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I had an u/s when I was 6w 2d. We a saw a sac but nothing was inside. I had a series of u/s when I was 7w 1d and 7w 5d and 8w 5d. Still nothing. I was diagnosed with blighted ovum. HCG levels were increasing as typical of a blighted ovum. My doctor prescribed me some cyotec. The day that I was supposed to take it, I had another u/s..just to clear my conscience and to make sure. I was 9w and still nothing. That night, Oct.1, I took an 800mg motrin at 6pm. At 7:00pm I took 4 cyotec (800 mg) vaginally. I then took 1 VIcodin. I kept on checking every hour for bleeding but nothing. I fell asleep and when I woke up around 2:30 am to take another motrin, that's when I noticed that my pajama was stained with blood. I went to that bathroom and sat on the toilet and saw that my pad was soaked. I used a long maxi and it was soaked. There were some few clots. While I was on the toilet I felt more blood coming out and some large clots. I sat there for a while. Afterwhich, I went back to bed. When I woke up around 6 am, there were still some bleeding and some clot. The whole day I had some bleeding but not that much. I continually took my motrin every 8 hours but I stopped the VIcodin. Thursday night, Oct.2 I took the 2nd dose of cyotec another 4 tablets vaginally. I also took another vicodin. I didn't have heavy bleeding but I noticed some few clots but not that big. Now, I'm still at home just light bleeding. I stopped taking pain medds. All in all, I would say that my experience was not as bad as I thought it would be. I did not feel any pain. I think it's because I took those pain meds even before I felt any pain. I will have an appointment on Monday with my doctor. Hopefully, I passed out everything.

Hello..my story is similar to many on here. I took misprostol 17 days ago on Sept 17th. after 3 weekly ultrasounds showed no heartbeat. At 8 weeks 5 days only a small embryo of 3mm had grown along with a fetal pole and a yolk sac. I have had my share of losses b4. (4 losses)Have had D&C's for a missed miscarriage at 14 weeks. But opted for the misprostol this time. I was hesitant about taking this, as I am still nursing my lo. But then found out less that .01% passes to breat milk if taken orally and even less if done vaginally. I administerd the drug vaginally..experienced the cramps, the clots and I am STILL bleeding 17 days later. I just had an ultrasound today and a beta done yesterday. The beta was 1279 today at 17 days from the day I first took the misprostol..IT was 3000 and something 1 week ago. I will not get the results from the ultrasound until Monday so I do not know if I have to have a D&C. to get all products of conception out. Anyone else experience prolonged bleeding afterwards? I was given 2 doses of 4 pills. I only took the first dose as I started bleeding about 3-4 hours after that. I am so bummed about the whole loss and having to start over again. If anyone became pregnant again soon after taking this drug I would love to hear your story. God BLess everyone here and may everyone have better luck in the future ttc. :) I am truly sorry for all your losses.

Similar situation here. I lost my pregnancy at around 7 weeks. My obgyn recommended Cytotec in order to eliminate the product of conception. She told me they are ovules to be inserted in my vagina. When I picked-up my prescription I noticed that they don't look at all like ovules, they werer actually tablets. Doing some research on the internet I found this forum which was very helpful. Thank you all for sharing your experience.
However after I read some of the posts here, I really freaked out. My doctor didn't give me anything for the pain, she said take Motrin if the pain gets ntense. She told me it's going to be like a heavy period with some cramps and that the bleding should stop after about 6 hours. But she never mentioned that it could get really bad, like some of the posts here described.
I called her office the next day asking for a prescription for some stronger painkillers. She refused to prescribed any ,saying that I don't need that level of narcotic.
I didn't like her answer so I went to 2 more obgyn's plus I consulted my physician. They all advised me to have a D&C. I never had a D&C before and I was very nervous. I didn't know what to do. I finally opted for a D&C. I had general anestesia and I was asleep for 10 min. I didn't feel any pain during or after the procedure. I don't have any cramps nor bleeding.
In the end it's your choice, but before you decide for one option or another, go for a second opinion and do some research. But in my opinion it doesn't pay to go thru all the pain & bleeding when you can have a D&C. If you live in the NY area I higly recommend Dr. Blatt. He runs a small private hospital/center and everybody is extremely nice there. The cost of the procedure was $450.
If you chose the cytotec, make sure you get something stronger for the pain, just in case.
I hope my experience helps and again thank you all for your posts. Sorry for your losses and good luck!

