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Opinion: this would be fun for anyone to try. Reality: it would get on anyone's nerves in a heartbeat. Reaction: Lol.

Yes, I'll leave and never come back., sweetheart.

You say: Yes, I'll leave and never come back., sweetheart....I say: one can only hope.

You say: Yes, I'll leave and never come back., sweetheart....Jezebel says: one can only hope. I say: Ditto. Reality: We won't miss you ^^

teddyfinch from the parts i read i really think it is quite pointless to argue with someone of his character. you both have very different lives. the fact he had to reiterate his job and his success actually screams insecurity to me. i personally do not believe you are arguing with a very happy person. the things he evidently specifies as of upmost importance to him are not things of any great merit in my view. i am unsure as to why he persistently chose to qoute you on everything you said and attack you for being 'judgmental' when he did exactly the same in his posts regarding yourself! be satisfied with the knowledge that he isn't actually a very happy person and will probably mature into an old lonely man. he is not worthy of any further responses.

Ladies take it from me - a man that only wants to be around to make you miserable is NO MAN AT ALL - no matter how you ended up pregnant you still didn't get yourself pregnant - they can either choose to be apart of it or not - don't let them call the shots - YOU call the shots - that is what is in the best interest for you and your baby I had dated a man for 18 months we didn't reall date we just slept together regularly - well when I got pregnant he was so wishy washy about wanting to be there - that made my pregnancy so terrible - and yes we worked together too - but once my son was born something in me clicked and I started to call the shots and he didn't like it - we did not end up together and after 5 short months I had him served with papers to sign his rights away - when I met my husband I was free and clear of the jerk that had tormented me my first pregnancy - my second pregnancy was WONDERFUL to be in love with the father is fantastic I would never settle for less or recommend that any of you settle for less either - it's either ALL OR NOTHING . .....now I am pregnant with my 3rd baby and we did not plan it and it was stressful at first but it is a wonderful blessing and we are really enjoying it !!

i'm a woman and i somewhat agree with ajh ... it pisses me off when women get pregnanted by this dumb men and then come on these boards and complain how life is tough and how they are suffering cuz the guy is being an idiot, etc.. You put yourself in that situation sweetheart... I would NEVER put myself into a situation of getting pregnant unless i was absolutely sure that I could do it myself. I would NEVER get pregnant w/out making sure that my child is taken care of and to me that means being married, having a stable job as well as being able to support myself if I need to. If I was to ever break up with my husband, I would NEVER deny him the right to see his child... Being drunk and conceiving a child is no excuse.. Yeah, tell that to your kids.. u were born bcuz mommy was drunk and was out of it... It's nasty, i get sick of thinking about it.... and with unexpected pregnancies come unexpected problems.. You're not financially ready for the baby, you have to go on welfare, depend on your family and of course, the daddy is nowhere to be found.. and why??? cuz he never wanted a child in a first place.. You got a child to trap him and get child support out of him and MAYBE, you will let him see the baby once in a while.. if u decide to sleep with this loser, what does that make you??? ajh - i am glad that there is at least one man (well 2 with my husband *lol*) that likes to take control of a situation and don't let anyone else dictate how you live your life.. I have waaay too many friends that have gotten themselves into a messy child custody battle and it's only cuz women are being bitches and playing all these stupid games and using their kids as bargaining tools.. makes me sick.. not every woman is like that, but there are way too many to count... and i am totally for having 2 parents.. I don't have one single family member (including extended family) that has had a divorce and same with dh's family... I do not believe in divorces.. I come from a different culture and I get so worked up when I see people getting divorces left right and center... I married my dh after 2.5 months of knowing him and we just celebrated our 4 year anniversary.. anyways, i'm going all over the place, just wanted to say that I agree with most of the things that ajh has said..

