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Relationship Problems After Birth Of Baby
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Hey Chica-first, it sounds like this guy really doesn't appreciate what it takes to be a parent. I DO believe, though, that it helps when two people live together to help each other out. It seems a little silly that you have a baby together, yet you won't move in with him until you're married. If you've already had a baby with this man, it's probably best to move in with him before you're married. The baby needs two parents around and this way you'll be able to have a little more help. If it doesn't work out and he's still not helping, then it's obvious that you shouldn't get married. Does that make sense? But at this point, you need to not drop "hints" any more. You need to just say to him, "Look, I need help. I can't do the things I need to do because I don't have anyone to relieve me. Let's figure out a schedule that works for both of us." If he doesn't like this, then he might not be someone you'd want to marry...hope this helps at all. Just a little info, though. Women will ALWAYS have to work a little harder than men. We are the ones who are sort of expected to take care of the baby, so put a job on top of that and we work twice as hard. However, your man shouldn't have to think twice about helping you out... |
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Unfortunately guys can be this way at the beginning. I felt as if my bf didn't help at first either, and I was also attending school full time. It's new for both of you and you have to get used to it together. If he says you're the only one that he wants to be with, then he probably means it. He probably does want to marry you, but he's not ready. To us marriage is different than it is to them.... he may not be ready to give up his freedom of coming and going whenever he wants. Although, If this type of behavior persists and you still feel the same way after 4-5 months, then it may end up being a problem. A lot of guys think it's mostly our job to care for the baby, but he should be showing more interest in interacting with the baby when she gets a little older (5-6 months). I had to just get used to it, because they don't understand how much work it is for us, especially with school, work, cleaning, and cooking then on top of all that raising a baby. And don't drop hints, because he may not even be getting it, as silly as it sounds. Be real with him and tell him straight up that you have to run errands and it's difficult to always take the baby with you so you need him to watch her. You need to work around eachothers schedule, but it has to be done. Try to be understanding and discuss your feelings with him as much as possible when you're in a good mood. If you're upset, wait to cool down to talk. I hope this helps. I know how you feel because I went through the same thing and now that our son is almost 7 months old, it's getting better. |
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Binx18. Hi there. MayMommies 2007 is still going strong! Our babies are all growing and we are learning from each other. We've thought of you often and hoped you'd find your way to us. If you get this, please go register with us at w w w dot maymothers dot com. Hope to hear from you soon! |
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I have to say I am 100% against being married b4 living together....my hubby did that with his first wife...it lasted 9 months and ended in divorce....me and him lived together for 3 years then got married....its easier that way....u get to find out whether u can stand to be around eachother that much cuz livin together is way different then seeing eachother a few hours a day in ur own space. once u live together u don't have "ur space" it "ours" and u say ur not sure u want to be with him yet ur discussing marriage? a baby is tons of stress...and honestly if u don't tell him straighforward what u want....he won't get it men can be hardheaded like that. so tell him straight up that u need his help and its 50/50 and right now u feel its 90/10 u deserve his help he helped make this baby... gl and I am not trying to sound mean just being honest..... gl sweetheart god bless u and ur lo |
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i totally agree with tish. If you live togethor first, it is better because you will see if you can stand eachother! |
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