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i think u should tell him like it is. i dont think u need to lie. tell him u want to and plan to keep the baby and theres nuthing he can do for either of u in the state he's in.tell him u dont need his nagging at such a critical time and if he doesnt stop u wont accept his calls at all. his influence is not what ur child needs. if u want to tell him u aborted u dont need proof but thats not really fair to ur baby not knowing his father. in the future if ur child finds out that the reason he never had a chance to know his father is because his dad didnt know he exsisted the child might end up resenting u. i know all of this is easier said than done but whenever ur faced with a critical decision always just think whats best for the baby and i'm sure u'll make the right choice

thanks for your opinion. I hate lying thats how we met. On a lie. He is in a physiotic state and cant stand to hear from him, but one day i am hoping he'll come out of this and perhaps be the father he really wanted to be in the first place...... I dont want the baby to have his name though at all.. how fair is that. I am going to be the one who raises the baby. and id like to have the same name s mine.. my other kids have a different name, which is going to be confusing enough. at least this one and I will be the same. makes sense doesnt it.. baby's future is the most importand right now. I dont want him/her to resent me at all. just what is best..I am close to the parents of my x, they will have full knowlegde of what is going on. as we have kept in touch from day one.. i wouldnt want to hurt them in anyway, it is their first grandbaby , they agree with me totaly on my actions..and are very supportive. some of us have to adults..

I wouldn't lie about anything. If drugs are his only problem I think it's pretty safe. My ex was very violent and on drugs, a convicted ex con, a liar, no job, no prospects... anyway..enough about me. You don't want someone who does drugs around your child. I've dealt with SOOOO many people on drugs and it's the same story over and over and over again. I can't deal with it. You don't have to allow him around the child. If he insists tell him to take you to court. Then he'll have to pay for a paternity test, a lawyer, etc. A normal judge would not grant visitation to a habitual drug user, at least not un supervised.

thats excaly what itold him when the baby is born he can get a DNA test and then we will deal with the support and custody rights.. I also said no more emails and phone calls.. good luck him affording the 1000.00 dna test.. adn good luck poking my baby with a needle has to be court ordered i i am goin to let him do it..hopeing he will disappear......I pray for me and my baby that he drops off the earth..... he was violent withme also. started little but seen worse coming......

Well, DNA tests are around 500 dollars, but you can get them done cheaper for around 130.

Not here dna test is over a thousand. I
just had the amnio, Iasked them they said over 1000.00 in bc.It doesnt matter anyhow, he is not the father i found out i am 20 weeks instead of 17.5 i wasnt even with him then...

I'm glad you are planning to keep your baby, and I think you would be doing the right thing to keep the father away if he cannot stay clean. An addicted father is dangerous to you and to the baby. He sounds upset that he might be forced into some responsibility. Iwouldn't jump into another relationship right away, though. This is an emotional time for you and you should focus on yourself and your baby. Make big decisions after the hormones have settled. And don't forget to take good care of yourself and see your OB regularly. Good luck to you!

It's that much in British Columbia? Maybe you can drive into Seattle to get one? Jeez. That's a ridiculous amount of money. I hope your certain of the paternity of the baby. I know those little sperm can swim around for some time. Good luck with everything.

I do know i did the right thing for all invovled. , he believes its not his and figured i cheated on him.., accused me of lying to him the whole time and i kept up the affair after we where together.. I certainly feel lower if you an go that far. but i did this for the baby and me!.. fuck his needy ass...

Sasha, i know excatly who it is.....;) He has to get the test not me. i am not paying so i hope its more then $1000.00 ......i hope its a million.. think about it....If he gets it he will know.

Be very careful you can't trust people on drugs---especially if he thinks you cheated on him. He will get phyco on you and you don't need that..

lucky he moved 4 hours away and has no way of getting here.. i think i am ok,,but thanks for the warning.. i havent heard from him so hopefully he bought my story. i pray..... all i can do.. if i have to move I will...

I was in a very similar situation but kept giving him 12345 chances and we had 1 daughter at the time and of course when i finally grabed what ever i could and my daughter i just moved away from him his family and of course i found out i was pregnant with child #2 which he is now 10 yrs old now but that didn't stop me i did it for my kids on my own and guess what he was in and out of jail from day 1 that i left him so, the point of my story is you can do it by yourself with that baby just be strong and don't waste your time with someone who doesn't want to help himself...now 10 yrs later he's trying to say he's sorry and that he want's to get to know his kids..go figure.... keep your head up!!!!!

I have three older kids from my first marrage of 14 yrs. they are in there teens. i know i can raise this one without him. god it felt like i was raising his ass anyhow.. biggest think for me is to stay away from the fricken losers that i attract..... or that are attracted to me.. my baby will ave so much love and support from me and my kids he/she wont know the difference..........:) its all good. hopefully he wont get the test and it will all work out. just want to forget him forever............

That's great that your kids are there to help you get through this--i bet they are excited to have a new baby...us women are soooo strong that we can over come these peices of s***t that have been put in our way...lots of luck with your baby and please be careful with these phsycos out there especially on the inet...

You guys planned this baby, and now he says he'd rather you have an abortion than have a baby if the two of you can't be together?!?!Sounds like he's being VERY selfish to me. Where does he get off thinking that he is the one who should be making the decisions, considering the fact that you will most likely be the one who will be raising this child alone. BTW, you should point out to him that maybe if he could get off drugs and STAY off of them, the two of you might have a chance of developing a lasting relationship that would be good for all three of you. Don't lie to him about who is the father, it will just cause more problems in the future. As far as his parental rights, I don't know if the same goes for every state, but in NE if a man wants to have legal rights to a child they have to be the ones to petition the court, hire a lawyer, and pay for paternity testing. This also makes them legally responsible for child support. Keep in mind that if you do not go after child support, he is not legally responsible to pay for anything unless the court makes him so. If you get government aid, they will probably do this on their own. If not, you have to deal with hiring a lawyer and taking him to court. The court set up child support for my daughter 12 years ago while I was on welfare and in college. As soon as I graduated and found a good job, I made too much for any kind of assistance. That's when her father decided he was done paying to support her. He left the state, and hasn't been back. The court still sends me a letter once a year to tell me they know he is seriously behind in his payments and that they are continuing to attempt to contact him. They have also suggested that, if I know where he is, I should hire a lawyer and go after him. Well, I can't afford that, so I have just learned to do without his help(and you can do it too!) He calls her about 2 times a year and pretends to care how she's doing, but she's old enough now and she realizes he's a loser. I've never told her, but in the entire time she has been alive I have only gotten 5 child support payments from him, and he owes right at $19,000 at this point. He also accused me of only "getting pregnant for money", guess he was wrong on that one! Screw them and their cash, we're better off without them!!!!!!!!!!!