• Week by Week
  • Sex and Pregnancy
  • Weight Gain
  • Exercise and Nutrition

New to the forum? Sign Up Here!

Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password? Need Help?  
Learn and Discuss About...

Should I Abort Or Keep My Baby?

12 posts on this thread and the last post was on January 29th, 2009 9:47 PM
There are currently 4872 members logged in.
Lee - December 28th, 2005 10:52 AM
[Original Post]

I'm 32 years old and I'm already a single mother of an 11 year old. I just recently found out that I'm pregnant and I don't know what I'm going to do! I've been in a relationship with the father for a year and a half but lately things have been going down hill for us and I've come to realize a lot of things about him that I never knew before. He's been very mean to me lately, even before I found out about being pregnant. He's about to be 31 and he has a dead end job, anger problems and I think even a drug problem that I've recently discovered. I tried discussing the pregnancy and the baby with him and he was all for it at first until we got into one of our regular fights. He told me last night as I went to sleep on the couch that he hoped I die in my sleep. He told me that he didn't want me to keep the baby and to have an abortion. I asked him if he would help me with the cost of an abortion and he said "how do I know that baby is mine", I'm not helping you do anything. I asked him what he was going to do if I couldn't afford to have an abortion and ended up keeping the baby and he told me I would need to find a father. He's become so mentally and verbally abusive to me and he's hurt me more than I ever thought possible. I've never had anyone be so mean and uncaring to me before and I've had difficult relationships in the past. I'm scared of the thought of bring a child into this world with this type of father. I'm also scared that I can't do this on my own again both financially and emotionally. My 11 year old does not know about the pregnancy but my boyfriend did mention something to her about me becoming pregnant in the future and she does not want me to have another child. I know this is not a decision for an 11 year old but she would in a sense be going through this with me. My boyfriend has developed no significant relationship with my 11 year old and I can tell that hurts her as well. We got in such a blow up last night that I asked him to move out and I'm assuming (hoping) he will be leaving today. I often think what have I done to deserve this kind of treatment and why can't I stop this. I'm not scared of loosing him because I feel I've already lost him but is it fare to this unborn child to be brought into such a terrible situation? Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. I'm about 9 weeks pregnant so I need to make a decision soon!!


apple - December 28th, 2005 11:28 AM

i don't believe in abortions yet i believe only you can make that choice. ask yourself the following questions, can you support this child on your own do you have support, it seems that you will not be happy with him and most likely he will be out of the picture, you are already nine weeks so you need to decide asap but please think because either way you will always wonder what if, i had an abortion in may simliar to your reasons i am a single mom of a 2 year old and i have also been in a realtionship for one year yet i could not afford another child and my family would not help anymore with my first child if i had another and not married so i felt as if i had no choice yet i do have regrats and i have to live with what i did for the rest of my life but i feel i made the right choice now i am single have a great child and i have find the lord and pray for forgiveness. best of luck put me posted.


can't tell you what to do - December 28th, 2005 11:31 AM

but if you want to have this baby then do so. You managed to raise your 11 yr old by yourself you can do this too. You definitely need to abort the relationship with the guy. On a positive note, I was in your daughters position. I am 11 yrs older than my younger sister and her dad wasn't around very often. He was an asshole too. I am more like a second mom to her. I must admit I was very excited to be a big sister because I was an only child who always wanted a sibling. Of course after she got here and I figured out that I was built in babysitter, I was a little annoyed but that didn't keep us from becoming very close. Your daughter might have already figured out the babysitter part that took me a little longer to get, so she is reluctant. I can't say I blame her but I am sure she will come around, all of this is going to become very exciting to her! (hopefully) Good Luck


neesha - December 28th, 2005 11:55 AM

I believe that if you feel that its the right thing then abort the fetus. I had one when i was in high school adn i've told myself it was the right thing to do at the time now i'm 24 and pregnant again



Jennifer - December 28th, 2005 12:26 PM

the fact that you bf is just another typical male asshole. shouldnt be the reason to abort the baby. mine was the same he did excatly what your did even asked me to abort. I kicked him and told him i cheated on him and its not his baby. so i dont want or expect anything in return from him. I decided to keep my baby he was gone at 10 weeks my family is my biggest support my 12 yr old is so happy that i am preg. he has seen all the ultrasounds etc.. puts his hand on my tummy at night when we sleep baby kicks him he smiles// glad i made the choice to keep the baby///// But that is me....... I am not against abortions I had one this past april ... then got preg again. this one was ment to be the other one wasnt i guess......... not sure how it works at that time i made the choice not to keep it.. this one i couldnt do it again.. i was 10 weeks when i aborted the last one.......... I felt bad but i couldnt at the time ironic a few months later i was preg again....... my story... good luck.. feeling this baby is the most enjoyable thing in the world........:)