Hi ladies,

Thank you, first of all, for this post thread. I read through this before I was instructed to take misoprostol and because of it, I knew what to expect when I did take it.

Here's my story. I got pregnant in July after two miscarriages. The first was only after 6 weeks and spontaneously began bleeding on its own. The second one - I was 12 weeks out but only measuring 7 1/2 weeks so I had to have a D&C. This time, I was hopeful until I had my u/s. I was 7 weeks and they said I measured 4. Instantly I knew it was happening again. We went in two weeks later and the u/s measured 5 weeks. There was no sign of a heartbeat and I was almost 10 weeks along with no fetal growth. I told my doctor I was not going to have any more invasive procedures (like a D&C) so we opted for the misoprostol treatment.

I took the first dose at 11:30 a.m. by mouth. The instructions to me were: hold the four tablets between your gums and your cheek inside your mouth by your molars. Swallow after 30 minutes what hasn't dissolved. After 1 hour and 45 minutes, I felt so tired and dizzy that I thought I was going to flip out. I looked some stuff up and I know that they don't give the dose for this purpose based on weight which scared me. I weigh 103 lbs. and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was afraid I was hitting the overdose level for a while. I made myself walk around my house quickly so I wouldn't get tired and drank tons of water to kind of even it out. After a few hours I felt some cramping and decided to take a Motrin 600. At this point I didn't feel tired or weird anymore so I was feeling "better" about it. Around 6:30 (7 hours later) I began some spotting and at around 8:00 p.m. (8 1/2 hours later) I began the big bleeding. It was at this time my Motrin had worn off and I decided to take another one. I was passing clots and bleeding all the way through large pads - one or two an hour. There were a few big clots and tissue continued to pass. After 24 hours, it went down dramatically and I was feeling pretty normal. I didn't feel an excessive amount of pain - it was weird to bleed that much and a little shocking to see the amount of tissue, but it wasn't anything that was killer. All in all, I only took 2 Motrin 600's and that was within the first 9 hours, after that I didn't feel I needed any painkillers. If you're reading this and you're worried about pain, don't be. Sure, it's uncomfortable but pretty comparable to bad period cramps.

Also, if you're going to do this, do it in the daytime! Why ruin a night's sleep? It was over when I woke up the next day and I had a normal night's rest by doing it in the afternoon. I would not have done it another way.

It has been 3 weeks exactly since I have taken the misoprostol and I am still spotting. Hopefully it will stop soon. It has slowed down very much and is only at a very light stage. Last week my beta hCG's were down around 480 so in a week or two, I'll go in to check until they fall to zero.

Thanks for this forum, ladies. I really felt like I wasn't alone when I went through and read every single one of your stories.

May you all regain health and have plenty of precious little ones!

Misoprotsol did not work for me. I took it vaginally and bled for 22 days. I then hemorraged and passed two hockey puck sized clots on the 22nd day..I then had to have an emergency D&C 5 days ago. I should have just done the D&C to start with.

I was finishing up 12 weeks yesterday (Thursday, Oct. 16th) when I went to the OB. My last visit was at 8 weeks and we saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound.

One Monday, October 13th I had a very slight bit of spotting on my underwear and some lower back pain (right at the waistline on both sides). The spotting continued through Thursday. I had a bad feeling going in to the OB on Thursday. She used the doppler to try to hear the heart, but had no success. She then got the ultrasound out and did an external with no success. When she did the internal probe I could tell something was wrong because she got very serious and quiet and then said it doesn't look good.

I had a sense something was wrong on the way in to the city to go to the OB, so I told my husband my preferences of what to do if it was bad news. I told him I'd prefer to have a medicine induced miscarriage at home rather than a D&C if possible.

That is exactly what I told the doctor when she gave me that bad news that the baby was measuring about the same size as it was at my 8 week appointment. She said it looked like it had died in it's 9th week. Meaning that I had been walking around with it for 3 1/2 weeks.

