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To !!!.
My heart goes out to you. As a previous "other woman", I want you to know that what is happening to you is just verification that you are doing what is right. Your heart is in the right place. Just reading your post has made me feel stronger and able to look past the mistake I made.
The devil is mad now because you are inspiring women who had fell from grace and are trying to pick themselves up again. Do not be discourage by the confusion..that's what the devil wants you to do.
Keep your focus and let her know that she can't hurt you she can't defeat you because what God says is so will be so...including your marriage.
I know this now and I asked God to forgive me for ever trying to come between something that he decreed.
Even if he said the marriage was not working, it was not my place to try to come in between that. As a woman of God I should have been encouraging him to pray. We were together for 5 years and he married the girl he cheated on me with. (DRAMA) So before I knew it..I was not THE woman but the other woman.
Just put it in Gods hands ladies...no matter what side of the situation you are on. The devil feeds off of our weaknesses; the things he know will make us second guess what we have already decided is right.
Keep your head up !!!.
The woman in your situation was probably dealing with some deep rooted issues before she even met your husband. Don't try to deal with this on your own because you will stress yourself out.
GOD loves you so let him fight your battles.
Be Blessed

Thank you so much for listening and giving me advice and support. To understanding...Yes she did know he was married, in fact we were friends and i was the one to introduce her to my husband. That is probably why i find it difficult to understand why all this started in the first place. She knew our marriage was good and how much i loved my husband. Dont get me wrong, i know my husband is no innocent party in all this, and so does he, he knows that this is not something i can forgive over night, and how much this has and is still hurting me. I try to be understanding when it comes to her feelings, but when she acts in such ways its difficult to keep a clear head. Maybe your right, she is trying to keep a rift between us, well i can tell you that will not happen, in fact we have become a lot closer (as strange as it sounds). You are right, like you i have had to recover from grief, not just for my 2 babies, but also 3 very close members of my family (all within the last 18 months), and if i can get through that, this should be a walk in the park (so to speak). If it is at all possible i would like to continue talking to you as a firend, maybe so we can swap advice but to also have an understanding ear who will listen whenever its needed. I wish you and your son all the happiness and strength to get though this. x

Well if she knew he was married then I do not know what she is thinking, unless she believed something he said.. i will always continue to talk with you because as u know this will be a lifetime thing, for me - my son will lways be here and for u - everytime she calls, etc..the pain will come back.. I know that it is hard to think of her feelings when she is acting a fool, but since she knew about you then it is hard for me to be sympathetic to her,but we all make mistakes... i have a question for you..Since I have the baby and you are a wife..my dilema is the wife in my situation wants "him" to choose between her or the baby..he does not want to choose, he told me he can't..Of course I think there should be no question, he should tell her that he is going to see his son no matter what buthe is to weak.. Instead he has hr thinking that he is not seeing the baby, when he ssees him alomost everyday, but he does not want her to find out.. I think it is wrong for her to give him this ulitmatum, but I could also understand that she is scared of what could happen..I allow him to seebaby and go home and turn his cell off and not be available..I am at his beck and call almost..Should I call her and ask for her to meet me one-on-one and try to talk or should I just leave it alone? He still tells me that he loves me and they are divorcing but I know it is not true..I think that if me and her can get on the same page then his lies will stop, but I am afraid that if I call her, before shemeets me she will run and tell him and he will intercept her..What should I do?

