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i can see how you are upset with your current situation. although i am unsure of weather or not you and your wife will be accepted as a new patient or if your insurance will cover it you should try and find a mid-wife. i am thinking that if you talk to the midwife herself she may understand why you need to change doctors so late in the pregnancy. Also I believe that there are legal steps you can take against that male doctor.there are alot of doctors offices out there that will not allow a male doc to examine a woman without a nurse present. and finally the nerves about who is going to see her while she is giving birth is something you just have to deal with. she will be mostly covered for a c-section but there will be people there to take care of the baby while the doctor is taking care of your wife but rest assured they will be more attentive to the baby that your wife they have to run test and make sure the baby is healthy it should all work out in your favor and if it doesnt i hope you make it through Good luck

mrpanicatm, I have a friend who's husband felt the same as you about male doctors examining her. Although he was not as nice to her about it as you seem to be to your wife. I wanted to ask you something, If your wife felt the need to go to the alter for prayer and the pastor laid hands on her, would that upset you? I know she would be fully dressed and all but that would be physical contact from a man. I'm almost positive you and your wife being christian, a man has touched her at one time or another for prayer. And their intentions were solely spiritual just like the intentions of a male dr are solely medical. And its my opinion from reading the Bible, adultry comes from the heart first. Trust me, the last thing on your wifes mind during an exam is adultry, my bet is she's counting dots on the ceiling haha.

I have a male dr, and at my office it is my option to have a nurse present for an exam. My husband is also there when we have appt's. I find in NO way anything sexual about it and I dont know why you would either. Why not go with your wife to put your mind at ease.

to lilmomma, no, the congregation laying on of hands doesnt in anyway bother me, and i understand the picture that you are trying to paint for me. i said before that i am not normally a jealous type of guy, it only seems to bother me in these types of situations, because it feels more than just jealousy, because i actually panic over this. and really it is more the image (act of the exam) itself more than the intent (what the doctor thinks) that disturbs me.

mrpanic, First of all I mean no harm by what I'm about to say so dont take this as "downing" you. You said you are not normally a jealous person its just in this situation. I think your anxiety and panic are caused strictly by jealousy. I say this because I AM a jealous person and I know the panic, heart pounding, shaking feelings you describe. You said these feelings will depart for a while but when at work you begin to ponder on it and it slams you, when you feel this happening just remember the old saying "an idle mind is the devils workshop" when I ponder on certain things I'm like you, I start feeling the heart pounding and anger and before I know it I have ruined my day. Jealousy is a hard thing to beat and even harder to admitt to! And I think we ALL feel it to an extent. Keep praying about it and if you feel its the right thing to do maybe you could ask your dr to give you something for anxiety. I have perscription meds for it and they really do help although I cant currently take them because of being preggy. And as far as your wife "exposing" her nakedness to a man other than you, Its like I said in my last post to you, Its the intention in her heart, the reason she's exposing herself. From what I can understand from reading the Bible, its ok to be examined by a dr as long as you dont lose your trust in God to heal and help you with health issues. I hope at least something I've said has been some help to you, it could be worse your wife could be a dr who examines men hehe.

I actually think that this may be a somewhat normal feeling especially if this is your 1st child. I know when I was pregnant it took me awhile to get comfortable with my Dr. examining me. And then the thought of many people having to watch me give birth was just unthinkable. Once I went into labor thought..lol..all those thoughts disappeared. So to answer your question I say trust your gut. Listen to your wife. If she uncomfortable and it's because she feels like she's being sexually assaulted and not because she's just uncomfortable with having someone examine her then you should switch Dr. Most Dr.'s find nothing sexual about an examination. It has to be done to insure the safety of your wife and baby. Not all Dr.'s are perfect. they are human. So trust your instincts and make a good decision. If you just can't stand the sight of the examine process my suggestion would be to then wait in the waiting room. One more thing, a male Dr. cannot be in the room alone with a female patient. There must be a female nurse in the room as well. Good luck and I hope everything is okay.

Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins. Maybe you should focus on your faith rather than on something that could put your wife and child's health in danger.

I'm surprised at how many of you people can be so insensitive...I firmly told my clinic that I wanted a female dr...I have no desire to have any man other than my husband see me...I realize that pelvic exams while pregnancy are in no way sexual, but its not a sexual issue for me. I don't nessisarily think a male dr. is going to do anything inappropriate, I'm just extreemly uncomfortable with the thought of a male dr. looking at me or touching me. I personally feel like I would have a serious panic attach if any other man touched me, even if he was a dr.
mrpanic, I pray you and your wife are able to find a female dr!

