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I'm Having A Hard Time Today

3 posts on this thread and the last post was on February 16th, 2007 5:37 PM
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margie - February 16th, 2007 4:28 PM
 [Original Post]

I guess this emotional healing thing sometimes goes a bit different than planned. Out of the blue today I was in my car at lunchtime and just started crying, put my hand on my belly and the thought "I just want my baby back" kept repeating through my head. I know it's only been a week since I found out about the miscarriage and only Monday since I had the dnc but I guess it's hard when I see that no one around me seems to remember it happened at all even though it's all so new. My family just ignores it, in fact for some reason my sisters even act angry towards me the past week and I have no idea why. My boyfriend wants to have a housewarming party and invite his friends over this weekend...that one really hurts because it was his baby too! And when we found this house to rent I had the idea that I wanted to raise my baby in a house instead of apartments even though it's more expensive I was willing to sacrifice of course, now it just seems so empty living there. People at work are being almost cruel in the way that they seem to have a problem with the fact that I had took Friday-Tuesday off and I'm have a hard time meeting my deadlines, I mean besides the days off I'm emotionally struggling at work to pay attention most the time so that I dont start to lose it. It's getting better in some ways but I just still feel really alone. I realize that it's only been a week and I still need time, I just wish everyone else realized that.


sososleepy - February 16th, 2007 4:47 PM

It gets worse. I'm 16 days past mc, 15 days past dnc. EVERYONE seems to think I should be my normal happy self. They might be trying to act like nothing happened, they might not know what to say, I don't know, and I can't say I want them to act differently; I don't, but yes, even dh seems back to normal and I'M NOT! I have no idea what to do about it except pretend to be normal, hope I get back to normal, and talk to dh when I get emotional.... At least he listens, although he seems distant right now (today) Let me know when we get better....

ROBYN - February 16th, 2007 4:48 PM

Margie i am sorry you are feeling this way. The beginning of your post made me cry. I know i am going to have that feeling also. And the ironic thing is right now everytime i turn on the tv its baby, pregnancy, infertility etc. I get so upset. I dont know why people are so cruel. They have no right to treat you mean you are going thru such an emotional time. Isnt there a way you could take more time off from work and try and heal or was it better for you to get back to work and not think about things? I put in a call today to my IVF nurse i want to get an appt sooner than March 28th if possible with my RE. I dont know if i will pushing it too soon and i dont know when they will let me start my cycle again. Its like right now i am so torn with wanting this over with to move on and then on the other hand i dont not want to be pregnant after tuesday. I am so torn with these feelings but i dont feel pregnant anymore. I wont let myself feel pregnant i wont touch my stomach its just my weird way of dealing with this. I have this guilt that its something i did when i know i didnt. I never in my life thought i would have to end a pregnancy that my husband and i so desperately wanted. But i have no choice. I am so sorry you are having a bad day. Look i will be on here for a while you can vent to me anytime <<HUGS>>

BeccaC - February 16th, 2007 5:37 PM

Hello everyone. The great thing about this forum is that EVERYONE here knows what it is like to lose a baby. And it hurts - bad. Nobody else seems to understand what you are going through. I guess it is one of those old cliches - you don't know how bad it is until you go through it yourself. I've had two m/c in a row, and I am now 9 weeks pg (and scared to death, but very positive.) My best advice to you is to be glad that you CAN get pregnant. I think I would rather suffer two m/c than to not be p/g at all. You have to heal at your own rate - not according to what society tells you. And I'm sure the nighttime is the worst - it was for me. One thing that really helped me was writing letters to the two babies I lost. It was emotional and lots of tears spilled onto the paper, but it was the end of the grieving process for me and the beginning of a new time in my life. If I lose this baby now, my dh & I are not going to try anymore. But I will be okay with it, because I did nothing wrong and these m/c were not my fault. I hope all of you can begin the healing process soon, and I give all of you a great big hug!!