was going to be a really good dad BUT when it comes tosupporting me he has become a rubbish partner.- we have fun together but I get no help. Since we got back we've been staying with a friend as we gave up our flat when we left to go travelling. Neither of us have found jobs yet and he going away to see his family for a couple ofweeks before coming back and getting a job - BUT ALL HE DOES ALL DAY is sit on bloody facebook and play free internet poker. OK it's nice that he is not going out all the time but I wouldn't mind if he did go out a bit. Since we came home he has just been constantly asking me for stuff - I'm hungry - can you make a tea, have you done my wahsing blah blah blah - if I ask him for something he jsut flatly refuses to do it - bad stomach/no I don't want - if he was working and I wasn't fine but I'm spending all my time trying to find a home for us and doing stuff for him. However I can deal with this, it's all boring but most men are the same I guess I'm learning and are used to having their mum do everything, but what's really eating me up is that I really thought he would be one of these guys that really wants to support their partner during pregnancy by reading up on it all, finding out what I'm going through discovering all the things I'm discovering about the growth of the baby and what is happening to my body. I started off asking him to read part of a book I've got which is for dads because I mistakenly felt he would want to be involved and the whole thing has decended through my crying and begging him to read up to understand what's happening to my hormones and why I need his support so badly. I want to share the experience with him but instead I'm alone in it -I sent him a couple of links in a light hearted email written for fathers and he said he would read them when he finsihed his course - which he finsihed two weeks ago, and left the subject then so that i wasn't 'going on' all thetime and thought maybe that he would come to give a toss in his own time however I asked today if he had taken the time to read them and he said He has other things to think about! his mum is ill and hes going to see her but he's literally spending 6-8 hours a day on facebook and poker - and that's more important than being interested in the size of the baby?? or being involved insome way in the pregnancy!!!??? I don't know if 'm expecting too much - PLEASE HELP!! At thismoment I'm wondering if i'm better off without him it feels like i am jsut there to serve him without getting anything back, am I jst hormonal - is this normal in newly pregnant relationships? Do men usually want to be involved or is it normal for them to have little interest in the development of the baby and supporting their partner. I wanted him to be the birthing partner but I realisenow there is no way he's going to be interested inlearning how to do it so #i guess I will have to ask a friend. Maybe I expect too much but I feel aloneand he just doens't understand however much I try to explain how important it is to me.

My advice to you, is to not put out his clothes for him. He is taking advantage of you. Let him get his own clothes. If you and your husband don't come up with a compromise on chores and taking care of the kids, it sounds like things won't work out.

I understand the not helping around the house. My husband is the same way, and it is frustrating. He won't even take out the trash, the only thing he does is change the kitty litter, like every other week.

When it comes to him paying attention to your kids, I understand that too, but from the kids point of view. Before my Mom got a divorce from my Dad, my Dad didn't give us any attention. Let me tell you, that has effected both me and my sister. We have emotional issues because of it. My Dad really hasn't changed over the years. That is something I would deal with now, by having you and your husband go to counseling. Him hearing all of the things he is doing and not doing from someone else might help him see what damage he is causing.