To Lee - December 28th, 2005 6:48 PM

If you feel that an abortion is the best thing for you then that is what you have to do. I would encourage you to do that or if you feel you can give your baby up for adoption I would strongley encourage that route. The only reason is you don't want this man in your life and you can't afford to raise another child. I'm not trying to be harsh or judgmental so please don't take this the wrong way. You said that you have been dating this boy (he's not a man) for a 1 1/2 years, and you have an 11 year daughter, right? Ok , first question is how long have you been living together? Why would you bring some guy home to live with you and your daughter if you are not married? Not to sound old fashioned but your daughter shouldn't have to live with some guy mommie met a few months ago. Didn' t you think that you know I don't know this man very well, he might be a child molester, so I think I will date him for awhile and see where this goes before we move in together, that way I won't have guys coming and going, that's not the environment I want my daughter to be in. The reason I'm being like this is you mentioned you've had pretty bad relationships before, don't you think you need some counseling to find out why? Again that wasn't to be mean but you made a very important comment at the end of your post and that was what did you do to deserve this, the answer is nothing. Please, once you've straighten out the mess you're in, please go in for some counseling, you don't want your daughter to end up in the same situation as you. Lee I wish I could make it all better for you but you will make the right decision for you and your daughter. Good luck to you.


Lee - December 30th, 2005 9:11 AM

Re: To Lee
In regard to your comment about me moving in with a man I hardly know that could have been a child molester; I've dated this man for a year and a half but have only lived with him for 4 months. I would never put my child in a dangerous situation and I know your comment was to help and not to hurt but I feel that I'm a better mother than that. I'm pretty sure that everyone in this forum is having difficulties in one aspect of their life or another and at this point I don't need anyone to put me down. We all make decision be it bad or good and yes I've made a lot of poor decisions myself but I've done only the best for my daughter who is a straight A student and the best thing in my life. I'm asking for advice from you ladies on my current situation, not on how to raise my 11 year old daughter. Thanks to everyone for your comments!


ThunderKitten - February 4th, 2006 7:38 PM

This guy isn't worth squat. And as far as your 11-year old? Take her to see other people's babies so she can get used to the idea before yours pops out. Now about the baby- if you were in a more ideal situation, like having all the money you need, not needing child care, having a helping hand, etc., would you want this baby? If the answer is "yes", then instead of agonizing I would try to find support anywhere I could to make it work. For one thing- child support. Cut him out of the picture as far as any kind of custody, then make him pony up the money through child support. Next, lving arrangements- would you like to live with a mom in a similar situation? You two could split rent and take turns watching each other's kids. Try http://co-abode.com/ ,ask some pregnant women at the local crisis pregnancy center or abortion clinic if they would be interested, maybe even ask the local midwife if she knows someone, and so on. Also, are there any friends or relatives around to help you? So before you decide you can't do this, see if you can!



samantha001 - February 18th, 2006 10:07 PM

I had a lot of need to know what the gender was for my child. Was I looking for boy cloths or girl? Should I expect a bigger baby or smaller? What about the walls in the room?
I just had to know. I just had a beautiful baby girl and I have to say that she has made a BELIEVER OUT OF ME!
ebay ashra_enchantments
spellenchantments.com

IF ANYONE WANTS TO KNOW THE SEX OF THEIR CHILD PRIOR TO pregnancy or before it shows on an ultrasound, this girl getz it right ea. time! I was so shocked! I mean, god, how do you tell such things prior to birth and not really knowing the person! You got to try this!


Lee - February 20th, 2006 5:27 PM

An update to any posters;
I have decided to keep my baby because I could not go through with the abortion and decided to own up to my responsibilities and do what I have to do. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and doing well. I know it would have been unfair to my innocent child and I plan to do whatever I need to do to make a great life for him or her. Thanks for all your opinions and support.


APPLE - February 21st, 2006 12:07 PM

GOOD LUCK LEE! I would like to say look for childcare know make all your plans on what you will do once the baby is born I think you made the right choice, as i had a abortion because of what others said and i wish I didn't let us know what you had when you have the baby.


PromiseJubilee - February 21st, 2006 7:07 PM

ADOPTION! There are SOO many couples out there that can't get pregnant and are so desperate for a baby. I truly believe that abortion hurts YOU more than it would ever hurt anyone else. If you're interested and live near California, my email is promie@gmail.com


bass150db - January 29th, 2009 9:47 PM

Lee, I read your post and see it was several years ago. What did you end up deciding?