This is a difficult one. If they are getting a divorce then i dont understand why he cant tell her he is seeing his child no matter what. He is obviously lying to you again. Do you know for certain that she had really given the ultimatum or have you taken for granted what he has told you.? It sounds to me like he has told his wife he is having nothing to do with you or his child, and maybe promised her to work things out, and then came back and lied to you just as he always has done. He seems to be a compulsive lier (like most men in these situations. lol). You are right, she does deserve to know the whole truth. I wouldnt speak to her face to face though, at least not at first, but what i would do is maybe write a letter, it wont be easy putting into words what you need to say, but let her know you are sorry and that you feel he is still lying to the both of you. You need to let her know what you want to happen with regards to him seeing your son, but also let her know that you have no intensions of carrying on any sort of physical relationship with him. Make sure you add that he has no idea that you have written the letter, and you are more than willing to speak on the phone or meet up to discuss a solution if she would feel comfortable to do so. It may be an idea to try to find out from him what lies he has really fed her. If i was the wife in your situation, i would appreciate being told the truth, no matter how hurtful it would be, but seeing you or speaking to you in person may be a bit too much. Never forget though that he has an obligation to provide love and supprot to his child, remind him that the child will grow up and see his father for who he really is, so maybe he would be better off making up for all the mistakes he has made now, rather than when he has to answer to his son in 15 years or so. I hope this has helped, and good luck with whatever you decide to do. Keep me updated.

I never imagined that I would be in this situation, let alone ever be posting about it on the internet. In reading from the wives the past couple of days, I just want to say I am so proud of you!! I am having this baby even though the wife wants me kill it, is hoping I miscarry, or is expecting him to take it away from me if I make it full term. She is also telling him that he cannot have any kind of contact with me at all if he wants her and their child. At first I was pissed, thinking he was going to just set us aside even though he is just as much a part of what got me pregnant. But you know what?? I have made the decision for myself, I am no longer going to try to convince him to love this child, to accept this child, and to be a father to this child. She is putting demands on him and he is willing to abide by them, if their marriage does become stronger then that will be wonderful for their child. As for my child, with or without the love of it's father our life too will be good. I know the sense of betrayal must destroy so much of a woman, but the hardest part for me to comprehend is how the wives are willing to punish a child because of their dislike for the mother (due to this kind of situations), or allow themselves to believe that only their child (from marriage with the husband) are the real children. I am having this baby because it is a life and I refuse to punish it, and each and every day I am realizing that the husband and the wife both wanted me to terminate and since i won't they are wanting to punish me and my child. So their actions are to pretend this child and I do not exist, and I am going to grant them that.

To Me Too... Good for you. Your child will grow up to know that he/she was always loved and special. There are many single parents who do this by themselves (my best friend being one of them) and i have to say that i honestly think that in some situations the mother and child are better off. You wont have to have the misery of having to explain why daddy didnt turn up to take them out for the day etc.. You are a very brave woman and should give yourself credit. Even as a wife i would never stop my husband seeing his child, born by me or anyone else. I for one know how precious a child is and do not have it in my nature to take that away from any one. Its a shame that not all women can understand this, i know the pain that is caused through afffairs but would never dream of taking it out on a child, which is im sorry to say, what many of us wives do. Make sure you do things the correct way though eg contact a solicitor to see where you stand and what can be done legally. That way you are prepared for any surprises that him and his wife want to throw your way. They will soon realise what it is they are doing is wrong im sure. Be strong

Yesterday when i posted i didnt mean to offend anyone.I just dont like the fact that the other women are being blamed because the husbands dont know what the point of vows are.You are all acting as if once we found out that we continued to go on like that.Once i found out he was married, it ended.Im not one to date married men or even men with kids.Its not like we all decided hey since hes married ill make it harder on us both and have a child so i can be called names and be mistreated by other wives.If i knew he was married it would have never happened.And how is it that you have to forgive these other women? 3/4 of us didnt even know about the wives so it cant possibly be our fault.Maybe you shouold focus on learning to trust your men.If a guy has issues with cheating and you kow it, then why stay.Most of you dont even have children by these men and can leave freely but youd rather stay and deal with the fact that he might do it again.Then once he does, you want to hate and blame these other women.We all didnt plan on having kids you know.I bet im not the only one who used protection yet still got pregnant either.It takes two to tango.I didnt see a gun to these men's heads, i didnt see us forcing these men into bed, so how is it our fault if he makes the decision to be unfaithful?

