my 1st child,,,how should I handle this? Why do you think a

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My 1st Child,,,how Should I Handle This? Why Do You Think A

3 posts on this thread and the last post was on June 26th, 2009 6:33 PM

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purecha - February 26th, 2009 3:10 AM

[Original Post]

Heres my story. This is kinda like a one night stand but not really. I dated the father over 10 years ago for about a month. During that ime we hit it off but we broke up because he moved away.
Meanwhile he had a relationship and 3 kids with the mom and spit up and I married and divourced 4 years ago.
I hadnt seen or spoke to him for over 10 years and about 3 months ago we met from match.com. On our second date we had sex and I got pregnant. We had a one third date and had sex again. After the third date I started feeling like eventhough we dated in the past we got close too fast and I went completely cold.
during this time I had no idea I was pregnant. He called me on holidays and several times and I spoke with him briefly on the phone but gave him the cold shoulder. Want to add morning sickness and mood swings went wild but still no idea I was pregnant. I even changed my number.
I found out I was preg about a month and half ago and told him immediately. His fist response was why had i been giving him he cold shoulder. I tried to explain to him my point of view. Secondly he had mixed feelings becase hes 35 with 3 kids and finacially he hadnt planned on a 4th child. And lastly he said the baby was a good thing and he wanted to continue to date me and work on a relationship. He said give him time and he was gonna start coming around.
it been a month and half and I am 3 months 1 week pregnant. I havent seen him in over a month. I call him all he time but he dosnt return my calls until a week later but when we talk he says he cares about me and the baby hes just trying to regroup.
Meanwhile Ive gonna through a trying morning sickness. Had to go to emergency room but thank the Lord my babay is healthy and great!!!! I love my babay and am making all the plan for its life on my own.
the other day I thought he hung up on me but he called me the next day saying baby call me.
This is my first babay and I dont know how to read the father and how I hould deal with him? Is he playing games or really regrouping? or is there other possibilitie I dont see?What do you think from hearing my story?

Mercyluvbebe - February 28th, 2009 11:35 AM

Well its a tough situation because if you look at things from his point of view things were unexpected and as he mentioined he wasnt expecting a 4th child.But the positive thing is that he hasnt been negative about your pregnancy and thats a good thing.He's probably just a little in shock and is re-grouping and will probably come around if you give him time.Now if I look at things from your point of view its also not fair and Im sure you'd love to have a supportive person by your side...especially through the morning sickness and of course through all the other changes that you'll encounter throughout your pregnancy.I think you should give him space...tell him that you cant keep calling and chasing him around...and if he wants to be apart of your life and the baby's life he has to think hard about it and only when he is 100% sure of what he's doing to call you and let you know.
Maybe send him a picture or two of your ultrasounds and let him see them and think about them....
he'll come around,he's be crazy not to.

SoloGirl - June 26th, 2009 2:53 PM

I have a story that is really not that twsited. I am divorced and have been dating someone for 9 months and this week I found out I am pregnant. I never for a moment thought of doing anything but keeping this child. But the realities now have me very scared. He says he is all in for this, but I am trying to be realistic that I am more than likely going to do this on my own. My parents are less than thrilled which is very hard for me as we have always been very close. and the other thing is alot of my friends are single. My boyfriend( how silly does that sound for a 35 y/o woman to say)is or allegedly was a boys' boy. He is a bit younger (just turned 30). I fear that in spite of what he says he will resent us for endng that. He tells me he is very happy about the baby, but I am so afraid i am almost looking at being a lone in this from the start.

So I suppose i jsut have to take care of us and see what he does.

Grandpa Viv - June 26th, 2009 6:33 PM

Solo, be happy that you have this chance to fulfill your life. Gather your single friends around and tell them they have a chance to be aunt or uncle. Tell the parents they should be happy to have a grandchild on the way, even if it they won't be able to monopolize their relationship with you the way they have. Look into your past life to find out why you have avoided becoming a mother for so long. If the boyfriend is a keeper, draw him close and have him share in the joys of your pregnancy and delivery. Good luck!

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