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and you are so much better, attacking me w/out even knowing the details.. I'm sure you know a lot of strippers that think of their future rather then thinking of their next job... i'm simply stating that I do not like (or hate) the fact that some women out there will get pregnant just to trap a guy... I don't have to be a woman or a man to see that.. I'm well educated (have a degree in computer science) and my husband had protection at the time but we all know that those are not 100%... guess lesson learned.. my point about him is that he's trying to take care of his daughter, but this woman won't let him.. what do you say about that? or is the woman RIGHT not to allow her daughter not to know anything about her dad?? the whole point of my post is be ready to deal with consequences. if you're going to bring a child into this life, be ready to deal with it. Some children are planned for, some are not. But they are all lovely and great.. But it's the adults that make everything complicated. and what did i say about you... ? u simply said that you thought I was ajh and i just told you that I wasn't.. Why would I call his daughter MY daughter..? she's not my daughter.. why would I want some other woman calling my SON her son... wth? I will treat my husband's daughter as my own and I will do anything for her, when we get a chance.. She is part of him. It's obvious your first reaction is to bash my husband even tho I had told you that this woman is purposely trying to keep him out of his daughter's life. So in your mind that is ok..? I don't need to hate my own gender, I just don't like certain type of people.. That doesn't make me a bad person, I'm just stating that I don't like people that go out to hurt other people.. If a guy was abusing a girl, I wouldn't like him either.. I guess because I was not raised in North America I have different outlook on life and I was brought up entirely different. Nobody in my family has ever divorced (including extended family) and where my husband is from you stay married till u die. So excuse me for believing in raising my son in a stable relationship and wanting to provide for my husband's daughter. He made one mistake by having a one night stand, but at least he's a man and wanting to take care of his daughter. There are many out there that can't, but there are also many out there that want to, but are not able.

i mean there are many men out there that don't take care of their kids, but there are also a lot that do.. Guess the nature of this site is to bring out all the bad ones. I just feel sorry for men.. i mean, how about you have a child, hand them over to your ex, send ur child support and see your baby whenever your ex says it's ok.. and if ur ex says ummm, no that doesn't work for me, let's see how you'd feel then.. I just have waaay too many friends in this predictament and the nature of my work I hear a lot about it. I do have a few friends that are separated that think about their kids and put their differences aside.. and you can see that the kid is much happier with this scenario (if u r separated) rather than parents going at it. One of my husband's friends who is a guy actually got custody of his daughter, but his daughter is free to chose whatever she wants.. She can stay with him or mom, they are both very flexible. We need to see more of that..

i know i said i wouldn't reply again, but i have to comment. i'm not saying that the woman with your hubby's baby is in the right at all. she's just being an idiot and has some idea in her head that that will teach him for her getting loose one night. i can't remember and hate to reread the novel, but did he have a dna test to make sure it's his? if so and she is, then a court hearing is all you can really do. because the way the stupid law works is they seem to think that a child is better off with the mother than the father, even when the father is the better parent. now, i'm not sure if you want this child in your life, but i hope for her sake that the courts take her away from the mom and give her to the dad because at least she'd have a daddy AND a mommy. the reason i say you should call her your daughter is the same reason parents call stepchildren theirs. you married him accepting him and his past. no one should call your son theirs unless they became a step parent and i know you haven't adopted her. your opinions on divorce really don't mean anything to me either. i mean no, i don't think people should marry so fast that it ends 2 and a half days later, but there are always circumstances. would you stay with a man that strangled you and beat you on a daily basis? no, and neither did i. that's a pretty good reason, i'd say. i don't think your hubby is a bad guy and i'm glad he's owning up to his past. my ex had a baby by his next fling and he fled the state to keep from paying child support. some guy huh? anyway, i hope the courts take your husband's daughter away from the mother and gives her to you guys. just like your son, his daughter needs a stable family environment.

i also meant to say that the whole reason for this set of boards is to talk about being single and pregnant. if a guy came on here saying some chick tricked him into having sex without protection and she got pregnant and now she's running him through for money, we'd take his side. that's the whole point of only hearing one side of the story. if your friend comes to you with a problem, do you say "well, no i think i better hear their side of the story before i support you"? no you give them support. THAT is the point of this site. not what you and that fag fortune 500 idiot were saying.

123abc: in your march 8th post you say you are a "little" bit biased b/c of your husbands situation. but based on everything else you said in that post I think it'd do you a world of good to admit you are EXTREMELY biased based on your husbands situation. From where I'm coming from, his situation seems rare for one where a child was created from a one night stand. Many men run, many men don't pay child support, and even moreso, MANY women who are searching for child support would love for the father to be a part of their childs lives--so they don't just get financial support but also emotional and physical. Please just admit you have a one sided view on the matter and you will not be attacked this way. I can at least admit that, although I have absolutely NO experience seeing or dealing with the types of women you explain, that it INDEED DOES happen. Just open your eyes a little and admit that the pigeonhold you have on single pregnant women needs to be lightened up a little.

