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Regarding The Father

4 posts on this thread and the last post was on September 3rd, 2009 9:25 PM
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KatieJ - August 27th, 2009 7:33 PM
[Original Post]

Hi, currently I am 4 months pregnant. I live with the father of my unborn baby, but really don't believe we will make it. We can't get along longer than a couple hours without fighting. He wakes up in the morning and hates me so much that with-in minutes of me being awake, he's yellign at me and calling my every namei n the book, and half the time I don't even know what happened to make him upset. I feel as though his friends and his habbit of smoking pot will always come before me and the baby will. I'm scared if we don't work out, what kind of say does he have over my baby? If we got 50/50 custuty does he get my baby half the time from birth? I plan to brest-feed, so I don't know how that would work. Also, does he get a say what lastname I choose the baby to have? The best thing i believe would if I had full custity, and he gets visation rights. I've been trying to look up information regarding this, but am having a hard time with it. By any chance, does anyone know some information regarding these kind of issues?
Thank you.


Soli - August 29th, 2009 12:45 AM

First of all, I'm sorry you're having to endure this abuse while you are pregnant. I've endured some myself and I know firsthand how hurtful it is.
I was told by a social worker that I will be the one to choose the baby's last name. The only input the father will have is his influence on me. I was also told, that if the father isn't present at the time of the birth, regardless of whether we are together or not, he will not go on the birth certificate because he has to sign it. If he is not on the birth certificate, you have all the rights until, of course, he takes you to court or you apply for assistance and the state makes you name a father. But even then, custody and child support are two different issues, and he'll have to pursue something and be put on the birth certificate in order to file for visitation rights.
I would call your local Dept of Social Services and ask them for specifics, because every state is different and I am only quoting what I know to be true in my state.
Good luck honey, and hang in there.


Grandpa Viv - August 29th, 2009 9:54 AM

I used to advocate having a child remain in contact with the father, but I'm not so sure that is always a good idea. Is this guy someone you want imparting his values to your child? Can you survive without assistance? In some cases it can be better for the father to be unknown. Good luck in these trying times!


jenny1387 - September 3rd, 2009 11:32 AM

my pregnancy was completely unplanned and to me it couldnt have happened with a worse choice of man. I did everything for this guy to help him and make sure that he was always ok cuz in a weird way i think i grew to love him despite other things. He got caught up in some trouble... so he says... and left and is now in New York and i am in Florida. i called him not knowing he had left for sure and he told me he was with his girl to leave him alone. that hurt so much and just to think my baby is due the day before his birthday. so im 4 months prego and alone. I was trying to keep things civilized between us to avoid child support and unneeded drama but now im really considering it and if he wants to see the baby he will have to fight me with an army!



Grandpa Viv - September 3rd, 2009 9:25 PM

Jenny, when a woman gets to love a needy person, or a series of needy people, she needs to look inside herself to figure out what quirks are driving her in that direction. Did you have a parent or sib who was needy in some way? Get some legal advice to see if putting him on the birth certificate gives him rights you do not want him to have (if you become incapacitated, he would be the next of kin). See if not putting him on the birth certificate deprives you of rights, especially child support. My guess is that he will not be interested in visitation or child support. Courage to you in this difficult moment!