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You have to be painfully consistent. You can't tell her to go to time out. You have to physically put her there. When it is time to come out, you have to go ger her, explain why she was there, be sure she understands and ask for an appology. Time out for a three year old is three minutes, 4 years old, 4 minutes and so on. If you have to stand over her while she picks up her toys so she knows you are serious, then that is what you have to do. If she stops picking the toys up, or is defiant about it. Give a warning, if she still won't comply, take her to time out. Time outs should only be given in a boring place for a child. No tv visible, no interraction with anyone. Time out should never be executed in the childs room, or anywhere she could be distracted from thinking about why she is there. We use a corner, turn off the tv, and ignore her, no eye contact either. And yes, you do have to pick your battles. Defiance, rudeness, or when she is causing harm to another person or an animal are all situations where time out is warranted.

Our daughter will be three on the 9th. At this age they are really testing the boundaries. If you let her get away with this behavior now, it will only get worse as she gets older. Really try not to lose you temper with her. She is smart and will pick those behaviors from you. You have to hold yourself to the same standard you expect from her. If you don't, it creates a do as I say, not as I do mentality, and that in itself is unhealthy.

I also think its common for 3 years old to be testing the boundaries. I've got a 2 year old and a 3 year old. With my two year old if he does something naughty - like throw his food. I say "do you want to go to the corner" and he'll say no and I say well if you do that again you'll go to the corner. Normally that stops him but if it doesn't and he does it again he goes in the corner for a minute (I put him there for 1 minute) and that works with him. My 3 year old DD isn't really bothered about the corner - so we say do you want to go to bed you just have to find something they are bothered about. Our 3 year old is getting much better with the cat but they can be clumsy at this age still. If she's being clumsy I'ld just say you have to be gentle and show her how. If she's deliberately trying to hurt the dog I'ld tell her calmly but sternly if she does that again she'll go in timeout (or whatever you decide on) because it hurts the dog. I'ld keep trying to explain to her it hurts him "dog says ow" or say something like "the dog doesn't like you to hug him" if you think she doesn't really get it. I wouldn't ever yell at her, just talk calmly in a stern voice as yelling just tends to make their behaviour worse. I talk calmly in a stern voice with mine and my DH yells and he has more problems than me as they yell back at him which they don't do to me. I know its hard but it is worth it. I would pick battles - maybe decide what you want to target in advance. Like with my two I I can only get them to sit still for about half an hour at a restaurant before they get bored so we've given up on restaurants mostly as its too stressful and expensive and just get takeaways instead. I'm sure your DD will turn out fine and almost all 3 years aren't angels. Hope things get better soon.

Its a battle of wills at that age! I agree totally with mjvdec01. Timeout will only work if you are consistant. My 5 year old has been testing his boundries with us lately so we have went back to timeouts and within a week of consistantly doing it, I have seen a big change in his behavior. Less tantrums and more respect for us, it is working well with him.