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Anyone?

I don't know about NY specifically. I live in NJ. In NJ, if you take the other parent to court for support and tell them during that court hearing that you have a problem with visitation, they usually make the other parent file separately for visitation. The only way they will usually set up an arrangement in child support court is if you both agree to discuss it. I think if this man really cares about seeing his child, he should care about being sure things are ready for his child. For instance, I would keep track of the fact that he refuses to help with anything and bring that up in court. I would think it shows what type of "caring father" he is. Also, you can ask for the supervised visitation. I doubt you'll have to worry about the custody if you bring up the supervised visitation. It's so stupid to say he wants to see his child, yet need to be "sold" on why he should help you. How ridiculous!! Save any written and verbal proof (e-mail, voicemail) he may have left you that is helpful to your case. Sorry, I don't know about the laws, so maybe the lawyer can help. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.

Mandie...I live in TX so I don't know NY family codes. Try going to google and looking up NY family codes on visitation.

Thanks, ladies. I do keep track of emails, but they don't happen often. I write down every time we talk, the dates, what he says, etc. I know that it's still my word against his, but documented may help...

go to wal mart and buy one of those little tape recorders that you can hook up to the receiver on the phone whenever he calls that way you will have recorded everything that he says. hope that helps some

Mandie, you should talk to a family lawyer. They usually give you a free consultation and can tell you what your options are and what to expect. Also, I might be wrong on this because I don't live in NY and don't know NY law, but I am not sure if a voice-recorded conversation will hold up in court unless it was obtained with consent, or at least the other party's awareness. So, in any case, I think you need to talk to a lawyer. I wouldn't worry too much about visitation, at least not immediately. Here in CA, if you breastfeed, the courts usually require visitation to occur in your home for quite a few months and only for short periods of time. Then, they build up to extended visits, visits where the child can be removed from the home, and (when the child is old enough), overnight visits. Any number of things could happen before it gets to that point...he could jet, he could improve his parenting skills, you could gather additional "evidence" as to why supervised visitation is allowed, etc. Talk to a lawyer, and just take one step at a time. Good luck.

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate the responses.

Been there,
You said you live in NJ. I do too. I'm a single mom of 1.5 year old boy. What is your situation. I'm looking for a friend in NJ! Thanks

I feel you on this subject so much right now, i mean every detail is not the same but we have a lot of similiarities going on......Im 22 weeks, and going thru somethg very similiar....would like to chat with you...kahmeelyin@aol.com

I'm thinking NY laws might be similar to PA's, but I'm not positive. I live in PA, VERY close to the NY border. Being that your baby will be an infant of two unwed parents, they usually start out with a step-up visitation plan. Meaning he will have to visit the baby in your home for a few months.... especially if you plan to breastfeed because they recommend that you don't pump right away until you get your milk established (my doctor didn't want me to give my baby a bottle until 6-8 weeks). You obviously can't detach your breasts and send them 4 hours away, so your ex would have no choice. For the best advice on this subject, though, I would go to www.childcustody.org and go to the "child custody" and "child visitation" discussion forum links on the left hand side. Tell them about your problem in there, they are VERY helpful and VERY knowledgable. I'm sure they could help you figure this out. Whatever happens... GOOD LUCK!

Thanks again, girls. I do plan to breastfeed, so that's another thing in my favor. Do you know if it makes any difference if the father has no crib/bassinette, or any other things baby needs in his house? Probably a silly question. Ideally, I'm hoping he'll just decide not to make an issue out of the visits. His other 2 are an inconvenience to him, so maybe a newborn will be more than he's willing to take on.

Oh, and April, I live in NY very close to the PA border. How funny. I live on the far west side, towards Ohio. How about you?

Hi mandie.. I live sort of towards the middle of the state.. at the top. Very very VERY small town.. haha. Him not having a crib/basinet won't make a difference because that is something he can go out and buy... he probably won't be having overnights for a long time anyway. I think they wait until the child is a year old before they start those. I would just not worry about it until the time comes because you may be right... he may just think it's too inconvenient to deal with visitation of an infant and forget about it.

I can only hope. I hope that it doesn't make me sound like a b***h, because it's not like I necessarily want to keep them apart, but I'd rather my son have a really good STEP father figure in a few years, rather than a sucky biological one. Any guy can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad. He doesn't want to be a dad, he just wants to be right and in control. One "oops!" and you have a lifetime of headaches. I wouldn't give my baby back for anything, but I WOULD change the circumstances and other half of his chromosomes...