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Oh yeah, similar situation here. I always fight with my dh about his mother, I would talk to my mom about it but she's an ocean away. My MIL drives me nuts too, but I clearly let her know that I know what I'm doing with my baby. It sucks when you have to speak up to them, because they'll probably think that you are being rude, but you just have to do it in a nice way, she has to get the clue sooner or later! I don't think telling her that you don't need her advice is a good idea. I just listen to what my MIL has to say (even though I hate listening to it, I still do), and then do whatever I want to do, and she sees that I don't follow her advice, and leaves me alone, but whenever she doesn't leave me alone and keeps at it I always have a good back up point to make, to let her understand that my way of doing something is right. I usually refer to a book I've read about baby care, etc. That's when she finally gets it. I don't ever tell her that she's wrong. She buys things for my dd too, all the time. She'd come over for 15 minutes, drop whatever she got her off, and leave. That drives me crazy, but I guess they want to spoil their grandchildren, because they couldn't do it with their own at the time.

I dont understand why my DH cannot say anything. Maybe that's what annoys me the most. It's almost as if he hears what she says and autmoatically thinks thats THE way to do it (because that's what he's always grown up thinking...everything had/has to be HER way). Even when she told me that she WOULD do what I didnt want done and she would sneak and do it and I'd never know he didn't say anything and he was sitting right there. My MIL might not get on my nerves as much if I felt my husband and I were on the same page. I guess sometimes I feel as if it's me vs DH & MIL. It's not supposed to be like that!

cattac - i completely understand where you are! as i myself have a pushy MIL! and she also keeps pushing her advice on me. the sad part is she is a dr and back in our country(where she practices) she sees babies in her practice as well. So my dh always thinks whatever SHE says is right and sometimes I just get tired of it! I have done what sashasmama has done..i.e., ignored her advice and did things my way and i instantly knew when she is not happy seeing me do things MY way! Anycase, i do tell her sometimes (although it might appear rude!) that this is how it's done here or my pediatrician recommended it etc..sometime she gets (or so she acts) and sometimes she doesn't! My dh and I got into a major fight about it the other day as well...but we reconciled next day, so that was ok. But I do feel like i'm a loner in the house and that it's me vs mil+fil+dh!! sigh! :(

totally my situation too! My MIL "rules the roost" so to say. My husband bows down to everything she and my SIL say. He will NOT go against anything they say.....even if it bothers me. It makes me soooo furious at times. I try to keep the peace, but I will not allow her to tell me what to do, or make me/my family do something that I do not want. Its such an aggrivating thing that when you marry your husband......their family comes with them (its a package deal..lol). Believe me...you are not alone with your feelings....there are many women who feel the same way about MIL's.

hi, i feel for you. the part where your mil suggest to feed your ds 4 or 5 bottles in that short time sounds absolutly ridiculous to me & i think it would only make your son more unsettled as it would probably give him tummy pains.anyway when my mil says something i just usually tell her something like oh i was recommened by ped not to do that or whatever.(her info is 30 years out of date).it is hard cause you want to keep the peace but at the end of the day they are your children & you have the right to make decisions for them not her.have a chat with your dh and hopefully he might just pop up next time & say something. As for the presents my mil buys my ds a new toy about 2 times a week & my dh finally told her off so hopefully she will stop for a while.i have also told her that we are running out of room in the house to put all these things & if she buys anymore we will just have to put them away.anyway it is a difficult situation & is something that we are going to have to deal with for a long time to come.don't be affraid to speak up for yourself.

I always use the same reaction with everyone when they start telling me how to parent, wether it's my mother, father, my MIL, my FIL, anyone and it has seemed to work very well for me. No one tells me how to parent anymore or does anything that I don't want them to do with my baby. If someone starts telling me how to raise my child I look them straight in the eye and say "I'm sorry if I offend you but if I want your opinion I'll ask for it. Until then do not tell me how to take care of my baby." And then I quickly move on to the next subject. It's not said in a hostile or whiney tone, but rather in a firm manner. They're shocked for a second but then when they realize that I've already moved on to a different subject they can't go back or they'll seem like they are picking a fight. This has worked for me but it might not work for you. The people you're dealing with may have totally different personalities than the people who I'm talking to. And your personality may not match up to that response at all, for instance if you're usually really quiet and easygoing. Just letting you know what works for me :o)

I totally hear what you are saying about your MIL and I Think your husband needs to stand up for you. But, as a breastfeeding mom it is true that babies can have a fussy period during the evening and tend to cluster feed to store up for the night time sleep. My dd every evening at that age would eat every hour during the evening. HTH

hello, i just want to comment on the feedings. There is something called "cluster feedings", and some babies just wants to feed alot in the evenings. I breastfeed, and when my dd was younger (she is 8 months now) she would feed ALOT in the evening - I pretty much feed her all evening. You can read more about it on askdrsears.com. good luck.