Normally Cytotec (the ulcer drug that can induce labor and cause a missed miscarriage to actually miscarry) is not used past the 8th week. She conferred with a few other doctors and they agreed to allow me to try it. I was given 6 pills - 3 to insert vaginally (lay down for 30 minutes) and 3 to be inserted vaginally another 8 hour later.

I was instructed to come back on Monday (4 days later) for an ultrasound to make sure all the tissue (like the placenta) had expelled and if it didn't I'd be scheduled for a D&C on Tuesday or Wednesday.

So I went home, prepared for the delivery by stocking up on overnight maxi pads, pain medication and towels for the bed. When my husband came home from work we started the process. He wet and inserted 3 of the pills at 11:30 PM. By 12:30 AM I started to get cramps/contractions. It began by feeling like pressure up by my cervix and progressed to get stronger - like a pole or knife was being shoved in and taken out. I got the chills and put on 2 pairs of socks, sweats, 2 shirts and a terry robe and got under the down comforter and put the heating pad on. I was shaking.

At around 1:15 AM I felt a surge of what I thought was blood...but it turned out to be that my water broke. The pain got worse and stronger and so did the chills. I got nausea. Then at 2 AM the baby passed. The doctor warned me that since I had been carrying her (I am using her, even though I have no idea whether it was a boy or girl) for nearly a month she might not be recognizable.

I scooped her up - and I believe what I saw in the parts was a spinal column, the tiny umbilical chord and what caused me to emotionally break down was what I believe to be her tiny face - her nose and mouth. At that point what was happening really hit me and I started to sob uncontrollably. For the next 2 hours I stayed in the bathroom - suffering from more cramps, chills, diahrea set in, and dizziness. The experience was obviously not pleasant, but it was not unbearable. I expected way more bleeding than I was experiencing.

I took a vicodin shortly after the baby was delivered and it didn't really help with the pain - it just made me really sleepy. I must have fallen alsleep at some point on the ceramic floor. I woke up at 4 AM and moved to the bed. I was not bleeding much at that point and the cramping had subsided so set the alarm for 7:30 AM so that I could wake up and take the 2nd dose of pills.

At 7:30AM my husband inserted the last 3 pills. I fell back asleep. I still wasn't bleeding much to my suprise. Around 2 PM I began to pass what I thought was a big clot - it turned out to be the placenta. After that I really did not have much if any cramping and the bleeding was minimal - even less than I would have if I was having my period.

The most traumatic thing to me was the moment I realized that I had delivered the baby - because even as prepared as I "thought" I was and as accepting that miscarriage is natural and that God knows what he is doing, I was overcome with sense of grief and sadness at that moment when faced with the reality that my pregancy REALLY was over.

It's exactly 24 hours from when I took my first dose of medication to start the miscarriage...and I've had a lot of emotions in the past 24 hours. I'm not mad, I'm not angry. I just feel a little empty, disappointed and sad.

I believe that either something was seriously wrong with the baby (we were not trying to get pregnant, so I wasn't proactively taking folic acid and prenatals before we got pregnant this time like I was when we became pregant with our first child) or something is wrong with me (my sister had multiple miscarriages and it turned out her progesterone level wasn't maintaining the right levels).

Hopefully all the tissue came out and my ultrasound on Monday will show that I won't need a D&C next week.

Delivering the baby at home was devestating enough (my last child was breech so I had her by c-section without ever having experienced a contraction). My OB suggested to wait at least 2 cycles before trying for another baby.

I am planning to continue taking my prenatals and I have even asked my husband to start taking multivitamins with selenium and folic acid to help improve the chances that we have no nural tube defects and that our bodies are prepared the next time we try.

I know this was a graphic description of what happened, but reading other people's descriptions of what it's like to have a medicine induced miscarriage helped me to prepare for what I experienced last night. I really appreciate everyone's bluntness and honesty.

Having gone through this has given me a newfound appreciation for all women who have given birth naturally, because the contractions I was having during this miscarriage were bad enough to make me want to have another c-section. I cannot imagine the pain women go through when delivering a full sized baby...but I am still hopeful that someday I will be able to experience that - vbac or once again by c-section.

