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Jean, so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to go through that. All I can say after having had 2 m/c is that you have to give your self time to heal. My dh and I didn't try again after the last m/c until 3 cycles had passed (which isn't a long time but it was what I needed). Mostly we just weren't ready. While emotionally I wanted my baby/a baby and to be pregnant again "right now," I also needed to have the time to grieve for the ones I'd lost. I needed that time to cry and long for my babies, without the added emotional ups/downs that being pregnant would have added; without the fear that comes along with a new pregnancy after you've lost one. I'm currently a few weeks pregnant again, and it is hard b/c I'm so scarred that I'm going to loose this one too...all I can say is that it is a good thing I waited for a few cycles. Although I still miss my babies I lost, and occasionally still cry about it, I'm not "grieving" any more like I was the 1st couple of months. If I was, I don't think I would be able to deal with both trying to cope with the losses and the new fear that has come with being pregnancy again (does that make sense? I'm not sure if it came out making sense). As you said your chances are pretty good that your next baby will be just fine, and in all likelihood it will be a perfect baby, but your always going to have the fear of the "what ifs," and you need to make sure that you are emotionally at a point were your going to be able to deal with that. As I was saying, for me, dealing with the fear would have been almost impossible while I was still trying to deal with the loss. You also needed to make sure that you are at a point were if something were to occur again, you would be able to emotionally handle it (I know, that almost seems impossible. I pray everyday, “God, pleases don’t let me loose this one too. I just don’t know how I’d be able to get though it again.”). But it would be so much worse trying to get through another loss if I was still at a point where I was grieving the last one. It would be like “compounding” the grief of the last ones with this one if something were to happen and that would make it even harder. Everyone is different though. I’m just trying to share some of the reasons that I feel I needed to wait. Ultimately, only you and your dh can decide when it is right for you. Just make sure that your at an emotional point where you feel you can handle it. As far as waiting a yr..it's yours and your dh's decision. No one else’s. Not your friends or your parents. Although these people may mean well (my in-laws for some random reason said that we should wait a yr too, although doc. said all we needed to wait was 1 cycle), it's no ones decision but yours and your dh's. You know where you are emotionally and you know where you in your life, and no one can tell you when it is right for you to try again. Just give yourself some time to grieve for your dd, and I know you will make the right decision for your family, on when to try again. I'll be praying for you, and here is a HUG. Best wishes. ~Sarah

I know exactly what you're saying, but the thought of losing the support of my current OB is virtually unthinkable, and I'm tryint to weigh up thepros and cons of pregnancy so soon after my loss. I don't think I could handle going back to Ireland and having to deal with a different doctor every visit and no screening tests for abnormalities and basically no control if something went wrong. Here, they've alread talked to me about what they'll do, includin sono at 6 weeks to check for a heartbeat, 1st trimester screening and nuchal translucency tests, AFP at 16 weeks and amnio/CVS if I want it. None of those are available at home and that's what scares me more than another loss I think. If you were in my position what would you do?

Hi Jeankins! We delivered our baby at 21 weeks due to anencephaly, which is a fatal neural tube defect, so I know what you are going through. I am sorry that we all have to go through this. Mine was caused b/c my body doesn't use folic acid as well as a normal person so now I have to take 10 times the normal dose. We are also contemplating when to try again. If your chromosomal abnormality was something that doesn't reoccur then I think that everything should be ok. I understand what you are saying about not having the tests available and that would make me worry myself to death. We all need time to heal and everybody is different. With our next pregnancy I think that I will have a hard time letting myself get excited about being pregnant. I can't imagine buying baby things until the baby is actually born, just in case something happens. You and your DH will make a choice that works for you! I still cry for my baby some days. And I am still jealous of pregnant women that are at the stage that I would be at. I hope that all of us find peace and acceptance and go on to be great moms to our future babies.

Jeankins; {{{hugs}}} - you have had a really tough time and it is so natural to be worried about future efforts to conceive.....but you are right, in that your chances of having another chromasomal issue are extremely low. Re: your specialist......I was also faced with the same situation recently, when we moved interstate. After 2 m/c's due to an autoimmune disorder, I was terrified of losing my old OB (who I loved!!) and potentially not being able to find another OB who matched up in our new state. I was especially nervous because of the autoimmune situation, and my old OB was so 'on top' of my situation. But I needn't have worried; I researched my options carefull in our new city and found a new OB whom I am finding to be very good ( I am now 8.5 weeks preggo again). I guess what I am trying to say is I totally understand your worries, but with careful research and referral I am sure you can find a great specialist in Ireland. I wish you all the best in both your move and with your future baby-making :) xo

Thanks Juju. The only problem is, you don't get to see a specialist during your pregnancy in Ireland. Basically, you see your regular family doctor for your visits. When you go for a scan at 24 weeks, they're not obliged to tell you if your baby has a fatal condition, because it might lead you to terminate and termination is illegal in Ireland, and, up unti a few years ago, you could be stopped from leaving the country if they thought that you were travelling abroad for a termination. They don't offer the AFP at 16 weeks, they don't offer amnio or CVS to anyone under 35, and if you demand it, they charge you the full price. There's no first trimester screening for T13, T18 or T21 either. Basically, you find out the health of your baby when he/she is born. And no, you don't have a choice in health care providers. you choose your regular doctor, then you're assigned an OB at the hospital when you go in to give birth, it's just whoever's on at the time. And if the baby's head is crowning at the end of that doctor's shift, you get a new doctor half way through your delivery. Doctor's can't be put out by their patients, apparently they're too important for that. I looked things up recently because I was so terrified, and it turns out that out of 26 EU countries, Ireland rates 25th in healthcare. Croatia, which was a war torn country only 10 years ago, has a better prenatal care system than Ireland does. It's completely crazy! Squished, my sister was born with an NTD too, spina bifida, and doctors told my parents not to operate, fed them lies on her health that my mother discovered weren't true two years later and was verbally abused for her choice to let her baby live by staff at the local hospital. SB isn't fatal like anencephaly, I can only imagine how devastating that is, but I know your pain of losing a child, I thought the bad days would never end. Now I really do understand why they call it 'pain', I never understood why before. They have me on 4mg of folic acid too, because of my sister, and they told me that they'll continue to screen for SB in the next pregnancy too, as well as doing everything they can to ease my fears of another chromosomal disorder and to check that they baby's heart is still beating. Trust me, there's nothing in the world worse than seeing a once active baby lying so still on a sonogram. Then again, you guys probably know it all too well.

Jeankins - it sounds like you are in a really tough situation. Maybe you'll be blessed before then with a baby - you mention it will be within the year that you're moving back home. What are your options if you get through the first portion of the pregnancy over here in the US? That way you could undergo most of the preliminary testing and then just have follow ups and deliver in Ireland? Would you be able to transfer over to a practice taking with you all of the results from tests you will have undergone here? Just a thought. I wish you the best - dealing with this loss on its own is tough enough, never mind dealing with the stress of moving and trying to figure out when to conceive again. Keep your chin up - it will all work out eventually. I hope it does for me too. Good Luck.