Okay well all I can say is that my dd who is now 2 was fussy at 6ish and my dd who is now 5ms IS fussy around 6ish. My mom said we were all like that and my MIL (who I like - most of the time) said her kids were like that. My MIL's mother (who I love) said her kids were all like that. So I can see that maybe people think it is common for babies to be fussy at that time, I have read that most babies do have a fussy time,…… but all I have talked to it has been around 6ish….They all just let them fuss and I do too. I also bf and I just feed my dd and put her down and all she does is fuss…the only thing I can do to calm her down is yes feed her, but when she just ate, I don't….she doesn't need it….but the only other thing I can do is to give her a bath. If you aren't botherd by the fussing, let him fuss. A little fussing isn't going to hurt anything, my dad has a theory that they smell food and then get fusy (cause we all eat around 6 too) anyway I know it doesn't answer your question, I am just saying I agree with you. My mil mother told me once that as long as me and my kids were happy and healthy it didn't really matter how I did things……my mom told me the same thing….that a lot of people including her will give me advise I may or may not want. The only thing to do she said is shake your head and try it if you want, don't if you don't and just do things the way works for you and your baby…..I would tell your mil that while you appreiate her info (even though you don’t) it works best for you to do it this way….also with your two year old, tell her if she dosen't follow your wishes on doing things, then you will not let him spend time there. Then I would tear into your hubby for not suporting you! I am not sure if it would work, and I am not sure I could do this, I am just glad I do not have too!

HAHA...I get so stressed out when my MIL is around. I'm a completely different person. She does not listen to one word that I have to say about raising my son. She will use the bathroom and won't wash her hands and then lets my son chew on her hands/fingers! Or she will do this after she just smoked and won't wash her hands!! AHHHHH....I hate it and I've said something to my dh and he did said something to her the other day. I got on to him b/c my MIL let my son down on the kitchen floor at someone's house the other day and people had been in and out all day long visiting a new baby in the family, I was blocked from gettin to him and he started eating dirt off of the floor I looked at dh and said he's eating dirt! He said oh he's gonna do that sometimes, that alone just pissed me off, but then my mil said oh mom your just gonna have to get used to it. I don't either. I realize he will do it when I not looking, but to watch him do it and not do anything about it. I'm his mother and will protect him if I can. I know I can be super paranoid, but it's my job as a mother to do my best to teach him right from wrong so when he is old enough he will know. Anyway, I had to work the other day and dh and mil took care of my son dh had to go pee and ask mil to watch son b/c he was crawling around on the floor. He said when he got done going to the b/room he asked his mom where J.T. was she pointed him out and dh said i thought you were watching him and she said I was and dh said not very well his chewing on a flip-flop over here and she looked at her ds/dh and said "You two are just gonna have to get used to the fact the he is going to do things like this!" Dh looked at her and said not if you can prevent it, he doesn't need to chew on shoes. If I can keep him from doing it I will. I was so proud of him, it's like the only time he's stood up to her. Good luck!

Here's a different take on MIL's. If they had anything to do with raising the men you are with, maybe they do know a thing or two? Also, there is more than one right way to do things and its ok to let the MIL's feel like they have some wisdom to offer. As much as new mothers like to think they have read or learned everything there is, there's nothing wrong with letting more experienced parents give a nickle of advice now and then asked for or not. I don't mean rude, insensitive comments but your MIL is right, there is science to back up the stressed out baby in the evening episode. Babies vent by fussing and crying and feeding is soothing to them so I believe your MIL is right about that issue. Not saying you don't have very valid gripes, but sometimes we need to look at other points of view too. Also, maybe DH doesn't want to back you up because he feels his Mom is a great mom and he loves her? That by saying you hate it when she says or does something it reflects on how HE turned out as a person? Sounds silly, but people do love their own parents even if they're pieces of crap and dissing someone's relatives gets dicey. Just wanted to offer alternative sides, I have been so lucky, my MIL is for the most part just wonderful and I can't complain. Best of luck to you on ironing these details out.

my MIL knows that her opinion isn't always wanted or needed and will wait for either dh or i to specifically ASK her if we want to know what she thinks about something which is WONDERFUL. now that's not to say that she NEVER gets on my nerves, but for the most part regarding the kids she keeps her nose out of it. she will say things to my dh regarding childcare, etc if i'm not around, but it doesn't bother him so that's fine with me. i'm very lucky in this regard. djh - i do agree with most of what you've said, but cattac's situation seems to be more that just offering motherly advice. sometimes MIL needs to step back and realize that her kids are grown and it's our turn to do our best raising these kids. w/ regard to the feeding issue...i breastfeed and dd is a lot fussier from around 6-8. she feeds more often during those times, but i certainly don't think she eats what would total 4-5 bottles like cattac's MIL suggested. i honestly think she gets about the same amount from those cluster feedings that she would with one normal feeding. she's just comforting herself at the breast...much like a pacifier. everyone has a different opinion regarding this issue, i'm sure, but i do think there's a time and a place for a MIL's opinion and that time and place is when someone has ASKED for that opinion. that's just how i feel.

