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I am going to answer you honestly and i dont want to hurt you in any way. Never say never about the cheating, its always a possibility especially with the sudden staying out all night stuff and not calling you...Crying isnt going to change a thing, some men run from the crying. You need to truly speak to this man today, yesterday, asap before it gets worse.....He is carrying on like a single man with no responsibilites, he can't continue to do that. You need to make it clear or he will continue. He needs to help you with the baby and begin bonding with the baby, is he young to be carrying on like a teenager? Some people change when a baby comes, my ex left me when my daughter was a few months old, we became room mates for around two months without knowing it and noone spoke up about how it was getting a bit stale, He left me and has had three partners since then and that was a year ago..... You also sound quite dependant on him, understandable as you are away from everyone. You need to join a mothers group, get a part time job, get money together for a car to get out... You need to get your independance back and stop relying on this man..... Its nice for a child to have two parents but both need to be happy so the fairytale of the old days is gone.... You will still have a stable child if one day things take a different turn..... I am not trying to scare you, hurt you......... but i cannot put in words the importance of speaking to your partner right now.... My daughter doesn't have a dad who lives with her now, we sometimes take for granted that things are going to stay the same. Unfortunately they dont, so please speak up now before things get any worse with him........ i wish you well

Hi sorry to hear you're going through this. Things have changed with my dh also since the baby. He works nights so I feel like I never see him. Would he consider maybe going for counseling with you? I would try to find a group or something to join to get out of the house and meet people. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me, njgirl8888@aol.com. Keep your chin up!

You definitely need to sit down and talk with your husband. Try to get yourself together when you do this and it will be more effective than if you do it after you've been crying for hours. Tell him exactly what you need from him. Some men need this spelled out for them. My husband isn't the perfect husband. He doesn't help with the house or baby much, but he is always there for me 100%. Your husband needs to be there for you. Also, you need some independence for yourself. I would say that your first priority would be to save for a second car. There is no way I could survive without a car. Like you said, sometimes going shopping is like a vacation. Something that has helped my relationship is getting away for the weekend or just a night away. We do this with the baby and it always refreshes our relationship, bringing us closer together. I understand it is hard to meet people without transportation, but try to find a playgroup, or meet with some people from church, maybe find a gym with daycare, anything to get you out of the house and doing something. Hang in there!!!

I don't know about your exact situation, but do you think he smokes pot? Because that stuff changes the person, and they stop caring about anything, only care about getting high. I mean maybe he met these new friends that do it, and got into it. You need to tell him that you and the baby should be the most important people in his life, and friends come in after. Give him an ultimatum, tell him you are sick of him gone partying while you take care of your child and the house, that he needs to stop acting like a teenager, and be a father, and if he doesn't get his s**t together, then you'll have to move on. I mean if he's gone all the time, and doesn't spend any time with your child, it's just like you being a single mother already. Do you have family in the state that you used to live in?

my husband told me today that he has been cheating. I am heartbroken, lonely,depressed,and lost. How can we ever move on from here? help me

I can't even imagine what you must be going through.. Maybe you need a little break from each other so that you deciede what you need/want to do. I hope you have supportive and loving family because you really need someone there for you, especially with a little baby. Prayer does wonders too and exercise helps with stress. Sorry I don't know what else to say. Good luck.

Oh boy I am so sorry to hear that mizliz. I really don't know what to say. Do you have any friends or family that you can go visit for a while? Email me anytime! njgirl8888@aol.com

omgosh! sweetheart thats horrible. i wouldnt have mentioned anything, but it did sound like that was the case. was it a one time only? or a more serious thing? my mum's dh of 15 years and high school darling cheated on her then left just like that, as ive known him all my like it was extreamly hard for the both of us.....he was eventually 'diagnosed' with mid life crisis, nd is now 100% different from what he was...smokes, always drunk and out and it has turned him into someone i dont really know or want to know. that might be one thing. second, my uncle cheated on my aunty who is a model, very beautiful and he was happy between the sheets, he just needed something different, so it isnt always because they arent happy. but once they find out they can get away with more, they change. is it something you can forgive? sometimes, its better to have one happy parent, then 2 parents who fight or dont show any affection at all. has he told you his sry for what he did? is he willing to go to councelling? i would say that would be the first step to repairing the relationship if thats the path you want to take. i must say though. you deserve better than that! no woman should have toput up with that kind of pain, you are not a disposable doll that he can just use then through away. my parents split when i was a baby, and i would say that i have always prefered them apart, each one devoted all there time and love into me more so and i never grew up with arguing parents, now as an adult, i dont really argue...i guess i know more how to rationalise than yell. this might all be irrelavent but maybe not. find a moment to sit down and without tears and rationalising, ask him where he see's this relationship going and how he can contribute or change if he is sry. remember to keep your head up and show little emotion. he will just assume that you will break down in tears, which is hard not to, but what my mum did, was cry privatly, and when she spoke to him, she acted happy and content without a care...she showed him that the world doesnt revolve around him, you need to show him that your indeprendant (scews errors bubie kicking keyboard), if you do that he wont see you as the person that is lonely who just stays home waiting for him.....men like independance, not followers who run around behind him, it might sound mean, but you know its basically true. just show him hes not worth the tears and he might turn around. do you have the resorces to leave him if thats your choice? can u afford to travel to family? there are plenty of nice men out there who dont have kids then just abandon them...im sure he knows its a mistake and how detramental it might be to his little one....thats why its not worth the hassle. it took my mum 6 months, but now she is ha[ppier healthier, more independant and has more freiends. sometimes men arent everything, especially when they hurt you so much, you need to be happy for your lo's sake...show him how scum he is and that you dont need him! you are obviously a kind beautiful person, everyone deserves the best...go and get it! :) ill be back to check up on ya, we will all help you acheive your goals, whatever it is you choice, so stick around, and keep smiling :) theres light at the end of the tunnel, its your life, remember that hun.