My thoughts are with you all and I hope you all recover well physically and emotionally. Thank you for having this discussion group. - Kat3M

I had an ultrasound at 9 weeks, to find out there had been no growth from about 7 1/2 weeks.
Having never had anything close to resembling surgery before, I was terrified of having a D&C, and jumped at the chance of trying misoprostol. I was given strong ibuprofen and vicodin to take with it.
I took 4 misoprostol tablets vaginally at 9am, and had just the smallest amount of spotting. I ran around outside, and still nothing. My doctor prescribed 4 more tablets that I took that same night, orally. Still nothing.
I decided I would just wait it out, it would have to happen naturally... eventually.
After two weeks, there was still the small amount of spotting every day, but nothing more. I went back in for another ultrasound, and there had been no change whatsoever. The doctor really pushed for a D&C, especially when I said I had to travel in a few days. I felt really angry and pressured when he gave me "what if" scenarios of hemmoraging on the plane and freaking out flight attendants, having to make an emergency landing, or ruining the wedding I would be attending.
He prescribed misoprostol for a third time, this time rectally. Still nothing. He said he'd never seen it not work after three doses!
I finally agreed to the D&C. It was miserable, but a short procedure overall, and now, the next day, I finally feel like myself for the first time in a long time.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to post their experiences here! This is the best source of info I could find!

Hey everyone, just an update:

I figured there might be others out there who have experienced or are experiencing continued bleeding. I am on day 60ish and I'm still bleeding. It went down to spotting for a while but then it went full force again starting up four or five days ago. I had a period in there too, so maybe this is another one but I have been bleeding or spotting ever since I took the misoprostol in September (the 19th)...and it's November 13 right now with no signs of slowing down. I had an u/s to see if there was some leftover tissue that was keeping me bleeding so we'll see the results of that but I was reminded by my O.B. that bleeding could last up to 12 weeks. Holy cow. I hope you all are surviving it well. :)

d.p.~ I can tell you for certain it is NOT normal to be bleeding that long..nor is it healthy. From the sounds of it you definitely have retained p.o.c. It would be a good idea for you to have a D&C otherwise you may risk infection and your fertility. I wish you all the best.

Here's my update: I took cytotec on October 1st, so it's been 44 days. From my last blood test, my HCG level was 2.2. I still have an occasional brown spotting but not too much to fill a pantyliner, sometimes it's just a streak of brown stain. Anyway, I did ask my OB-Gyn if it's normal and she said it is. I don't have any signs of any infection. I'm just waiting for my period.....

This forum was what made me decide to go ahead with misoprostol for my miscarriage, so I wanted to share my experience as well.

On Oct. 24, at 11 weeks I went in for my first OB appointment (it was so late because I had to get a new OB and that was the soonest I could get in). This was my first pregnancy (I’m 23). I’d had all the symptoms of a normal pregnancy but the ultrasound showed no fetus, just an empty gestational sac. I should have been 11 weeks and the sac was measuring 9 weeks, so I came back four days later for another ultrasound and it was the same story—no sign of a fetus at all. My doctor was ready to schedule me for a D&C right then and there, but because of my mediocre insurance it would have run me well over $1000 dollars…which I wasn’t ready to plunk down when I knew there was another option. My doctor was really hesitant to let me do the misoprostol, saying that when she had done it herself she had just hugged her couch and cried for 12 hours and that it had “hurt like hell.”

I wasn’t about to pay $1000 when I could suffer for a few hours and only pay $5. Reading everyone’s experiences here sealed the deal for me. I had some Lortab leftover from an ER visit last year, which was a blessing because my doctor never suggested any narcotics—she just told me to take the maximum dose of ibuprofen and some Benadryl. I’m glad I had the Lortab on hand—I knew keeping it was a good idea!

Anyway, on Friday, Nov. 7 I took off work a little early and picked up my husband from school. Here’s how it went:

3:30 pm -- Inserted four 200 mcg tablets of misoprostol vaginally
I went to the store and bought some Depends because I was worried about bleeding all over (like I had read about here)…I ended up not needing them though.