123abc i think you are coming across as a bit patronising and a little outdated regarding this matter. no individual persons circumstances are ever the same as anothers so to put them all in the 'dumb' box as if the blame lies entirely with them in my opinion is wrong. i do agree with you that there are vulnerable women out there who seem to get themselves into these situations and blame the father when in reality it was a mistake they both made together. it must be awful for a child to think he/she was a mistaken drunken one night stand, but that is not to say that that child cannot be looked after exceptionally well and loved to pieces by his/her mother and family. nowadays the divorce rate is high and there are more single parent families. we must not forget the fact that not all single mums are single because they got pregnant by mistake or got divorced, i feel for the ones who are widowed at a young age and then frowned upon for being in the cateogory of a 'single mother', as if a single mother couldn't bring up her child as well as a couple who are married. many marriages are kept together for the wrong reasons and i have seen this myself, domestic violence and abuse, but people on the outside look at them and think 'oh they are married so their children will be brought up wonderfully'! not necessarily the case. of course it is ideal to be having a child with the man you love, nothing could beat that but a title of 'mr & mrs' doesn't automatically make them better parents in comparison to a single parent family. it is also very easy to say 'i would never be in that situation' because one should never say never. you do not know what you will encounter throughout life's journey and often what you think you will 'never' do and what ends up happening can be far apart. people are always quick to judge in these matters and i feel very worried for eponine's situation, its obviously a terrible situation to be in. what we don't need is people who are ignorant about it though but people who can have an open mind and try to understand that everybody's circumstances are different.

never say never 123abc. it may not happen to you but rather a loved one, a dear friend. theres no need to get pissed off. Unfortunately many women need to "live and learn" but that does not make them bad people...especially if they ARE stepping up to their responsibilities...and EVEN if they say things are "tough" once in awhile. Stop it with the high and mighty jargon

i think 123abc is ajh. and if not, then oh well. i don't care if people look down on divorce. there are reasons for it. it happens. and i'm sorry, but i had no intentions of staying with someone who beat me on a daily basis. and had i known he would, i would have never married him. so i divorced him and now i'm with the right guy. i can't stand people who point their noses up at someone else's situation. (referring of course to 123abc)

ABC123, You sit there judging women who are in an unfortunate situation as if they asked for it. Not all women got pregnant while intoxicated. (I take it you don't drink otherwise you'd be a hypocrit) Some women were very much in-love, married, have been in a relationship for a long time, or widowed and starting anew. You have so much to say about something you have no experience about. If you read further throughout this forum, you'll see that some women put in YEARS of dedication into their marriage, planned a pregnancy only for their HUSBANDS to skip out when she finally got pregnant. And they all had one thing in common.. they NEVER saw it coming. I see you've only known your husband 2.5 months before you went off and got married. (hmm??) It's great that your marriage is working out just fine, but you haven't even crossed the bridge of having children yet? If so.. what was the outcome?. A child changes everything. It is so easy to JUDGE others when you're not in their shoes...(not saying that this will happen to you) But come time when life gets tough and you don't know what to do, well....just know that there's always going to be forums like this one you can turn to. Hopefully nobody kicks you while you're down. My question to you is.." if you're not single and pregnant, why are you on here bashing away??"

