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If you're crazy, it's a crazy most parents go through, at least for a little while. I was paranoid with my son (now 13) and became a cosleeper due to his problem birth and time in the neonatal icu at the Children's Hospital. I just couldn't sleep unless I either had him beside me, in my arms, or had my hand on his chest while he slept in his cradle beside the bed. At the time, we had no idea that a low-speed fan in the room (ie any small or oscillating fan set to Low or ceiling fan set Low/Moderate) assisted in keeping them from rebreathing "stale" air. We kept a fan on at all times in there because I can't sleep without noise and air movement. Now, with GRIM, her father and I are both constant checkers. She sleeps in her swing, not a bed/crib, she's bundled and her blanket is cinched down by the swing's belt to keep it from her face, and we find ourselves sneaking over to put a finger under her nose or stare at her chest of watch the pulse on her scalp. I think if it's to the point that you're concerned for your mental health or that it's taking over your life, you may want to talk to your doctor about a therapist that deals with anxiety and/or SIDS cases. Maybe join a support group of mothers/parents that are just as careful and worried where you can talk to each other and calm your fears to a lesser fixation. I nearly lost Houdini (the teen) when he was born and when he came home. For the first year, I was convinced it was too good to be true, that he wasn't really meant for me and I'd lose him any day. GRIM's father says the same about our little stinkerbell. What tends to work for us is what worked for me when Houdini was a baby. John (new daddy) took things in a whole new innovative step when GRIM fell asleep in her carseat on one horrendously bad night. We were so exhausted and she'd been screaming for hours, so he didn't want to take the chance on waking her by lifting her out to put to bed. So, he put the carseat in the bed between us. For the first time in many, many nights, we got a stone-deep sleep. She was safe and close, easily checked upon, and not in danger of one of us getting too close or accidentally bringing bedding/pillows over her.

What about one of those pad things that is a monitor and goes off if baby stops breathing? Would that work foryou? I know how you feel, dd has reflux and twice now has choked and can't breathe and she ends up freaking out and crying and crying. I'm worried she won't one of these times though and I feel like I never sleep and may turn into a crazy person. If You don't have one of those pads I'd suggest one, my sister had one for her baby.

Thanks Grim and Saird. I do have one of those motion monitors that go off if there is no motion (breathing) for 20 seconds. The thing is, I haven't been able to use it b/c he prefers his car seat and being upright helps reduce the spit up. I suspect he may have a lesser degree of reflux- Saird you may want to try the upright sleeping for your lo. My first lo had reflux and did the choking thing too, very unnerving. Grim- I forgot about the fan thing, I read that also awhile ago and will do it asap. Thanks for reminding me. My lo also spent a few weeks in the NICU as well as making a return visit to the ER so I understand what you mean about the fear of losing them.

I am glad that it seems my fears are normal, I was worried that I was developing a problem since I am (what I refer to as) a "Borderline Germaphobe" I can't touch public door handles or salt and pepper shakers as well as the obsessive counting and checking, rechecking. I guess I just have to learn to live with it, I'm just so very, very tired.

No you are not crazy. I was like that with my first dd. I had so much anxiety that something was going to happen to her I could hardly sleep at all the first 3 months. Not so much with this one, except she doesnt sleep well so I still dont sleep. :o) I can only imagine what you are going through b/c of his healthy problems after being born. He is over 3 months now, have you tried having him sleep on his back in the crib? Maybe he will do better with it now. I read the thing about a fan in the room too, I do it with dd. That said you could always talk to your OB if it is really bothering you. You need to get sleep sometime girl!!!!

If you are crazy then I must be too. My son is 7 months and sleeps through tthe night and I still get up once or twice and check his chest. And the worst part about that is that we have the Angelcare movement monitor and then I think well if it goes off that there's no movement then what do I do? Would I even be able to save him. We even moved his crib into our bedroom so he could be right there with us. We live in a 3 bedroom house so it is not necessary for us all to be cramped into 1, haha. I am way paranoid about everything. He just started eating some table food and I am a nervous wreck, about him choking. So you are not alone. I actually asked my ob about this and he said it's very normal, especially for first time moms and moms of preemies. So don't feel crazy, I'm right there with ya!

Oh and one more thing. When DS started sleeping on his belly (rolling onto his belly while he was asleep) I actually rolled him over back onto his back 17 times one night. I mentioned that to my doctor and he told me to just let him sleep how he wants, haha.

omg, I totally understand these fears! I've been counting the days until my dd turned 6 months b/c the risk goes down a lot at that point. I still wake constantly to check on her and her crib is in our room as well. I do not have one of the motion monitors though. I also am mildly obsessive compulsive so I know in my head that a lot of my anxiety and obsessive thinking lies with that, but it doesn't help me feel better, you know? I worry about all kinds of things that could go wrong and find that just voicing it often dissipates the fear. Some of it is crazy, like I go to the store and think what if a stranger tries to grab her from my arms and run? Or what if I trip while walking down the steps and she falls? Crazy stuff that only makes me miserable... My dd is my first so I know it is normal somewhat, but I hope this eases up. I think lack of sleep doesn't help this type of thinking either or the anxiety. I haven't been sleeping much lately either. Just know you are not alone. I had several miscarriages before I finally had my daughter so I think some of that made me this way too, lol.

p.s. we do the fan thing in our room too and I also give my dd a pacifier which is supposed to help as well. She doesn't use it all night but she'll use it a lot when she first goes to sleep.