Anglelina: I too was using protection!! But I also think that at this point the best thing for us all to do is to just stay honest here and allow ourselves to seek suppport.

Hmmmm...... good arguement as to why you're NOT SUPPOSED TO GET INVOLVED WITH MARRIED MEN. Dumbie.

To !!!, Honey you truly are a remarkable woman!! To not only understand how precious an innocent child is to life no matter the circumstances that brought them to this life really makes my heart melt. I feared that I was alone in this thought! When I learned I was pregnant my first and foremost thought was that now I need to protect and provide for my child. Then the thoughts of how to do that came to mind. This child I am carrying was not wanted or welcomed by the father, and is still not by his wife. I am in no way proud of my actions, but at this point am only focused on being strong for my baby. Yes legal advice is necessary, and it is obvious that it is going to be my lawyer against theirs. I have 2 other children, and their father is amazing. He and I are no longer together, but he is such a wonderful man he too will not blame or resent this child in any way. I am amazed at how many women do put their own feelings of hurt and shame before any innocent child, and I try to not resent them for that. Should my husband cheat on me and father another child, I would never ever wish harm on the woman or unborn child. My first instinct would be that she had better be a strong woman, or I would raise that child myself. To wish others felt so strongly for children as you and I do is wishful thinking, but thank you for being so candid about your feelings. I also truly do commend you for trying to forgive your husband and find a future with him. I do not think all "affairs" are the same. Some men really do regret their actions, and in the act of getting caught they then realize what they truly love and loved in their wives. I hope this is the case for you!! As for the father of my child, he has only know for a week I am pregnant. He was on a family vacation when I learned I was pregnant, and I chose to not tell him til he returned. His first thought was of his current child and how he could get his wife to forgive him. I really thought I was going to have to push him to love and be present for this child I am carrying. But as this week has passed (and it definitely feels much longer than a week), I have seen he is in save his marriage mode and anything other than that is not first and foremost including this child. The only thing I could ever really want from him is for him to be as much of a father to this child as his other, but on the other hand I now refuse to insist or demand as much. Only he can or cannot do as much, and whether he does or not this child is alive and going to be loved by me any my other two children. His wife is insisting he not do anything but preserve his life with her and their child, nothing else matters except to ensure I get nothing except minimal support. For the sake of this child, like I have stated I am stepping back and allowing him to do what he feels he must. And if that means doing as is demanded at home, then so be it. I will be the best mother I possibly can be to our child. And since he was also my employer, I no longer have a job. This also means I have to start all over as I am not going to get hired at 3months pregnant. I am going to finally finish my schooling and make myself capable of supporting my 3 children. No man is going to do that for us, nor would I ever expect that.

Me too.... You say that i am a remarkable woman, and i thank you for that. Its nice to have reasurrance from other people. But never forget thet you are also remarkable. You have faced up to the mistakes you have made and are brave enough to start a new life with your children. Youll find that in time you will probably thank him for giving you this chance to prove to yourself and everyone who knows who just how strong and brave you really are. Just have thanks in the fact that you have your childrens love and support and they will have just as much from you. That is what will get you through this. You are a lucky woman to have your children, and you are doing a fantastic job of showing them that women can be just as strong as a man. I wish you luck (not that youll need it) and happiness for the future.

Dear !!!, Posting on this site really has helped me so much. I met "understanding" here,and even though we are in different states it really has helped me to just be able to discuss things with another in a similar situation. And in talking with you I have heard from the "other" side, something I knew was tough but I truly cannot thank you enough for actually being able and willing to talk to a woman "like" me. I represent some of your own pain, and I do know that in my own situation I will never get the opportunity to apologize to the wife. She wishes horrid and ill things of me,and that I can understand. But the life of my child I just cannot. Her solution is to pretend I do not exist and that her husband only deal with her and their child. I am trying and have tried to understand that, due to the hurt and pain she is feeling. But in my heart and soul, a child is a child no matter who the mother is and no matter the situation it was conceived in. I think I have mentioned in my posting that I have "chose" to no longer insist and demand the father agree to be a part of this life in me. He does want too, but on the other hand his wife is forcing him to choose. He is being put in a situation where to keep her he will have to lie if he does what he knows he should and that is step up to his responsibility of fathering this child with me. By fathering I mean, supporting, and acknowledging. I will never be gone, she can make it seem like I am but the reality is that for a couple to conceive a child there is/was something between them. I know my words are only words on here, and maybe I need to be able to express somewhere that I truly am sorry because I really am. This to me now feels like a situation where I "thought" I knew what I was getting into, but now I see otherwise. But again no words or thoughts can change what is happening, they really and truly are.

