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I Want Another Baby, My Husband Doesn't

6 posts on this thread and the last post was on September 2nd, 2009 11:07 PM
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babyneed62683 - December 26th, 2008 11:49 AM
[Original Post]

My husband and I have a beautiful little girl. I get so much enjoyment from her and I feel this need in my gut to have another one. I told my husband I wanted another one and he told me we will talk about it after the first of the year. Well, I am not one to wait, so I bugged him about it last night (Christmas) and he blurted out he doesn't want anymore. I am devastated. I know I am meant to have another child and I feel this empty hole in the pit of my stomach that makes me sick. I love my husband and our family and I don't want to jeapordize it, but I don't know how to get past this. I can't force him to have another child by an accidental pregnancy; that's not fair to him or the unborn child. I just need to know where to go from here. I am afraid if I try to talk to him about it again, he is going to get angry with me and never give having another child a second thought, but at the same time, I don't want to wait around for forever and have children that are 10 years apart. Please help!


isoldelliveson - December 27th, 2008 12:42 PM

I have been in the same situation. However, I was the on that didn't want any more children. I have two sons 51/2 years apart. after my youngest was born I felt that my family was complete. I had an IUD put in, was put on the patch and used condoms to ensure their could not be a surprise pregnancy.

My Dear husband was very patient with me for the last four years. Through patience, gently and loving communication. I started to see that we could really enjoy having another child.

The bast way is to sit down with your husband and ask him to reconsider the thought of having another child and his willingness to keep the communication open on the issue. Make sure you hear how he feels about another child and why. He also needs to know how hopeless you feel when there isn't an option of a discussion about having another child.


Hockeymom29 - December 31st, 2008 11:01 AM

Have you discussed with him the reasons why he is so closed off on the subject of another child? Instead of talking about your wants, maybe start the discussion with his concerns and desires for the future. Maybe through that you can come up with a compromise or a timeline. From what I gather, your daughter is barely a year old. Maybe he is still tired out from that and hasn't gotten to the "I miss the baby" stage yet.

From personal experience, my parents had my brother and sister 2 years apart when they were first married and in their early twenties. At that point, they had no intentions of having another one. As the got older, and more of their friends were having children, they decided they did want another one. I was born 1 day before my brother's 10th birthday. It was quite a gap, but I know they enjoyed having another one while the other two were in college and getting married.

I'm not encouraging that much of a gap, just pointing out that sometimes when a person isn't ready and is feeling pushed, he might say he doesn't want another to try to change the subject, but will eventually realize what he is missing. I would not give up. Just maybe wait it out. I know it's hard, I'm not very patient myself. My husband and I wanted one so much, we got pregnant on our honeymoon!

I have been rambling, but I would only try to get him to talk about his feeling on the subject for now and then take some time to try to understand where he is coming from. The more you know, the easier it will be to come up with a solution or a game plan for how to play it out.

A friend of mine always wanted 4 children and her husband really only wanted 2 at the most. She was able to talk him into a 3rd because they had had 2 boys and she really wanted a girl. He was not all that stable of a person and to be fair the mariage was on rocky ground. But she did go behind his back to get pregnant with the 4th and now she has her 4 kids and no husband. I'm glad to hear you won't consider this action. It's not the smartest. Try your best to be patient and if you need to vent, do so... just not to him... yet.. GL!0


km143 - January 6th, 2009 6:55 PM

Me and my husband were in the exact same boat. My only way of getting through it was telling myself that if God wanted us to have another baby, we would. I wouldn't dream of going behind his back either. But this past month something went haywire with my cycle and I found out a couple of weeks ago that I am pregnant! :) He is really excited about it even though he didn't want anymore. So my advice is just to keep the faith and what's meant to be will happen.



whathappened - August 27th, 2009 11:01 PM

I have been with my husband for almost seven years. We dated for five, and finally got married. Our past fights have always been about having more children. He has two from a previous marriage (boy 13 and a girl 8) and i have one from my previous marriage (boy 10. Before i moved in he promised me that we would have one more child. Now that I am married to him, he is 100% sure that he will never have another child. I am SO heart broken and devasated i do not know what to do. I love him and don't want to destroy our family but I have so much anger and resentment built up that I don't know if it is even healthy to stay in the marriage. I think about having more children EVERY day, I have tried counseling and that didn't help, I have tried praying but I can't control the hurt in me. I have read this forum and it helps but everything that i read hits home hard. The empty feeling in my stomach, the hurt in my heart. I am at a loss. I really thought that he was my happy ever after, but everyday I am in pain. There are nights that cry myself to sleep quitly because he won't even discuss this issue with me without saying "here we go again". I would have Never had married him if he would have been upfront with me before we got married. I feel that he was selfish and "hoping" that i would think 3 childred was enough. I really would like to try to have a little girl.


Grandpa Viv - August 31st, 2009 1:50 PM

That's hard! Anger and resentment will destroy love!Do you have all three kids in the house, or just your son? Has he been hassled by his ex to where he wants to minimize the chance of that ever happening again? Are you willing and in a position to lose the marriage in order to have one more child? You are both in your thirties. It's time to make peace with the world, enjoy the blessings you have, and look forwrd to a brighter tomorrow!


whathappened - September 2nd, 2009 11:07 PM

I am 34, but he is 40. His two kids are with us every other weekend. His divorce with his ex was horrible and he swore that he would never go through that again. I am at a loss, I love him so much but there are nights that I am mean and rude to him. I just get so frustrated because I feel like he lied to me to get me to move in and marry him. He knows that I was ready to walk if he didn't want any more (before I moved in). At that time he promised me, of course, with the hopes that I would change my mind after all three kids were together. I love him but to make the relationship work I need to stop the anger, but I do not know how. I feel so let down. I also know that I would not want to get into another relationship again because I can not have my son adjusting to ANOTHER man in his life. So pretty much children are out of the question. I just don't know if I want to live with the regret and resentment.