Teddyfinch | Date: February 27, 2008, 3:42
Answer: i think 123abc is ajh. and if not, then oh well.
~~~ well, i'm not ajh, but I do agree with him with most points.. Xndra " Not all women got pregnant while intoxicated. (I take it you don't drink otherwise you'd be a hypocrit)" Regardless of whether you are drunk, every time you have sex (with the exception of rape), you are aware of the possibility of getting pregnant. I HATE when women WHINE about their situation.. I've been reading this forum for years now and this particular section is nothing but MEN bashing.. Yes, this website will only bring those ladies that are having some hardships with their ex's or father of their children, but women need to take responsibility for their actions. My baby boy just turned 1 last Saturday and the reason why i'm in this forum is that my husband is going through this mess w/ a girl that got pregnant from a one night stand.. So I'm always interested to find out WHY is it that this woman will not ALLOW my husband to meet her daughter and will go through EXTRA trouble to disappear. Meanwhile my husband has been paying child support for the past 2.5 years. We found out that she was pregnant right when I started dating him.. His daughter will be turning 4 in couple of months and he has yet to meet her.. We have tried now for 3 years to see his little girl only to be met with resistance.. If this girl wanted a sperm donor, WHY would she even bother to contact him? oh wait, child support... or was it welfare that forced her to fess out the name.. whichever.. My husband (and myself) are ok with him having a daughter and we wait for the day that we will finally meet her.. So it pisses me off when I read stories of women here that get pregnant by married man, or they whine how the guy is nothing but trouble.. Some are legitimate, but others are just plain stupid.. I don't judge, but I just want to see what goes in the minds of these ladies.. Also, my job deals with a lot of guys (and no i'm not a lawyer or anything similar to that), but I hear all these stories about guys not being able to see their children whenever they want, and also these woman they play games in order to get more money or whatever.. my best friend's sister abused welfare for 7 years, made 4 grand a month sitting on her a$$... my husband's one night stand was on welfare for 4 years now... so to give you an idea, i'm all for responsible men and women, but ladies give those guys a chance. That's all I'm saying.. I'm a little biased with my husband's situation and seriously, I feel like slapping this woman when I see her.. What right does she have to keep his child away?? He's never done anything, it was a one night stand.. They knew each other from previous work. we've gone through great lengths to find her and he just came from a court date where she was served by a sheriff.. Luckily, she's showing up in court (this was our 2nd date) and the judge was SO PISSED off at her.. the judge has forced her to give him her phone # and address and we are to get a picture of his daughter soon.. she's also to get a social insurance number so that we can add his daughter to our RESP plan (for his daughter and our son's education).. my husband is a very responsible man and wants to take care of his daughter. I have a heart and I feel so bad that there is a girl out there that has to be on welfare because of her mother's issues.. We want to get her things, we want to spend time with her.. get her to meet her brother.. So i'm sorry if i came across as judging.. but it's just certain ladies that get on my nerves and I guess I just don't understand the concept of getting pregnant and then complaining about it.. if you're going to get pregnant do so with the intention of knowing that you will be able to take care of that child. Don't bash the guys.. do it on your own.. if they chose to help great, if not, their loss.. I'm just tired of seeing the men being the bad guys, that's all. There are so many resources for women, but guys are always made out to be bad.. Almost every story I read it has to do with what what women are feeling and you can't see him and blah blah... u don't need to see him.. have a family member or a friend take ur child, or there are so many arrangements that can be made.. But anyways.. as i said.. i'm not perfect or anything, but i know that if i was to ever separate, i will be able to take care of my son on my own.. I have a stable job, savings, my son's education as well as life insurance should something happen to me.. also read the post... the guy might be angry because she wasn't on any birth control.. come on now... this is what i say is asking for trouble.. and these are the ladies that piss me off..

i meant to meet his daughter...

lol you say you don't judge, but every word that you have typed is a judgement. and in your job you deal with lots of guys huh? so you're a stripper maybe? maybe a hooker? no one cares. if your husband was so responsible, he wouldn't have knocked up some slut or had a one night stand would he? that's not responsible. he may be now, but his brain was obviously in his pants at the time. what a guy! and you keep pulling this "we" bullshit of wanting to get her things and do things with her. if you want to treat her as your daughter, call her such. i find it funny that certain women piss you off. i'm not single or pregnant. and i haven't bashed men. only the metro fool that finally pissed off. yet you mention what i say. i simply support women because that's what we do. maybe you were a guy earlier in life, a previous life, or secretly lesbian. whatever your deal is, you're hating on your own gender. that's lame. get over yourself because we're over you. this shit is getting buried.

i'm sorry, not secretly lesbian. secretly a woman hating man.

and you are so much better, attacking me w/out even knowing the details.. I'm sure you know a lot of strippers that think of their future rather then thinking of their next job... i'm simply stating that I do not like (or hate) the fact that some women out there will get pregnant just to trap a guy... I don't have to be a woman or a man to see that.. I'm well educated (have a degree in computer science) and my husband had protection at the time but we all know that those are not 100%... guess lesson learned.. my point about him is that he's trying to take care of his daughter, but this woman won't let him.. what do you say about that? or is the woman RIGHT not to allow her daughter not to know anything about her dad?? the whole point of my post is be ready to deal with consequences. if you're going to bring a child into this life, be ready to deal with it. Some children are planned for, some are not. But they are all lovely and great.. But it's the adults that make everything complicated. and what did i say about you... ? u simply said that you thought I was ajh and i just told you that I wasn't.. Why would I call his daughter MY daughter..? she's not my daughter.. why would I want some other woman calling my SON her son... wth? I will treat my husband's daughter as my own and I will do anything for her, when we get a chance.. She is part of him. It's obvious your first reaction is to bash my husband even tho I had told you that this woman is purposely trying to keep him out of his daughter's life. So in your mind that is ok..? I don't need to hate my own gender, I just don't like certain type of people.. That doesn't make me a bad person, I'm just stating that I don't like people that go out to hurt other people.. If a guy was abusing a girl, I wouldn't like him either.. I guess because I was not raised in North America I have different outlook on life and I was brought up entirely different. Nobody in my family has ever divorced (including extended family) and where my husband is from you stay married till u die. So excuse me for believing in raising my son in a stable relationship and wanting to provide for my husband's daughter. He made one mistake by having a one night stand, but at least he's a man and wanting to take care of his daughter. There are many out there that can't, but there are also many out there that want to, but are not able.