continued....I could sit on here and preach, plead, and make tons of excuses but they change nothing. Same as wishing things had been different, played out different etc. Every single second of every single day I am living with this, yes the guilt is very heavy and I honestly mean that. But on the other hand the gift of a child, and allowing it life just did not feel like a choice to me. She has convinced him that since I chose to not terminate, this pregnancy and child is now my responsibility not his. She may allow his to minimally financially acknowledge this child, but the rest is up to me. Like leave my home and live with my mother so I am not around them any longer(I am a in my 30's not a child,and my mother lives 6 hours away), and he is not responsible for my livelihood. As my boss, he did pay me a salary. Now because I am pregnant I cannot be employed by him as that is not okay with her. Sure I understand that, but at 3 months pregnant the reality of me finding a job that will pay anywhere close to what I was making and only have it for 6 months til I deliver just so he is financially free only benefits them. I now have to apply for WIC, FOOD STAMPS, AND WELFARE, should they see his income they will turn me down in 1 second. So I will have to lie about the father just to get help. I will do these things, as there is no guarantee she will allow him to help me and encouraging him to go behind her back and provide as he should and I need is not going to help this situation either. It just stings that to continue to "preserve" his life I have to do all these things that are not really necessary. I do not expect to be "taken" care of. But on the other hand I am realizing that this child is not just mine, and the only reason I deal with any of this is for the sake of the child. If stress was not an issue, I would just move on and no longer expect him to be responsible. But why should I be punished for "choosing"to continue a pregnancy when terminating in her eyes ends all this. If there was no such thing as abortion they would not think they have this out, so since it exists why should me doing it be the only solution acceptable?? Abortion is a choice yes, but I just cannot reach the point where I see continuing to carry a baby to term when it was created by two people as a choice. This is making me a stronger woman yes, and actually I have always been this strong just allowed myself to seek guidance elsewhere when I really can find it inside myself. I am sorry I have carried on here, I just am struggling so much inside each and every day to try to make the right decision for my baby not me.