And I'd like to add that the women on here are not bashing men in general, we are bashing our man in particular. Personally, all I've done on here is state the truth and ask for support in return. And because of this, I think the word "bashing" you use is too harsh. If he looks like sh*t, smells like sh*t and acts like sh*t, he is, in turn, a piece of sh*t. There's no bashing involved, just truths. The LAST thing I'd like to add is that, as in your husbands case, you know firsthand that accidental pregnancies can occur, whether within a relationship or not. To our defense, this is absolutely NOT trapping a man...if having a baby were indeed actually "trapping" anything we'd have to admit we were trapping ourselves as well...and who the hell would volunteer themselves for that? Many women are in fact in relationships when suprise pregnancies pop up, only to find that their man was not the person she thought he was in the face of such an obstacle. The shock and grief that comes from this is not something that should be picked apart by the likes of you. I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with your husbands child and her mother, but understand single pregnant women have also had bad experiences as well. Can't you maybe just admit you are draping a HUGE stereotype on women here based on your extreme bias i referenced before?

I'm in a similar situation except that the father of my child is 1500kms away and we are only 25!!! we had gone to high school together and met up after not seeing each other for 7 1/2 years. and now we are going to have a baby and he has no idea!! i dont know how to tell this guy that im turning his life upside down!!!

ok, i will admit that i am A LOT biased based on his situation, but I have met a few other men that are in a similar boat.. I by no means want to insult all the ladies.. Taking care of a kid when you're in a relationship is hard, i can only imagine what's it like when you are a single parent... but again, those ladies (and we all know they exist) that purposely get pregnant w/out the consent of their partners do piss me off.. so maybe we can all agree they happen, but not only that, why they don't let men be part of their child's life and not only that, but they have to play games.. For instance, i won't let u see the kid if u don't do this , this and this.. his ex wouldn't send him a picture unless he signed this document which gives her full custody, guardianship, etc, .. what did he do? crazy that he was when baby was 6 months old, he did it, and picture never came.. we're now 4 years later and still same shit.. But last court date, we do have a date for end of may to meet his daughter and final court date june 18th..

actually i wouldn't call her his ex.. *lol*

123abc: yeah but that would be like getting pissed at someone who was in a car wreck because people have done that purposefully for insurance fraud. it just doesn't make any sense. not all women intend to "trap" a man when they accidentally get pregnant and to hate all women in this situation is simply prejudice.

oh teddy: <- please dont start typing like this it reminds me of u know who

that you-know-who wouldn't happen to be WileE would it? lol

123abc i understand what you are saying as everyone knows there are indeed women out there who will 'trap' men by getting pregnant. however i do honestly believe this is a minority and i do not believe this poster is one of them. it comes down to the age old argument of who should be responsible for birth control. at the end of the day i think words like 'she trapped him' 'he didnt even want a kid' etc have flaws. he was not forced to have intercourse with the woman and to use no protection. i find it hard to believe that some men can be so stupid as to totally disregard a woman who might say 'it doesnt matter, don't use a condom' and he would just not think twice about it. surely most men cannot be that stupid (although it begs the question). so therefore if they willingly have sex with a woman without bothering to use protection, then surely they are both liable for any 'accidents' that may happen?!! some of these guys who sleep around and honestly don't care to use protection, well to be honest it serves them right if one of their 'conquests' ends up 'trapping' him.

ok, this is an update, if any of you are still following.. I truly believe that this woman just wanted to get pregnant, otherwise I have no way of explaining her behaviour. as you already know she's refusing every contact and the last court date was mar 4th. the judge could see right through her. she refused to give her address.. the judge wanted my husband to meet his daughter on easter.. she said that she can't due to a family member passing away.. then the judge says may long weekend. But before that date, my husband is to send letters introducing himself. one letter every week.. keep in mind that we have an address for her that she lived at 3 years ago but it was a family address, so he could use that.. after a month of sending letters, he can send emails. So she provided him w/ an email address, and a phone number as well as a family address.. He sent the first letter, sort of a family album, introducing himself and as well a short letter saying how he cannot wait to meet her and that she has a little brother.. well, 3 weeks after that letter was sent and accepted by her (we send everything tracked), she emails back.. in this email she states that she will not be giving this package to her daughter.. but he still kept sending.. he's sent 3 letters so far. also, in that email, she said she will not be forwarding a photo as she doesn't think the letter is appropriate.. (whatever).. then she said the address that he had will no longer be available by middle april and he's to puchase a po box (right, where we can't track anything) and that box would be for her to use.. SO ok, he's to send letters to a po box and she's not even giving those letters to his daughter.. Then she sends some banking information saying for him to deposit money as his daughter is in gymnastics and some dance lessons.. RIGHT, so the child support for $300/month is going where?? He's never missed a single payment in the last 2 years and yet he can't even get a photo.. So now it's evident that he's not going to have that first meeting before the court date and it looks like he's gonna have to ask the judge to force a meeting. I seriously cannot figure out this woman.. if she wanted a sperm donor, why even tell him? just go about your business.. I can't figure it out.. does she want the child support, but doesn't want him to ever meet his daughter.. it's so stupid. anybody else have an opinion about this.. it's driving me nuts that she can be this cruel. who wants their kid to grow up not knowing their father?? (i'm not talking about abusive fathers or ones that hide from responsibility) but my husband has done nothing like that. anyways, june will come soon enough and maybe one day we'll get to meet his daughter. Just hope and pray that she's not a teenager by then.. (she'll be turning 4 next month).. also, i know this is kind of crazy thinking, but would any of you even consider hiring a private investigator to get a photo of his daughter. we have a feeling that after this final court date (this is when the actual dates will be set for visits) that she will just disappear.. what do u do then? thanks for all your responses.