Yeah, I know JillianT, I was trying to play Devil's advocate. I do agree that in-laws should at the very least try to "grit their teeth" even in the face of what could be a minor mistake. I know my MIL has, in fact, for I was so freaked out about adherence to my first son's SCHEDULE that I wouldn't let him stay too long with anyone. I was so fearful that one late nap would set him back to the beginning and I was (comically) quite terrified. Even though my MIL said not to worry I didn't trust her on this. So funny now when I look back on it. GL

again....lol, This is probally more advice you are not wanting to hear. I can totally understand why you are agravated, but i can also relate to your husband not wanting to " step in ". This is his mother and for one, he does not feel like he is going to want to choose between the 2 of you . Please dont make him feel like he should as things will get worse between the 2 of you. He will feel like he is caught in the middle. Another thing i would like to say is that i know you are this child's mother, however, a little advice from the " older" women who have been through it all does not hurt. Im not saying to listen to everything she has to say, but just nod your head and ignore her later. But by all means ...DO NOT BASH YOUR MIL IN FRONT OF DH ! , lol trust me, it will only make things worse between the 2 of you. After all this is his mother, and happens to be the women that raised the man that you are in love with today .....I have in laws that get on my nerves too, but i just let them think that i am listening and do it my own way when i get home :)

Great I had this whole long post I'd typed out and then my computer window closed off so the whole post was lost. BAsically I thank EVERYONE for their opinions even if it differs from my train of thought. I understand what everyone is saying about MILs and tolerating their advice. Please hear me when I say I am NEVER rude to my MIL. I always hear her out but dont necessarily do what she says. I was really upset the other night though when I told my SIL how to quiet my son (since I do it everyday) and not two seconds later she was motioning to her and mouthing to her behind my back something different to do. That just really got to me. I also had another thread on here talking about how much time is enough for kids to spend with their grandparents. As much as I disagree with the way she uses money and her morals and the fact that she's addicted to pain killers I do want her and my FIL to have a relationship with my children but in order to do that I dont think they need to see my kids everyday or every other day. Our family moved here about 4 months ago. We have a two year old boy and a 4 week old boy. We spend the afternoon over there and have dinner every sunday at my in laws and then we drop them off once a week in the afternoon for alone time with grandparents. My MIL was telling me sunday flat out "FIL and I are absolUTELY NOT satisfied with the amount of time we have with your children. We want more." She was telling me this when my husband and FIL walked in so I couldn't say anything but prior to moving here my husband did have a talk with them because he knows how demanding and controlling his mother is and told them about this two day thing. They were fine with it and so are my husband and I. Well apparently now that we're here my in laws are not fine with it and I had a long talk with my husband last night and after talking with my MIL and husband over the past few days it seems my husband has put his foot down several times so I'll give him that. I think that my MIL is being too demanding especially since we moved here. She has two other daughters and sees them basically everyday and her other grandkids probably 5 days out of the week. That's not what I signed up for when I moved here and we tried to let them know that before we made the move. It's like World War 3 erupts when someone tells the woman no because she's not used to being told no. I didn't have a chance to say anything when she started talking about spending time with our kids but if the topic comes up again between her and myself I'm just going to have to tell her that that was the situation we had all decided on and that if she'd like to revisit the situation then both my husband and I need to be a part of the conversation. I also understood JillianT about respecting your mother and look at how he was raised, etc and I can see where you're coming from but I just wish you could know her. My husband and I have been to therapy over her and our therapist refers to her as a ragealholic. She's very controlling and my husband acts the way he does not out of respect for her but because hes partly scared of her and partly because he just doesn't want to put up with her complaining and moaning if he does stand up to her, tell her no, or tell her something he knows she wont want to hear. Basically if she's not in control she loses her cool. I just think she should be happy with our situation now and shouldn't be demanding anything else and let us make a life for ourselves outside of them. If anyone reads this post and disagrees or has another take on it or thinks I'm out of line with how I'm thinking let me know. I'm open to whatever anyone has to say.