Me too... I also feel that talking on this site with you and Understanding has helped me more than you could ever know. I have learned to accept (more now) that you too have feelings for the 'man' and find it difficult to cut all ties with him before you found yourselves pregnant.My husband is the only man i have ever been with, i met him when i was 14 years old and have not looked at another man since. Dont get me wrong i have had the opportunity to start a 'relationship' with another man, but i never felt that i needed to. I have to admit though, that i still cant comprehend why it is that when women find out that the man with whom your involved with is married that you dont end it there and then, i do understand that feelings are involved, but what really gets to me is when (some) women say that we as wives are stupid to carry on a relationship with our husbands, when they have done the same thing, by getting involved with a married man and then wanting to carry on the affair when it all comes out into the open, i could argue with them that they are the stupid ones as they knew all along they were not the ONLY women in these mens lives. I guess that is something that i will never understand. I truly believe that my husband is one of those that soon realised what it was that he was going to loose and how much he really did love me, and we have since discussed why it was he felt the needed to sleep with another woman. The fact is that i too am partly to blame for this. After loosing our first child (my darling daughter at 16 weeks) i was terrified to get pregnant again, therefore stopped sleeping with my husband for a while, the problems were not caused just because we stopped having sex but because i didnt talk to my husband about how i was feeling, leaving him to believe that i had lost interest in our relationship, when i had started to come to terms with what had happened, my husband had already strated having an affair and felt that he couldnt tell the 'other' woman it was over as she had threatened to tell me what had been going on. It was when i got pregnant again that my husband decided to face up to what he had done and finally told me that he had been having an affair and that the other woman was having his child. I think i could have coped with all this if the other woman had too faced up to the fact that my husband did not want to carry on their affair, allthough he had said he would be there to help raise their child, this was not enough for her and from then on she started to hound me and blame me for the situation which she and my husband had gotten themselves into. This situation had caused so much stress that i miscarried agian at 21 weeks, but this was not the end of the hounding as as from then i was told that i deserved everything that happened to me, including losing my children, as i had ruined this womans life. Why is it that some women cannot face up to their own actions??? Since then i have been on antidepressants, i dont sleep, and i have been off work sick for the last 7 months. I truly believe that my husband is sorry for what he has done, but he has faced up to it, he wants to be a part of his childs life so much but the other woman now says that unless he wants to be with her (even if he stays with me) then he wont see his child. This is something that we are going to have to deal with for the rest of our lives. The only thing i feel that i have to do now is help other women understand what it is they are doing and the consequences of their actions. So if you know of anyone who is thinking about starting an affair, then please advise them against it. Since talking on here i have found that its not just the wives who suffer in the end but also the other woman and the children born into situations like these.

Dear !!!, I was extremely touched by your last post!! This reply to me is most likely going to be done in parts. The thing that truly touches my heart most about you and your sharing is your kind heart and openness to situations you cannot change. I don't know if you have read my original post, and I am not sure how much you really know or want to know about my story. One thing I do know is that yes I did have an affair with a married man, but my situation is different than most and I am definitely coming to terms each and every day with the the situation I have been in for almost 3 years, the one that got me to this point in my life and how it is going to be a part of my life forever.

!!!, I Hope you are doing okay today!! Talking to you have given me strength. In sharing with you as well as simply posting on this site, I have been able to believe in my own voice and know that what I feel I deserve is okay. I have posted on here to everyone a lot of what I am struggling with. My biggest struggle has been the wife wanting me to terminate and basically telling her husband he is not too and cannot acknowledge me and our child if he is to save his marriage. She has been constantly telling him what he is to do, and all of it was ways to get me out of their life and to make me and this child not exist. I can understand the pain of an affair, and without this child conceived I can also understand the need to make me dissapear. He has been allowing her to make demands and some he has acted on and others he has just not acknowledged as he was afraid to speak his mind. The only valid thing I have asked of him and needed of him is to know if he chooses to be a father and acknowledge this child. He has been telling me yes, but allowing her to think he won't. Finally things came to a head, I do believe he thought I wanted more than I have been specifically stating. But he heard my words, as well as allowed himself to be a man of integrity and has finally done the only thing I have really asked. And that is to stop telling me one thing, and her another. The affair is over, there is no longer a reason to lie. He and I have never lied to each other, and we have not been doing that now. But I am/was sick and tired of being told he will do the right thing but it may have to be behind her back. This child deserves better, if he cannot be true to this child and himself then he needs to walk away and do as wife is asking. I can't be lied to, lead on, and so on. We were never this way, and as we are over and we both want him to work on his marriage the only healthy way for this to happen is for him to stand up for what he wants and believes. I told him to tell me to F&*^( off if he can't deal, but don't tell me give you time and then you will tell wife what you plan to do. That is continuing a lie, and there is no longer a reason to lie. I was beginning to doubt him myself. But yesterday he let his wife know, that what she is asking is not how he can be. He is going to acknowledge this child, and as he had a part in creating this child he does have a responsibility in my well being and health. He also has admitted that he will not walk away from this child. She expects him to cut me and this child off completely in all ways since he asked me to abort and I did not. Therefore I am going against his wishes and only doing what she sees as "what I want alone".