5:30 pm – mild cramping started
6:00 pm – cramping became uncomfortable and I got the chills
6:30 pm – had a little bit of diarrhea
7:10 pm – took 500 mg of Lortab
8:30 pm – vomited a little, noticed some slight (brown) spotting. Was dizzy from the Lortab. Pacing felt good as my cramps were quite painful, even with the Lortab.

9:40 pm – Severe, very painful cramping. I had the sudden urge to vomit and beelined for the bathroom. Luckily the only thing I’d had since 3:30 was ½ liter of water, because I vomited it all up. While I was vomiting I felt a gush down under (must have been all the abdominal pressure). At first I thought it was blood but I realized shortly that it my water had broken. Then the serious bleeding started. A little later I started passing some clots or tissue or something, but I couldn’t tell what it was.

11:30 pm – I’d been bleeding heavily since my water broke but the cramps had subsided considerably. They were still painful enough to take a Lortab and I went to bed.

4:30 am – woke up to go to the bathroom, no cramping. Still bleeding heavily but not enough to warrant Depends!

~~~

That was a week ago, and since then I have been bleeding, about like a period, but with more clots. I had intermittent cramping for a few days after the miscarriage, but it wasn’t much worse than a period and I only took one naproxen.

Today (one week later) I went into the doctor and had another sonogram and physical exam. The sonogram showed no tissue but some “thick” areas—probably because I’m still bleeding? The OB pulled something off my cervix and said that everything looks good. She said the bleeding can continue for up to 4 weeks, but that I can try to get pregnant again as soon as I want.

As a side note, my doctor said I’m the first patient she’s had who didn’t go to the ER after taking misoprostol. That really surprised me, especially after what I had read here… I guess that’s why she discouraged it. I would do it again if I had to (knock on wood). It was very painful, even with the Lortab—I spent plenty of time shaking from the pain or curled up on the floor—but because I knew what was happening, why it was happening, and that it would eventually end, I knew I could wait it out. If the D&C had been free (or even affordable) I would have done that instead for convenience sake, but the misoprostol wasn’t the hell that I had braced myself for.

I know everyone’s different, but I hope that my experience might help someone make the decision that’s best for them. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences as it helped me make that very decision.

HI everyone, i'll start by saying sorry to all of you about the losses, I am using mistoprostol in fact i started yesterday, i have been told to take 200 mg tablets every 8 hours orally for a loss at 7 weeks i took the first dose at 12am last night and had slight cramping i woke up this morning with a bit of spotting and then took another dose orally at 8:30am i still oly had spotting mild cramps, took my third dose at 4:30 this afternoon and still the same mild cramps spotting BUT this time with diarhere and nausa. i am due to take a fourth dose at 12:30 am still orally???? I feel like this is not working and and starting to get a little scared as they said they would send me for a d&c on monday if this didn't work, shoukd i ask them to take it vaginally before they give me a d&c ??? and has anyone passed fully just by taking this stuff orally?? thanks hope somone can help me!!

My story is a ltitle different from other posts in that my dr prescribed Cytotec by mouth and I never experienced 2 hours of pain or blood gushing. I found this forum very helpful and wanted to share my story. I went for an u/s to establish a firm due date and check viability around 6.5 w for my 2nd and very planned pregnancy. The u/s was not normal and there was no heartbeat. For the next 3 weeks I had an u/s weekly, doctor appointments, and HCG blood tests to rule out ectopic pregnancy and molar pregnancy. In the end the diagnosis was a missed miscarriage. There seemed to have been a gestational sac (maybe 2) but no embryo had ever formed. To avoid the risks of a D&C, my doctor prescribed Cytotec to be taken by mouth before bed, another dose the next morning, and the final dose 12 hours later. He also prescribed a painkiller. The bleeding started on Saturday morning after the 2nd dose, but was pretty light. All day I stayed at home expecting severe pain, bleeding, and m/c. I was very tired but never had severe pain or the m/c. After the 3rd dose, still nothing. I felt normal the next day, but I was bleeding. The bleeding was sometimes heavier and sometimes lighter. No cramps. My dr said that it seemed the Cytotec hadn't worked for me (he was surprised) and that we would wait a few more days before deciding to try another set of doses. On Tuesday night I had some light cramps. On Wed afternoon the cramps were worse and the bleeding heavy. During the night I woke from cramps every 2 