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Kat,

I just lost our son at 20 weeks on march 27, 2009 so I feel your pain. I wanted to tell you naming your daughter if you have not yet does help. It lets you feel her as a person and talk to her. We are planting a tree so we can watch it grow, and a tree can be moved were every you move so she will always be with you.

The only way I seem to deal with this is to tell my self it was better for my son, he obviously was sick in some way and that this was a blessing for him. I had a friend loose her child at delivery with a still birth and seeing that tells me things could of been so much worse for these babies.

Just honor your daughter by giving her a name and speak to her through your heart, I picked up a stuffed animal and that is his, so when I get tormented with pain I hold it and know he will always be apart of me.

It is okay to hurt

Jenn

Thanks Jenn,

I cannot imagine losing her at birth. I feel so attatched to her, and I didn't even carry her to term and give birth. I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, I will name her...I do not want her memory to get lost somewhere along the way in my journey of life. Whether here or not, she will always be my daughter...and I miss her...

Thanks again...
Kat

I lost my son at 18 weeks in Jan this year. I know how deeply you hurt and nothing will take that pain away. One thing I did to memorialize my son was to get a ring with his birthstone and due date stone and name engraved. I got it from limognes.com. Also I got a tattoo with his name and a halo over it... its very beautiful. All I can say is that there are good days and bad. Its been 12 weeks and I still miss my Jaxson immensly. I picture his little face after I gave birth to him all the time. I know that I loved him and he loved me and someday somehow I will be reunited with him. I hope you can find some peace in this journey... it is life long, and I hope that your are emotionally ok considering the circumstances of loss and rape. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Thank you...and I am sorry for your loss too. I am doing okay, it's just a lot to have thrown at me within such a short amount of time. I will get through it, and it does help to think that some day I will see my little girl again, and she will be so beautiful! Thanks so much for the advice...
Kat

You're very welcome. If there is one good thing from this crappy situation it is that I have learned compassion and how strong I really am. You will too, and someday someone will need you to help them through something and you will do it with flying colors!! :) Be Strong!

babycenter.com

This is a WONDERFUL and more active site to visit if you are not already there! Please check it out. Replace all the slashes and dots in the address since we cant post links on here. if not just go to baby center dot com and lookup forums then the miscarriage boards !! Hope you can find as much comfort there as I have!

Yeah, you know, I never thought I would make it through something like this. I always thought losing a baby would flip my world upside down and I would just die, but I am still here, and I am making it through! It sure makes yourealize how strong you really are! That's for sure! And I will check into that other site. Thanks...Kat

I know what it feels like for u. i just miscarried my son at 16weeks on march 28, 09. It has been really hard for me. I cry alot when i think about it. But i'm trying to look at the brighter picture, that god had a better plan for him. All this was due to fibroides which i found out i had only when i got pregnant. I am hanging in there and being strong. I'll soon have my myomectomy and try again.

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss. I too had a miscarriage at 16wks on 2/3/09. I have been having such a hard time lately, and it seems to be getting worse if that makes any sense. My best friend is pregnant and due 2.5 wks after I was, so it is very difficult watching her grow and experience everything. It sounds so horrible to say that, I am so happy for her, I really am, but it is just a reminder of where I should have been at this point. I am now helping her to plan her baby shower. To top it off I counsel pregnant women on their diet and wt gain every day, so I just can't get away from it all! Maybe I just need a vacation. My husband and I dont know if it was a boy or girl, we decided not to find out yet, but we can ask the dr in the future when we are ready. We have been trying to get pregnant the last 2 months....but no luck. Maybe it is because I am stressing and upset a lot. I try not to be, because they say that will affect getting pregnant, but I can't fool my body! Anyway, sorry for my long story...my thoughts are with everyone. Thanks for listening.

I am so sorry for your loss too. I actually know exactly what you are going through. My best friend had a baby two weeks after I lost my little girl. I was there for the birth of her son, and it was so painful. I just cried and cried. I have been really bad lately too...maybe it is hormones. Honestly, knowing the sex of the baby really helped me. I felt like I didn't want to ever forget her, not that that is even possible, but by knowing her sex and eventually naming her, I feel like my daughter is a part of me that I love so deeply, and that I will never forget. I do not have any other children, and I don't know if you do either, but I am really struggling with Mother's day coming up...am I am mom? I CERTAINLY feel like one! It's hard, but I have foungd comfort in knowing that someday, I will hold her in heaven and she will kiss away all of my tears. I wish there was something that made the pain go away, but I haven't found anything. Time does begin to heal though...be patient with yourself...you and your body need to rest. For the sake of your future children and yourself...take all the time you need to heal and your body needs. I am praying for you. And don't apologize for your "long" story...we all need a listening ear sometimes...don't be afraid to open up. Take care,
Kat

