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Please Help :(

3 posts on this thread and the last post was on April 23rd, 2009 1:46 PM
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Ashleekw - April 21st, 2009 11:43 PM
 [Original Post]

I am 27 years old and have been with the same guy for the last two years. He is pretty much a text book narcisist and has been a drug addict for years. I feel in love with him and tried to hang in there thru all the ups and downs. He puts me down all the time. Tells me i do everything wrong, tells me i am crazy, breaks up with me all the time, belittles me, degrades me, mocks me, tells me im an idiot when i cry....he works offshore. And everytime he goes off shore is when he is sorry. I have a big heart, but i think i have been so consumed in trying to love him unconditionally that is has lowered my self esteem and made me very weak. He has a six year old son with another girl that he always still to this day gives grief too. Inside he has a heart and knows he messed up with her, and he is hurt that she and his son are not a family. I am now pregnant. I feel that i love this child already. However he makes my life a living hell and puts me in a corner and never lets up no matter how much pain he inflicts on me, he just keeps on and keeps on with hurtful words. At first he said he would support me. Now he is saying he wants nothing to do with another kid. He will not be in its life, and that i am too much of a crazy person to have a kid. he says he wont love it. I tell him thats fine i have plenty of family to help. His reply is "oh thats great have the kid grow up with you and your mom and your family and no father." Then i mention why he could take care of his other son, and he says that his son has everything....her family loves him and he has plenty of love from family. Totally contradicting himself. Im sad, Im lost, im n a very low place. He thinks i want to keep this child to keep in my life which is totally not true. I love this baby even though it is only a month and half old. I dont know what to do. :( This is pain is unbearable. Im also concerned i will never be able to find a guy to love me and my child. And i want that. im so lost :( please help

Grandpa Viv - April 22nd, 2009 8:07 PM

Let me guess that you grew up in a family where verbal put-downs were the norm, maybe worse. Coming from your primary attachment figures, that is what feels like love even to this day. You need to do some serious counseling work to break out of this. The local spouse abuse center would refer you to good resources. Please decide what to do with this pregnancy totally apart from your relationship with the dad - he is going to give you grief until you break up or break down, whichever comes first. I pray for your long-term success. Hugs and good luck!

Ashleekw - April 23rd, 2009 1:43 AM

Aw Thank you so much! I very much appreciate your prayers and hugs. You are right, I tend to find myself going in circles with this man, because what I grew up thinking what love what supposed to be like, based on my family background, I know I need to get counseling or I will forever find myself in these relationships. I appreciate your advice and will make a decision based on me and the baby and not him. :)

Grandpa Viv - April 23rd, 2009 1:46 PM

Ashlee, I wish there were more I could say. You are at a perfect age for your first child, but with the emotional work you have ahead of you, perhaps you would be justified in not going through with it. A baby needs a stable environment, and a mother who loves herself. You need to make up your mind in a week or two. Good luck!