I am so sorry Mizliz. The only thing thats worse than being in a bad marriage is being in a bad marriage for one day more than you have too. If you choose to leave, your children will be fine. In fact by staying, you are sending the message that his behavior is ok, and its not. He didn't just cheat on you, he cheated on his child too. Go speak to an attorney and become knowlegable about the divorce laws in the state your currently live in, and the one your family lives in. Even if you want to work thru it, you need to know what your rights are. The fact that he was unfaithful will be to your advantage in a divorce. He will be responsible for all the attorney fees and judges especially do not like to see new fathers cheat.

I feel shocked by this whole thing, I didnt know it was this bad, I didnt know that he felt this way. I gave him an ultimatem, I said, Go to couseling or divorce. I was shocked that he didnt want counseling and said that it was too late. I have done nothing but love him and I feel so hurt. I said I would do anything it takes to be with him and I loved him. He said I love you and thats it. He doesnt want to save this marriage, this is so insane. I thought we were somewhat happy, I cant believe this is happening to me. Tomorrow I'm going to see a lawyer and file for divorce. Poor Isaac, will never see his parents happy together and loving each other, its all I ever wanted out of life and I dont know how I'm going to move on. I dont even want a divorce but he does. How could he do this me? He's not even the man he was just 6 months ago. Its so strange how people change but I guess its part of life. Thank you for your support. You guys are wonderful, I will keep you posted on things if you would like to hear from me.

This might be the time you reach out to family. You said you dont live near them, but maybe you could move a little closer so they can help you out with Isaac or even move in with them if possible. I am very sorry that you are going through this.

hi mizliz, i am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. {{{{{}}}}} did he give you a reason to why he does not want to go to counseling and save the marriage? my heart is breaking for you. please keep posting if it makes you feel better. I went through something last year and it helped me alot to get my thoughts and feelings out here and read the supporting posts from other women. I will be thinking about you.

i am sorry, he seems to think the grass is greener on the other side.... it is for a while but not for long.........He has been cheating on you while you care for his baby at home... Demand more....... Let him go........i am sorry to be so harsh but i speak from experience..... i am sorry for your pain but it does go, i promise you that it will subside and one day you may thank him for going....... Hard to believe but again i speak from experience.......Some people really cant handle a baby coming along, you may think i am awful but its true.....he thinks he is going to greener pastures, trust me my dear when i say to you he will regret it soon..... Oh trust me bigtime on that one.... I hope you are strong enough by then though to know you deserve much much more.... What happened to you, happened to me.... My ex had a partner so very quickly after we split, i think she was the reason for the split so my reply is how i feel now and i am trying to advise you because back then when all this happened all i wanted was him to return to me, it took him a girlfriend and 6 months to regret it... I would never take him back, too much damage and he abandoned me when i needed him so very much..... You will be ok and i do hope whatever you decide you never get hurt by this person again.... take comfort in your child........ take care

I am so sorry to hear that I cant even begin to imagin what you are going through. I can some what relate as a year or so ago dh said he wanted a divorce because he was intrested in someone else that he barely even knew and it crushed me to pieces. I would find out how long he has been cheating for and maybe what lead him to cheat. I am so sorry I just wish I could make it all better for you. Hang in there and stay strong and maybe the two of you can work through this. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope thing work out for you what ever path you choose to take, you sound like a strong person, good luck (((HUGS)))

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Just know that your son is loved so much by you, and that is all that matters. You do not need 2 parents to raise a happy, healthy child. I come from a broken home, and I look back and I think it was for the best. I can't "compare" how things were, b/c I was only 2 when my parents split, but they each got remarried to very loving people who I think of as "parents" as well. . Things will get very trying and very difficult in the coming weeks, and months, but just stay focused on your little guy and that will keep you sane through this termoil. I wish you all the best, and I will pray for you. Just know you are not alone. Talk to people (friends, family, shrink) whoever you need to. Do not feel weak or ashamed. NONE of this is your fault. This was his decision, and you are a wonderful loving woman who deserves to be happy. You deserve better than the treatment you are receiving. Keep that in mind, and like I said, stay focused on Isaac and stay strong for him. He needs to see that you are tough and you can handle this. AND YOU CAN!!!

I'm sooo sorry to hear about this happening to your mizliz! I can not start to imagine it what you are going through! But hang in there and post as much as you can over here for support or kind words or whatever! You seem like a wonderful person and it's his misfortune to lose you! Keep your head high! {{{Big Hugs}}}