Thanks Kat....I have no other children...that was my first pregnancy also. Mothers day has always been weird for me since my mom passed when I was 17(Im 31 now), so at least Im used to it not being a fun day. I tell myself at least my mom got to be a grandma...the only positive thing! When I was in the hospital for the D & E a counselor came to talk to me about everything, and she told me that when mothers day comes to celebrate because we are mothers even though people dont see that. I'm not going to make a big deal of course, but I'm going to think of it as my day too...and you should too. I was so close to finding out the sex of the baby...the dr was holding the report right next to my face...maybe next time I see the dr I will ask. My friend also wants me to be in the delivery room with her, which I told her I would do before the m/c, but now Im wondering if I really should. It will be an amazing thing and an honor to be there, but I just don't want to start crying when I'm supposed to be happy, I guess I still have to think about it and see how I feel as August approaches. From what you said...I probably shouldn't. I'm trying so hard not to be selfish, but this is something that I just can't control as much as I try, and I'm trying not to let my friend see it, but I'm sure she sees it since I don't rub her belly and ask her tons of questions like I'm sure everyone else does. I think she's trying to understand...as much as she can at least. My husband says once I am pregnant I will feel better, but I don't really see it going away that easily which is scary. Well, anyway take care of yourself, I'll be praying for you also. Don't worry, when you are ready for another baby everything will work out fine. Everyone tells me how common this is and everyone ends up eventually having healthy children. Take care of yourself & keep me updated. - Lynne

I was approaching week 17 of pregnancy and I thought all had been going well, when a few days ago I received the results of my quad scan and they revealed high chances of problems with the fetus. I followed that up with a level 2 ultrasound and was devastated when they told me my baby would not survive because of severe chromosomal abnormalities. I just returned from the hospital where I basically had to go through a labor and delivery, and a follow-up d&c procedure. I was there 2 days. My husband and I chose to look at the baby after it came out, and we are glad that we did.

I can still hardly believe all of this happened and that I am no longer pregnant. I am physically ok, surrounded by love, flowers from friends and have plenty in my life to be grateful for, but I am just sad deep inside. I had a great medical team and the doctors say this was just the creativity of mother nature and not likely to happen to us again, but my husband and I are worried. Losing a pregnancy unexpectedly feels like a sudden redirection of your life, your goals and dreams. Even if a temporary redirection, it is so hard to go through. I sympathize with anyone that has experienced this.

Lynne, I know what you mean about not wanting to be in the delivery and being so happy for your friend but being so sad at the same time. My friend did not know what I was going through at the time, and still does not...I haven't really told anyone. I can't, my family doesn't even know. I just found out that I was really 22 weeks pregnant, and just found out recently that my daughter was alive when she was born. I didn't know because they gave me drugs to knock me out during the procedure they were doing since I didn't want to be awake. They told me that she was dead. I feel so guilty, even though I didn't know. So, needless to say, I am paralyzed with grief...and may have a lawsuit on my hands...I don't know what I want to do though. Will it bring me more pain? Because if it does, I don't know if I can handle it right now. There are pictures of my little girl in my file, but I haven't been able to look at them yet...we'll see what happens. As for your decision about being in the birthing room...I am sure she will understand. I am my friend's baby's Godmother, so it was sort of a blessing...but oyu have to decide what you can handle. Crying is okay...Don't feel bad about what you decide either way...Kat

Chrnor, I am so sorry for your loss...you are in my prayers...I totally understand the redirection feeling...I feel like I don't have much of a direction at all! More like, I have a pile of rubble at my feet and I don't know how to pick through it...take care...
Kat

I can't stand the worried feeling I have all the time about the baby. I am now 6 weeks and this is the time I lost my last baby by having a missed miscarridge I went a whole other 6 weeks still thinking there was a baby all I do is look info up and see what the chances are We really want this baby and Im so scared of loseing the baby dose anyone have any advice?

Well, I have been told that it miscarriages are fairly common, but the odds of having more than one for an "unknown" reason is not common. All I can say is keep your mind and body healthy...if you have to have more ultrasounds to calm your mind more often, do so...I am sure your doc will understand. But your reactions are so normal, I am sure. Take care, and relax. Stay healthy! I'll be praying for you!
Kat

Kat, I am so so sorry...I don't even know what to say. That is just unbelievable. How did you find this out? I don't understand why they had originally said that you miscarried when you didn't. Try not to feel guilty because you know you had no control over this, and you don't have the medical eye to see for yourself if everything looks ok. Do you have anyone supporting you through this? I wonder if it would be a good idea to talk to your friend who had the baby or someone else that is close to you so they can help you out. I know what you mean about the whole lawsuit thing about it making everything worse, but maybe you don't have to go through it yourself. I don't know much about it, but maybe the lawyer would not need you there. I'm sure its hard because you want the hospital to know what they did to you, but you don't want to bring yourself down even more. It is really so scary how we depend on these drs when in reality we have to take care of our own health and double check everything they do. I can tell you are a very strong person and I know you will be ok, I wish I could be more help! You are in my prayers...take care Lynne


Chrnor...I'm so sorry for your loss. We understand what you've been through...although we all took a different route to get there we all lost our baby. Did they do genetic testing on the fetus? They had told me that my baby had genetic abnormalities too and that it would not survive, but I decided to wait it out a little....three wks later the baby passed. They tested the fetus after the D &E, and there were no genetic abnormalities. (I had another issue with a subchorionic hematoma which caused the death which I now know is from MTHFR c677 -a clotting problem - after requesting blood work). Anyway, I'm glad you were happy with your decision about seeing the baby....that is still something I wonder about...They didnt give me that opportunity. Stay strong, and you will have another baby soon, when you are ready. I'll be praying for you! Lynne