hours but went back to sleep. I hadn't yet taken any pain medicine, not even Tylenol. On Thursday morning 9am I went to the bathroom and felt something fall out. I had light cramps and bleeding at this point. There was no pain at all. Two hours later, when I stood up to go to the bathroom, I felt something else fall out. At 2pm I had medium cramps, then they went away. AT 4pm I had the worst cramps for about 45 min. When they started I decided I would take an Advil as they still didn't feel bad enough to need the prescription painkiller. After taking the Advil I wished I had taken the prescription. I called the pharmacy to see if I could take the prescription after the Advil, but by the time I got my answer, the pain began to subside and eventually went away. I woke up that night at 4am and 7am (Friday) to go to the bathroom and again 2 more things fell out. At 2pm on Sat more fell out. All of these things that fell out looked like blood clots and were about the size and shape of my pinkie finger. The bleeding lightened over the next few days. On Monday at 2pm I passed the final, smaller blood clot. So a total of 6 clots passed (lab tests of the tissue revealed most of it was blood clots). I used maxi pads throughout this but never had any of them "soak" - I usually changed them for cleanliness rather than immediate need to do so. The bleeding stopped at day 12 after taking the first dose of Cytotec. A followup u/s seemd to show everything had passed. My HCG levels began to drop and my dr said I did not need a D&C. My dr expects my cycle to return in 2-6 weeks and advised me to wait until after 2 periods before trying to conceive again. If I had to do it again, I would take Cytotec over a D&C. I hope I never have to do this again. Emotionally it would have been a lot worse if I had been farther along, or if the masses that passed had been more like a sac with a baby that some people experienced. I guess I was lucky that my dr ordered an early u/s. I had already started dreaming about this new baby and was very excited. From start to finish, this pregnancy and m/c will delay a next pregnancy by at least 5 months. :(

Hi guys. I have been reading everyone's story, so I decided to post mine as well. Here is my story: Back in Aug 2008 I was 12 weeks pregnant and figured I was past that "Caution" stage, so I was preparing to have a baby (buying stuff). August 30th I was feelings some craps that came and went. So after a few hours of this, my husband took me to the ER where we found out I lost the baby a week earlier (11 weeks). I didn't believe one tech so I went to another ER where two more techs looked at the U/S and even showed me there was no HB. I have an 8 year old daughter so I know what a HB looks like on U/S, so I accepted the fact that our baby was gone. The ER doctor told me to go home and let it happen naturally. I tried but the cramps continued and I couldn't sleep. so, I went back and the doctor gave me some options, but I chose Misoprostol. My husband and I stopped at the store to get the prescription and pain meds and some other supplies. He and I are night owls, so we decided to take the pills as soon as we got home (1am on Sept 1st). I was able to sleep more than I thought I would be able to get. I woke up about 4am with severe cramping and mild bleeding. I passed a few blood clots. I also collected most of them on a piece of toilet paper so i would be able to take it back to the ER so they could run some tests. When i noticed everything i caught was not the fetus, I flushed it. At 7:10am, I passed the fetus. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I collected it, as the Doctor requested. I finally had the guts to look at the fetus and it looked just like a baby. You could see all 10 fingers and toes, nose, where the brain was coming together. It looked so normal. In the end, i didnt have the nerve to take our fetus to the hospital for testing. So, we paid to have our baby cremated. I am just wondering, but what did all of you do with the embryo/fetus? Now, 3 months later, my husband and I discovered we are 5 weeks pregnant. Two nights ago I was having cramping and feared the worst. So, once again my husband and I took that dreadful drive to the ER (where it all began the first time). They did and U/S and said everything looks fine. It was to early to see anything more than just the sac, but she said it looks exactly like it's suppose to at this point. We have an appointment with our OB on Dec. 30th and the ER doctor says by the 30th, we should be able to see the fetus and HB. We are so excited, I will keep everyone updated on what happens. Please keep my husand and I in your prayers. I am sorry for everyone's loss and I feel ya'll pain. Thanks for your time