123abc: long time no read. hold on and let me update myself on the post. i've forgotten what's been going on with you. k, i'm good. lol i'm laughing right now. not at you, though. you guys found too nice of a judge. she obviously wants money and that's all. make sure you keep track of all of the letters she's sent and i hope you guys made copies of the letters you sent to her to show the judge. also, is she so dumb that she doesn't know if your husband pays for the po box, he's got to have a physical address to link to the box? that's kind of a mandatory thing. my dad works for the post office so i have all this "inside" info lol. anyway, as for hiring a PI, i'm not so sure about that. it would be kind of creepy to have this guy following around a little girl, but i think if it were my hubby, he'd probably do that. what you should really do before the court date, in my opinion, is gather up the letters your husband has sent, her responses and your concern that the mother will, technically, kidnap the child. because your husband never signed sole custody papers, i don't believe she's allowed to disappear with her. i'm not sure, though. i say you just go whip her ass. that would make both you guys feel better ^^ oh btw. an update on me, we found out we were preggy so i'm due november 28th. not sure you'll care, but i thought i'd tell you anyway. i'm more mellow now than ever before lol.

Teddyfinch - congrats on the pregnancy. i sure miss those days!!! :) yeah it's been a while since i posted, too much stuff going on... I've totally decided this woman is a wack job. she just sent another email. Of course, we're keeping track of everything that's sent to her as well as what we received so far. since the 3rd court date is not for another 2 months, we're going to go ahead and have her served by a sherif again to have the judge do an interim order for a visitation. We're also going to request for her not to be present (for instance, to have a social worker present instead of her)... obviously she's trying her best not to let him see his daughter.. she just sent this email tonight, and i cannot sleep.. this is not my daughter and i feel this way... i can only imagine what my husband must be going through... the problem is he did sign the papers back in 2005 giving her sole custody, so she can chose to do whatever. what she doesn't know is that he's tracking her emails (for instance when someone emails you, u can get the ip address and track where it came from).. so she says that she's out of town on weekends, so the meeting can't be then. we were able to get the address (well, city location) where she's emailing from.. let's just say, instead of her living 5 hours away, where she's sending emails from is only 1.5 hours away from us. I just pray that there will come a day that he meets his daughter.. she also said in her last email that his daughter has no clue that he exists, but in the one from today she says that she had tried talking to her and she doesn't want to discuss it.. what child doesn't want to know about her father??? she must've told her something like he died or something crazy and now is having a hard time explaining it to her.. that's the only way I can think of it.. as for the pi, we're debating it. i think he wants to wait till after the court date, depending on what she does with the visitation.. as for the judge - she's so shallow, anybody will be able to see through her.. I mean, how many guys do you know that are chasing the courts and trying to locate their kids?? not too many.. and also how many guys do you know that pay child support w/out ever meeting their kids?? even smaller number.. po box idea is just dumb too.. anyways, i feel better now that i've let some of this out.. thanks for letting me vent.. :( oh and i think this woman is having issues with me.. she doesn't like the fact that i'm so involved.. maybe she's just jealous that he didn't want her and is now with me.. but mind you, this was 4.5 years ago... she keeps saying that content of his letters is not satisfactory because he told his daughter she has a brother.. like he sent a family album (sort of like a family tree) as an introduction.. we even took pictures of it to show it to the judge.. she's saying that she doesn't want him to introduce his extended family.. wtf??? she's just nuts.. also, in the last court date, she said that his daughter 'didn't like' any of the guys she's dated.. what the h*ll!!? so she's got many men around this poor little girl.. no wonder she's confused.. ugh.. ok, i'm going to attempt to sleep 2nite.. it's 12:30 am already and I have to work tomorrow.. :(