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Just go on strike until he gets the message. Do what you normally do for yourself and your son and let him fend for himself. After a few days he will be wondering why he has no clean underwear and he will have lost so much weight that he will have to do something for himself. He needs to reminded that you are his wife, NOT HIS MOTHER!! Just tell him matter of factly that you are not the maid, and that if he wants to hire someone with all the money he brings in that would be fine with you. I am assuming you have only been married a few years? You have to get these guys before they are ruined forever. You have to stand your ground. the key is to not get into an argument about it with him, just tell him how it is and what he does with it is his problem. it doesn't mean that you let everything go, there has to be a certian level of cleanliness because you have a toddler, just stop doing for him. As far as Valentines Day goes, treat yourself. Take it upon yourself to make a spa appointment and find someone to watch your son. then after yor appointment, pick up your son and take him to lunch, come hime having already eaten and let your hubby figure out a meal for himself. I would also open a checking or savings account just for yourself. Take some money from each of his paychecks, even if it is just $40 or $50, then when special days come up you can use the money for something you want. I am so sorry your husband is such an ass. You can thank his parents for that I'm sure. I am curious as to why he thinks you don't deserve anything special? I am sure his thinking is crap.

well i dont think the strike thing will work since.. anything i dont do his mom takes over for us.. she will make him lunches.. still does hi laundry...coks dinner whenever i wont and then tells me how i need to clean better and keep up with the "wifely" duties.. but the taking a day out would be nice!! and the whole chequing account i think i will set that up this week:> thnx for you help.. and yes it was his parents who ruined him his dad never shows any affection for his mother and his mom will bend over backwads for EVERYONE cuz thats what a mother a wife do... to a certain point i think!

It sounds like you are very smart and you definitely have have it together, why put up with this? It really is a form of abuse. It sounds like you could manage on your own, atleast after you finish school, have you thought of that? Not to pry.

Ooh, one more thing, the next time your MIL tells you how to do things around your own home, just look at her with a sweet smile on your face and say, "well, I don't think I need any of this information, because if I don't do it you'll do it for me". I would love to hear what she says to that!

Good luck! I think it takes time and consistency to "hammer" something into your dh's head. It is like working with a toddler! I went through a similar experience with my mil. We lived with them before we moved into our first home and were married. I had previously lived on my own and done everything for myself. My mil kept asking to do our laundry, make our dinner, do our grocery shopping, etc. It was driving me crazy and resulted in many fights between my husband and I. Finally, after we moved out and had our 1st daughter, they were at our house alllllll the time! So, the only thing that I have found that works to make him appreciate me and what I do, is to treat him as if he is one of the kids. I often use rewards (even though he has no idea!).

I think the best thing to do is stop nagging him to help you and thank him for the little things that he does do. If he feels appreciated then he will probably want to help out more. I think its a reverse psychology thing... If this doesn't work then move on to counseling... if that doesn't work then you might want to consider divorce.