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Sounds like a tough situation. I don't mean to sound harsh or judgemental, but if you're still with the father and having unprotected sex, he can't be too bad and you had to have an idea that this may happen. Since you don't believe in abortion and cannot put your baby up for adoption it sounds like your decision is already made. I think dad needs to step up to the plate and take responsibility for his children... it takes 2. I do think it would be selfish to have an abortion, but that is my opinion and I am not in your shoes. Sorry that I'm not very helpful, but I hope it all turns out well for you.

<rock> luv <hard place>

first, i've noticed that this forum tends to be pro-have that baby! not criticizing - i tend to be that way - but rather, just pointing it out, so you're aware of your audience and the responses you're likely to get.

second, "I did want another child" and "I do not believe in abortion" = you already know in your heart that if you abort, you will regret it.

not many people ask whether a reluctant decision which inflicts regret qualifies as a selfish one. i suppose the question may originate from your conflicted sense of responsibility to the unborn child vs. your three older children.

i think the real question you're asking isn't whether it'd be selfish to abort / have the child. the real question is, is it ok to have the baby, given your single status, responsibility to your other three children, and your financial straits. and that's a very personal question and personal decision. it will be your struggle, both financially and emotionally. i think you are seeking reassurance so you can feel comfortable keeping the baby.

if i were in your shoes, i would keep the baby. BUT, i would take a good hard look at my relationship with the baby's father. you said he's not reliable, but is trying to be there "more than ever". i would look at whether i have a solid future with this man - do i want to have one with him, does he want to have one with me and the kids, and will we be able to create a stable environment to raise our kids? what kind of future do i want for myself and kids? if this guy's not in that picture, i would move on (as far as my relationship with him, not referring to his relationship with my children). don't put yourself at risk of being in the same position a few years from now - i.e. 4 kids with this guy and bun in the oven and not sure what to do. speaking frankly, if you were in love with him, married to him, and had a secure relationship with him, but everything else was the same (financial struggle, 3 boys, bun in oven) - my sense is that you wouldn't be as conflicted about having this baby.

commit yourself to doing that, and everything else - your decision about whether to keep your baby or not - will fall into place. i think you already know what you're going to do about the bub anyway, and just needed someone to talk to. *hugs*

Thank you for your responses. I guess you could say that deep down I had already made the decision to keep the baby... but I'm terrified. I've been trying to figure things out with the father, but like I said he is unreliable. So he may be a great father now, but what about 6 months down the road? I guess that will just be a bridge to cross when we come to it though. My family has always disagreed with my decision to have the children that I have now. So, thats another thing, my family will never understand this, and never support me in my decision to raise another. I have a tough road ahead of me, but I'm sure as long as I stay focused and positive, we can pull through this. Thank you again, and yes, I do need someone to talk to....

Keep the baby