I just inserted Cytotec, and I don't think I would be as comfortable doing so if I hadn't read all the stories on this forum--thank you thank you thank you! I'm so glad I found your stories. I found out I was pregnant the day I missed my period in October. It was unplanned, and honestly, I wasn't too excited about it. I was scared to have a third child (I have two girls, 7 and 3)--we thought we were done and were even looking for a good urologist to perform a vasectomy on my husband. We just didn't think we could afford it. That seems really stupid now. BUT, since we love having a family, we quickly got used to the idea of a family of five, and were beginning to get excited about it. I saw its heartbeat at 6 weeks, 2 days. That's the moment for me--when I see the heartbeat, I'm hooked. Two weeks later, my husband and I went in for another ultrasound. The doctor was doing ultrasounds more often than when I was pregnant with my daughters, and I don't know why that is. I wonder if he knew something was up. Anyway, at that visit, he said there was no heartbeat, and no growth since the previous visit. We were just in shock. You really take for granted that things will be fine when you're blessed with easy and perfect kids to begin with. So we ended up going Christmas shopping (this was Dec. 20th--Merry Christmas, right?). It was such a weird day. The next morning, I woke up devastated. All of a sudden it just became unbearable and I felt like my child had died. (It had, I know, but I'm usually pretty logical, so this level of emotion was overwhelming for me). I made it through Christmas. The family was all here, and we had told everyone. They say the weirdest things: "well, you didn't want more anyway," and "at least it was early," and "just drink more of Gram's punch!" Like that will help. . . actually, it did help that night.

So here I am, one week later, laying here inducing a miscarriage. Being the wimp that I am, I took the Percocet my doctor prescribed off the bat. Some of the stories on here led me to think that was the way to go, just in case. That's kicking in, but an hour later, no cramping yet. Part of me just wants to get it over with, and part of me wants to hold onto this little dream that began just two months ago--a surprise I didn't know I wanted at the time. I don't know if we'll try again, but I definitely don't want my husband to have a vasectomy, so time will tell. I just know that a bigger house, a nicer car, that stupid Coach bag I've been eyeing. . .none of that seems to matter in this situation. What matters most is family and spending time with that family. I feel so guilty, like I'm being punished for having the wrong priorities. I have to feel grateful for what I do have, and only then do I deserve more.

God bless us who go through this at all, muchless multiple times. We girls are strong, strong creatures.

I'll let you know how this goes. Wish me luck.

It's 24 hours later and here's how it's gone: about an hour after the first vaginally inserted, 3 pill Cytotec dose, I began bleeding lightly. It progressed throughout the afternoon until I passed an enormous (felt enormous) clot. My doctor had told me I'd pass progressively larger clots and when something "golfball sized" came out, everything would nearly cease and I'd bleed lightly thereafter. Well, the huge one was the first thing I passed besides liquid blood. There was so much blood with it, I could not see it at the bottom of the toilet. I sat there on the bathroom floor for quite some time contemplating what to do. If that was my baby, how could I flush it? On the other hand, what would I do with it when I fished it out? It was pretty awful. I prayed and talked to my angel and told her all the things that were on my mind--heart--and finally felt okay about flushing the toilet. The cells and tissue were empty and I felt certain that she's with me in a different form. By the way, there is no wrong way to deal with that situation. You do whatever feels right to you--you're not crazy, you're not gross or morbid if you want to see it--you're not heartless if you don't.

So after that, I passed clot after clot, none as big as the first. This kept up through the night, and I soaked about a pad every hour or two. This morning things were much lighter. I called the doctor and he suggested that I go ahead and take the second dose of Cytotec. It wouldn't hurt if I had already passed the bulk of it and it would just move things along if I hadn't. Again, I took Percocet with it.

Because I went ahead and took Percocet--I'm on my fourth in 24 hours--I really haven't had much pain. I could feel the cramping the whole time, but I've experienced similar pain with regular periods. It has been very bearable.

Overall so far, this experience has been much worse emotionally that it has been physically. The day in bed watching movies and napping is actually cathartic--gives you a chance to feel at rest during what's probably been a chaotic and difficult time. I have an appointment this week to check if everything has passed. If not and I have to have a D & E/C anyway, I'll let you know. Otherwise, thanks so much for "listening," and I hope you've found my story helpful. May you have peace and joy in the future.