I have to admit, I did not read every single post, but I did try to read most of them. Mrpanicatm, is this the only Obstetrician's office in town? I realize you said you could not change doctors midway through her pregnancy, etc.... but after having other children, why didn't you think to find another office right when you found out she was pregnant again instead of waiting until it was too late? And why did your wife allow that doctor to examine her with noone else in the room? It is a law in the States that there is always another female in the room to avoid impropriety. She had a choice.

mrpanic, I hope I didnt upset you, it wasnt my intent.

Get a doula :) If it really sucks for you than spring for a midwife to do all the exams and everything! You're wife might even love it :)

I would just make it to where she only sees female doctors for now, until you can get it together emotionally and work out this issue. You have itleast admitted to having a problem which is a big step. Sometimes when theres a history of abuse in the family, it can sometimes work its way out in funny ways as an adult if you don't get help. I could be wrong but if that happened to you or a family member it could be whats causing the panic feelings.

Im going to answer your question probably more to your beliefs than the others. For one its up to you and your wife what the two of you do not these other people. I happen to feel the same way about the subject as you do. If there was nothing sexual about these exams there would not be one case of sexual misconduct by a physician, but yet there are a ton of them. There have been stories about this subject in countless newspaper articles, on CNN, Fox News, Americas Most Wanted, Datelines To Catch a Predator, etc. Do a Google search on this and see what you find. It would be to much to go into all the cases but sexual misconduct by Drs. range from unnecessary/inappropriate exams to rape/sodomy. They have been caught molesting patients under anesthesia, one ob/gyn sentenced to prison for secretly videotaping his girlfriend's teenage daughter while she was showering. Sounds sexual to me! There are papers written to inform Drs. on how to deal appropriately with romantic/sexual feelings they may have for a patient not to mention codes of conduct they are supposed to follow so they dont cross boundries. Seems like a lot of trouble for something that isn't sexual! Ask your wife if her father or brother was a doctor, or if she has a son that became a doctor if she would allow any of them to perform breast/pelvic exams on her. I cant find a woman that would. Stick to your own beliefs. Its nobody elses business. Youre not the only one who feels like you do but even if you were maybe you'd be the only one thats right! As for these responses the only thing I can say is WOW!

oaldc9.....anybody can be a predator or act inappropriately.......just look at the Catholic Church, school teachers, etc.... Going back to my previous post, he said that is not the only doctor's office in town, so why then didn't he find his wife a new, female doctor before it was too late to switch OB practices.

I am a female, and I totally understand exactly what you are saying! I WILL NOT let a male doctor touch me. There are a lot of male doctors out there who are not legit, and whos to say that I am not going to get one of those. When I go to deliver my baby, I have made it very clear that if a male doctor, nurse..anything comes near me, I will take legal action. It is against my belief to be touched or looked at by a male doctor, and that should be respected..it is a violation. Alot of you woman are hating on this man because he believes in something, well as he said his wife is also not comfortable with male doctors touching, and that she has expressed to him, she has had a bad experience...! I think a good idea in this case would be to spend a little bit extra and get a midwife...althought Im not entirely sure if they do c-sections. Just make it clear to everyone that you DO NOT want male doctors or nurses touching her, in hospitals they are supposed to make birth a comforting experience, and most will just bring in a female nurse. I hope all goes well for you, and I dont blame you AT ALL for feeling the way you do about male doctors touching your wife.

Honestly , I think that a ton of these comments that you have received are particularly RUDE. No one comes to this site to be ridiculed and judged, so you people that throw in your two cents, need to take a look at yourself instead of judging other people. The guy is looking for advice, not your bitchy comments. Anyways, to the guy, I understand you feeling this way. In fact, I know quite a few guys that feel the same way. So you aren't alone. However, being a girl, that is 36 weeks pregnant, pap tests in the beginning are no fun, nothing sexual goes thru the mind. lol... in fact you just really want it to be over with. I wouldn't ever go to a man anyway, b/c that would just make it even more uncomfortable. I did have a med student (guy) that came in to one of my exams, and it was humiliating. But it is there job, and they see so much of it, that they really dont even think twice about it.... just try to relax and stay with your wife through it all, and try to focus on the baby and not what you have to go through before hand... For the future I just recommend getting a female ob and making it clear you want her everytime. Hope you can find some peace of mind about this.. but you arent the only guy who feels this way, its really normal.