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Somebody Please Remind Me!!

10 posts on this thread and the last post was on December 17th, 2005 2:46 PM
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Anna - December 9th, 2005 2:12 PM
[Original Post]

The father of my baby left me when I was 3 months pregnant bc he did not want to be a father. I am no almost 8 months and every day has been full of tears. I keep wanting to call him, and somehow want him back. I miss him and I don't know why, I shouldn't....he's a jerk. He has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with this baby, but I keep trying to change his mind. Stupid me. Somebody please remind me that I am not the only one that goes through this. He's an ass and I need to let go of him, but somehow I just don't know how to. Its soooo hard.


lauren - December 9th, 2005 2:57 PM

Anna--My boyfriend and i broke up at the very beginnig of my pregnancy, and i have also had a lot of tears. I know how you feel, but trust me you don't need him!! It is really hard to get over a breakup at the best of times, being pregnant just makes it way worse. Your hormones are all out of whack, and this is a really hard time to be alone. If he dosn't want to be there you shouldnt have to beg him to come back. In the end it will be his loss, not yours. And once you have your baby in your arms you won't even have time to think about him. Trust me sweetie you are not the only one in this situation, unfortunatley it is all to common. I don't know what is wrong with guys!! All i know is you don't need the extra stress, it not good for you or your baby. You will get thruogh this, and in the end you will be that much stonger. You will be a GREAT mom. I hope you stop calling him, i know from my own experiance that just hearing my ex's voice hurts and brings back all kinds of memories and emotions. You are right you just need to let go. I know its soooo hard, but its the right thing to do. So good luck, i hope this helped you..... And just incase you were wondering, im due tomorrow, and im soooo excited. I finally get to meet this baby!!!! have a Merry Christmas :)


dew - December 9th, 2005 10:06 PM

I know exactly how you feel. Believe it or not, I still love the father of my baby!!! You don't have to expect yourself to stop loving him. Just stop trying to change his mind. Stop trying to make him love you back. The terrible truth is, if he loved you he wouldn't have been able to leave you and your baby. Once you understand that, you'll be able to stop crying. I've gone through the same thing and once I realized that the father of my baby simply doesn't care about us I stopped calling him, I stopped trying to convince him to be a father, and I stopped crying. It's a horrible realization to come to, but It's the only way to get over the situation your in. Trust me, the baby is worth all the pain your going throgh now, because you don't want to go through this after your baby arrives. It will be more stressful when there is a child depending on you for everything it needs. It will also put you at a greater risk for post pardom depression. So allow yourself to see the ugly truth now so you can be over it when the baby comes. Just expect the father to be the asshole he is and I promise he'll prove you right. You'll be a better mom once you can understand that and start focusing on your baby. I visit this site almost daily so I'm here if you need to talk some more, good luck.


Anna - December 9th, 2005 11:10 PM

DEw, thanks so much for your advice:) I do realize that he doesn't love me or want me back. It's just hard to accept. I never call him, I do leave him alone, it just hurts really bad on nights like tonight when I know that he is out with his new girlfriend and I'm at home pregnant. Things also seems to be extra hard around the holidays. I'm trying so hard to let go, I really am. Thanks again for your advice:)



dew - December 10th, 2005 6:37 PM

I know its hard when all you can think about is the man you love with another woman, believe me I did that for the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Sometime I would cry so hard I couldn't even catch my breath. I used to drive by his house to see if his girlfriends car was outside, and when it was I would just cry all night. I would imagine them at family events together and calling eachother nicknames, and even making love!!! I drove myself crazy!! But it's better to do that now, get it out of your system. Something that may help is to buy your baby an outfit and sleep with it, every time you think about your X look at that tiny outfit and imagine the tiny body that will fill it up soon. Thats what I did, everytime I started thinking about my X I would force myself to think about my baby instead. It didn't take long for my son to take up all the space in my brain. Now I have to force myself to return my X's calls, I still can't figure out why I love him, but as the days go by he becomes more irritating than anything. I'm sure it won't be long before I can honestly say that I don't love him. Don't worry girl, before you know it, you'll have your baby and your dignity back. There will come a time when he'll be sorry he did this to you and hopefully, by then you'll have a new love in your life (karma is a bitch!). good luck and don't give up. We are all here for you.


April - December 10th, 2005 9:14 PM

So here's my story. My ex dumped me when I was 4 months pregnant (because he couldn't be in a relationship.. blah blah), immediately started dating a girl he'd just met, and then got engaged to her 3 months later. Now imagine being 7 months pregnant and the father of your child is ENGAGED already. haha. Let me tell you it was HELL on me. It was the most horrible experience I'd ever went through. Good news is, I'm over it. I know you miss your guy now, and you want to call him, but that'll pass. Just be strong until it does. What helped me was that I wrote down all of the horrible stuff he did to me. Then when I'd miss him, I'd read what I wrote and I remembered what a jerk he was so I stopped missing him. Now I don't even need to be reminded. I could care less about him. I don't know whether or not that would be something that would help you, but just keep trying things until you find something that works. Surround yourself with friends and family, dream about the baby on the way, forget about that jerk. My ex has only seen our daughter maybe 5 times, and she's 5 months old. 3 of those times were at court hearings because he's fighting me for child support.. haha. Every day he just becomes more and more of a jerk in my mind. He's made it so easy for me to get over him. So just be strong... someday you'll feel this way too. Plus there are PLENTY of great guys out there just waiting to find someone to love.. and they'll love your child as their own. So try your hardest not to waste any more time thinking about that dillhole. Keep your head up! :)


Anna - December 11th, 2005 9:17 PM

You girls are the best for advice! Thank you SOOOO much, it helps me alot to hear about stories that are so similar to mine:)


momm4 - December 12th, 2005 8:12 AM

Been there, honey. I remember crying every day the last 4 months I was pregnant, literally watching out the window waiting for him to come back. You don't miss him, you miss the idea of what you want your relationship to be like with him. I know it's hard, but remember that he is the one who'll miss watching that child grow up. In the long run, honey, HE will be the one with the regrets. Trust me on that!



April - December 12th, 2005 1:42 PM

AMEN to that momm4! I also didn't miss my ex, but missed the idea of the whole "family" relationship. I got over that... haha. I'm much happier now than I EVER would've been with him.


Anna - December 12th, 2005 3:58 PM

momm4... I know that you are right. It's the idea and hope of him coming around that I miss. My sister actually ran into him 2 nights ago, he was drunk and all dressed up at a club. What a jerk, I have to remind myself that he is not a real man, if he was, he would have never left me alone in this situation. I hope that he does have regrets someday, but I wont hold my breath. I'm really trying to accept the fact that I'm going to be a single mother, and he's not coming back.


Stacia - December 17th, 2005 2:46 PM

I am reminding you.....HE IS A JERK!