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Choices?

8 posts on this thread and the last post was on November 6th, 2006 4:21 PM
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TeenInNeed - November 6th, 2006 1:39 PM
[Original Post]

I'm 19 years old and just recently found out that I'm pregnant. I'm completely in love with my boyfriend and although we're scared out of our minds, I'm glad that I'm having a baby with him. My question is about our finances. We've been saving to buy a house for two years now and we were planning on starting our search in the spring. However, we know that kids are expensive and we don't know if we can afford both. Our other option would be to live with his parents for the first year until we're completely financially stablewe our child before moving out. It sounds like the right choice but his sister is married with a kid and my boyfriend's mom is always trying to raise her. I want to raise my own child and I'm scared that living with his mom would inhibit my ability to do that. Does anyone have any advice?


flgirlwantingbaby - November 6th, 2006 1:51 PM

Well. honestly I would have to say if there is a way that you could afford to get a small apartment for the first year and then search for a home or just get a small starter home you know one with like one or two bedrooms with cheaper payments. I know that when I stayed with my ex mother in law while i was pg and after my child was born she was real controling even though we had already had one child. And it made our relationship worse so I would not advise that at all. But that is just my opinion.


TeenInNeed - November 6th, 2006 1:58 PM

Thanks, I suggested an apartment to my boyfriend but he hates renting because he feels like he's just throwing money away. Like after your lease is up you have nothing to show for it. I just wish this could have happened after we got our house, or better yet after we got married.


krissy2006 - November 6th, 2006 2:05 PM

I agree with flgirl, teeninneed. For the past almost 6 months I have been living with my motherin law here in Mexico. (DH is touring here) in any case it has been pure hell, and thats to say that we don't even have babies yet. I would never recommend a couple living with their in-laws be it on the wife or husband's side. But especially the husbands side b/c men tend to turn into complete whiny, whipped mamas boys when they live with their moms. My DH was always a strong, well spoken, think for himself kind of guy (for the last 6 years we have been together) Then suddenly we move in with his mom and his dad and he turns into a whiney, uncontrollably emotional mamas boy. I have become accustomed to calling him THE KING of the mamas boys. My mother in law rewashed our clothes if she thinks I don't do it well enough, she has even repacke our suitcase now that we are heading back to the states. She tells me when I get PG and have babies that I have to get rid of my cats and this and that and yada yada yada, and that isn't even the 1/2 of it.... so NO!!! DON'T move in with mother in law. It will be a huge pressure on your relationship. If you can help it that is. Maybe try and coaz your bf into an apartment and make a goal that you will be out in 6 months to a year and will buy that house. Guys like goals. LOL It keeps them alive. GL on whatever you decide to do though and congrats on your baby!!!



lawlady72 - November 6th, 2006 2:06 PM

well actually I was going to advise that an apartment would be like paying every month for nothing. I've been in the legal part of real estate for 12 years and quite honestly you're better off paying for something that will give back. Do they have condos or coops where you are? They are generally less expensive, you have the maintenance people take care of any major problems and the grounds, yet you still have equity in it.


TeenInNeed - November 6th, 2006 2:24 PM

I never thought of a condo. I live in Chicagoland so there are TONS around here. Now I feel like an idiot for not thinking of that sooner! I'll definitely run that by him. Thanks for your help.


DaBonkElsMe - November 6th, 2006 2:44 PM

OK, I am going to go against what most people on here are saying - I know that it would be hard to have your first baby in a tough situation where you will be forced to live under someone else's rules - but you have to think of the future and what will be best in the long run. Sometimes we do what's hard today to make tomorrow better. If you think getting your own place will stretch you to the limit financially - that will put a big strain on your relationship - just as much as a controlling mother-in-law - maybe more because you cannot blame anyone else for the stress but yourselves. My DH and I have the best realtionship, I mean we respect and admire each. We rarely fight - so on and so forth - but when we were having financial trouble not too long ago - it really made us turn into monsters. I mean the stress of the situation just made each of us hard to live with, we took things out on each other that we normally would never have done - if we had had a baby at that time too - I don't know what we would have done. A year goes by fast, and the rest of your lives is strecthed out in front of you after that. Sacrafice is part of motherhood and marriage for that matter. Maybe you could talk to his mom(don't expect him to do it, all men are mama's boys to a certain degree) tell her how you are feeling. I am not saying that living with his mom would be easy - but it might make the rest of your life easier and that might make it worth it! It's not ideal, but if you were looking for the ideal situation - you would not be pregnant right now, right? But you are so now you have to do what's best. Good luck to you - I hope you find a way to make it work, for that baby's sake and your own!


Saird - November 6th, 2006 3:43 PM

Well, here's my opinion- I think it's hard enough being in a relationship and being new parents without also having to live with the in-laws. Definitely try to get your own place. And with all the options at the banks nowadays- with 0 down payments and such, finding an affordable house may be easier than you think. Good luck to you.



lawlady72 - November 6th, 2006 4:21 PM

LOL, not stupid at all, sometimes it takes asking other people for the options to show themselves, besides you have ALOT on your mind right now. BEST OF LUCK!