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Let your mother make and mail out the invites. That way it doesnt look like you are excluding her, she just didnt get invited, kwim? Its your shower, its your special day and if you think that she is going to do something to cause i scene then i would leave her out of it. Iam that way about my grandparents. (well, i invite them and they RSVP then dont show up so i just stopped inviting them) You should really discuss this with your husband to make sure that he wouldent be offended if you didnt invite his mom. If he insists that you invite her, insist that he talks to her about how to act at the party. Good luck

You might just have to suck it up and deal with her. Forewarn your closest family members and friends and ask them to keep an eye on her and ask them to stick up for you if she steps out of line. You can ask your mom and some of your own relatives to approach her if she gets mean and they can rightfully ask her to be nice or else leave the shower. She may not even do anything in a group setting because then everyone will know what a terrible person she is. But if you don't invite her it will only make you look selfish and mean and will only give your MIL fuel to attack you. Don't fall into that trap. Be gracious even though she isn't.

Both of you give great advice. I already told my closest friend that when the time comes for the shower, to keep an open ear and her eyes open and to tell me if she sees any trouble starting. And yes, I will ABSOLUTELY tell him that if I invite his mother he has to speak to her and tell her that if she starts anything she's outta there. And if worse comes to worse and she does say something to my family, or starts anything I will just tell her to leave. Hopefully she will see that she is outnumbered by people hwo care about me, so she won;t feel comfortable starting anything. Anyway, in a couple of weeks I will be seeing her at her niece's graduation party so I'll be able to see what her attitide is there as well.

hopefully she will behave.. there is ALWAYS drama in my family because my mom hates my grandmother (her MIL) and vice versa, and my hubby's grandmother who raised him (so she's like a MIL to me) and I dont agree on anything... BUT usually we can all behave in public. Hopefullly that's the case for you too. i would say be the bigger person (I KNOW I KNOW IT SUCKS!!!!!!) and invite her... then if anyone starts drama its ion her not you and everyone wil see that and be like WTF is with this woman it's this poor girl's babyshower for crying out loud!!! Good luck

Hi frankschick! I am have the SAME problem! My MIL and SIL are driving me crazy! Every time they are around they are constantly bugging me about the baby and giving me advice, asking me questions, giving me more advice, asking more questions, etc... I finally got so sick of it that I stopped answering the phone when they called and stopped responding to their emails. They live a couple of hours aways, and fortunately I don't have to see them all that much....but I do see them at least once a month (which in my opinion is too much). Anyway, they bug me so much that I DON'T want them at my upcoming baby shower. My mother is also very sweet, but I have given her strict her instructions not to invite MIL and SIL. I have tried over and over again to be nice to them and politely tell them that they are bothering me when they hassle me about baby stuff, but they don't listen. And I've complained to my husband as well. He is understanding of the problem, but he hasn't really done much to help make it better. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my SIL came to our house and started bugging me about stuff again, and at one point she was very rude with me and DH. She was basically insulting us (this is her personality), and I finally just stopped being nice. At first I felt guilty about being mean to them, but now I don't care. Sometimes being "rude" is the only thing people understand. Most people will probably tell you to invite your MIL and just deal with it......but I am telling you the opposite. Don't let her ruin YOUR day. This is your baby and your pregnancy. And in my opinion, people should let you enjoy it instead of trying to ruin it for you.

see I am not sure if I would have those problems, but with my hubby's family it is quite big, as well as mine, so we are having two. one for his family one for mine,,,,,,,,,,this way the families already know how the others act, and there wont' be any problems.....hahahaha, maybe this will help, and if you don't want your friends to see the IL's then invite them to the other Baby Shower.......good luck to you all............my biggest concern is how the wedding is gonna work,,,,,,,,my MIL is one that likes to put her two bits in on how things should be done........eeeeeeeeeeek

I say it's your special day and you wouldn't invite an ex-friend after a fall out like that so don't stress it your man should understand and you two and the baby are who matters as well as the comfort of your guests so do what u want it's your baby and your life if she's as horrible as she sounds then she deserves it right?

I disagree with the last post. I wouldn't exclude the MIL while inviting MIL's sister. That is likely to bring more trouble down the road. Imagine how upset you'd be if your DIL did the same to you. You'll be putting up with this woman for a long time, so it's important to try to work things out. Although, I can understand why you don't want her there. What about having two showers? One with your best friends and family members, and one with his family?

why not have two parties then the MIL can ruin her own if she so wishes!
we dont have these problems in uk as we dont tend to have baby showers which is a shame we just have a drink when the baby is born.

See i'm on the other side of this...my own mother isn't speaking to me and the baby shower was supposed to be at her house. It's not until August, so there is still time for her to decide to come around...but she's a VERY stubborn lady...so I dunno. But..we are very close..its always been her and I...and I know that if she is excluded from the festivities..and especially if we have it at my MIL's house (which MIL is more than willing) then my mom would be crushed... While I know my mom is being overly dramatic at this point - which is why i've chosen to remove myself for the time being - I also love her very much and don't want to crush her....

By the way...what does your boyfriend think about all this???

i just feel bad for you. why are family members esp. the female ones so petit that they have to make it all about THEM? for nine months, thats all we pregnant women ask, why cant they behave for US? you know? you poor thing. I still say, at least if she does act like an ass, everyone will see it is her and not you, and wonder what the hell her problem is.

Hi everyone. I am very glad to see so many oppinions, gives me something to think about! This is the thing....My BF and his mother have a very rocky relationship. It's very much a love-hate relationship. She had him when she was only 14 years old, so he was raised by his grandmother, who died two years ago. His family is not that big and not too many women in it, so I can't justify having two showers. Plus, I really don't want two showers because who is paying for the second one? I don;t feel like laying out the money just so I can keep his mother happy. When I asked BF what he thought and if he thought she'd embarass me, he made a face meaning "maybe, it's possible". So if I invite her, he MUST speak to her and get her to agree not to be a witch for one day. She cannot stand me, and honestly, I am hoping that I'll invite her and she won't come! My mohter is paying for my shower and also the nursery furniture. I'll be lucky if I get a pack of receiving blankets from his mother. I'm just going to try and keep her apart from my family who will be very nice to her and I know she'll be a total snot to them, and my BIGGEST fear is that she say something mean to my mother or sister, or any member of my family, and I will go totally ape-shit at my own shower. I already told BF that if she ever said anythig mean to my mother, I'd put her through a wall. And I just don't feel like being on guard all day long. I won't be able to relax. So hopefully she doesn't even want to come.

Does your family know how whacky your BF's mom is?? Give them a heads up if they don't...and like venus_in_scorpio said....they'll all see what's crawled up her a$$ when she acts up..and know its not you. If she lashes out at anyone....let them handle it...if your BF is there, let him handle it. Remember, its YOUR party...don't worry about her...just enjoy the day!

KLT: My mom and sister and some friends know that she's nuts (she really is) and not nuts in a fun way at all. Nuts in a mean scary way. But they do not know that we are currently not even speaking and that we had a big fight. Well, a couple of friends know but not my mother and sister.

frankschick2001: I'd say if you two still aren't speaking by the time of the shower...hell..just leave her out. Have you talked to her sister about it yet? Whats her take on things? If she's cool with leaving her psycho sister out of it and still coming to your party..then i'd say thats the way to go. I mean, your BF knows how his mother is... and it seems she is stressing you out with this issue way too much. LIke I said, its your party..if she's going to be a hassle and ruin it for you...she doesn't need to be there...she doesn't even need to be told about the party. It doesn't sound like she'll be doing much for you and this baby anyways.