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You know, you don't have to have a baby. I am 48 and I spent my entire life in terror of childbirth, so I decided I just wouldn't do it. Another friend of mine adopted, and a third went ahead with it and now she has a ton of health problems, prolapses, all sorts of mess. Adopt. It's easier, or if you have money, use a surrogate. One of my mother's coworkers did the surrogate route and it worked out great. But you don't have to have a baby to be a mother. Don't be bullied into it if it isn't right for you.

HiHello, I think you missed their point, they want to get pregnant, and are just afraid of the birthing.

It is I feel natural, cause from when we are little girls we hear of all the Pain with childbirth when we are around our mothers and their friends, and we overhear conversations that are not meant for small ears. This gives us our dread of childbirth. I was much the same.

I sat down and thought about it, just about every woman who becomes a mother does it, and I wanted my own children so I took the plunge.

I never listened to anyone's story when i was pregnant, I told them thanks, but I dont need to hear it, I read and asked the midwife questions. I took note of the antinatal classes and went from there.

My sister asked me to explain it to her when she had her baby last year, I told her the pain is the worst you can handle, but then it is all over and you have this wonder in your hand and the pain disappears, she said yeah right. After she had her son she smiled at me and said now i know what you mean,I could not describe the pain now, but i know it was not fun, but i dont really remember it in light of what i have in my arms.

I'm with a lot of the other ladies. I highly suggest finding a midwife. their job is to worry about you and your baby's well-being, both physically and mentally. I was told by dozens of mothers to seek a midwife and i was very happy with her. I was like you in the beginning. I simply did not want children because i was so scared of birth and all it entails. on top of that i'm terrified of needles and there's lots of those unfortunately. i suggest reading as much as you can about labor and delivery. knowing what to expect really helped with my fears as well as talking about your fears with someone who is comforting and understanding.

Just remember, that the baby will come out. I'm not going to say it won't be painful, it probably will. To be honest, though the worst part wasn't actually giving birth, but the recovery afterwards, but they have pain meds for that. I had a c-section, myself. Don't let anyone kid you into thinking that's the easy way out. It hurts. A LOT. maybe more than vaginal, but i have nothing to compare it to. but once you see your little one's beautiful face, you kind of forget about it. You realize it's worth everything you just went through.

It's funny, when I was on the table looking at my husband as they were pulling my boys out, I told him that I didn't think I could do it again. But now, 4 months later, I can't wait to have another baby. Studies have proven that your body actually releases chemicals during and after childbirth to make you forget the pain you've been through so that we'll continue to procreate.

HiHello, you are entitled to your views, but I find that you have a very cynical and consumeristic way of envisaging motherhood. No you are not truly a mother if you avoid all the icky parts: you want someone else to do "the dirty work for you" while you effortlessly reap the rewards. You don't just "shop" for a baby like it was a thing to complement your wardrobe.
Of course if you don't want to have a baby, don't, that's a choice everyone is free to make and there's nothing wrong with it.

I have nothing against adoption, this is another story altogether if it means providing a home to a child who needs one, but a surrogate?? That's the consumer route.

And guess what? There is nothing wrong with the consumer route. Not being willing to do the icky parts but being willing to be a decent mother is what counts. Fortunately, you don't get to make a decision for anyone else. The fact that you don't like it has no bearing on anyone else's decision and it is a perfectly viable option.

You are most certainly entitled to your own choices. But I don't believe that using a surrogate mother, who is probably in a low socio-economic bracket and is doing this as a way to make ends meet, is anything short of exploitative.

I might add that I say this from the perspective of someone who is herself terrified of labour, and fully understand your feelings on that issue.No harsh feelings intended,

a couple of key thoughts for anyone who is scared of labor - it is TEMPORARY, and second - if you really don't think you can/want to handle the pain - EPIDURAL!
i have done it once each way (natural 1st preg, epidural 2nd), and to tell you the truth, yes labor hurts (for most women) but i felt like Superwoman! try to find a positive attitude about it - it is the greatest thing in the world not only to conceive and carry your precious baby but also to deliver it into this world.

How dare you accuse me of being exploitive? I will have you know a woman in my mother's medical practice, far from a lower-socioeconomic class, is a current surrogate. These are not toothless bums, you know. Maybe your lack of knowledge about the surrogate process is YOUR problem. I am educated about the process, and I know for a fact that it is a viable way to become a mother. Unfortunately, I did not have the personal circumstances to do it when it was an option for me, but it is really the only way I would have become a mother. There is no reason to not consider it. If it works for the surrogate and works for the mother, it really is nobody else's business and frankly it is bigoted to judge it.

N E ONE terrified of birth please read books by INNA MAY GASKIN she's is great and reading them helped me to become less terrified and using the methods works.

Bringing it back to the topic of TERROR...after my first pregnancy (which ended in MC) my body terrorized my for 1year plus. I'd already had a lifetime of intense anxiety about the birthing process because my mom would say:
You were a month late. I gained 97lbs. When you came out, you were 11lbs, 23 inches and tore me from one hole to the other. AND IT'S ALL GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU?

This I've heard since I was five.

Once married, I don't know why she was surprised I wasn't interested in 'giving' her grandchildren.

Despite the anxiety, I did things like attend other women's births (both natural and drug-friendly)...that did help.

And I felt REALLY ready to take the plunge with my partner.

I'm now pregnant again and still have those creeping fears about labor, but as the other ladies say, it's such a short time out of the whole situation and there are drugs, etc. if you want or need them.

I have to say, that after my first pregnancy, I pleaded with my husband to go the adoption route because I couldn't even think of putting my body and brain through that suffering again. I wanted to be a mother, but I thought that suffering was too high a cost. My mind has mellowed over the two years since, but not without counseling and a LOT of talking with other ladies.

On motherhood, however you come about it, it's a blessing and a privilege to be a parent. People should honor that no matter the circumstances that make it possible.