Oh, stef.. I am right there with you on the "irrational" fears! lol John teases me because I couldn't do the LAUNDRY at night for the first three months. I watch her at night while he sleeps and CJ works. We don't have an indoor pass through to the garage, where the machines are, and our doors require locking with a key from either side to remain closed, both the front door and the garage door. He would ask me why I wasn't taking care of the laundry or the cat boxes, and I'd tell him I was afraid someone would come into the house and take her away. Now, we DO live on a pretty busy street, right at the corner. And we ARE in a duplex where our front door is mostly hidden from the road's view. For me, that made it worse, because I thought they could be hiding around the corner of the garage, wait for me to go in with the dirty clothes and wedge the doors closed (our cats are indoor only and are curious about the doors that lead OUT). Once I'm in the garage, especially if the dryer is running, I can't hear anything in the house. GRIM is a terribly social baby, too, and smiles at any stranger that talks sweetly to her, doesn't mind being held by people on seeing them the first time. Generally, I'd have her asleep either in her car seat or on one of our recliners, wedged in by a set of barriers and a stay-on-your-back thing. He would roll his eyes and laugh, asking me how I thought someone would be waiting outside until I finally get around to doing my chores at 3-4 AM when they don't know anything about my habits and there's nowhere they could loiter and watch to learn my habits without the police or neighbors getting curious. I got my revenge, though. He wouldn't let me take her for a walk in the stroller without him because he was paranoid that a rogue drunk would suddenly swerve, make a bee-line for me and the stroller, and jump the curb to crash into us on our mostly quiet cross street. Which his mom lives at the other end of. LOL So when he had HIS paranoia, I laughed, rolled my eyes, and said the exact same thing he'd said to me. He laughed back and understood what I'd been talking about. It's, I think, a big part of being a parent. Babies need you for everything, most of all to keep them safe and warm and fed and loved.

LOL, I've had those same fears too! In fact we live in an apartment now until our lease is up and I feel safer in that we are up on the 2nd floor so noone will sneak in the windows, but I also don't know my neighbor next door at all so I worry about that. I even once got to worrying that one of the maintenance guys would use his keys to get in and take little peanut. I've heard crazier stuff...i also watch too much tv and movies I guess. I've worried about the stroller thing and getting hit too! sigh.......
When we went to the store last I had peanut strapped in the seat and told her dad that I was scared a car would back up too fast and hit us or a rogue car would come flying down the aisle and hit the cart and she'd be trapped in it because she was buckled in. Ahhhh, the list goes on and on. I'm just glad I can vent this stuff because it really can drive a mom crazy ;)

Thanks! You guys have all made me feel not so crazy. Of course my dh thinks I'm nuts but that can't be helped.
I also used to flip over my dd when she began sleeping on her tummy. Taking the CPR and First Aid Courses helped me feel better that if my lo's stopped breathing (God forbid) at least I would not be helpless. I made my dh and Mother take the classes as well. My poor dd is 2 years old and hates blankets. My dh swears it's b/c she was "Blanket Deprived" as a baby due to my SIDS paranoia. I do have the Angel Care motion monitor but he's still happier in the car seat- I really should get him into the cradle at least. My dd slept in our room til she was 1 yo. My ds will be 3 months next Friday the 23rd so I still have another 3 months before the risk comes down, but really another 9 months of worring.
Talk about crazy, on the way to work yesterday, I did not check the mail as I always do b/c it has been very icy and I was afraid that I would fall on the ice, get knocked out and the kids would be sitting in the running car and die from Carbon Monoxide poisoning. It seems I can dream up any horrible scenario there is! I just don't feel so alone anymore. I just really need some quality sleep soon. Colleen

Colleen, that last one made me laugh out loud because I can chalk that up to one more thing I'd think of happening :) I wouldn't go downstairs to check our mail the other day because I thought what if I fall down the steps and am knocked unconscious and my dd is left upstairs all by herself with the door unlocked crying for me. The thought made my stomach turn. So , yes, I have flashes of thoughts like that all day long. It's really unnerving. I wonder sometimes if some of it may be postpartum although I don't necessarily feel depressed. I know it is not all depression, but I've always been a high anxiety person.

Hahha! Sorry Stef, the last thing I want to do is feed anyone's neurosis! I will keep the rest to myself. Sounds like we are a little too much alike. I too have always been high anxiety, I just wondered if it might be a touch of OCD. I just obsess about things and worry and have all these scary thoughts about terrible things happening to my lo's.

After reading this thread, I have a quick question for you girls. Is it safe to have my 3 week old son sleep in his car seat...it's the only place he'll sleep (other than in my arms)? Thanks. And, I don't think you are crazy either...I'm the same way...I check to see that he's breathing constantly. :)

Hi Kimmer- Did the hospital do a car seat test before you brought your lo home? They check to be sure they are getting enough oxygen while in that position. Usually they do it for about an hour.

My pedi actually recommends it with colds and congestion.

My 3 month old ds has been sleeping in his car seat for about 2 months now and since alot of people use the swings for sleeping which keeps them in the same position, I would think it is safe. Congrats on your little one!

Clindholm - I was very anxious after the birth of both my children. With both I worried a lot about things being clean enough, with my first about SIDS but not the second infact I let him sleep on his stomach from day 1 and he's fine and now 2. I went to the doctor and he said it was OCD and I had therapy for that and got it down to a manageable level. The therapy basically involves learning to stop checking all the time and its very hard. I don't know if thats what you have but it sounds like it might be that and if its bothering you I'ld speak to the doctor about it. You're definately not crazy and its common to be anxious after the birth of a child, esp. what my doctor calls "precious" children - he uses that for things like IVF children (my DD was IVF and 5lbs 5oz), where the mother has miscarried a lot before, prem babies etc. I think you just get scared to take even the slightest risk and he says he's seen mothers who just hide their baby in the house all day as they are too scared to go out. If it is OCD often the doctors are keen on pushing meds and these work for some people but I found therapy much better though you can also use both together. Hope you can get some sleep soon.